Monday, May 15, 2006

Bait and watch

So I was having dinner with a bunch of friends, when one of the guys said, "Sayesha, let's go to Ministry of Sound after this!"

"I can't... It's almost 10... I have work tomorrow, gotta get up at 6 man.." I sighed. Typical weeknight story of my life.

"Oh, come on!!" He insisted.

"Seriously yaar... I can't... you guys go ahead na..."

"But you have to come with us yaar... you're the bait." He said with a straight face.

"I'm the... what???!!!!"

"The bait, yaar!"

"The bait??? The bait for???????"

"Bait for the hot chicks yaar."

"WHAT??!!"

"Yeah, if you come with us, we'll be able to pick up some hot chicks at MoS."

"What are you talking about man?" I was stumped.

"Arre yaar, if there's a chick with a bunch of guys, the other chicks will approach the guys and dance with them."

"Huh?? Why??? Shouldn't my being with you hamper your chances of picking up the hot chicks? Wouldn't they think I was your girlfriend or something?"

'Nahin yaar... it doesn't work that day. If there's a girl among us, the hot chicks will know that we're decent guys."

Guys and their theories.

"Uhhh... okay...." I said, not amused and not convinced.

"So you're coming?"

"No way, man. You think I'll sacrifice my sleep to be 'bait' for you guys?"

Sheesh.

And I thought I was done with my share of helping out my guy friends, when I was in school. You know the usual bakwaas you have to do to help the lovesick romeos? - "Don't worry, aunty, it's an all girls' picnic. I'll be with Shreya all the time." and "Uncle, could you drop Anu at my place? Exams are almost here and we wanna do joint studies..." and "Hello, Shikha hai?" and then pass the phone to the bf, etc. Yes, I have done nonsense like that in school. But never before had I been considered as 'bait'!

BAIT!!!


Fast forward couple of days. A dear friend was in town, and a bunch of us were digging into chilli crabs at Boat Quay when someone suggested a party, complete with a stripper.

"Count me out, guys..." I said.

"No, you have to come!" One of them insisted.

"Why???"

"We got the discount last time because of you!"


Sheesh.

Yes yes, I remember. Sigh.

It was Christmas night. We decided to combine it with our friend's bachelor party. I'm still reeling from the antics of the stripper we'd called. And on some levels, I shall never recover from being the only girl there. Apart from her, of course.

I remember the whole damn conversation my friend had over the phone with the escort agency.

"8 guys... yeah... and oh, there's a girl too... so how much? Latina stripper? Okay... Yeah yeah... 8 guys... but there's a girl too, you see... no no, not another stripper... she's another friend... "

Sheesh. Thanks for the clarification, dude.

Of course she thought I was a lesbian.

More so when my dear friend told her, "Perhaps you should give the lady here a lap dance."

The stripper had deposited her ass on my beautiful black dress even before I could say, "The lady here would very much like the lady there to stay as far away from her as possible."

Oh man. She sat on my Christmas cap - the one that had blinking lights! I had to leave it behind.

And you know how stupid songs start playing in your head when stupid things are happening to you?

Last Christmas I gave you my cap...
But the very next minute, you were sittin' on it...


I managed a straight face through most of my ordeal, but later, as she casually sauntered over to the balcony in her birthday suit to get some fresh air as if it was the most normal thing to do, I was a little more than shocked. I'm sure she must have had at least ten binoculars from neighbouring buildings on her.

Luckily, time heals all wounds. I've managed to shake off most of the not-so-pleasant memories. But to this day, I can never listen to the song 'Lady in red' the same way again.

So yes, apparently they'd got a big discount because of my presence.

But I was so not going for another one.

"Man, a stripper gave you a lap dance. Darn, I so wish I'd seen your expression when that happened. You have to come for this one!" Insisted another friend.

"Sorry guys, I've had enough three-dimensional female nudity for a lifetime. I'm done. "

"But the discount..?"

To hell with the discount. Chal chal hawa aane de.

Watch out, gals. Are your guy friends using you as bait/discount-cards? :/



49 comments:

Anonymous said...

gold!!!!

Aditya said...

silver!!

Raju Bathija said...

