Monday, May 01, 2006

The unpublishables

Remember the time when you were very young and you used to find certain jokes gut-burstingly funny? You'd run to tell the joke to your Mom, Dad, your elder siblings and they would go 'Huh'?

Heart-breaking, wasn't it?

Now I see the other side.

One of the best things about my job is the fanmail from the kids for our science magazine.
The mail is categorised into many sections. Firstly, there's the contest entries, many of which are cutouts of the magazine pages (although we do allow photocopies). Sometimes we get really cute requests like "Dear editor, if I don't win a prize, could you return my entry? Because I want the page on the reverse side back." Then there are the questions, the feedback, the jokes, the drawings. And then there's the category of letters from the kids which I like to refer to as 'The unpublishables'.

There are many reasons why we can't publish certain letters. Some letters have really pathetic jokes, some do not make any sense, some are too gross, some are rude, some insult their teachers, some are facts that are too unscientific to go into a science mag, some have racist jokes, and some just make us go "Errr...."

Banana and I often spend time trying to decipher what the kid exactly meant, but most of the time, we're unsuccessful. Sometimes the kids even add their own laugh tracks at the end of their jokes.

The number of letters we get is quite a lot, which is why we have no choice but to filter out the 'unpublishables'. It's a heart-breaking task, but someone's gotta do it. I have been maintaining the 'Unpublishables' files for about three years now, even though I know these letters will not find any use anywhere.

And that's when I had an idea - to put up the unpublishables here on my blog, so they are published somewhere at least.

To protect the identities of the kids, I'll only include their initials and ages.

And oh, sic applies to all the letters.

Enjoy the priceless gems.

===================================

Roses are red
Violets are blue
I am so sad
That my eyes are so red.
- Anonymous

If I could live one day of my life as someone else, I would like to be my teacher Mrs. H (nice name). I could cane everyone's butts. Lessons will only be reading "I need to improve in my work." for the whole day. I will ask all the girls (not the boys) pull their ears outside the classroom. Oh no! I'm changing back to my normal self. Bye!

- B.G. (9)

Kick the table
Kick the chair
Kick the principal
If you dare.
- J.K.

A boy spoke Singlish to his mother. "Where is your grammar?" Mother asked.
"In the front hall watching television." (Grandma?)
- H.K. (11)

What do you call a cow going home?
A cow walking backwards!
- Anonymous


April's fool
Go to school
Tell your teacher she's a fool
Teacher scold you, you don't cry.
Pack your bag and say bye bye.
- J.K.

Q: Why does the Indian girl hates to eat dark chocolate?

A: Because they always eat their finger instead.
- T.P.Y. (12)

Dad, when did you go to Egypt?
What made you think that I went there?
That must be where you brought Mummy from.
- T.L. (10)

What walks on four in the morning, two in the afternoon and three in the evening?
A man.
-S.N. (9)

What did the car exhaust say to the motorcycle exhaust?
You sure look exhausted!
- N.Y. (10)

Boogers are green
A clog is a shoe
Turkeys are dumb
Your family is too.
- L.W.L. (12)

Did you hear about the very well-behaved little boy? Whenever he was especially good, his dad would give him a dollar and three pats on his head. By the time he was 16, he had 1600 dollars in his bank, but he was only 90 cm tall!
- E.C. (12+)

Why does a rocket go up?
There is no space to go down.
-G.T. (11)

How do you make a glow worm happy?
Cut off its tail, it will be de-lighted.
- E.T. (9)

Birds are chirping
Bell are ringing
I am waiting
For your wedding
- L.W.L. (12)

Row row row your boat
Gently down the stream
Throw your enemy out
and watch the way he scream
-L.R.X. (9)

Weasels are brown
You need a shampoo
Diapers are stinky
I believe this is true.
- L.W.L. (12)

Nothing mash (much?).
- Anonymous

What do you get when you add 1 homework assignment and 1 homework assignment?
2 much homework
- Z.R. (10)

On which days are we always thirsty?
Thursday
- Anonymous

What do you get if I threw a block of butter out of the window?
Butterfly
- A.O.

