Wednesday, May 10, 2006

What a catch!

What's your type?

Err... my type?

My type changes.

I had a phase where I was completely smitten by guys who were into music, and could play the guitar.

Then there was the phase where I used to find guys from non-hindi speaking states, speaking hindi fluently, extremely sexy.

Then came the phase where I was totally gone for geeks who could fix my computer.

Lately, I have been particularly obsessed with the academic kind... you know, the nerd type.

These phases can range from mild respect to slight crush to a more severe form of worship.

However, when I was told I had to go and meet this author Dr Chang (name changed to avoid libel suits), I wasn't particularly interested. His name just did not sound interesting enough. Anyway, to confirm the appointment, I googled him to find his phone number. I found the details on his institute's website - complete with a photo of him. And when I saw that photo, I stopped in my tracks. Sheesh! Realising that I needed a second opinion, I sent it to a colleague. "Would you expect a Dr Chang to look like this???" I asked. She was very amused.

But then, perhaps it was some ye olde pic from his early twenties, I told myself.

On the morning of the meeting, as I sat in the cafe and waited for him, I had no idea what I was in for. Suddenly I spotted this chap in jeans and a casual shirt walking towards me. He waved to me from a distance, and I sat there in shock.

It took me a while to remember my manners.

"Hi, I'm Sayesha. WHAT???? HOW CAN YOU BE DR CHANG? AREN'T ALL DR CHANGS SUPPOSED TO BE OLD AND FAT AND BALDING???"

Luckily I managed to withhold the part in capital letters. Phew.

How can someone called Dr Chang be not only so young, but so cute as well? How how how?? Where was the catch? What was the catch?

But the most shocking part came when he started speaking. What clarity of thought, what intelligence. Every word of his made perfect sense. I was floored. How many of those do they make these days???

As we talked, he bought me coffee. Darn. As the publisher's representative, I was supposed to buy him coffee. But I let him buy the coffee. Because I felt like a little girl who had just bumped into a famous movie star. Would you say NO if John Abraham offers to buy you coffee???

Diversion alert.

Some time ago, I watched a crappy movie called Bowfinger. It was really crappy. (Wait, I've already said that.) Yeah, so the crappy movie had only one good thing about it. It taught me the concept of "it". "It" is a quality that very few people have. If someone has "it", everyone stops what they are doing and look at the person with "it". you're interested in every word they say, every move they make. Dr Chang surely had "it". I was interested in every little thing he had to say. I was observing every little move he made, from the way he stirred his coffee to the way he was flipping my business card between his fingers as he spoke.

Thankfully, I did not minute all that down.

He spoke at length about the education system in Singapore, about how parents and teachers are partly to blame for kids' careless mistakes, by always providing a checkpoint, which reduces accountability and responsibility on the kids' part. He spoke about what teachers really need. He spoke about publishers' dilemmas when deciding to publish books.

He understood every aspect of what he was talking about. He made you understand every aspect of what he was talking about. I was really impressed.

So I came back to the office, and immediately started gushing to the colleague. The same one who had earlier been subjected to the torture of playing the extremely immature 'let's guess his age' game with me.

"You know, this guy I had the meeting with.. is such a dude! He not only looks younger than the pic I showed you yesterday, he's cute too! And he was dressed as if he was all set out to go out after work, you know, typical friday night guy type. And guess what? He can talk! He's brilliant! I mean, he doesn't even need to be intelligent man... he's that cute! And a phD on top of that! This guy is so freakin brainy... blah blah blah... " I went on and on and on.

My colleague was smiling by now. "Ah... mild crush, I see." She said.

I stopped in my tracks.

*Gulp*

Crush?? Mild crush?? What if she was right?? A crush???? I can't have a crush on my author! Now don't get me wrong here. Just like any other human being, I love having crushes. I believe that they make the world so rosy, they make you wake up with a smile on your face. Even though it's all only temporary. But I don't like the idea of having a crush on someone you're gonna encounter now and then, thus having the risk of saying something stupid in front of them. Crushes must be a certain kind. Recently, a very cute dutch guy joined my company, but he's so damn nice and approachable that one can't possibly have a crush on him. Like I always say, your crushes should be completely unapproachable. Or they should have an attitude problem. So you can dismiss them as being arrogant and move on.

