Mommy rules

It was around 2 years ago that I came across the concept of 'mental load' when this comic strip by French cartoonist Emma was going viral. Something clicked into place. Mental load! That was it. There was such a thing as mental load. Suddenly things started making sense. Why, in spite of Viv being very particular about sharing all chores relating to the household or Xena, sometimes I felt exhausted, but not in a physical way.

I had taken on all of the mental load, you see.

Without us realising there was such a thing, there was no way I could split that with him. I viewed myself as the ultra-efficient manager of job, house, husband, and child. I had a plan, you see. Everyone knew what they had to do. It was all divided equally. Of course, I did all the thinking and planning, but that was not actual work now, was it?

It was. In a big way.

Like Emma says, "The mental load is almost completely borne by women. It's permanent and exhausting and invisible work."

So then I started to look at things a little differently. I realised that the fact that I LOVE planning and getting stuff done was sometimes getting in the way of my own sanity. When you have a kid around the house, it becomes infinitely more difficult to keep things tidy. You can give your husband or kid chores to do on an ad-hoc basis to help you, but what needs to be done is to be able to shift not just the physical chore itself, but some of the mental load as well. (See this.) Instead of telling Xena to refill the hand soap when I was busy, I needed to get her to do it whenever it was time to refill it. the last person to use up the last drop of soap refills it. That's it. But of course, that is not as straightforward as it seems. If soap-refilling became everyone's job, I would have no idea when it was time to buy the next batch of soap. Because I'm always the refiller, I have a clear idea of when to add it to the shopping list. And we would suddenly have a situation of no hand soap in the whole house!! You see what I mean? So it just seems like the easier path is to do it all myself... that of taking on the physical load (refilling the hand soap) and the mental load (remembering to add it to the shopping list). Now multiply this tiny example by ALL the 238748926589624085734 things that need to get done in a typical household. It's a lot more work than what you would associate with a typical works-half-day-from-home mother-of-one-kid who also happens to have 3827483947 hobbies. But I did it anyway. Because I was the girl who wanted to do everything, and did it. (Ooh, cool phrase for my epitaph!)

Last year, when I was in discussions with my publisher about taking up the full-time position, I had many many other things to consider. What would we do about breakfast? When would I go to the gym? How would I do laundry, considering I'd totally miss the sunlight hours? How would we keep the house tidy? I used to make an elaborate breakfast every day, a different item daily. And cook and pack two boxes for Xena's recess and snack break. And go to the gym before I started work. And do laundry and drying and folding and ironing almost every day. And when taking breaks from work, because I had no colleagues to chat with at the water cooler, I'd go around the house tidying up. Though we have generally taught Xena to be tidy, we have probably not done a great job at enforcing it. She may remember to put her uniform in the laundry hamper after school, but she would read books all over the house and I'd find a Tintin in pretty much every room. Sometimes I'd wait till she was back from school to get her to tidy up, but sometimes I'd just do it myself. After all, I was the one spending most of the time in the house and I needed it to be moderately tidy at least. I'd be amazed at how, in spite of my daily clearing up, every table in the house would disappear under stuff. Every single day. It didn't happen all that much when it was just Viv and me, but ballooned to crazy proportions once Xena was old enough to carry and leave stuff around. And doing all those things was no longer making me feel efficient; it was making me feel exhausted.

A lot of the time, I would sacrifice my me-time to do it. I'd think of catching a Koffee with Karan episode over lunch, but there'd be something that needed my attention more so I'd have a quick 5-minute lunch and get on with the task. I always told myself that I was only forgoing stupid Bollywood nonsense, but you know what? Sometimes you badly need some stupid Bollywood nonsense in your life. I know I do.

Once I signed the contract with my employer, I knew we had to start doing things differently. It might take a while to find a way to split the mental load equally, but with me being away at work all day, at least the random physical loads had to be readdressed. We had to learn to do things without being told to. Some things had to be a given, like putting things back from where you took them.

So I came up with two rules/resolutions for the family -- the 5% rule and the black box rule.