Daisy Duck is pretty
But Donald Duck is ugly
What do they make together?
Answer: Pretty ugly
Ha ha!
- S.G. (10)

How do you know when you're growing up?
When you discover hair in different places.
- T.H.L. (11)

Which animal has a head like a dog, and a tail like a dog but is not a dog?
A puppy
- G.T.L. (10)

What were Batman and Robin called after they were run over by a steam roller?
Flatman and Ribbon
- D.L. (10)

Which country has the most germs?
Germany
- C.C.E. (11)

What happened when the boy sat on a pin?
Nothing - it was a safety pin.
- M.E. (10)

Happy birthday to you
You are born in the zoo
You look like a monkey
And smell like one too

Happy birthday to you
You are one hundred and two
And you are still wearing diapers
How shameful of you.
- M.C. (12)

Why did the maid jump into the sea?
She wanted to meet her sister the mer-maid.
- H.Y.M. (10)

Roses are red
Violets are blue
Sugar is sweet
Teddys are cute
And so are you!!!
- T.Y.L. (11)

What is the longest word in the dictionary?
Elastic, because it stretches
- T.Y.L. (11)

How can a framer eat an egg everyday if he doesn't have any hens?
He can eat his ducks' eggs.
- J.L. (9)

Which famous king ruled the vegetable empire?
Caesar salad
- R.L. (11)

What is a giraffe?
An animal that was hung on a tree by its head when it was born.
(Please help me find the picture I can't find it. Thanks and help me correct my mistakes.)
- T.M.S. (40) (sic)

What will you get if you put a white man between two black men?
Oreo
- L.Y.Y.

Why did the piglet look in the toilet bowl?
It was looking for pooh.
- S.L. (9)

The princess hate the pea so it pee on the pea.
- F.Y. (11)

Why is the water in the reservoir blue?
Its mother is the blue sky.
- F.Y. (11)

Who wears a pink dress and it is grey in colour?
Cinderelephant
- W.C. (7)

Acrostic poem
Yellow is my favourite colour
Irritates my brother
Naughty at home
Grumbling at my mother sometimes
Helping teachers always
Unless I am sick
I will always be there for you!! :)
- C.Y.H.

Why are birds poor?
Because money don't grow on tree.
- J. (12)

Will you remember me in
one day time?
Will you remember me in
one year time?
Will you remember me in
three years time?
Will you remember me in
ten years time?
Knock knock
Who's there?
See you can't remember me.
- L.M. (11)

Customer: How much does a bottle of Coke cost?
Shopkeeper: $2.50.
Customer: How about a drop of Coke?
Shopkeeper: Oh, it is free!
Customer: Then fill a bottle with drops of Coke?
- C.P.X. (10)

Teacher: Joel, recite the alphabets.
Joel: ABCDEFGHIJKLMNOQRSTUVWXYZ
Teacher: Good! But where's the P?
Joel: It went down my pants!
- N.X.Y. (10)

When we look up
It's the sun
When we look down
It's the ocean
When we look front
It's the goat
When we look back
It's the sheep!
- L.A.Q. (9)

The human brain does not have a brain because it is the brain itself. :P
ps: Don't mention my school and my age pls!!!! Plz!! I beg you!
- C. (age withheld on request)

Why do people do not like to have fire in their office?
They do not want to be fired!
- C.C. (9)

Farmer A sells chickens.
Farmer B sells eggs.
What Farmer C sells?
Answer: Medicine
(Because Farmer C = pharmacy)
- Anonymous

Teacher: John, can you form a sentence using the words 'defeat', 'deduct', 'defence' and 'detail'?
John: Defeat of deduct went over defence before detail. (The feet of the duck went over the fence before the tail.)
- I.L. (9)

This picture is my class. I everyday stay back and sweet the floor. So I draw this picture. I hope I can win the prize. I do all the things. And I do until 10:30 p.m.
- L.W.K.

ABC
CID
Police catch you
I happy.
- J.K.


The king destroyed the world
The queen destroyed the town
But I destroy your book
By writing upside down.
- J.K.


Why was the computer sad?
It had hardware, software, but no underwear.
- Anonymous

Roses are red
Violets are blue
I thought I was ugly
Until I saw you.
- J.K.

Craving for more? You can find them here, here and here. And if you still haven't had enough, there's more here and here.




41 comments:

Sneha said...

phirst.... but some of them are funny... like
//Why did the maid jump into the sea?
She wanted to meet her sister the mer-maid.
- H.Y.M. (10)

hahahahahahahahah

kids say the darnest things... really!

HOTWINTER said...

Im the 2nd one this time. Will comment later..... :-)

HOTWINTER said...

These can be published in one special issue of your magazine naming them "The Unpublishables".

Parents would love to read them.

Deepu said...

Hahahaha cute post

man i like all things kids. what a cute job u have sayesha.

i wish i am as lucky as you :)

The Reporter said...

Hilarious! Loved them! :D

The Girl Who Sold The World said...

Row row row your boat
Gently down the stream
Throw your enemy out
and watch the way he scream


HAHAHAHA! How simply wicked! I looooooved this one! :P
Priceless entry...I'm gonna save it. Geez, kids are annoying but they are funny too! :D

Don't mention my school and my age pls!!!! Plz!! I beg you!
ROTFL!!! :D

Raam Pyari said...

