They saw, read.

If you thought I’d buried myself underground because my parents now know about my blog, well, you’re kinda right. I’ve also been moonlighting as a Singapore tourist guide and have had no time to drop by the bar at all! Finally, here I am, with the sequel to the last post.

Though Dad uses a computer at work, he's not very good at it (he keeps one finger of his left hand permanently stationed at the shift key, while one finger from his right hand does the actual typing). And, he makes statements like "Your mouse cable is too short. I can't move the cursor from one end of the screen to the other." Also, since he only uses the computer for his office email, he doesn't know very much about the Internet. Mom, on the other hand, is absolutely hopeless with the computer (I taught her how to double-click and it was, as Neil Armstrong once said, "One small step for man, one giant leap for Sayesha's mother.")

Basically, I didn't quite know how to introduce them to the blog without making it such a complex procedure that they give up in despair. So I created a desktop shortcut to the Label ‘Meet the parents’ (nothing involves a reader more than to read about himself!) to start them off, and asked them to read it after I’d gone and hidden my face in my office. I’d also set up a gmail account for Dad and told him he could email me at work. Now Mom's not very expressive (until I ask her "Do you like it or not do you like it or not do you like it or not?" a million times over and she's forced to say that she does, just to shut me up) but Dad does give me his opinion on things, and I was dying to know his reaction to the blog.

So I get the first email from him in the middle of a crazy work day.

“If I email you, won’t it disturb your office work?” He'd written.

Sheesh. So I assured him that it wouldn’t as I’d only attend to his email in between my tasks.

Finally he replied with what I’d been waiting for – his reaction to the blog. “The pieces (he likes to call the posts 'pieces') are very nice and readable!” He wrote. He told me which ones he found hilarious, which ones serious and which ones thought-provoking. And then came the much dreaded question.

"Why didn’t you email them to me earlier??” he wrote.

Errrmmm...

“Uhhh… I couldn’t email them to you, because there’s like 500 of them!” I replied. (Oh wait, that just made it worse, didn't it?)

Anyway, he asked me where the 500 were, and I told him he could read them by clicking on the archives links on the right side of the page.

When I came home that evening, he was still engrossed in reading. I went close to see which one he was reading. To my utter surprise, he was on Iday’s blog! Holy cow, that was fast reading! Had he read all 500 of mine and then gone on to read all the blogs on my blogroll??

So I asked, “Dad, what are you doing?”

“I am reading your archives like you'd asked me to. But you sound very different in this one.”

ROFL!

“Dad, that’s not my blog!! That’s my friend’s blog!!!!”

“Oh!!!!!!! No wonder! I didn’t quite know what you were talking about in this one!”

ROFL!

Over the last few days, they have been going through the archives and thankfully, have not been too shocked or scandalised. It was just a bit difficult to explain to them why I call this place a bar, and what I mean by 'bewdas got fultu talli' after each post. Recently, Dad also gave me detailed comments on how I could improve my writing, just like Mom gave me detailed comments on how I could improve my cooking. Errm, not very happening stuff to listen to, but as parents like to say, "it was all for my own good".

But the best part was when he was going through some of my blog titles and said, "Now that is a wordsmith's work."

Holy cow. :O

You see, the only person my Dad ever uses the term 'wordsmith' for is Bachi Karkaria, the Times Of India columnist. Dad is a huge fan of hers, and even though he likes many other columnists, he says Bachi is the only true 'wordsmith'. I've read her and she's absolutely brilliant. And now he had used "THE WORD" for me! Woohoo! Actually it's WOOHOO!!!!!!!!

Move over, Bachi, cos I'm the real (inhouse) bachi! Muahahaha!

Now you're talking

Blogs started out as a platform where people could anonymously rant about the not-so-good bits of their lives. They were un-googlable. They could say all that they wanted to say to people without saying it to their faces. Things they would never let anyone read. 'Blog-therapy' they called it.

However, somewhere along the way though, it got tiring. There wasn't enough rant-able stuff happening. So we started blogging about happy stuff. Random stuff. Non-secrets. And it did not matter anymore who was reading.

On the bus today, I was wondering what it would be like to blog the way blogging started out as -- to talk to people without talking to them. To say things you would not say to their faces.

Here's some of the stuff that floated about in my head in the last few days, but never left my lips:

• Your hair is so beautiful that sometimes when you're talking to me, I am actually admiring your hair.
  
  
• I still remember how messy things got, but I am glad you guys found real happiness in each other.
  
  
• Yes, you are a bit neurotic. But it's fine. We all are.
  
  
• He's one of my bestest friends. When he married you, I was apprehensive. I did not know you. Now that I do, boy am I glad he married you.
  
  
• Why are you so grumpy? Sometimes it's very difficult to be around you.
  
  
• You look really pretty today. But I've noticed that compliments make you uncomfortable so I won't say anything.
  
  
• Just smile and say "Thank you."
  
  
• Please don't be depressed. Your depression rubs off on me.
  
  
• I'm so jealous that I am not at the party in India right now. I hate you girls. But I guess I love you. All seven of you. Damn you for having the party without me.
  
  
• I used to think you're a dumb chick, but you're actually not.
  
  
• Everybody's life sucks at one point or the other. Yours cannot suck all the time. Quit whining.
  
  
• This, right here, is a fake smile.
  
  
• You owe me money. Why are you pretending that you've forgotten?
  
  
• Yes, I am very "Indian". You got a problem with that?
  
  
• Yeah, I think she's quite a bimbo.
  
  
• I admire your ability to not get riled up but I won't tell you because you will use it against me to get all patronising when I get riled up.
  
  
• I know. And you know that I know.
  
  
• Why are you guys so mercenary?
  
  
• If you say that one more time...
  
  
• I can't understand how you can be so plain-looking and yet so sexy.
  
  
• Duh!
  