The 5% rule
The 5% rule involves completing each task 100%, and not leaving the first 5% (Mama, can you give me a glue stick for my craft project?) or/and the last 5% (putting the glue stick back in the craft drawer, where everyone knows it belongs). Or removing only enough dry laundry to make space for the exact load you're currently washing, but not removing the rest. Or folding all the clothes but leaving them folded on the bed. Or tackling a messy room but leaving some items on the floor because you didn't know where to put them. Or taking something from the wardrobe but not sliding the door back. I want to ask, "So who is supposed to do this last 5% and why can't/didn't you do it?" So according to the resolution, Viv and Xena now have to make sure that anything they do is done 100%. No, I will not be the one bringing them the tool and no, I will not be the one putting it back. When we renovated the house a few years ago, we Konmarie-d the hell out of it -- enough to make sure everything has a proper place that everyone is aware of.

The black box rule
The biggest hindrance to a tidy home is all the stuff that doesn't make its way back to its original resting place. So now I have a black box in the storeroom where anything not in its correct place will be put away and not returned for a week. If it's something unsuitable for the box (dirty clothes left on the chair, for example, will of course not be put in the black box (omg!) but something valuable to the offender (say, one Tintin comic for Xena) will be taken in lieu. And it's not just for Xena's stuff (though to be honest, it mainly is); she has also been given the right to 'black box' any of Mama's or Daddy's items that have not been put back in their correct place.

When I first introduced this, Viv was all up for it, but I did get some groans from Xena who, as I mentioned before, likes to keep one Tintin in each room of the house (for easy access?). So we gave her a grace period of 2 weeks where we would point out her black box candidates but not implement the rule. Last week, the grace period ended, and now I've fully gone into evil mode. The first day itself, I black-boxed 7 (let me say that again...  SEVEN!) Tintin books. I haven't seen an out-of-place Tintin book since then.

Let's see how these rules work out for us. I am giving all of us a year to reach the stage where we will not need these rules anymore because they would have become second nature to us. Fingers crossed.

And then maybe my epitaph phrase could be changed to 'The girl who did everything she wanted to.'

PS: Sharing Emma's comic strip once again, because that's how important it is. Whether you read my post or scrolled through, whether you're a guy or a girl, do read what she says about mental load. It will change you. 

In the pink

There are men and there are women. All men like women and all women like men. And oh, there are also the half&half -- the hijras. They are the 'abnormal ones'. They dress like women and they lust after men. And they clap their hands when they dance, and they sing in their hoarse voices and it's damn funny. 

This was the state of oblivion I was in, growing up in small towns in India in the 80s and 90s, under the influence of one too many Hindi movies that featured the hijras for 'comic relief'. And I laughed. Oh, how we all laughed. Such was the social conditioning. That was how we were.

Even at the age of 18, when I stepped foot in Singapore, I was quite clueless about the concept of gender and sexual orientation. I thought 'gay' was just another word for 'happy'. In fact, on day one, one of my seniors introduced himself to me as "Hi, I'm XYZ and I'm gay." while his friends guffawed in the background. And I was left wondering why this guy I had just met felt the compelling need to tell me that he was happy. Turns out he wasn't even gay. It was all a big joke.

Over the years, even though I was eventually introduced to the concept of what being gay was, it was still as a source of amusement. "That is so gay!" Someone would say and everyone would laugh.

I had a colleague who I'm pretty sure (now) was gay, but I had no idea back then. Whenever he'd go on a vacation, we'd tease him that he was going bride-hunting and when he'd return we'd ask him for pictures and stories of his bride-hunt. I feel SO ashamed now, just thinking of those days, us laughing around him, with zero consideration for what he must be feeling. It was all fun and jokes, wasn't it? Ha ha.

Except that it was not.

And I have only started to realise the gravity of the matter. My ignorance and insensitivity of those days leave me ashamed. Things like inequality and injustice are not to be laughed at. Discrimination is not funny. The only thing 'abnormal' about the hijras was that no one would give them a 'normal' job. And though the realisation came to me very very late, I need to make amends. I need to make sure the prejudices I grew up with do not spill over into Xena's childhood. I need to raise her to grow up with an open heart and mind, and a strong sense of equality for everyone.