//Row row row your boat
Gently down the stream
Throw your enemy out
and watch the way he scream

hahahhahahahhahhaha
hahhahahahahhahaha
hahahahhahahahahhah
hahhahahahahhahahah
hahahahhahahahhahaha*

//This picture is my class. I everyday stay back and sweet the floor. So I draw this picture. I hope I can win the prize. I do all the things. And I do until 10:30 p.m
hahahhahahahah
hahahahhahah
hahahhahahah
hahahahhahah

maxxxxxxxxx phhhuuuunnnnnnyyy

!xobile said...

ahahahhaahah
hahahaha
hahahah


mast tha yaar sayesha!!!

esp yeh waala
Did you hear about the very well-behaved little boy? Whenever he was especially good, his dad would give him a dollar and three pats on his head. By the time he was 16, he had 1600 dollars in his bank, but he was only 90 cm tall!

but this was the besttttt

Why are birds poor?
Because money don't grow on tree.

Abhishek Upadhyay said...

Goodness,

i laughed like anything.
//Kick the Table,Kick the chair
Kick the principal if you dare.

Hahahahaha....

You have really got a small treasure.Its simply wonderful.Lets exchange our job.....if thats fine with you.

Macho Girl said...

haha! this post reminds me of several lame jokes that we used to crack. Stuff like that butterfly joke were pretty common. There was this other joke about someone taking jam in traffic to see traffic jam. But these unpublishables are just too cute!

//What walks on four in the morning, two in the afternoon and three in the evening?
A man.

That one sounds very philosophical!!!!! Wonder where he/she got it from!

Rohit Talwar said...

Kick the table
Kick the chair
Kick the principal
If you dare.


WHAT THE HELL! Likhne ke liye kuch bhi likhenge! :D


And you are still wearing diapers
How shameful of you.

Man, they're creative. :D

Siddhu said...

Flatman and Ribbon! Hahahahahahahahaha

pandora said...

hahahahahahahaha...that was phunnny!! =))


[em]ps: Don't mention my school and my age pls!!!! Plz!! I beg you![/em]

was the req accepted? :)) Rotfl

pandora said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
pandora said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Clueless said...

Why did the piglet look in the toilet bowl?
It was looking for pooh.


Sometimes the stupidest things can make you laugh. I laughed at this for over 5 mins before I could regain my dignity and shut up! :D

What will you get if you put a white man between two black men?
Oreo


Yikes! Once, when a Chinese friend was sitting in between me and another Indian, we coined the name 'Oreo Cream' for her. We did it in good humour, of course, but this sounds disturbingly familiar. :P

Vikram said...

hahahahahaha.. too goood ...

//Why are birds poor?
Because money don't grow on tree.//

very very insightful.. hehe...:P

//What happened when the boy sat on a pin?
Nothing - it was a safety pin.//

This was just amazing... hahahaha

maan, sometimes kids really make you laugh like you have never laughed before...

direkishore said...

I have seen the word cute being used inappropriately most times, but these ones are really cute !!!!

Eclectic Blogger said...

that is a big collection.. but considering that they were written by kids, it aint bad at all actually..

chandu said...

[i]Why do people do not like to have fire in their office?
They do not want to be fired![/i]

roflol!!!! kidss.... aren't u loving the job of differentiating the unpublishables.

OuTlaW said...

hahahaha.. very cute. i am sure the book of unpublishables will be a huge hit, as was kids say the darnest things

shruti said...

awesome ...had a gala time reading those thingy...real cute..gives one gr8 insight into a child's man..and sometimes no one make laugh as a child does.

Naresh said...

Jeeeeeeeeeeesussssss!!! :O

whtz ur mag? An online link r sth?!
mail me at naresh.kodithala@gmail.com

bananapen said...

Hehehehe :D

naari said...

Some of these are actually funny while others are cute. Just anothe rexample that kids can be brutally honest or ignorably innocent and each time they get away saying the darnest things..:)

Sayesha said...

#Sneha,
Hahaha! You found that funny? I was like "Uhhh" when I read it first :D

#Hotwinter,
Nope, they're not getting published. There's a reason why they are filed in the 'Unpublishables' file :)

#Deepu,
Hehehe... yeah, my salary may suck, but things like these make my job rock! :P

#Coolcat,
:D

#World Girl,
I knew you would like the stream one! Is bhrasht dimaag ko aur kya achha lagega? :D

#RP,
Hahahaha! Baap re kitna hans rahi hai re! :D
ps: Noticed the 'sweet the floor' instead of 'sweep the floor'? Hahahaha! :D

#Tu Kaun,
Hehehe... thanks yaar! :D Was sure you'd comment with a shashtrya sangeet style 'ahahaha'! :D

#Abhishek,
//Lets exchange our job.....if thats fine with you.