Bronze!!!

shub said...

ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!
too much mental imagery there! :S

scipio said...

This is the funniest post by a female that I have ever read (of course, I may not be reading too many of them)...

Maybe so coz itz so 'guy' funny??!! :)

The "Last Christmas..." bit had me ROFL

The Girl Who Sold The World said...

By the way, that was me, the "anonymous" who took the gold. :P Had to run off for snacks. Ab hum post padhenge. ;)

Rohit Talwar said...

Ok. We've done all this. Ahem, not for stippers, though. :D You know how it works at clubs.. :D

Girls help a million times :P

Err... Even I want to know....infact I am almost picturing what had happened..
And believe me.. IT'S THE FUNNIEST EVER! :D

Who else has already pictured her like that Ahem, Join the gang. :P

The Girl Who Sold The World said...

HAHAHAHAHA!!! What a cool theory! "Bait"...lol. Sayesha, the bait. Hehe...sounds even more hilarious. :P
no no, not another stripper... she's another friend...
Hehehehe...I'm trying to imagine the look of scepticism on the other guy's face. :P
But come on, bait...I mean, Sayesha, :P help your friends! Let them have the discount atleast. They'll tell their kids in future, "You know child, she's a true friend. She helped us get a discount when your daddy and his other friends desperately needed a strip show and she was the one to help us out. Ah, may she be blessed!". :P

Are your guy friends using you as bait/discount-cards?
Errr...not yet. :P But thankee for warning me beforehand. ;)

The Girl Who Sold The World said...

@Rohit:
Who else has already pictured her like that Ahem, Join the gang. :P
*Raises hand*
Yes, yes, count me in. I've already pictured her like that. Hahaha. Funny. :P

Raam Pyari said...

hahahahahhaahahahah
hahahahhahahahaah
*pauses to catch her breath*
hahahhahahahah

gosh!!1 that wz soooo funny!!!
a lap dance?
A LAP DANCE???
A LAP DANCE
hahahhahahahhahahha
hhahahahahhahha
thanks to ur post ..all the business process re engg crap I had been mugging up since morning is washed out now!!!!!!

p.s Lap dance?
hahahahhahahahahahhahahah

Somya said...

too good sayesha....I have been used as a bait by my friends so many times but nothing like ur experiences...they know i'd kill them even if they'll suggest something similar.

Meena said...

Lol!! Sooo sad for poor 'lil Sayesha!! Lap dance? Mama mia!!! heheheheehehehehhe
And oh! ehehehehehheheheh :o)

Siddhu said...

Are discounts a global phenomenon? Or is it only in Singapore?

If it's global, excuse me while I make a few phone calls for a discount card. ;)

And the bait theory works, honestly. They ain't crapping... :P Not that I do anything in a club but be the wallflower watching the others dance - but I've seen friends luck out thanks to that! :P All-guy crowds are immediately regarded with disdain by girls in lcubs, i guess. They think,'despo bastards/CS students - screw them'

Abhishek Upadhyay said...

Oh Sayesha,

you do so many things for your friends.Those are the lucky guys.

Restless said...

~laughs~...sayesha the bait!!!

well, i had some kinda similar experience...but i guess..u go a lil(pun intended;) overboard while helping out ur frnds!!!

RP said...

sayesha the bait,
this was the best laughter post i read ever. i am serious. the best post. esp these...

And on some levels, I shall never recover from being the only girl there. Apart from her, of course.
:-)

"8 guys... yeah... and oh, there's a girl too... so how much? Yeah yeah... 8 guys... but there's a girl too, you see... no no, not another stripper... she's another friend... "
:-D

Of course she thought I was a lesbian.
**rp rolling on the groud vid laughter**

nice post sayesha. seriously very nice post. continue yer good work.

Sayesha said...

#Anonymous, Aditya, Raju,
Errr.. congrats? :D

#Shub,
Soch mat, bache, soch mat. Bas padh aur patli gali se kat le! :D

#Scipio,
:D

#World Girl,
//By the way, that was me, the "anonymous" who took the gold.