And that was one of the big reasons why we took her to Pink Dot this year. Pink Dot is a social movement to garner acceptance for the LGBT people in Singapore. They have a gathering every year at the Speakers' Corner in Hong Lim park to raise awareness about LGBT issues and to spread the message of inclusiveness. (Speakers' Corner is the only area in Singapore where citizens and permanent residents of Singapore can hold demonstrations and speak freely on all most topics. After prior registration on a government website, of course. You can't do all this in any other part of Singapore. You'd be arrested in a heartbeat.)

Pink Dot is in its 9th year, but this year is different. Amendments made to the Public Order Act now prohibit foreigners from participating in assemblies and processions at the Speakers' Corner. Sponsorships from foreign companies for such events have also been restricted. This means that past sponsors, aka the big guys -- Facebook, Google, JP Morgan, Goldman Sachs, BP, Bloomberg and Twitter can no longer show their support for Pink Dot. It was therefore, even more important that locals and local companies turned up to openly show their support this year. And how they did. A mind-boggling 120 local companies came forward as sponsors, and 20,000 participants, dressed in pink, gathered to show their support towards the freedom to love.

And we did too. The last two years, we showed our support by simply wearing pink on the day because Xena was too young to be taken to such a crowded and noisy place. But this year, we knew we could. We had to.

Since there were barricades all around Hong Lim Park and they were checking IDs and bags before letting people in, we had to stand in the queue for almost an hour before we got in. Thankfully, Xena didn't complain at all. Soon, we had joined the massive sea of pink. A friend was there and he introduced us to others who very kindly shared their picnic mat, snacks and drinks with us. They also thanked us and shook hands with Xena for turning up to show our support.

Last night, a friend sent me the post-event official Pink Dot video. This morning, three others sent it to me. Viv's friends and colleagues have been sending it to him. The reason? We are in it! Well, it's a blink-and-miss appearance, but yes, we are there at the 26-second mark. Xena tells me that even her teachers were talking about us being at Pink Dot with her.

It's a very powerful video. Check it out.

Of course, to Xena, Pink Dot 2017 was pretty much just a pink picnic in the park, but we had started talking about all this much before, so she has a fair idea. I'm glad that she thinks that it's okay for 'an uncle to love and marry an uncle' and 'an aunty to love and marry an aunty'.

Though she's too young for an in-depth understanding of what all this means, I'm glad the conversation has started early. And we will be taking it forward. The law will change some day, it surely will. And when that happens, I want all of us, especially Xena, to look back and see that we were on the right side. That we supported what we believed in, and we stood for equality for all. 

Mexican fiesta

"Excuse me, what is the recipe of your Michelada?"

My jaw dropped.

I couldn't believe what Viv had just asked the waiter.

We were at one of our favourite restaurants, and whenever we go there, Viv orders their speciality Michelada, a Mexican cocktail made of beer and magical spices and fairy dust and 384789572 other secret ingredients that no one knows, except for maybe the cocktail-making androids in their kitchen.

Not that we hadn't tried to look up the recipe on the net, but there were too many differing views on how to make the perfect Michelada. One actually suggested Maggi masala powder as a key ingredient! I kid you not.

So Viv, drunk on his Michelada I presume, decided to get it straight from the horse's mouth.

The very loyal employee of the restaurant hemmed and hawed and laughed nervously and moved along. However, the waiter at the adjacent table who had overheard our conversation came right over and casually told Viv the recipe.

I couldn't believe Viv had actually asked the waiter for the recipe!  I couldn't believe the waiter actually told him!

Anyway, we excitedly messaged the gang because we had decided that the theme for our next pot luck would be Mexican, and this fitted right in. Our last pot luck (themed comfort-food-that-must-also-have-the-acronym-PP) had been awesome and we had been considering making it a monthly thing, with a different cuisine/theme each time.