  
• How hard is it to smile back when people smile at you?
  
  
• Either you slap that brat of yours, or I'll do it!
  
  
• How come you asked Viv where he's working, but didn't ask me?
  
  
• It has been almost two years, dude. I'm losing my patience now. If I do not get my DVDs back by end of this month, I reckon a large part of our friendship will be O-V-E-R. Am not kidding.
  
  
• Ummm... I don't care, you see.
  
  
• If you lost some weight, you'd be a total bombshell.
  
  
• Would you quit your "leave the couple alone" thing? It really annoys "the couple", you know.
  
  
• I want to like you. I'm trying.
  
  
• It's the weekend! Don't just sit there. Get out of the house! Do something!
  
  
• Lazybum, start playing squash again, will ya?
  
  
• I think you think I like you, but I don't.
  
  
• You wanna charge me 385 bucks for a haircut and perm? THREE HUNDRED AND EIGHTY FIVE BUCKS?? Dude, are you totally whacko-nuts?
  
  
• Why do you call it a digital perm anyway? What the hell is digital about it?? Are you gonna photoshop perms on to my picture and charge me $385 for it??
  
  
• I'm not really listening to you, you know.
  
  
• You know how you blame everything that girls do on pms? Quit it, it's not funny.
  
  
• Dude, look at yourself before you complain about the lack of female eye-candy.
  
  
• You crossed the line. All it would have taken is a simple apology. And we'd still be friends.
  
  
• Leave her alone. Please.
  
  
• I know I shouldn't have yelled at you. But now it's too late, and ummm... I don't feel like apologising.
  
  
• How could you just flick it off the net and claim it as yours??
  
  
• I'm so glad that I never met you.
  
  
• Dude, are you aware of what you have gotten yourself into?
  
  
• Sometimes I wish you didn't read my blog.
  
  
• Oh puh-leez.
  
  
• I am nodding but I don't believe you.
  
  
• I want to try and understand your viewpoint, but I just can't see how you could do what you did to your friend.
  
  
• You'll never make it as a road-romeo. At least sing the correct lyrics. And in tune.
  
  
• Why didn't you tell me before??
  
  
• If you swore off my blog, why are you still here, reading this?
  
  
• I work in an industry with a bit more of a soul than yours. I don't earn as much as you do. Can we remember that when we pick a restaurant?
  
  
• Of all my friends' boyfriends, I approve of yours the most.
  
  
• No, you do not have fat thighs. Sheesh.
  
  
• Okay fine, you look fat. Happy now?
  
  
• Quit now. Really. You deserve better.
  
  
• I think your boyfriend is a bit racist towards me. The problem is - he covers it up with jokes so I can't really give it back to him.
  
  
• No, I'm not holding any grudge against you. I have forgiven and forgotten. Really.
  
  
• Give up the accent. Not real. Not cool.
  
  
• Why are you guys so lazy?
  
  
• Who the heck are you to tell me I have too many shoes and it's bothering the neighbours? Even my Mom won't dare say that to me, and you're just the security guard of my condo.
  
  
• Damn you, I know it was you who complained to the security guard about my shoes. Watch out, old lady, I've got my eyes on you.

Ah, that was therapeutic indeed, though in a rather frightening way. Try it, it really brings out your most judgemental, hypocritical and ridiculous side.

Sayesha's theory of (r)evolution

This post may come across as random and weird, but it's the amalgamation of many things that I have been pondering over for the last few days. This blog post is a post about my blog.

I was watching the SATC episode where Charlotte defines 'great love' as 'a love that shakes your core, and changes you forever'. Carrie professes in the end of that episode that if it was true that each person only got one great love in a lifetime, New York would be hers. I do not believe in only one great love, or only one soulmate. We connect with different people on different levels, and we should have the freedom to not let ourselves be restricted by the boundaries of the so called 'one great love'.

When I first started blogging, I didn't have the slightest idea about the kind of impact it was about to have on me, and the way it would change me forever, in terms of how I see other people and myself. So going by Charlotte's definition, I guess blogging would be one of my great loves.

And just like a first date, my initial blogging experience was rather awkward, punctuated by spasms of silence. I did not know what to blog about, how to blog. Hell, I did not even know why I was blogging! I did not know how to handle my anonymity. I did not know whether to keep my blog life completely independent of my real life. Though 90% of my blog readers do not know me in my real life, there are some who do. They have respected my anonymity and I respect them for that.

In my early blogging days, I thought I would make a list of blog rules. I thought I would keep my blog away from my parents so that they never see the un-pretty side of my life and get all worked up. I would never blog from office. I would never put up my pictures. I would never blog about certain things and certain people. I would blog only for myself and never indulge in any tag-blogging. I would never interact with bloggers outside my blog. But somewhere along the way, these rules got blurred. The more I blogged, the more vague the rules became. I reached a point where I realised that there was no point to having any cast-in-stone blog rules.

This blog has evolved. From being a place where I wrote down thoughts and incidents, to a place where I hang out with my blog friends. Blog friends - now that's a strange term. I used to think that you cannot make friends on your blog. And even if you do, they can never be as close to you as your real life friends are. I used to think that your closest friends are those whom you meet on a regular basis, those who live in the same place as you. But I have found friends through my blog whom I'm very close to, sometimes closer than the friends I meet on a regular basis. Of course, it has not always been pleasant, and even though I have made many many blog friends, along the way I have lost a few too. But one thing I am glad about is that I have not lost faith in blog friendships altogether.

When you have a thought, and you put it out there under readers' and commentators' scrutiny, there's a lot that could happen. You could see a totally different viewpoint, something so convincing that it changes your views forever. You could have a lively and intelligent debate. You could see a loophole in your argument. You could get validation for your theory. And you could get judged.

