Showing posts with label Sayesha ke dohe. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Sayesha ke dohe. Show all posts

Saturday, April 29, 2017

Y is for yearbook

I was searching for some documents in our underbed storage compartment when I came across very old photos of Viv and me from our university days, when he had legendary pimples and I had legendary hair. (A classmate once remarked, "What's up with your hair? You look like Einstein." A compliment that is not.)

I also found our yearbooks! The yearbook issued by the university just had photos and course names, but the other one, the one that our immediate juniors had designed for our farewell had elaborate write-ups! Check out what our juniors thought of Viv and me back in 2002.

Viv's write-up

Legend:
GIGs - The name given to our batch by our Indian seniors. Every batch got a name, which followed this format: [first letter of choice of expletive] + IG (Indian Gang). I'll let you imagination run wild on what the G stood for.

CHIGs - Our immediate juniors

VP - Vice President

OC - Orientation Committee (lame attempt to give a formal and official name to what was essentially organised ragging)

The Baatman - Viv's computer's name on the shared network because Batman is (was?) his favourite superhero


 My write-up

Legend:
Official IG snap rigger - One of my hobbies was to take candid photos of people in the IG and 'rig' them by using MS Paint and Powerpoint to create 'stories' and comic strips, complete with speech and thought bubbles. I then used to share them on the network (my computer was called Sayesha!) for everyone. People used to actually message me asking for more! Ah, glorious days. Wonder where all those files are now.

Sangam - The annual inter-hostel culturals, which often became a matter of life and death. One of the most fulfilling parts of my university life actually.

'Scores of people think she is the most creative person in their batch' - The CHIGs got all the GIGs to vote and determine who was the funniest, who was the most creative, who was the craziest, who was the one most likely to end up in prison, etc. Apparently I was the winner in the 'Funniest female' category, which they announced at our farewell party (but they didn't mention it here, hmmph!) and came second in the 'Most creative' category, losing out to a Photoshop genius.

NTU - Nanyang Technological University, our alma mater

Tarang - The annual tooth-and-nail culturals between arch rivals NTU and NUS (National University of Singapore)

RIGs - Our immediate seniors

spine - This needs clarification. Contrary to how it appears, I didn't whack his spinal cord! The spine (there were two actually - north spine and south spine) was a part of the university building where we had our classes.

My warning message to all IGs - No, really. Our batch was NOTORIOUS. If there was an award for the worst batch ever (in terms of not studying, rule-breaking and the likes), we would win it hands down.



Tuesday, June 21, 2011

Rhyme and reason

Xena has finally finished her homework given by Mom-Bhai -- that of writing down ten nursery rhymes. Here they are:

Twinkle twinkle little star
I have entered mommy's bar
I will charge hafta so high
Her bewdas will cry and cry!

Baa baa new bewda
Have you any hafta?
The bar now has cover charge
which I will take rafta rafta!

Baby Xena
Yes Papa!
Charging hafta?
No Papa!
Open your fist, what are you hiding?
*Opens fist* Ka-ching ka-ching!

Pussy cat pussy cat
Where have you been?
I have been to the bar
And then an ATM machine.
Pussy cat pussy cat
What did you do there?
I paid hafta at gunpoint
If you're going there, beware!

Little Miss Xena
Was having her dinner
Of spicy pani puri
Along came a bewda
And eyed her dinner, aha
So she crushed him in fury.

Little Bo Peep
Has lost all sleep
'Cos Xena took all her sheep
As the hafta was too steep.

Humpty Dumpty sat on Xena's wall
No wonder they got into a brawl
All of mommy's bewdas
And all of mommy's bouncers
Couldn't put Humpty together at all.

Hickory Dickory Dock
A punch, a kick, a sock
Xena struck only one
And that too in fun
But all of the gundas ran away in shock.

I hear thunder
A bigtime gunda
Oh do you, oh do you?
Dhishoom dhishoom punches
Dhishoom dhishoom punches
'Cos she knows kung-fu.

Jack and Jill
Went up the hill
To meet the Bhai's daughter
Both fell down
And left the town
After watching the scene of slaughter.



Monday, November 29, 2010

Down the drain

'Twas a usual day at work, just another Friday
But as you'll know from this story, it just wasn't my day
Without much further ado, let me spin the yarn
About what happened that fateful day, that made me go, "DARN!!"