So last Saturday, we got together at Maya's place for our majestic Mexican fiesta! (I spared my friends from a Mexican dress code though, and I could literally hear the collective sighs of relief. Sigh.)

Viv and R immediately busied themselves with all kinds of permutations and combinations to achieve the perfect Michelada and after quite a few prototypes, finally tasted success -- quite literally. It was really good. Even a beer-hater like me didn't mind taking a few sips. 

Maya and Pizzadude made some killer jalapeno poppers, guacamole and salsa

(Okay, who replaced the cheese dip with the Tiger beer can for this photo??)

I made vegetarian quesadillas. 

Margaritas! No can do Mexican without margaritas!

Till the next one, cheers!

The perfect potluck

So my friend Pizzadude has got himself a cat. We decided to have a get-together at his place so the rest of us could be formally introduced to Ishta. (I'm still outraged, btw, that an avid F.R.I.E.N.D.S. fan like Pizzadude named his cat Ishta and not Smelly Cat.)

It was to be a potluck at his place and we were discussing the menu. Pizzadude suggested comfort food as the theme and offered to make his speciality dish - pesto pasta. I offered pani puri because my comfort food (and every other food) = pani puri. That's when I realised that both foods had PP as the acronym. So I suggested that Maya should also bring something with the acronym PP and she very sportingly agreed. (Yes, we are very random like that and very fortunate to be in a group where people are not only fine with the randomness, they actively participate in it.)

We got cracking. While she suggested sane choices such as pumpkin pie, pecan pie and puran poli, I couldn't think of anything at first, so I suggested poha pizza (on hindsight, YUCK!) and peela papad (duh!). But then eventually I did have some better ideas -- paneer pizza and paneer paratha. And then randomly I said, "perfect pongal!" Coincidentally, Maya's hubby was craving pongal and pickle, which is his comfort food. So we were all set with our PP-comfort-food themed menu.

For the drinks, I suggested the only PP drink I could think of -- pomegranate punch. My plan was just to add a bit of juice to a large amount of tequila a bit of tequila to a large amount of juice, but Pizzadude jazzed it up by adding pomegranate seeds and mint leaves. It was kickass.

And what a lovely evening we had. Ishta turned out to be this stunning black kitten with gorgeous eyes. We had only seen photos of him, so it was really nice to finally see him in person cat.

Ishta's pic added with permission from Pizzadude

The PP food was a big hit too. Multi-cuisine comfort food and the company of good friends -- what else can one ask for? Later, another random fact struck me. Our WhatsApp group is called Poorab-Pachhim because some of us live in the eastern part of Singapore and some in the west. PP!

To the Passionate Peeps Planning Perfect Potlucks using Pointless Party themes!

Sweet nothings

In early January, I had posted about the fact that out of curiosity, Viv and I had embarked on a 40-day no-sugar-no-alcohol challenge proposed by Ranveer Allahbadia (you might know him as the guy who helped Tanmay Bhat lose 110 kg). He recommended doing the challenge by going not only off added sugars, but also other things that taste sweet, such as juices, fruits, honey and jaggery for 40 days.

We started on 2nd January (after all the new year celebrations, of course!), but we completed it a little later than scheduled, and not with 100% honesty, I have to admit.

I had scribbled some rough notes to serve as a daily log, which I thought I'd share here.

Day 0
Sunday 1 Jan 
Invited friends over for a new year's lunch. Had margaritas. Emptied the fridge of all sweet items by the end of the day in preparation for the challenge. Whether all of it went into the trash or some into my tummy is a truth that shall never be revealed.

Day 1
Monday 2 Jan
Challenge begins! Easy-peasy so far. Just don't drink any alcohol and don't consume anything sweet, that's all.

Day 2
Tuesday 3 Jan 
Huh? This is it? Doesn't feel like I am on any kind of life-changing journey. The day has gone by without incident. This is too easy. I'm getting suspicious.

Day 3
Wednesday 4 Jan 
Accidentally and absent-mindedly popped a grape in my mouth and then back out, straight into the trash.

