Bait and watch

So I was having dinner with a bunch of friends, when one of the guys said, "Sayesha, let's go to Ministry of Sound after this!"

"I can't... It's almost 10... I have work tomorrow, gotta get up at 6 man.." I sighed. Typical weeknight story of my life.

"Oh, come on!!" He insisted.

"Seriously yaar... I can't... you guys go ahead na..."

"But you have to come with us yaar... you're the bait." He said with a straight face.

"I'm the... what???!!!!"

"The bait, yaar!"

"The bait??? The bait for???????"

"Bait for the hot chicks yaar."

"WHAT??!!"

"Yeah, if you come with us, we'll be able to pick up some hot chicks at MoS."

"What are you talking about man?" I was stumped.

"Arre yaar, if there's a chick with a bunch of guys, the other chicks will approach the guys and dance with them."

"Huh?? Why??? Shouldn't my being with you hamper your chances of picking up the hot chicks? Wouldn't they think I was your girlfriend or something?"

'Nahin yaar... it doesn't work that day. If there's a girl among us, the hot chicks will know that we're decent guys."

Guys and their theories.

"Uhhh... okay...." I said, not amused and not convinced.

"So you're coming?"

"No way, man. You think I'll sacrifice my sleep to be 'bait' for you guys?"

Sheesh.

And I thought I was done with my share of helping out my guy friends, when I was in school. You know the usual bakwaas you have to do to help the lovesick romeos? - "Don't worry, aunty, it's an all girls' picnic. I'll be with Shreya all the time." and "Uncle, could you drop Anu at my place? Exams are almost here and we wanna do joint studies..." and "Hello, Shikha hai?" and then pass the phone to the bf, etc. Yes, I have done nonsense like that in school. But never before had I been considered as 'bait'!

BAIT!!!

Fast forward couple of days. A dear friend was in town, and a bunch of us were digging into chilli crabs at Boat Quay when someone suggested a party, complete with a stripper.

"Count me out, guys..." I said.

"No, you have to come!" One of them insisted.

"Why???"

"We got the discount last time because of you!"

Sheesh.

Yes yes, I remember. Sigh.

It was Christmas night. We decided to combine it with our friend's bachelor party. I'm still reeling from the antics of the stripper we'd called. And on some levels, I shall never recover from being the only girl there. Apart from her, of course.

I remember the whole damn conversation my friend had over the phone with the escort agency.

"8 guys... yeah... and oh, there's a girl too... so how much? Latina stripper? Okay... Yeah yeah... 8 guys... but there's a girl too, you see... no no, not another stripper... she's another friend... "

Sheesh. Thanks for the clarification, dude.

Of course she thought I was a lesbian.

More so when my dear friend told her, "Perhaps you should give the lady here a lap dance."

The stripper had deposited her ass on my beautiful black dress even before I could say, "The lady here would very much like the lady there to stay as far away from her as possible."

Oh man. She sat on my Christmas cap - the one that had blinking lights! I had to leave it behind.

And you know how stupid songs start playing in your head when stupid things are happening to you?

Last Christmas I gave you my cap...
But the very next minute, you were sittin' on it...

I managed a straight face through most of my ordeal, but later, as she casually sauntered over to the balcony in her birthday suit to get some fresh air as if it was the most normal thing to do, I was a little more than shocked. I'm sure she must have had at least ten binoculars from neighbouring buildings on her.

Luckily, time heals all wounds. I've managed to shake off most of the not-so-pleasant memories. But to this day, I can never listen to the song 'Lady in red' the same way again.

So yes, apparently they'd got a big discount because of my presence.

But I was so not going for another one.

"Man, a stripper gave you a lap dance. Darn, I so wish I'd seen your expression when that happened. You have to come for this one!" Insisted another friend.

"Sorry guys, I've had enough three-dimensional female nudity for a lifetime. I'm done. "

"But the discount..?"

To hell with the discount. Chal chal hawa aane de.

Watch out, gals. Are your guy friends using you as bait/discount-cards? :/