Truth is - we love to judge others. It makes us feel better about ourselves, and in spite of knowing that we don't like being judged, we still go ahead and judge everyone and everything around us. But lately I've started cultivating this teeny-weeny belief in my heart, that prolonged exposure to blogging makes us less judgemental. I strongly believe that my blog has made me a better person than I was because today I can stand up and admit that in the past I'd judged certain (the keyword being 'certain', please do not flood me with queries on whether I judged you any time and how) bloggers, just as they'd judged me. And that I don't do it anymore, at least not to the extent that I did before. It's difficult for us to completely stop judging others, but I am making a conscious effort not to, and here are some of my success stories.

#Blogger 1, I judged you because you added google ads on your blog. I was appalled at your attempt to make money out of blogging. But I am more mature and less judgemental now, and I have learnt that there is no predefined use of a blog. How I view blogging is not how you view it. One can use a blog for anything, and earning money is just one of them. So even though I refuse to put google ads on my blog, I am glad that today I do not judge those that do.

#Blogger 2, I judged you, because I thought you were materialistic and superficial and whiney. But after interacting with you, I realised that try as you may to put on a bitchy front on your blog, underneath all that is a heart of gold which holds no malice for anyone. And I am glad that I don't think you're putting on a front anymore, because the person who talks to me, and the person who writes the posts, is still you. I tried to fit you into a bracket, and I shouldn't have.

#Blogger 3, I judged you because I thought you were a fake blogger who was writing for others. But now I think that I was just jealous that you were getting 200 comments per post, and I wasn't. And I am glad that I have reached the phase where yes, I feel happy that people read my blog, but I do not keep count of comments. And frankly speaking, I don't think I can handle that kinda volume because I still want to be able to reply to each one of them.

#Blogger 4, I judged you because you did not stand by me at a moment when I thought I would find a friend. But then I realised that by not standing by me, you were standing by someone else. Perhaps you were doing what you thought was right, and so was I. When I was judging you for not being a friend, maybe that's exactly what you were doing - being a friend. To someone else, but it does not matter. I am glad that though my expectations from you went down, my friendship and respect for you is still the same. And it made me a lot wiser about expectations in general.

#Blogger 5, I judged you because the person I knew you as, was so different from the blogger you were. In real life, you came across as cynical and negative, but in your blog, you talked of things like friendship and love and happiness, which I'd never heard you utter in all my days of interacting with you. But then I realised that whatever it may be, it was still you. Maybe it was my ill fortune that I had not seen this happy and emotional side of you. It was just a part of you I had never seen before, and now I accept and respect it without reservations.

#Blogger 6, I judged you because you never had a good thing to say about anyone or anything on your blog. You were so full of negativity that reading your blog made me feel negative. And then I figured that maybe it was your way to vent frustration. Maybe releasing all the negativity on your blog made you more positive in real life. Blogs are supposed to be therapeutic, isn't it? Maybe your blog was bringing you positivity, albeit in a non-conventional way. And I'm glad I was able to look at it that way.

And finally, my MACs. I have had my share of anonymous comments - some that complimented me and then immediately tried to sell me ceiling fans and university degrees. Some that did not compliment me before showering me with mean hateful comments. Some from people I don't know. Some from people I know. Some from people who think I don't know it was them. At first I did not know how to deal with such comments. I got flustered, angry that someone who didn't even know me was judging me. Then someone told me that I should take it as a compliment that someone cared enough for my blog and me, to hate the two of us. That someone bothered about my blog enough to come back and check my reply to his/her comment, and then again to read my next post. I was also told that maybe I was taking the comments - both the bouquets and the brickbats - too seriously. I agree, I think I did. But I am glad that while I have stopped taking the malicious comments seriously, I have not reached the stage where I dismiss the bouquets too. When someone actually takes time to tell you something nice about you or your blog, you don't say "Bah!". You acknowledge it and feel grateful for it because in our world, appreciation is hard to come by. As for malice, there's plenty out there in the world, and so yes, we should not make a big deal out of it. And I'm glad that in those times of frustration, I did not stoop to the level of leaving malicious anonymous comments on anyone's blog. Because such comments seriously don't deserve any attention.

Some time ago, I renamed my blog from 'Sayesha's world' to 'Sayesha's bar'. Just for fun, for a change. I changed it back within a day. Because Sahil asked me to. Sahil, my blog friend who knows this blog like no one else does. Is mehfil ka purana diljala I call him. He said it didn't sound right, and I knew he was right. My blog is not a bar by itself, it's a bar because of the bewdas here. Without them, it would just be me standing along in this place hurling bottles and glasses in the air, and not quite catching them. This place is still 'Sayesha's world'. It becomes a bar only when the bewdas make their way in. And then something changes in the air, everything becomes happy. Lively. So maybe my blog has changed then. It has evolved from something that was only mine, into something I am happy to share.

Just like people, blogs do not stay the same forever. Other blogs change them, people change them. From being 'random ramblings' and 'mundane musings' and 'soul searches', they can become much more. They can be defined, and redefined along the way, in whichever way the blogger wants. That really is the beauty of blogging, isn't it?

So maybe that's what it is. Maybe I don't need to rack my brain and try to figure out so much about how and why I blog, or bother about judgements, or make so many rules. The important thing is to remember all the happiness, friendships, love and positive vibes that the blog brings into my life - and continue to blog for that.

I used to think that my life revolves around my blog.

I was wrong.

The truth is - my life evolves around my blog.

Every blog has its day

Some time ago, someone I knew suddenly closed down her blog. There was no explanation - just a note thanking her blog readers and requesting them not to ask her to change her mind.

It brought back memories of the day when this bar almost closed down.