Day 4
Thursday 5 Jan 
Finished work a little early; had a sudden craving for my teh halia but resisted.

Day 5
Friday 6 Jan 
Had a family dinner at Cafe Iguana, one of our favourite restaurants, but didn't order their world-famous-in-Singapore margaritas; strangely, didn't feel like we were missing out.

Day 6
Saturday 7 Jan
The kung pao chicken I had for lunch in the Parkway Parade food court felt too sweet, definitely a lot, A LOT of added sugar in there; Xena's friend's birthday party in the evening, skipped the birthday cake, no big deal.

Day 7
Sunday 8 Jan
University batchmates' reunion lunch at Myra's at the beach; didn't order any drinks, though Viv terribly missed the Mexican beer that he invariably orders whenever we go there.

Day 8
Monday 9 Jan 
Found out that Haldiram's aloo bhujia contains added sugar! Whyyy?

Day 9
Tuesday 10 Jan 
Xena's friends had come over for a dinner play date; made pasta upon their request; had a chance to read some more food labels, it turns out that pasta sauce has added sugar of course, but guess what? Whole corn kernels in brine also contain added sugar! Again, whyyy??

Day 10
Wednesday 11 Jan 
Skipped the wine (considered mandatory) at my book club meeting. Didn't want to draw attention so sipped water from my wine glass, till a friend in the know happened to mention it, leading to a barrage of "But why??" questions. Got annoyed when someone else decided to answer on my behalf with something like "To lose weight, of course." I turned around and asked the person if she thought I thought I needed to lose weight. Uncomfortable silence and nervous laughter followed. Grrr.

Day 11
Thursday 12 Jan 
Accompanied Xena on her school excursion to the botanical gardens, had a Maggi mee goreng lunch near her school before picking her up, but scraped off the ketchup from the cucumber slices (ketchup has a crazy amount of added sugar). Skipped my usual teh halia to disapproving looks from Purshottam's colleague again. Had a play date in the evening at an indoor playground, followed by dinner at Mango Tree. The raw mango sabzi was heavenly, but it definitely had quite a bit of added sugar. Went home to check if other sauces at home had added sugar. Green chilli sauce did (oh noooooo!), but tabasco didn't. Ok so there is some sauce we can still have.

Day 12
Friday 13 Jan 
Had a slight headache, craved chai but didn't have it.

Day 13
Saturday 14 Jan 
A junior from my uni days was passing through Singapore, met her and her family for dinner at Myra's (the other outlet by the waterfront); Viv missed his Mexican beer again. I suggested that he could break his fast on day 41 with a Mexican beer.

Day 14
Sunday 15 Jan 
Had dinner at Ganesh Vilas; overjoyed to rediscover neer more, and the fact that that there was still a cool refreshing drink other than water we could have that didn't come loaded with added sugar!

Day 15
Monday 16 Jan 
Had a meeting at the office so made the trek there (I work from home on most days); had lunch near Xena's school before picking her up; decided to try teh halia kosong (ginger tea without sugar). Guess my review: (a) Not bad at all; (b) Hey, I actually prefer this! (c) Yuck. (d) REVOLTING. The answer was (d), of course.

Day 16
Tuesday 17 Jan 
Had a horribly sore throat, teh halia would have been awesome, but resisted from making it and sipped on warm water instead.

Day 17
Wednesday 18 Jan 
Had lunch at Purshottam's restaurant. My throat was still hurting so decided to try teh (tea) o (without milk) halia (ginger) kosong (no sugar) thingie this time after a sympathetic friend pointed out that it's the presence of milk in tea that begs sugar. Quite a mouthful for me to say teh o halia kosong in the right order, so I took my time saying it, but the guy repeated it so fast and so casually I figured people do order it then. But who?? And why?? As you can guess, it was just as revolting as the one on day 15.

Day 18
Thursday 19 Jan 
Woke up to a very sore throat and cough; went to the doctor who prescribed a VERY SWEET cough medicine, which I had once and then stopped because it felt so much like cheating; was literally dying for my homemade ginger tea; hadn't thought that the ease of doing this would be challenged so much just by sickness.