You wish, buddy! :D

#Macho Girl,
//That one sounds very philosophical!!!!! Wonder where he/she got it from!

Exactly! I spent a lot of time trying to figure it out, but couldn't! :/

#Rohit,
//Man, they're creative.

You bet! :D

#Siddhu,
Kinda makes you imagine them after they've been run over by a steam roller, doesn't it? :D Sheesh! :O

#Neha,
Yes, their request was accepted here... you didn't notice? :)

#Clueless,
Hehehe... yes many of the letters are so disturbing, I often feel like calling up the parents and telling them that their kids need therapy :P

#Vikram,
//sometimes kids really make you laugh like you have never laughed before...

Yeah! :D

#Direkishore,
Hehehe... yeah they are! :)

#Eclectic Blogger,
They're all priceless! If I wasn't bound by rules, I'd publish many of them! :D I especially love the 'Nothing mash' one. The kid actually took pains to write it, put it in an envelope, write our address, stick a stamp and send that vry insightful lil note to us :)

#Chandu,
//aren't u loving the job of differentiating the unpublishables.

Totally! :D

#OuTlaW,
Yeah it would be a hit... what a pity they can't be published, hai na? :)

#Shruti,
Totally! The way kids think... man! :D

#Naresh,
Nope, there's no online link. You gotta come to Singapore to see it :)

#Banana,
:D

#Naari,
//kids can be brutally honest or ignorably innocent and each time they get away saying the darnest things..:)

Hehehe... well said! :)

scipio said...

I wonder why the one about
"What walks on four in the morning..." is unpublishable. This riddle is well known.
In case you didn't understand it(which I doubt), the riddle implies that Man walks on all fours at infancy (morning), two legs on adulthood (afternoon) and three (two legs and a walking stick/cane) during old age (evening)...

Sayesha said...

#Scipio,
Wow. Awesome. Didn't know that. :) The reason why it is unpublishable is that it is perhaps too profound for the age level that our magazine targets. The page for which the entry was sent does not carry such deep profound stuff. It has light-hearted, easy-to-understand, fun riddles and jokes for the kids. And 'explaining' the riddle would totally mess it up :)

its me said...

hahahha. one of the best posts i have read in recent times... cuteeeee

Swathi said...

they were so funny and when we read the age of the kids ,they r very cuteh.

Sayesha said...

#Its_you,
Hehehe... thanks! :D

#Swathi,
:)

Rebellion said...

WOW..
Awesome one yaar...
Kids are sooooooo cute :)
Loved many of them and your job too.. am kind of envying you Sayesha for such a sweet job :p
Good good.. enjoyyyyy
Take care,
God Bless You,
Aarti :D

Sayesha said...

#Aarti,
Hehehe... thanks yaar! Don't envy me too much man... my job has its stresses too.. the magazine is is just one of the things I do... the other stuff often drives me nuts :)

Angelsera said...

"What do you get when you add 1 homework assignment and 1 homework assignment?
2 much homework"

I loved ths one...it is true!!!!

Rebellion said...

hehehe..
Just kidding dear...
No doubts that no job is perfect but ya.. This is one part of your job which definitely lowers your stress :)
Great going.. Keep writing..
Take care,
Aarti :)

raj said...

"How do you make a glow worm happy?
Cut off its tail, it will be de-lighted"
"What is the longest word in the dictionary?
Elastic, because it stretches"

Hey! Those are just pure genius. Why is that unpublishable - yeah, PJs but off-the-cuff ones and these can only be original.
The Pretty Ugly, Enemy Scream were good,too. You dont publish PJ's?

Sayesha said...

#Angelsera,
Hehehe... yeah both of us are victims of 2 much homework, isn't it? :P

#Aarti,
//This is one part of your job which definitely lowers your stress :)

Hehehe... yeah, that's true! :)
Thanks, girl! :)

#Raj,
Actually we receive too many good jokes, which is why we have to filter out the bad ones... we do try to publish some (original) PJs once in a while though :)

Angelsera said...

ya ...but now sshh...no talk of Homework...3 months vacation from assignments :D

Sayesha said...

#Angelsera,
Righto!! :D

~ | | OM | | ~ said...

:D


awesome !!!

Anonymous said...

This is very interesting site... Asbestos cancer mesothelioma law firm mesothelioma32 2nd mortgage rates gayporno for body builders