I believe that every blogger, at one point in time or the other, considers shutting shop. A blog, just like a relationship, can end anytime. For no reason. But then sometimes, there is a reason. It could be anything. It could be a desire to retire at the peak, just like many football coaches do, rather than to see the blog going downhill and then giving up. Or it could be due to other factors - burnout, boredom, blogger's block, mean anonymous comments, readers you don't want on your blog, anything at all. That's when you just feel like it's not worth it anymore, that it's becoming more of a burden than a joy. When you know that merely taking a break will not help. When you know that it's time to end it all.

However, I'm fortunate that it only happened to me once. I have often experienced frustration because of this blog, but I always woke up the next day, feeling happy and wanting to blog again. But this particular incident was different. I knew I did not want to continue anymore. It was getting too difficult to maintain the bar. I was paying a very high price. And I knew I could not afford to anymore. I'd even written a final post, because I felt that it would be a dishonour to Sayeshaz and the bewda readers if there was no closing post.

So I wrote a post titled 'The rent is too high' and saved it as a draft first, to post the next day, when I was slightly calmer. The next day, for some strange reason, I did not want to post it. Maybe I did not really want to shut down. Maybe I convinced myself when I said, "No one should be able to emotionally hurt me without my explicit permission." Maybe there's something about blogosphere, something that doesn't let you quit, that doesn't let you die. Instead, it pulls you up, dusts the hurt away, and makes you stand up on your feet again, and you feel ready to write again.

But the draft was still there. And every time I'd see the draft, I'd think, "Hmmm.. I wonder when..."

That draft was driving me nuts. I wanted to delete it but I knew that if I deleted it, it would stay in my head forever. I could see me pointing an angry accusing finger at myself, saying "You destroyed a post? How could you do that? You put effort into writing it and you destroyed it? You are a dhakkan!"

And if it stayed on as a draft, I saw me again, saying, "You just wanna keep it so that one day when you're frustrated again, you'd have an easy solution and a convenient last post, isn't it? Coward!" I knew it was highly possible that I would just post the saved draft one day and that would be the end of this blog. Just like that.

As the purane bewdas would know, running the bar over the last 1.5 years hasn't exactly been a bed of roses for me. But I refused to give up because I am in love with this place. I love to hang out here with my blog buddies. It's my place of relaxation. My end of the day chillout place. I can't shut it down just like that.

I'm not saying that I will never stop blogging. But if this blog has to end, it should not and will not end just like that.

If there's an end, it will be a happy one.

So I decided to post the saved draft today and get it over with, done with, so that it's out there, and out of my system. And I wouldn't think about it anymore. (Have you noticed that once you blog about something, it stops bothering you?) So here, it is, the post that I'm publishing today as a mark of how stupid I was - to actually allow myself to get so hurt that I almost stopped doing what I love to do.

Blog.

So here's the saved draft:

It was one of those days that we label as 'bad'
I was angry, I was shocked, I was hurt, I was sad
I was walking alone on a grey, foggy day
When I bumped into myself on the way.

She smiled a knowing smile and said "Hi!"
"Ah, so you finally decided to drop by!"
You had to come here, it's been long due."
I said, "You look like me, but who are you?"

"I'm you", she said, "but you wouldn't know.
You're the same as me, but from a long time ago.
Come along with me, let me show you, my dear
The ugly truths of the blogosphere."

"On every single post that you pen down
There will be some faces that will frown
You will be judged you on whatever you write
You'll come across malice and plenty of spite."

"The same thing if posted by a friend
Is cute and funny and adorable to no end
But if it's posted by someone they dislike
The spiteful comments will suddenly spike."

"You'll make on your blog many a good friend,
But not all will stay with you till the end.
Just when you think that you know them through
They'll choose that moment to tell you what they really think of you."

"And once in a while, you'll feel the stress
And you'll shed a few tears and wonder in distress
Your heart will ache, and depression will strike
You'll ask - is this what blogging's supposed to be like?"

"Spite, malice, cynicism... Is happiness the new sin?
But shouldn't being happy be perennially in?
If grumbling and complaining is not your cup of tea
Does that make you an 'uncool blogger' for eternity?"

"If you start the miss the good old days
If you feel that you're trapped in a wordy maze
If you feel unhappy, if you feel out of place
Maybe it's better to drop out of the mad race?"

I listened to her with patience, but I had something to say
"But why are there more bloggers today than yesterday?
If it's all so ugly, why do people still blog?" I asked.
"We do it of our own will, it's not like we're tasked."

"Why do you blog, Sash? You need to ask yourself."
And I replied "Isn't it a joy - blogging in itself?"
"Well, it is, but only till the day it brings you pain
Perhaps then it's time to start thinking again."

"What is a blog? It's the words in your heart.
It doesn't need skill, neither is it an art.
You can express whatever you have to say.
It doesn't always have to be the same old way."

"Don't brood over the joys of the old blogging days
Do you know you can blog in a million other ways?"
I looked up at her, amazed, and she whispered to me
"Your blog is your heart, and only you have the key."

I had one more thing to ask her, "Do you still blog?"
And all I could see was her smile through the fog.
Before walking away, she stopped and looked back at me
"Blog?" She laughed. "I just did, didn't you see?"

Tic-Tag-Toe

Swapnil and American Pi have tagged me. Now I'm kinda notorious for not taking up tags, so I have decided to get to this one immediately :)

I am thinking...
about what I am thinking.

I said...
"I have my share of troubles in life too. I just like to make a bigger deal of the happy stuff."
(Thanks Balu, for reminding me that I'd said this. Gosh, that was ages ago. Luckily for me, it still holds true.)

I want...
India and Pakistan to merge and become one peaceful country, form the greatest cricket team ever and kick everyone's ass in the game.

I wish...
for less cynicism around me.

I miss...
the Cambodia days - the best holiday of my life so far.

I hear...
in my head, silly jokes cracked by friends long ago and the crazy laughter that surrounded them

I wonder...
how my life would have been if I hadn't accepted the scholarship and come to Singapore.