I couldn't afford to have a crush on Dr Chang. I gotta work with him. Darn. I knew I had to find something to kill the crush. There must be a catch, a flaw, somewhere. There had to be.

So I sent out my spies in all directions to dig out all the info on him, and to trace the catch that I knew was definitely there.

"I refuse to have a crush on him." I told myself.

Soon, one of the spies called back.

"Sayesha, I have some bad news for you."

"Hmmm.. he's married and has four kids?"

"Ummm... actually worse than that..."

What could be worse? That he was actually 60 and was wearing a wig and a paunch-concealer?

"Tell me. I can take it."

"He's... errr... gay..."

"YIPPEE!!! That's awesome!" I said.

"Huh?" She was shocked. "You're happy about that??"

"Yeay!!! He's gay!!! Thanks for the great news!" I said, and hung up on the very puzzled spy of mine.

He's gay. Now I don't have to worry. Now I can work with him in peace.



57 comments:

Anonymous said...

Just to say

GOLD!!!

Liz

Anonymous said...

muahahaha....im having fun here....first one at the bar
maybe for the first and last time...

and the reaction to your post is:
whyyyyyyyy
whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy
whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy
why should there be a catch?
why cant they be perfect?
(not offending gays here)....

and oh...
silver too (sparkly grin) :D

Duhita said...

Wow, I have never done this before, but have always seen others ramble away...bronze?!?!?!:)

Aah....crushes do make the day all the more fun, don't they? Hey he's cute and gay, it will definitely be great working with him. Enjoy the brains behind him!:)

Anonymous said...

LOL. hehehe. they say all the good ones are either taken, married or gay. so darn true.

Ajay said...

hmm.. so you were more worried that he might start liking you ;)

that explains your happiness
in the man'z gayness

or yer just happy cos no other lucky girl could be with him :)

hmm.. interesting though,
its common thot in the US that any man whoz nice, sweet, well-dressed, cute and not married or in a relationship has to be gay.

Am feeln real bad abt tat
wat happens to ppl like us :)

Rays Of Sun said...

Ohhh..So this was the "Handsome PhD" you were going to set me up with:O
A Gay:X(

The Girl Who Sold The World said...

Darn it. Meri kismat kharab ho gayi yaar. Missed ny Gold again. X-(
Okay, just gotta say, I'm here before TGFI. Now, lemme read. :D

Girl next door said...

If it's sounds too good to be true, it probably is. But damn, this man sounds wonderful.

The Girl Who Sold The World said...

ROTFL!!! Awesome post! Hahahaha, maybe some day you can tell your kids about "your crush who was gay". :P But this IS cool...having a crush on someone who you know you're not gonna get. That's why I'm happy being smitten by my cute French teacher. :D You can dream on and on about the person without actually losing control. :P
One of my friends on MSN once had a display pic with this written on it: "All nice men are ugly. All handsome men are arrogant. And all nice and handsome men are gay." Hehehe.
By the way, is homosexuality legal in Singapore?

HOTWINTER said...

I know that its bad to comment about somone whom I dont know and who is someone older, still I have something to say about Dr. Chang.

Dr. Chang is a cannibal. So Sayesha what if some Dr. Chang someday cooks you and eats you up?

So better not have a crush on him.

//That he was actually 60 and was wearing a wig and a paunch-concealer? Yeay!!! He's gay!!!
Thst was the funniest part.

You can have a crush on the 10th man that you see tomorrow while on the way to work, after stepping out of your home. BOL?

Vikram said...

@The Girl,

Why do you think I keep diverting your attention by talking about Big Bad Wolf? Just so that you miss getting your gold here. Muhahahaha. I rule.

@ Sayesha,

hahahaha, that was awesome. Who are these spies? Can I use them to find out something about women too? ;)

Thank you, thank you. I know you will not refuse this request.

Anonymous said...

mayb ur frnd told u dat bcoz u were soo desperately lukin4 a catch..u cant b 2 sure babe..;-)(Wicked laugh}!!

bananapen said...

Hehehe I knew I'd see this here sooner or later ;)

The Girl Who Sold The World said...