Agreed that I'd bought you for a measly two bucks
But you were so pretty... Shucks! Shucks! Shucks!
You were this big, sparkling, purple earring
Classy and gorgeous, with just a hint of bling

'Twas just my bad luck that you went and fell
Headfirst, before I saw, into the death well
Well, not so much a death well, as the office toilet bowl
My heart broke thus, and no one could console

A quick mourning session
Followed by deep depression
Then panic began to set in
And I began sweatin'

'Cos you were lying there at the bottom of the bowl
And of the situation, I didn't have much control
I felt like a killer, with a body on his hands
"Get rid of the evidence!" Such a situation demands.

There were people waiting, who also had to pee
And before I got out, I had to get rid of thee
So forgive me, beloved earring, I had to press 'flush'
And soon you were out of sight with a sudden gush

I pocketed the other, and made my way out
The day was a disaster, I was miserable throughout
I don't know what to do with your partner who's now single
So I decided to go home and write, erm, this very long jingle.



Sunday, July 18, 2010

Raising the bar(ah)

18 July 2010.

This song marks the completion of my 12th year in Singapore.

Chhota sa yeh island hai
Baju mein Malaysia Thailand hai
Bhai toh surrendered wholly hai
Ab yeich apun ki kholi hai

Winter hai na spring hai
Bas suryadev hi king hai
Aur baarish humjoli hai
Ab yeich apun ki kholi hai

Chaar bhasha mein sign hai
Har cheez pe tagda fine hai
Apun dil mein hi manata holi hai
Ab yeich apun ki kholi hai

Padosi kaun hai pata nahin
Pan isme kisi ki khata nahin
Koi bole na apni boli hai
Ab yeich apun ki kholi hai

Aisa anokha nation hai
Apun ka love-hate ka relation hai
Rishta bana yeh slowly hai
Ab yeich apun ki kholi hai



Tuesday, May 25, 2010

Specially fo(u)r you

Bar mein aaj hai budday bash
Kaiku?
Arre char saal ki ho gayi Aish!

Good wishes karne ka, mamu...
Nikaalo sab ek ek eyelash!
Char saal ki ho gayi Aish!

Now eligible for hafta-wasooli
We take credit card or cash
Char saal ki ho gayi Aish!

Teekhi nazar hai Masi jaisi
Kahan chhupa rakha hai stash?
Char saal ki ho gayi Aish!

Mana nahin karne ka, kya re?
Face ko kar degi woh smash
Char saal ki ho gayi Aish!

Size par nahin jaane ka, samjha?
Panga lega, hoga thrash
Char saal ki ho gayi Aish!

Akkhi life ho jaayegi
Teri aankhon ke aage flash
Char saal ki ho gayi Aish!

Masi se badhkar hai Tiny Tapori
Teri shakal ko kar degi backyard trash
Char saal ki ho gayi Aish!

Pata bhi nahin chalega re tujhko
Tera thobda hai ya plane crash
Char saal ki ho gayi Aish!

Uske nanhe haathon se hi
Aloo ke mafik hoga mash
Char saal ki ho gayi Aish!

Chal, kalti maar le yahan se
Bole toh, kar le tu dash
Char saal ki ho gayi Aish!



Monday, November 10, 2008

Home run

Singapore ke thakele mausam
Se apun fultu pakela hai
Apun Hindustan ja rela hai

Bhaad mein jaaye air-conditioner
Kya jhanjhat hai, jhamela hai
Apun Hindustan ja rela hai

Jahan sardiyon ka mausam
Raapchik hai, albela hai
Apun Hindustan ja rela hai

Bachpan ki Bhaigairi ki
Yaadon ka jahan mela hai
Apun Hindustan ja rela hai

Jahan ki sadkon par apun
Kitne barson khela hai
Apun Hindustan ja rela hai

Jahan sab yede bindaas hain
Aur sabka bheja satkela hai
Apun Hindustan ja rela hai

Jahan sabke paas time hai
Kyunki har koi vella hai
Apun Hindustan ja rela hai

Jahan har gali mein pani puri
Ka laga ek thela hai
Apun Hindustan ja rela hai!



Tuesday, September 09, 2008

Aaj mere yaar ka budday hai!