I regret...
trying to justify myself to MACs instead of just ignoring them.

I am...
me. Just me.

I dance...
only when the music is right.

I sing...
all the time. If not aloud, then in my head.

I cry...
while watching hindi movies.

I am not...
you. And sometimes I wish you realised that too.

I write...
because sometimes it's easier to write than talk.

I confuse...
myself at times, wondering why I blog.

I need...
more holidays in a year.

I should...
never stop working out.

I finish...
off more pani puris than I should.

In an attempt to revive certain blogs which my friends appear to have abandoned, I hereby tag Sinnerman, Princesse and Oxymoron. :)

I know what you're searching for

Ipanema Gal was right. I actually intended to keep the previous post on for a month till I got my 300 responses.

Well, looks like it's not as easy a task for people who suffer from OCB. Obsessive Compulsive Blogging. So here I am, back to posting. But not without the following little note though:

They say a cat has 9 lives. Well, I have 300, out of which 92 have been saved so far by very kind souls. If you wanna save one of my other 208 lives, please please take my Krrish survey now! :p

===================================================
New post begins here:

One of the reasons why we come up with blog nicks, some of which become more widely used by our friends than our actual names, is the fear of being googled out by those you don't wanna be googled out by. Sometimes I wonder if I am being ultra-paranoid -- are people out there so jobless that they're really keying in my name on google?

Nope, they're not. They're actually looking for more interesting things.

And may I just proudly proclaim that I know some of it. Muahahahaha! :D

How?

With the help of a wonderful tool called Statcounter. Some time ago, a friend told me about statcounter, and I thought it would be interesting to see who pops by my blog. I found out quite a bit, that my blog is mostly frequented by people from USA, followed by India, Singapore and then the UK. There has been a sudden spike in loads from Malaysia which I believe has been single-handedly created by my friend Duhita. There has also been an increase in hits from Canada (hola to all you new people!). Hong Kong remains stable at four, two of which are from two banks. Lalit sends a regular Hi across from Denmark, and so does Kathy from Japan. Korea and Germany are seen bobbing up their heads now and then, and occasionally, there's a holler from Oman (Hi, Kini!).

But the most interesting info that Statcounter has supplied me so far has been google searches. When people search for something on google, and land at Sayeshaz, I can actually see what they were looking for. Some of it is the usual stuff I keep blabbering about, like hindi movies and songs and ghazals, and some of it is so sleazy it makes me wonder when I wrote about it. But then I guess the comments are also taken into account. So if we're discussing a large collection of sexy shoes, so many that even Jayalalitha can't match up, some dude searching for 'sexy Jayalalitha' actually lands up at the bar. And goes away shaking his head.

That, by the way, was a real life example.

So I decided to compile a few of the things that people are searching for on google, that makes them land on my blog. These have been compiled over the last one week or so.

Category 1 - The Bollywood stuff

• Shaan's wife
• lyrics of tu hi meri shab hai
• koi sehri babu
• Ahista ahista ghazal
• Ghazals of Jagjit Singh and Ghulam Ali
• Urdu shayari jo N se shuru ho
• Kabhi khamosh baithoge lyrics
• Miley sur mera tumhara
• Do aur do ka jod hamesha lyrics
• Shaan autograph
• Bollywood filim
  
• Shaan gum sum ho
• bombay boys javed jaffrey
• raveena tandon
• Shaan concert
• Tu jahan jahan chalega
• zamana deewana DVD cover
  
• song ya ali
• SHreya Ghoshal can't sing
• zayed khan rocky
• KK tadap tadap
  

Category 2 - The general stuff

• working men hostel Chandigarh
• how to write farewell card
• no control toilets
• Dumb charades
• What to write on a farewell card
• Who's your angel?
• Ankhein hai ki batatein
• Humjoli herbal
• Diwali party themes
• Zombie in your head
• dont regret anything because at one point it was exactly wat u wanted
• reviews usha sewing machine
• guys in glasses
• dosa recipe
• magnet keeper
• happening pics
• rapidex speaking courses
  
• dog frodo
• tamil words translate to malayalam
  
• wisdom teeth jokes
• Paradise Biryani
• safari my night is your day
  
• Men rubber bands
• penicillin bum
  
• slang meaning of bhidu
• Bombay cafe singapore
• gangs in Singapore
  
• need to pee bursting
  

Category 3 - The weird/sleazy stuff

• Jayalalitha sexy
• Boyzillian
• married women phone number who is intrested in one night stand in delhi
• contact numbers of fun loving kerala women who like to talk
• aarti agarwal drinking with her boyfriend
• sexy free girls hot hot
• Hot NRI chick
• Chennai aunties looking for sex
• Ganda dimag
• hot Singaporean chicks
• Bollywood heroines hot scenes
• sexy hot live active
  
• crossdress sari
• nude girls in zym (sic)
  
• sacha pyar sex
• nri chicks on yahoo
  
• plz i want to chat with sexy american girls and i want to make ID there
• orkut girls
• hot gal and guy picture
  
• Delhi girl looking for fun
• Free sexy Deshmukh

So how did you land at Sayeshaz? If you googled your way here, what were you searching for? :)

Kuch meetha ho jaaye?

Dear Namkeen,

I received your email with your apology. Frankly speaking, I had not expected an apology from you, and would have been happy just by having my posts removed from your blog. But the apology came as a pleasant surprise and I accept it with thanks.

However, I am not fully convinced that you pasted my posts from your friend's email and not from my site. Does it then mean that you thought they were your friend's experiences and that you stole your friend's identity? If you honestly thought that the posts came from your friend, it does not make you less guilty. So instead of wronging me, you wronged your friend, you stole her identity. Because you surely were trying to pass off the incidents as yours.