Day 19
Friday 20 Jan 
Someone had kept a huge bar of dark chocolate in Viv's office for sharing; he thought it was a great idea to send me a pic of it. Can I log this under mental torture by spouse?

Day 20
Saturday 21 Jan 
Half-way point done, yay! The chocolates just won't leave me though! Sis-in-law moved to our place today before relocating to India; she brought some chocolates from her fridge over; will save and eat at some point, I guess? Not that I love chocolate in general, but I can be partial to dark chocolate.

Day 21
Sunday 22 Jan
Hmmm... is it my imagination or can I feel my taste buds changing? Ordered my favourite massaman curry at Thai Express and could hardly eat it; the sweet taste was almost sickening; surprised how the sugar content had never bothered me in the past; today, it was overpowering; not sure if I'll ever be able to order the dish again; Viv remarked that even his clear Tom yum soup felt unusually sweet; didn't even know they put sugar in clear tom yum soup!

Day 22
Monday 23 Jan 
Uneventful

Day 23
Tuesday 24 Jan 
Was on a flight to Mauritius (we were flying the family there to celebrate our 10th wedding anniversary), wanted to get a Coke (because I only drink Coke when I'm not the one buying it, i.e. in flights and occasionally at parties) but resisted. Felt a little sad that we were doing this challenge in the middle of a special vacation.

Day 24
Wednesday 25 Jan 
Our Airbnb host brought us a welcome gift - chocobars! With a heavy heart, I put them in the freezer. That evening, Viv suddenly said we should just take a break from the challenge and enjoy our vacation. 10th wedding anniversary is not an everyday event anyway, so I jumped at his offer. We had also booked a sunset cruise that came with wine, beer and all kinds of juices, which we were going to skip. Now we didn't have to, yay! But I did promise myself that we wouldn't overdo the cheat days.

[25-31 Jan: BREAK]

Day 25
Tuesday 31 Jan 
Landed back in Singapore; Fridge was empty so sis-in-law and I ordered lunch through Food Panda. The butter chicken felt sickeningly sweet. Again, not something I'd willingly order in the future.

Day 26
Wednesday 1 Feb 
Xena had declared that she also wanted to do the challenge with us. But of course, she kept forgetting. And then remembering again. It was hilarious!

Day 27
Thursday 2 Feb 
Viv declared that he felt that his tummy had become a lot flatter than before. I found no such difference in mine. Maybe because when he binges on sugar, he REALLY binges, but I take mine in moderation so the difference on the body wasn't that obvious.

Day 28
Friday 3 Feb 
Xena was actually turning down sweet stuff, not just at home but outside as well. I also stopped insisting when she turned down so-called 'harmless' kiddie food such as juice.

Day 29
Saturday 4 Feb 
Had a pot luck dinner with neighbours; usually we grab a glass of wine each and cook together; but this time I refused and told them why (lest they started congratulating me!); they were very surprised but seemed quite supportive.

Day [NOT COUNTED]
Sunday 5 Feb
My Chinese neighbour had invited us over for a Chinese New Year (CNY) tea party. She had a whole platter of CNY goodies and every single thing was sweet. There were six or seven items and she had baked them all from scratch! I didn't have the heart to say no and offend her, so I sampled a couple of them by splitting them with Xena. Decided to exclude this day from the challenge.

Day 30
Monday 6 Feb 
Looked through the food labels of stuff in the fridge; predictably, tom yum paste and balsamic vinegar dressing had added sugar, but to my surprise, the cheese spread that Xena likes didn't.

Day 31
Tuesday 7 Feb
Opened the fridge and Viv's Redbull can was staring me in the face. Burst out laughing and closed the fridge. Wonder who will drink it and when.

Day 32
Wednesday 8 Feb 
Uneventful

Day 33
Thursday 9 Feb 
I'm gaining a new appreciation for green tea and peppermint tea. I remember the time I ordered a peppermint tea at a restaurant and when I asked for sugar with it, the waitress looked extremely puzzled and said, "But it's peppermint tea." and I said, "I know. But I want sugar with it." (I do drain off the first brew when I make green tea though, to get rid of some of the caffeine.)