@Big Bad Wolf:
Grrr...dekh loongi. Now, I'm definitely putting that spitting plot into action. Dekh lena...puri milegi bhi toh gandi waali, WOLF! X-( And no kurkure, no namkeen nothing. And just to make you jealous, I had yummmyyyy Palak Paneer today. Muahahahaha. By the way, did you know that I had kheer in dessert? Isi liye itna time laga waapis aane mein. :P Are you jealous yet?
And Sayesha, don't help him with the spies! See, he made me miss my gold, TWICE! Hmph!

Meena said...

Sheesh! why are all good looking guys Gay these days??!! :o(

Rohit Talwar said...

Damn. This brought back an incident. :|

Last year in October..I was a part of this five-day-camp.. And students from across the country participated. There was this girl--typical bindaas looks, awesome attitude, and carried tons of Beatles discs with her, like I do, err, obviously I noticed it.
And we started talking the first night itself--dinner--then beer--then coffee later in the night. Everyone slept...and we kept talking--smoked together--and all of that. This continued...and that time I was single...:P And she was from the same city!!!
I had a crush on her.
Last day of the camp: I saw her making out with her girlfriend...when everyone had slept. Eeew.. Thank God we never exchanged numbers. :D

naari said...

So this one is gay..well I remember a few others. The cute Mauritian who had a twin, the handsome chap in final year whose gf was the uni queen, our very own 'genie' who was another 'Can a Dr Chang look like this case'. These ar the evergreen ones in my memory. Do you recollect any others?

Vikram said...

Rohit, quick, find out where she lives for me. OK?

She and her girlfriend both. I want their addresses by dawn.

hehe.. :P

Janefield said...

Arre yaar, kya a(u)ntiwaali climax dilaya yaar end mein itna build up ke baad! Wonder if Dr.Chang has a blog and if he wrote a post about you! :)

Kroopa Shah (Kr00pz) said...

LOL, now that is hilarious. Like they say- all the perfect guys are either taken or gay!!
And BTW, I would probably drop dead if John Abraham bought me coffee. :-P

raven said...

buddy... you're crazy. I repeat - C.R.A.Z.Y.

waise keep up this excellent series of posts.... I'm lovin' it :)

dharmu said...

ha ha ha, a gay ?
well, it happened to me too, i have this huge bull dog sized crush on guy,*ahem*
and he turned out to be a gay.
*sob*
but i was kinda happy, u know...

um... uh...am... he happened ot be my um...boss ?

shub said...

arrey yaar get me a job in ur office I'll tweak the gay one straight ;o)

Sayesha said...

#Liz,
:D

#Anonymous,
Oops, Liz beat you by 11 minutes! :D

//why should there be a catch?

There is always a catch, my friend. A guy who's good looking AND intelligent AND interesting??? There has to be a catch. :D

#Duhita,
Yeah, crushes are a lifelong fundamental right of every individual whether he/she is single or not. :)

#Anonymous,
Hehehe.. yeah! :)

#Ajay,
//so you were more worried that he might start liking you ;)

WHAT?? No! My concern is that it is difficult to work with someone whom you have a crush on! :)

#ROS,
Arre yaar! I didn't know then! :P I tried to set you up with him before I met him yaar! I thought phd PhD-PhD nice jodi... hehehe :P

#World Girl,
You're losing it man! Hahaha! :D

#Girl Next Door,
Yeah! But I don't feel all crushy-crushy anymore. He's become just another author for me now. Phew! :)

#World Girl,
//having a crush on someone who you know you're not gonna get. That's why I'm happy being smitten by my cute French teacher. :D You can dream on and on about the person without actually losing control. :P

Well said! I strongly believe in it too! Your crushes should be totally unattainable! :D

//By the way, is homosexuality legal in Singapore?

Nope, it isn't yet. I mean, there are gay people here, but gay expression is curbed.

#Hotwinter,
//Dr. Chang is a cannibal. So Sayesha what if some Dr. Chang someday cooks you and eats you up?

//You can have a crush on the 10th man that you see tomorrow

Uhhh... Why would you suddenly say that?? Man, you say weird things, you know. :/

#Vikram,
Tujhe spies ki kya zaroorat? I thought the stud Viks knew his way around chicks? ;)

#Anonymous,
Nope, because my spy had no idea I was looking for a 'catch'. That's why she was so shocked when I was happy about him being gay. :)

#Banana,
Hahaha! Yeah, you're part of too many incidents that make their way to my blog! :D

#World Girl,
Wolf... kheer... sheesh. Tum dono out-of-bar settlement kar lo baba.