Look at this comment you wrote on the 'Art on sand' post of yours (mine) about the artist I had met and photographed at the Puri beach last year:

"But i was really amazed that he was not frustrated at all. Actually this picture was taken the last day i was there in Bombay i was to leave the next day and that's why that evening i decided to stay back and speak to him.I really wanted to know why he was doing it. And what he was getting out of it. But sad part is he did not speak English or hindi. He spoke a different kind of hindi which i could very hardly understand. So i only understood that he had a family of 4 kids and he had lost his job. He said it was very hard to find a new one and he had been jobless for a month now. Behen mara bacha bhuka pada hai. Khana lana paisa nahi. Ghar jaye to bacha khana mangta. And that's why he would spend most of his evenings at the beach to ease of his frustration. I till you Krsh i felt like hell. And so i gave him some money. He refused to take it initially but i left it there and left.That night i could not even eat i kept on thinking of his family. Today i gave him some money but will that money be enough for him to survive until he finds a job? i told my sister. My sister said there are lots of people like him here in India it's just a pity that the government does not have any system unemployment pensions."

Things like this were too much - You took my posts and my pictures and came up with your fictional stories. And all the little editing jobs you did to your posts... you thought it was enough?? Changing 'Singapore' to 'USA', 'Tapori Sayesha' to 'Tapori Amit' and 'Puri beach' to 'Mumbai beach'? You made me angry, very very angry. So angry that for the first time I realised how much anger I was capable of.

Secondly, you not only violated materials copyrighted to me, but also to my blog commentators. Remember the post about 'Things that will make you laugh'? You even added the comments by Abhinav, Harshi, Aethyr and Macho Girl to make your post. So are you saying that your friend not only copy-pasted my posts in her mail to you, but also the comments?

However, by sending that apology email, you have shown courage and integrity and I respect that. So if what you say is true and your friend was the one who sent my posts (along with the comments AND pictures apparently) to you, maybe you could give your friend a mini-tutorial on how to forward blog posts: If you like someone's blog post, you DO NOT copy-paste the content in a mail and forward it to your friends without naming the source. Instead, you click on the title of the post, copy THE LINK and then send it to your friends.

Some people told me that they pitied you and felt that you were depressed and miserable and having this fake identity and appreciation from people was making you happy. But I don't agree. No matter how manic-depressive or suicidal you are, nothing gives you the right to flick someone else's hard work and life and pass it off as your own just to make yourself feel better. If you have low self-esteem, you've got to fight it yourself.

You renamed one of my posts to 'Mom & Dad, I love you'. Well, if you really loved your Mom and Dad, you would accept them as who they are and not over-write their identities with someone else's Mom and Dad's.

There were also people who thought I should "chill and forget/ignore this". I noticed that they are mostly non-bloggers. Like the anonymous reader on my blog who said the war had no good reason cos my stuff is bakwaas anyway. Yes darling, it is bakwaas, but it is MY bakwaas, and I will defend it. If you have a baby that's not as cute as someone else's, would you not get angry if someone claims it's their baby?? Would you say that it's not a cute baby anyway, so it's okay if someone claims it as theirs?

You will only know how this feels like, when it actually happens to you. Or to someone you're close to. It's easy to take the Anonymous approach and say that this is no big deal. Like the high-horse-guy who thought that slamming my friends in the comments space would take the attention off the real issue here. Dude, I have something to say to you. Everybody has a high horse. Even if you are a complete ass, you have a high horse. I dunno where you got your horse from, but at the place where my friends and I got our horses - plagiarism and identity theft are WRONG WRONG WRONG!

Namkeen, I'm not the one to hold grudges. For me, if a matter is resolved, it is resolved, and there should be no hard feelings remaining. I promise not to have a grudge against you anymore, but I will be honest here and tell you that even though I have forgiven you for the plagiarism, I am just finding it a bit hard to forgive you for making me take down one of my favourite posts - that on baby Aish's expressions. And nope, I will not post it back. But I do hope that this negativity leaves me soon.

I know that your IFF profile got deleted before you could delete the remaining five copied posts. I had contacted your administrators and perhaps they did their duty. I am not sure if the other posts were deleted by you or the IFF administrators. But it doesn't matter now. Maybe it's time to make a new beginning somewhere else with another nick (in case the new slang my friends came up with 'namkeen (v): to copy-paste without permission' kicks off). If you really wanna express yourself, you're welcome to register at blogger.com and join us, the bunch of crazy and happy people who stand by each other and by what we feel is right.

Thanks again for writing in. It has certainly made me feel much better about you. And oh, I will not reproduce your apology email here. Because you own the copyright to it.

Cheers!
Sayesha

Footnote:

I learnt a few lessons from this episode:

1. When you're in trouble, even strangers will extend their help. Jonathan Bailey, the owner of plagiarismtoday.com emailed me with details on how to lodge a formal complaint against such online plagiaristic acts. This dude is amazing. He has been a victim of plagiarism over 400 times in the past four years and has fought them all.

2. It's a good idea to google yourself once in a while.

3. MACs (Mean/Malicious Anonymous Commentators) are not the worst thing that can happen to your blog.

4. But the biggest lesson I learnt from this episode is that when you're in distress, you can never get through it by yourself the way you can get through it if your friends are by your side.

Okay everybody, show's over. Let's put this behind us. So no, I’m not going back to reply to the 163 comments on the last post. :P

Now bring on today's special - the jalebis and kaju ki barfis, cos the bar is back to its (ab)normal self! :)

Kuch Namkeen ho jaaye?

Hi guys,

Here's an update on the blog that stole my posts. World Girl and Sahil got around the system without having to pay, and managed to post comments on Namkeen's blog. Read it here.

I have created a general login which I am going to share here, so that if you have something to say to Namkeen, you can say it without having to register.

