My little space

Long long time ago, in the days of the Ramayana and the Mahabharata, there was a concept called 'kope bhavan' (fury chamber). Queens would enter the 'kope bhavan' if something pissed them off, and stay there till they had cooled down and were ready to step out.

(Personally, I believe there was a gym in here, where the pissed off queens worked out to let off steam. But don't listen to me, I believe a lot of things.)

My new place has a tiny triangular balconey just outside my room. With just enough room for one person. To lock oneself out of everything. I believe it was built for only one person who wanted that space just for himself/herself.

I love this space. It's where I stand and look at the sky, at the clouds, hear the wind rustling through the tall trees, feel it blow through my hair, watch the bright yellow bird that makes an appearance near my window once in a while, hear the cuckoo sing. And if I am lucky, feel the rain brushing against my face.

And think.

Really think.

About myself. My life. What I want from it.

One of the people on my blog asked me something over email, "Tera dhyaan kaun rakhta hai?" ("Who takes care of you?") And suddenly, in that moment, I was rendered speechless. And even though I shot off a typical oh-so-confident-Sayesha reply "Apna dhyaan hum khud rakhte hain, aur kya?" ("I take care of myself! What else?") it felt like I had suddenly run out of words.

And I really asked myself -- mera dhyaan kaun rakhta hai?

I guess that email had caught me on one of those days where I wasn't my usual strong self. When I was lonely and sad and homesick. When I reached home, I shut myself up in my space. It was raining. The raindrops brushed against my face as if trying to conceal my tears. After a while I couldn't even tell whether it was the rain or the tears running down my face. But I felt better.

This is my space. This helps me to cope with loneliness, with anger, with fear, with jealousy, with hurt, with heartbreak, with homesickness.

This is my 'cope bhavan'.