The house stuff has maintained its consistency in driving us nuts, we’re still unpacking (it’s been a week since we moved in!) and both weekends so far have been spent cleaning the house. There’s no furniture in the house and a birthday party is simply not possible. So I am just planning to pretend that last year's grandeur will carry over to this birthday, and I will not have to do anything till I have err… at least some furniture in the house. Add to that the fact that it falls on a Tuesday when we’ll both be at work all day (and possibly working late), and there go all chances of any birthday celebration.

As for gifts, I don’t suppose a sofa set, or a dining table makes for a romantic gift, and those are the only things my buying energies are being concentrated on right now, so I am just gonna settle for whatever resources are at my disposal, and have the party right here at the bar!

Aaj tumhara happy budday hai
Lekin what a pity ki Tuesday hai
Weekend mein karenge dhoom
Bhaad mein jaayein mop & broom
Bas celebration takatak ho
Salgirah Mubaraq ho!


Filhaal toh bas yeh ode hai
Samjho C++ ka code hai
Kyunki odes ka tumko gyaan nahin
Aur is baat se hum anjaan nahin
Bas, life tumhaari chakachak ho
Salgirah Mubaraq ho!


Khoob khelo tum cricket
Truck bharke le lo tum wicket
Tum kabhi bhi out na ho
Match tumhara washed out na ho
Coin toss karo toh good luck ho
Salgirah Mubaraq ho!


Life mein hamesha fun ho
Bas endlessly F1 ho
Raaste tumhaare clear rahein
Hum tumhaare near rahein
Traffic mein hum-tum na stuck ho
Salgirah Mubaraq ho!


Code tumhara bug-free ho
Virus ki na entry ho
Worry ka koi dark cloud ka ho
Ho bhi toh volume loud na ho
Chehre pe hamesha raunak ho
Salgirah Mubaraq ho!


Lakh takey ki baat hai
Arre apun tumhaare saath hai
Apni solid understanding ho
Jisse life outstanding ho
Aur saath mein meri bak bak ho
Salgirah Mubaraq ho!



Sunday, July 27, 2008

Blogte raho!

This post has been issued in public interest, or rather in the interest of the neglected blogs of my friends who are bloody brilliant bloggers, but they just won't blog.

This poem is dedicated to all of those lazy buggers... I mean bloggers...

Bar mein tumhara swaagat hai
Lekin humko laagat hai
Gahan aalas ke tum maare ho
Kambakhton, procrastinators saare ho!

Aalas ka hi toh namoona hai
Ki blog tumhara soona hai
Maana tumne dil ka haal likha
Abbe, woh toh pichhle saal likha!

Aaj ki kya taaza khabar hai?
Banjar hai re, sab banjar hai!
Daftar mein bahut ho biji biji?
Arre kitne kaam hain niji niji?

Blog karne ke kitne raste hain
Hum toh padhne ko taraste hain
Yaar kuchh bhi likho, hum padh lenge
Aur padhkar aage badh lenge

Bandhu, tum toh patli gali se nikal liye
Humara khayaal kiye bina hi aise chal liye?
Hum kab tak akele bakwaas karenge?
Bandwidth ka satyanaas karenge?

Muh uthaakar roz tumhaare blog par hum jaate hain
Sar hilaakar, gaali dekar, waapas laut aate hain
Arre tumhaare blog par hamara bhi kuchh adhikaar hai
Blog ko neglect karne waalon, tum par toh dhikkaar hai!

Ya toh fultu shutdown karo, ya blog ko tum update karo
Likhne ko kuchh hai nahin toh kuchh naya create karo
Sadaa apni bakwaas se tum cyberspace ko hogte raho
Kahat kaviyatri Sash - blogte raho re bhaiya, blogte raho!




Saturday, March 24, 2007

Dil hai hindustani















Hum logon ko samajh sako toh samjho dilbar jani
Jitna bhi tum samjhoge utni hogi hairaani
Phir bhi dil hai hindustani
Phir bhi dil hai hindustani

Hanskar apni wicket gawaa de
Dekho hum hain kitne daani
Phir bhi dil hai hindustani
Phir bhi dil hai hindustani

Crucial match mein battakh banaayein
Apni hai yehi nishani
Phir bhi dil hai hindustani
Phir bhi dil hai hindustani

Jaate hi hum waapas aayein
Ajab se hain hum praani
Phir bhi dil hai hindustani
Phir bhi dil hai hindustani

