When is a good time to stop a wedding?

I called up a school friend in India some time ago. He was telling me about how he helped one of his friends elope with a guy, days before her marriage to another guy.

I was a bit shocked.

And he was shocked that I was shocked.

"Knowing you, I thought you'd find this so adventurous and exciting, Sayesha!"

"Duh! In movies! Not in real life!" I said.

"Why not?? It's so romantic!"

"Because, you moron, this is a WEDDING. Parents are involved. Extended families are involved. It's not just about the two people who're gonna get married. Other people's feelings are at stake!"

Yes, my views on certain things are a bit traditional. I am wild, yes, and doing risky things excite me. But eloping on the night before my wedding?? I don’t think I’d be up for that.

If things need to be changed, they need to be changed at the right time. At least before the cards are printed.

I was thinking about it long after our conversation. And I realised that most of my favourite movies have this aspect – the girl’s with someone else, and they’re gonna get married, and guy X just swoops in and takes her away. And because the story is about these two, no one thinks of the others involved and how they feel.

Classic case - Dil Chahta Hai.

Two weekends ago, I had a screening of 'Dil Chahta Hai' with two friends at my new place. Yes, we watched it for the nth time. And laughed for the nth time. And loved it for the nth time.

Now I have watched the movie so many times that in my head I have analysed the movie like a million times over. I've picked up tiny things that are not so obvious when you watch it the first time round. I've thought about which parts I'd have changed if I were the director. I've thought of the story from the viewpoint of the other characters.

The aspect of the movie that affected me the most was the Akash-Shalini story, and how a guy like him falls in love with a girl who's engaged to be married, and goes all the way to tell the girl what he feels and possibly stop the wedding.

It's quite amazing, isn't it? To have the guts to go to a wedding and say, "Mujhse shaadi karogi?" ("Will you marry me?") to the bride. But I rejoiced when I watched it. I went “Whoa, what a love story! Awesome!” Yeah, it's very romantic and all that, but if that really happened in real life, how would one handle it? Would I dare to do what Shalini did? To get away with a simple "Rohit, I love Akash. Please understand." the way Shalini did. I can imagine Rohit’s thought process. “Understand? Understand what? That you did not say anything all this while and just before the wedding, I’m supposed to "understand"?”

But he does it. He lets go of the girl. Cos she's in love with someone else. And it happens in Dil Toh Pagal Hai, in Rehna Hai Tere Dil Mein, in DDLJ, in Pardes, in Tum Bin, in Mere Yaar Ki Shaadi Hai, in Yuva, in Kuch Kuch Hota Hai. In fact, I realised to my horror that it happens in most of my favourite movies! Yeah, I like a bit of adventure... the forbidden always pulls me towards it... and what's more forbidden and adventurous than suddenly discovering three days before your wedding 'hey, I don't love guy X, I love guy Y!' Freakin' scary!

I hope it never happens to me.

I don't buy the argument that this is all very filmi and does not happen in real life.

What if it does?

Life is unrealistic. And we're human.

As I maintain, each of us has more than one soul mate. I wanna put a number to it. Okay, let’s say seven (the most overused number for such things). So I say each of us has seven soul mates in the world. Seven people we have the connection with. We may or may not meet all of them in our lifetime. If we’re lucky, we’ll spend our life with one of them.

And since we have seven soul mates, it is not really an impossibility to suddenly run into one of the other six while you’re about to be married to the first. And if you wanna change your mind then, what do you do?

Stop the wedding? After all, it’s the question of your happiness, your entire life, of what you want.

So when really is a good time to stop a wedding? Not at the mandap. Definitely not at the mandap. Too much is at stake, and too much has already happened. And too many people have become involved.

I'm quite lost myself. I have no answers. But the ideal answer would perhaps be -- be DAMN sure whom you wanna marry, and stick to your decision.

But how do we become damn sure?

I remember Rohit saying, “We love each other, that's why we're getting married. Isn't it, Shalini?"

And Akash says, "You should ask yourselves this question, not each other."

Maybe we should all ask ourselves. Do the Dil Chahta Hai test, close our eyes and really try and see whom we wanna be with. And know it before we get married. If there's a wee bit of a doubt, I'd say don't get married. Even if you can't be with guy Y, don't marry guy X because you can't be with guy Y. That's a bad reason to marry anyone, besides it being unfair to guy X.

I know someone who got married to a guy X because guy Y whom she wanted to marry never really said anything explicitly.

Which reminds me of another DCH scene. When Akash asks Mahesh Uncle how Shalini is, Mahesh Uncle says, “Khush nahin hai. Pyaar woh tumse karti hai aur shaadi Rohit se kar rahi hai...” ("She's not happy. She is in love with you but she's getting married to Rohit.")

And Sameer said, “Aur woh karey bhi toh kya? Ek taraf hain woh log jinhone usey woh zindagi di jo woh jee rahi hai, aur doosri taraf hai ek aisa aadmi jo usse pyaar karta hai nahin karta hai woh nahin jaanti!”

("What can she do? On one side are the people who have given her the life she is living, and on the other side is this guy... And she doesn't even know if he loves her or not!")

All of us have the right to tell the people we love, that we love them. Yes, we have the right to tell them whenever we feel like telling them. And sometimes, the timing is really bad. But it just happens. Life is unrealistic.

If you love someone, do something about it. And telling the person would be the first step.

But if the one you love is getting married and you wanna do something about it, you'd better do it soon.

Don’t wait till the wedding.