Go to this link and login with the following info:
Handle: PQRS2
Password: 9A68K


(Another login courtesy Smiling Gal)
Handle: AgainstNamkeen
Password: LQE34



After logging in, click on blogs (top right), do a search for Namkeen under 'Handle', click on any of the plagiarised posts and voila, you can comment!

I have already posted comments on every single one of my posts that she stole. But as Sahil says, apparently she's on leave (he got the info from some friend of Namkeen's who happened to be online) so I dunno when she will respond.

But this war is not over, missy.

I see red, people!

I happened to google 'Sayesha' and came across the most outrageous thing I have ever encountered in blogworld.

Check this blog out.

This person nicknamed 'Namkeen' coolly copy-pastes my posts on her blog and passes them off as hers with amazing audacity, changing a name here and a place there. And her bunch of readers applaud her on her "original ideas". Hell, she even shamelessly thanks her commentators. She doesn't even spare my posts on specific incidents involving MY Dad and Mom and friends and intricate details of my dream home, and even memorabilia from my childhood, including a painting I made when I was in school! Honestly, how can anyone flick posts about someone's parents??? Atrocious! She also flicked photos that I took and weaved stories around them!

Gosh, I don't think I have ever been so angry!

(I removed my posts with baby Aish's photos from my blog because I don't want her claiming that baby Aish is her niece just like she claims my parents are hers.)

I can't even confront her on her shameless plagiarism because she's not on a blog site. She's on a site called IndiaFriendFinder.com which does not let you comment unless you pay up and register.

I hope that when Namkeen pops by my blog again to steal her 'pick of the night', she reads this post and realises how pathetic her disgraceful actions make her.

Namkeen, if you have an iota of self-respect, you will remove my posts from your blog and refrain from doing this in the future.

So long!

A couple of days ago, a friend of mine was talking to me about my blog.

"When I open your blog page, you know what I do first?"

"Scroll to see how long the post is?" I replied.

"Wow!! How do you know???"

"Ah, well. I know. A lot of people do it."

"I actually skip some posts, you know. 'Cos they're too long..."

"I know. A lot of people do it."

"Some of your posts are just way too long yaar!"

"I know. A lot of people say so."

"Saare posts chhote likha kar na!" ("Why don't you write only short posts?")

"I can't."

"Why not?"

"Because I can't end the post on my blog before it ends in my head. Waise bhi, jisko padhna hoga woh padhega. Jisko nahin padhna hoga, woh nahin padhega." ("Anyway, those who wanna read it will read it. Those who don't, will not.")

"But sometimes I don't even finish reading the post."

"I know. A lot of people don't."

In the conversation, I said "I know" like a million times. But what I thought I knew, was brought forth with a never-before clarity only now.

Here's my very cool Excel chart that shows some data about my last post.















As shown clearly in the chart above, if they made a movie out of that post of mine, the audience would go to pee during the interval and never return to the theatre. It would be such a whopping flop, I'd be on the streets. :D

No statcounter data has ever revealed it the way that post did - that not everyone makes it to the end.

So am I going to start writing shorter posts from now on?

Nope.

Why?

Because I can't end the post on my blog before it ends in my head.

I never thought I'd ever have to explain a post, but I don't think I can take any more sympathy, love-life advice, and words of consolation/encouragement to help me cope with the apparent heart-break that I never had in the first place. I know people mean well, but I really cannot take it any more. :)

So I guess an official press statement is in order.

1. William is not my boyfriend.
2. He never was and never will be.
3. Ditto for Thomas.
4. William is my 40-something optician.
5. Thomas is his 50-something colleague.
6. I feel silly as I write this.

Talk to me

My last post, like many of my other posts, got me some bouquets and some brickbats from readers. Some liked the post and identified with it, while others shook their heads and walked away (I do admit it was a bit abstract though).

When you write something, it's amazing how the same written word can have so many different interpretations by different readers, and all that depends on a number of factors:

- Their relationship with you (e.g. your adoring grandmother, if she reads your blog, is rather unlikely to dismiss a post written by you as crappy, especially if she thinks that you're the best thing that happened to the world since the discovery of electricity.)

- Their state of mind when they are reading it (e.g. they have just gone through something and there is something in your post they can completely identify with, as if what you wrote just "spoke to them")

- Their attitude towards you (e.g. some bloke who does not quite like you but reads your blog to find more reasons to dislike you, will find or make up reasons to hate the post you wrote)

- Their history with you (an absolute 'freshie' on your blog is more likely to be very objective about a particular post than someone who knows how you function)

Like me, there are zillions of people blogging and reading blogs every single day. Different reasons, different writing styles and different topics are being picked to write blog posts. Zillions of posts are being loved, hated, admired, and killed every second. Once in a while, I come across a post someone wrote and say, "Wow, that's a perfect blog post." And then I wonder -- what really is a perfect blog post? Isn't a perfect blog post as much a reflection of me, the reader, as much as you, the writer? You write them, I read them, and together we make some posts perfect.

There is really no absolute perfect post, is there?

My perfect post is different from your perfect post. To me, the perfect blog post would be the one that is imperfect. For the simple reasons that it came straight from the heart. The imperfect perfect post, just like the perfect ad, would be the one that although describing the writer's own thoughts, appears to have been written for everyone. Everyone identifies with at least some aspect of it, irrespective of whether they know the writer or not. And each person who reads it, looks at it slightly differently, and feels as if it was written for him/her. As if even though it is out there for everyone to see, it has a special meaning for him/her, something hidden that was to be discovered only by him/her, a meaning others are blissfully unaware of. In other words, it "speaks to them".

Perhaps, that truly is the 'imperfect perfect post'.