Haan haan, bole le. Teri toh kheti hai na yahan par? :D

#Rohit,
Bahut maza aa raha hai na picturising me enduring the lap dance? I wish a male stripper does the same to you. :|
I will then sit and clap in glee. :D

#World Girl,
Koi zaroorat nahin itna help karne ki. Himmat-e-mardaan... te madad-e-khuda! :D

#Raam Pyari,
Eh chup! Kya khi khi kar rahi hai?? Mausi ko ya hamri ma ko mat batana! :/

#Somya,
//they know i'd kill them even if they'll suggest something similar.

See? Now you see how nice I am to those dhakkans? :)

#Meena,
Laugh all you want, bacha. Some day you will have to sit thru one. :D

#Siddhu,
//They think,'despo bastards/CS students - screw them'

Hahahahaha! :D

#Abhishek,
Sigh... Maine Pyaar Kiya se ek dialogue maarna hi hoga - dosti ki hai, nibhani toh padegi.
*angelic smile*

#Restless,
Errr... I guess so! Darn. :/

#RP,
Thanks :)

The Girl Who Sold The World said...

Haan haan, bole le. Teri toh kheti hai na yahan par? :D
Of course...main sab kucch ugati hoon yahan par. Bolo kya chahiye? :P

And a male stripper in Rohit's lap? HAHAHAHA! I'll also clap in glee. :P Muahahaha.

Raam Pyari said...

oye bahin
tohar swagat karr diya..humar bilog parr jao, *jab bhi time mile....


p.s. *=immediately, nahi toh dot dot dot

Shriedhar said...

funny :)

Rohit Talwar said...

You think! In your dreams. :P

I wouldn't mind if it was a female :D

The_Girl_From_Ipanema said...

yes i've done silliest things for my guy-friends always under the pretext of "being one of them". But a female stripper would've been too traumatic for me..

must warn ya, this bait-giri will also lower your own chances when you're out there...just sayin'.

psst sayesha..good job on the anonymous comment. ;) sab kuch plan ke mutabik jaa raha hai.

The Girl Who Sold The World said...

sab kuch plan ke mutabik jaa raha hai.
X-( X-( X-(
*Seething with anger*
Sayesha, don't you dare cheat! X-( You've seen my craziness and evil nature, haven't you? :P *threatening grin*

ritzkini said...

:)))))
and for the first time..i was awake thru one of your posts !
Congratulations..on both the lap-dance and the keeping-me-awake !
:D

Lalit Singh said...

HAHAHAHA
sahi hain Bait n a lapdance bhi...
lols...

Lekin ek baat to sahi hain... if a girl is dancing with some guys then the other girls will think a) they are decent guys thats why that gal is wid them b) She is dancing alone with all those guys.. lets help her out

REVerenD said...

atleast now the readers know for sure that your straight!!! lol

umm and yeah the guy theory is right...a group of guys and a lone gal invariably attracts company from the fairer sex...

Inder said...

:-)

From when did girls started becoming the audience of bachelor parties?

Rebellion said...

Whoa Sash...

Lap dance & all?!! :P
*trying to control that naughty sheepish laugh* :P

But talk about being taken as a bait yaar.. M one of the biggest victim's, though gladly I didn't come across a situation like yours but am sure even if I would have..
I wouldn't be able to say a "no" :(

As you said.. I tend to believe way too much in 'Dosti ki hai, nibhani to padegi' :-|

Ek dum raapchik.. bole to.. massst post tha :D :P

hehehe..
Take care dear,
Aarti

chandu said...

roflol!!!!

Suds said...

Sahi post hai..:):) Bait.. LOL... and Lap dance.. LOL...:)

Enjoy

Nandya said...

damn!! girl...so where do u draw the line between friends ....wouldnt things be very confusing....and frankly what would really be inappropriate...at a point u get so comfortable with the other person that these lines get very blurry...

Ro said...

Have you ever had a more memorable Christmas? Admit it - you enjoyed it!

Sayesha said...

#World Girl,
//Bolo kya chahiye? :P

Pani puri! :P ~ ~ ~

#Raam Pyaari,
Padh liya padh liya. Thenkyu behin! :P

#Shriedhar,
:)

#Rohit,
//I wouldn't mind if it was a female

Sorry. Not available. For you especially.