#Meena,
Hahahaha! Beats me! I have seen two this year! :D

#Rohit,
Hahahaha! :D

#Naari,
Haha! You've seen me thr most of my university day crushes eh? ;) The Mauritian guy (oh man! Whatta hunk!) and Dr Tjin... whoala... hey that uni queen's bf was just cute... I didn't really have a crush on him... but the Mauritian guy... oh man! :D

#Vikram,
Kya hua hunk? Girls have been ignoring you so bad that you wanna become a lesbian now? :D

#The Chosen One,
Hahaha! Aisa hi hota hai life mein toh! Sab baaton mein anti-climax ho jata hai! :)

#Kroopa,
//I would probably drop dead if John Abraham bought me coffee.

Hehehe... me too :P

#Raven,
Errr... Thanks? :P

#Dharmu,
Crush on boss???? Sheesh!!!! That's a strict NO-NO! I am so glad for you that he is gay!!! :D

#Shub,
Hehehehe! If only things like that happened... :P

Angelsera said...

This is one hilarious post...

And jus on the note of crushes..even I find guys from Non-Hindi speaking states speaking fluent hindi very sexy :)

Vikram said...

//Girls have been ignoring you so bad that you wanna become a lesbian now? :D//

How can i become a lesbian? huh? huh? huh?

I wouldn't mind knowing some lesbians. ;)

Sayesha said...

#Angelsera,
Hahaha! *Same pinch!* :)

#Viks,
//How can i become a lesbian? huh? huh? huh?

Where there's a will, there's a way. :|

//I wouldn't mind knowing some lesbians. ;)

The question here is - do they wanna know you? ;)

Vikram said...

//Where there's a will, there's a way. :|//

Huh? Just what do you mean? How can I BECOME a lesbian? huh? :P

Oh, don't worry about them knowing me. I can take care of that. :P

Sayesha said...

#Viks,
Offo tu na... dhakkan hai bilkul! What I meant was - Agar tu apne aap ko singer keh sakta hai, toh duniya mein kuchh bhi ho sakta hai! Including you becoming a lesbian... khair jaane de... the more I say it, the more moronic it sounds... Offo maar dala dil ki khushi ko... chewing gum ko tarah kheench diya joke ko. Mil gayi santushti? Ab chup hoke baith ja! :/

The Girl Who Sold The World said...

Nope, it isn't yet. I mean, there are gay people here, but gay expression is curbed.
Then, maybe, maybe, maybe...you friend/colleague is lying? :P
*The Girl is happy for having raised Sayesha's hopes*

I wouldn't mind knowing some lesbians. ;)
Poor, poor, big bad wolf...aaj kal iske din bur chal rahe lagte hain. :P

Rohit Talwar said...

Vikram,
I know her man.. Delhi aaja.. milwa deta hun! :P

Raju Bathija said...

Very amusing post :).

Vikram said...

:(

*vey sad*

@ The Girl,

I'll get back at you. Bachke kahan jayegi. X-(

Abhi said...

haha ! Looks like I need to find this guy's number now . * Sayesha sighs and thinks "Ok , so abhi is safe to work with too".*

The Girl Who Sold The World said...

@Vikram:
Bachke kahan jaoongi? Khana khane...accha waala...jo U.S. mein kam milta hai. Like, puri, kachori, paani-puri, kheer, chana-bhatura.....are you hungry yet? :P

Somya said...

lol...too good...even I used to avoid my crushes like anything..and if somehow I used to interact with them..it used to be in most formal manner so that they have no idea whats going on in my mind. My faves are still nerds wid old world charm.

its me said...

hahaha. crushes are good.
". I believe that they make the world so rosy, they make you wake up with a smile on your face. Even though it's all only temporary"
that is sooo correct

smehow most of my crushes know that i had a crush on them.. Thanks to all my friends..

Bhaarat said...

Married, has four children and gay? Interesting.....

Do u know in a recent survey a PhD guy working as a Professor in New York was voted as most handsome person in USA. Never take PhDs fr granted.


Cheers
A PhD

lil _kath said...

..hehe you're crazy ^_^
... i'll pinch you Kawaii :D


-kathy-

Nirwa said...