This reminds me of the time when I was talking to a very dear friend over MSN. Now he's the kind of friend I can't live with, and I can't live without. We have a squabble almost every single day, but if we stop talking to each other, we're both miserable the entire day. I guess it's the kind of the connection we have. He has a videocam but I don't. Most of the time, he turns on his videocam during our conversations, and I can see (and make fun of) his expressions, but when I get angry during a conversation, I guess it frustrates him because I go all silent on him, and he can't even see the expression on my face. So he keeps asking me to get a videocam. And I keep saying "Yeah right."

So we were conversing once, and we had a tiff and both of us kinda got pissed off, and fell silent. And suddenly, out of nowhere, there it was, the little prompt at the bottom of the conversation window.

"Connection established." it said.

It was just a standard prompt written by a random programmer neither of us knew, for everyone who's ever had an MSN conversation to see. But to us, at that moment, it held a very special meaning. A secret meaning encoded in words that were visible to everyone, but it felt like only we knew the actual significance of those words. It made us smile. It got us talking again.

Connection established.

And if that was not enough, seconds later, a pop-up window with one of those annoying ads, appeared on my screen. Usually, I hate pop-ups, but this one actually made me smile. It said something my friend had been telling me for ages.

"Get a webcam!" said the irritating green cartoon character in the pop-up ad.

I burst out laughing.

Have you ever read anything that seemed like it was out there for everyone to see, but only for you to get?

Something that "spoke to you"?

(And no, I'm not talking about things like the pic below. )

Celebrations at Sayeshaz

Hey you,

Remember why today, the 10th of January, is so special?

Maybe you forgot. But I am a girl. And girls generally don't forget these kind of things. Today is our anniversary.

We have completed a year of togetherness. It has not exactly been smooth sailing. We have been through laughter, tears, frustration, anger, hopelessness, anguish, and what not, but we made it.

Frankly speaking, I had not really thought we'd get here. I thought we'd give up midway somewhere. But we didn't. And I'm glad.

My experience of life with you has been a very beautiful one. It has brought about wonderful changes in my life. Through you, I have met wonderful people who have now become very important parts of my life. The insane amounts of time we have spent together has often made me wonder if I was ignoring others in my life to be with you.

Through you, I have discovered myself. Seen my best side. Seen my worst side. Learnt to handle insane amounts of happiness without going crazy. Learnt to cope with maddening grief.

And I have emerged stronger and happier out of it.

Today is a day of celebration.

A year of togetherness.

My blog and I.

===============================================

And today's the day to wonder -- how did I get started on blogging?

A year ago, I remember two of my friends discussing their blogs. I got curious, it sounded like quite the "in" thing to do.

"Hey, what's a blog?" I asked.

"Errr... it's like... it's an online journal kinda thingie."

"Online journal? If it's a journal, why is it online?"

"Err... people just like to write stuff online I guess..."

"But if it's online, other people will read it!"

"Err... yeah, that's the point."

"But why??"

"Err... I dunno! That's how it works!"

"Oh.. so what do you write?"

"Errr... stuff..."

"What kinda stuff?"

"Err... anything you like! Get a blogspot account, Sayesha! Then you'll know!"

And I went and got myself a blogspot account. (The last time I had gotten myself something just because someone had told me to, was when I'd opened an orkut account. Then I got some really weird messages such as "I am wanting to do friendship with you. If you are also wanting, mail me at blah blah.") I realised I was "not wanting to have an orkut account anymore". I shut it down and vowed never to open any account without being sure of why I wanted it.

And yet, there it was, my blogspot account.

I stared at my profile without a clue. No idea what a blog was. No idea what to write. Not a single thought in my head.

Finally on 10th January 2005, I came up with my very insightful first post. It took me a while to think and write it, but I think it expressed my thoughts very well. You must read that post, I really like it. It's very dil se.

The whole of January 2005, I struggled at writing blog posts. Frankly speaking, I don't like any of my January posts. Actually I wanted to delete the entire month of January, but I decided against it because I am not ashamed of those posts. I just think that they suck bigtime. In fact, I have a disclaimer for archive readers. Come to think of it, why would I wanna put readers through the torture when I myself can't read them again?! :O

So in celebration of my anniversary, out of my 240 posts to date, here are the posts written in 2005 that are closest to my heart, classified by the type of drinks served at Sayeshaz:

===================================================

Sayesha on the rocks -- Thoughts, theories and fundas

The unbalanced equation

The new perfect

May I have a word with you?

Ouch!

Why?

My TCTSTFTS theory

Of sole mate and soulmates

Rain

Of comments and commentators

It's not you, it's me

My thumb-drive theory

All in a moment's work

Who's reading your blog?

Just like that

The moment


Tequila shots - Gulp it, enjoy it, forget it!

The unfair sex

Things will work out in the end

How many uncles does Lily have?

Dear editor

Indecent proposal

Detox diet

The Grand Hyatt knows what I did last summer

A case of borderline obesity

A tale of kindies

Sleeping with a stranger

Baby's day out. Sayesha freaks out.

OMGWhodahellisthat?

No control

Too close for comfort

What was that again?


Sayesha Neat - The real stuff

Welcome to Sayeshaz!

Gimme a single reason

The Sayesha kind of love

Red roses -- from a gal to a guy

Don't kill me before I die

My andekha anjana

An open letter

Things that sound right in my head

An apology

What's your formula?

Just bossing around

A tight slap and a tight hug for you

My little space

Split personality? Me?

Crappy jobs I've had

Things that make my life worth living

The real Sayesha


Old wine - Tales of childhood

Growing up in India

Conversations with grandma

But I wanna make it rain

Bringing up Mom and Dad

Mom vs Hyderabadi shop owner

Home for dinner

Gang wars

The perfect example

:) and yet :(

Dehleez ke diye

Manaofying 101 lessons by Dad

Mera kuchh saaman

The untold tales

Of cars and Sayesha

All grown up

Pardon the long list, but as I was making it, I realised that this blog is all about my heart and the feelings in it.

And everything here is close to my heart :)