Catch pakadkar drop karein
Hum hain kitne balidaani
Phir bhi dil hai hindustani
Phir bhi dil hai hindustani

Coach bechara sar phodey
Hum field pe karein manmaani
Phir bhi dil hai hindustani
Phir bhi dil hai hindustani

Tondu buddhe khel rahe hain
Team mein nahin jawani
Phir bhi dil hai hindustani
Phir bhi dil hai hindustani

Naye naye products endorsein
Par performance wohi purani
Phir bhi dil hai hindustani
Phir bhi dil hai hindustani

Jaisa channel, waisa panel
Us par Mandira devi sarwa-gyani
Phir bhi dil hai hindustani
Phir bhi dil hai hindustani

Ooparwale, thodi baarish de do
Kyunki dushman hai toofani
Phir bhi dil hai hindustani
Phir bhi dil hai hindustani

Apni aisi waat lag gayi
Ki hum na maange pani
Phir bhi dil hai hindustani
Phir bhi dil hai hindustani

Toss jeet kar game haarein
Pitch ho jitni bhi suhani
Phir bhi dil hai hindustani
Phir bhi dil hai hindustani

World Cup se toh kat liye
Apni hai yehi kahani
Phir bhi dil hai hindustani
Phir bhi dil hai hindustani

Ab India jaakar jaise taise
Jaan hai apni bachani
Phir bhi dil hai hindustani
Phir bhi dil hai hindustani

Chaar saal baad phir aayenge
Lekar naya josh, nayi rawani
Kyunki dil hai hindustani
Kyunki dil hai hindustani

TV se hum phir chipkenge
Bhoolke khana pani
Kyunki dil hai hindustani
Kyunki dil haiiiii hindustaaaaaani...




Tuesday, April 18, 2006

Notice to all bewdas


Budh-war, vrihaspati-war

Pareekshaayein lagataar
Kaisa hai yeh atyachaar?
Kaisa hai yeh bhrashtachaar?

Daftar hai desh ke is paar
Aur vishwavidyalaya us paar
Idhar udhar bhaga daudi se yaar
Jeena ho gaya hai dushwaar!


Shehzadi gulbadan, husn-e-bahaar
Ho rahi hai imtihaan ke liye taiyaar
Lekin nahin maanegi woh haar
Band nahin hoga yeh bar!
Band nahin hoga yeh bar!

:/



Saturday, February 04, 2006

The silent superheroes of the dark side

Sayesha picks up a (hypothetical) guitar a la Phoebe, and sings...

Stealthily she creeps out, when it's dark all around

Except for the odd rustle, there's hardly a sound
Shhh! She's out on the roads, lookin' out for you
'Cos if you need moral support, Sayesha's with you!

Hey you, little overloaded grumpy school boy
Why the sad face? C'mon, bring on some joy!
I can't help you with the homework that you didn't do
But if you need moral support, Sayesha's with you!

Hey you, girl with dog, dog with diarrhoea
When I see the two of ya, I say "See ya!"
Sorry, I can't help you with your dog's poo
But if you need moral support, Sayesha's with you!

Hey you, sitting on the bench, the old grandpa in shorts
Every now and then, he looks around and snorts
You live on your own, and you've pulled through
But if you need moral support, Sayesha's with you!

Hey you, curry puff man at the station, with your loud holler
"Curry puff! Curry puff! Three for a dollar!"
Your curry puffs may make some people run to the loo
But if you need moral support, Sayesha's with you!

Hey you, mangy cat, with the bright green eyes
They look miserable, and a tad too big for your size
Sorry I can't stop and pet you when you mew
But if you need moral support, Sayesha's with you!

Hey you, old yawning bus driver cursing your luck
Wishing you could run down that arrogant truck
I can't drive the bus, I really have no clue
But if you need moral support, Sayesha's with you!

Hey you, uniformed chauffer, washing the boss's car
So early in the morn, that you can still see many a star
Sorry, I can't help you, I know zilch about car shampoo
But if you need moral support, Sayesha's with you!

"Who are you guys?"
You may wanna ask.
I will answer with pride
First, let me take off my mask.

We're a breed of superheroes, tied by a common bond
We have no cool costumes, no
special powers or tricks
We don't save the world, but we see more of it than you
You're still snoring, you see, but we're up at six.

(And oh, we're recruiting.)