It's so sad that all good men are either taken or they're gay! :-(

Well, hopefully, not all!! :D

Aaah.. crushes.. I keep falling in and out of them! :-)

Nice post! :D

Nirwa

Prayank said...

really really funny

i wish i had some spy network which cud tell me abt all the girls around ...

Harshi said...

Adorable post!!! :)

The Smiling Girl said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Shriedhar said...

so,sayesha got fooled by some damn wig n all tht :D

i din think sayesha can be fooled tht easily :)

Rebellion said...

hehehe.. Good one Sash :-)

Really amusing! So sweetly, like an innocent kid you were trying to make yourself actually believe that there'd definitely be a catch somewhere.. :-)

//"I refuse to have a crush on him." I told myself.
hehehe :))

And the last part.. It made me ROFLing.. it was soooo cute hehe :D

Great one yaar.. just tooooo cute :)

Take care,
Aarti

HOTWINTER said...

//Uhhh... Why would you suddenly say that?? Man, you say weird things, you know. :/

Thank you Sayesha. I am a fan of yours. Not a great fan as others would claim themselves to be. So I hope you can at least tolerate such weird comments from just a small fan of urs. :-)

Sayesha said...

#World Girl,
//*The Girl is happy for having raised Sayesha's hopes*

You didn't get my point baby. I did not have any hopes in the first place. I was looking for a reason not to have a crush. So the gay thing works. Whether it's true or not is something I don't care about :)

#Rohit,
Tu bhi na... aur bigaad Viks ko! :D

#Raju,
Thanks :)

#Viks,
Sad kyun hai baby? Smiley maar! :)

#Hitler ki aatma,
Safety?????????????? Safety was never the issue here, dude! Sheesh!!! Dhakkan hai tu bhi! :)

#World Girl,
Guess what? I am getting immune to this tactic of yours. Muahahaha! :D

#Somya,
//it used to be in most formal manner so that they have no idea whats going on in my mind.

Exactly! :D

#Its me,
Yeah man... friends are so jobless... they HAVE to go and blabber it all out! :/

#Dr. Bhaarat,
Arre he's not married and has four kids! At least not that I know of. That was just my guess. :)
ps: PhDs are the 'in thing' this season! ;)

#Kathy,
And I will punch you.
Muahahaha! :D

#Nirwa,
Yeah... I'm sure married people also get crushes, they just don't admit it... crushes are harmless fun! :)

#Prayank,
Thanks :)
Gotta create your network man... in these matters, they are the fastest source of info! ;)

#Harshi,
Welcome back, babe! Missed ya! :)
And thanks :)

#Preethi,
//And it was so tough for me to listen to his class without admiring his style...

This is unbelievable!! I had the exact same problem every now and then during my meeting with Dr Chang! :O
ps: He's shorter than me too! Yippeee! :)

#Shriedhar,
Huh?? Wig?? What wig??? There was no wig, dude! It was all real :)

#Aarti,
Hey, you're back!! Welcome back! :)
Thanks! :)

#Hotwinter,
Hmmm... chal is baar maaf kiya, but the next time you call any of my crushes a cannibal, teri khair nahin! :D

Siddhu said...

Lol!! Girls actually like geeky/nerdy types? So, maybe there's a hope for those of us who aren't named Raj Malhotra/Rahul Singh/*insert sexy sounding male name* driving flashy cars , wearing skin hugging tees and boogying at de disco.

Loved the way the post ended!!!

Siddhu said...

Replying to the previous comment, I would act get into trouble with the tams - cuz I said Malayalam is Tamil++/Tamil version 2.0/Tamil Highly Improved! ;) ;)

Sayesha said...

#Siddhu,
Yeah man... geeks/nerds are 'in' this season. Capitalise on it, buddy! ;) Before a geek called Raj Malhotra swoops in! :D

//I would act get into trouble with the tams

Hahaha! Oh yeah! I thought it implied that Malayalam was created out of Tamil! :P

Shekhar said...

Stumped. A trifle expected, but still....stumped !! *stumped luk*

vish said...

ROTFL ! :)))

Sayesha said...

#Shekhar,
Your profile photo does not match your words man! :)

#Vish,
:D

Dev said...

Heya Sayesha... me back on ur blog after a loooooooong time...
Starting where I left off. Still have about 30 posts to read (heh heh)
Let's see how much I can finish today ;)

The "It" thing... yeah truly! :)

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