#Ipanema Girl,
//But a female stripper would've been too traumatic for me..

You mean you would prefer a male stripper?? I think that would be MORE traumatic! :O

#World Girl,
Krodh tyaag de bachi. Sayesha is very fair. Fair and lovely. :D

#Ritzkini,
//and for the first time..i was awake thru one of your posts !

Haan haan, topic aapke interest ka hai toh jaagoge hi :)

#Lalit,
Hahahaha! Option (b) sahi hai! Bas ek change chahiye - instead of "lets help her out" it should be "let's rescue her" :D

#REVeredD,
//atleast now the readers know for sure that your straight!!!

You mean you had a doubt before?

#Inder,
//From when did girls started becoming the audience of bachelor parties?

Since the day guys have become mature enough to admit that they need help from us gals. ;)

#Aarti,
Heheheh... dosti ki khaatir kya kya karna padta hai man... :)

#Chandu,
:D

#Suds,
Long time no see! :)

#Nandya,
I don't see an issue here. What exactly do you mean by "so where do u draw the line between friends"?

#Ro,
Yes, it was the most memorable Christmas - sans the stripper. :)

//Admit it - you enjoyed it!

Dude, just because you enjoyed the sight of poor me being traumatised by her, doesn't mean I enjoyed it, does it? :)

dharmu said...

jeez, none of my guy friends were generous enough to invite me to a bachelor party. *hmpf* forget the lap dance.
lucky you!

i can imagine ur plight, the stripper must have had a great time for the next few weeks thinking baout you.
*ahem

T said...

Thanks Sayesha :)..for the discount ofcors!

Girl next door said...

I haven't thought of being used as bait, hasn't happened to me yet. Now, a lap dance from a stripper must be truly memorable!

Bhaarat said...

Hooray..... I have finally found a good friend. I dint know that u could help with this as well. I am getting desperate to befriend u. Please accept my friendship.... else "Mausi ko ya hamri ma ko mat batana!" invoke kar doonga. HAHAHAHAHA.

Me.... already started looking for a job in Singapore. :D

Drops Of Jupiter said...

Okay everyone on the comments space is rotfl-ing.

Maybe I am odd, but I don't find it funny at all that you'd be put in a position like that.I'd be thoroughly pissed off. Clubbing with guys is one thing, but this..

I'm assuming you weren't comfortable, Why did you put up with it?

jade said...

dono where guys get these weird ideas... i don rem checking out a guy becos he was with a chick.. a lot of them have told me that a girl's presence draws attention..
i dont get men...

JAB said...

I feel so used !!!
-JAB (just another bait)

Prayank said...

living thru it and then writing abt it ... kudos to u ...

a slightly dark and disturbing post ... but the last xmas lines are hilarious

Sayesha said...

#Dharmu,
//the stripper must have had a great time for the next few weeks thinking baout you.

Yikes! :O

#T,
Ah, finally someone comments on my blog without the anonymous garb! :) You're welcome, lekin no more of that nonsense!

#Girl next door,
Yeah it was truly memorable :)

#Bhaarat,
You wish! :D

#Jupiter,
Huh??? Who said I was 'put in a position' or that I 'put up with it'??? I willingly sat for the stripshow because I'd never seen one. That I didn't like it too much is another issue altogether. So there's nothing to be pissed off about :)

#Jade,
Guys have weird theories yaar! :)

#JAB,
Hahaha! :)

#Prayank,
Thanks :)

Kusum Rohra said...

The stripper gave u a lap dance!!! *shrudders*

Drops Of Jupiter said...

gee..okay =)

Eclectic Blogger said...

haha.. u got a lapdance!?

lol @ //Sheesh. Thanks for the clarification, dude.
//

the expression on ur face wud have been worth any money spent on an airticket from here.. :)

Sayesha said...

#Kusum,
:/

#Jups,
:)

#Eclectic,
No expression. I'm a fantastic actress, I can keep a straight face for upto 30 minutes of such torture. :D

Dev said...

"Perhaps you should give the lady here a lap dance."
Well, atleast your friends thought of you... perhaps they tht you felt left out :D

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