Day 34
Friday 10 Feb 
Uneventful

Day 35
Saturday 11 Feb 
I was on a flight to India! A cousin was getting married and I decided at the very last minute that direct flight or no direct flight, I was gonna grab Xena and go. It looked like I was all set to break the fast with some shaadi ki mithaai.

Day 36
Sunday 12 Feb
Was at my in-laws' place, and they are both chai-lovers. Mom-in-law asked if I wanted to have some, but she knows about the challenge so she didn't insist. I, of course, had to sit and watch them have chai. WITHOUT ME! :'(

Day 37
Monday 13 Feb 
Reached my parents' place

Day 38
Tuesday 14 Feb
We had a pre-wedding cousins' get-together, but it got late and my driver was ready to take me back home way before the drinking started. Felt like a teenager on curfew. It was sad in a way, but also worked out well because knowing my cousins, challenge or no challenge, they wouldn't have let me off without a drink or two.

Day 39
Wednesday 15 Feb 
It's the day of the sangeet! I'm running around between the bar and my mom and her sisters, bringing them non-alcoholic drinks. An aunt has placed a glass of mojito at my table for me, but it stays there all evening, ignored by me. The bartender does have jaljeera, but I take one sip and it's sweet and I let it go. 1 day to go! I can do this!

Day 40
Thursday 16 Feb 
It's the last day! Mom is making her tea with Stevia and I'm reminded of the need to be more vigilant about sugar as both parents have diabetes. I'm also reminded that I can have tea with sugar tomorrow!

Day 41
Friday 17 Feb 
What a day to have finished the challenge! It's the day of the shaadi! Yay! The first thing I did in the morning was make chai. Hadn't made it for so long that it felt weird; I felt like I had forgotten everything, that I was going to screw up. But I made it and it was goooood (even though I added less than my usual quantity of sugar) and even mom had a sip and said it was goooood.

Conclusion
Even though it wasn't a strict, continuous 40-day challenge, and at times I questioned why I was doing it, here are some of my self-discoveries and takeaways:

• There is an INSANE amount of added sugar in everything around us, especially drinks and restaurant food. I only realised the height of the sugar levels after I gave my taste buds a break from sugar. 
• Giving up alcohol is really easy. 
• It's not that I crave chai for the sake of chai. It's loneliness (or sickness) that makes me crave chai. 
• If you cut down on sugar, you automatically cut down on a lot of refined food items (maida, for example). 
• I need to find ways to keep up my love for baking by finding sugar-free baked recipes, or those with very little sugar. For example, I made wholewheat zucchini bread today (cut down the sugar in the recipe from 1/2 cup to 2 tbsp) and it was still really tasty. 
• I won't do this challenge again, but my awareness about added sugars is much, much more. 
• And lastly, the lesson learnt is this -- added sugar is DA ENEMY. Always know its whereabouts, and don't fraternise too much with it. 

Cutting chai

"No teh halia???" He asked.

"No teh halia." I answered calmly.

He looked too stunned to continue entering my order into his machine.

Okay, let me start at the beginning. So there is this tiny Indian restaurant near Xena's school where I grab a quick lunch once a week or so, before picking her up. And no matter what food I order, I always always order a teh halia with it. Teh halia is Singapore-speak for ginger tea. (The other important teh here is teh tarik, which always reminds me of Sunny Deol and I imagine him as a tea addict, going, "Teh tarik pe tarik pe tarik!")

So last week, when I placed my order without a 'and a teh halia' suffix, it caused quite a stir. The guy at the counter Purshottam (actually I don't know his name but I refer to him as Purshottam -- if you've watched TVF's 'Permanent Roommates', you'll know why. Basically, he's a devar-figure in my life.) shook his head in disbelief as he entered my order.

I walked over to my table and sat down. Barely had my bum descended on the chair when a hand appeared out of thin air and deposited a cup of teh halia on my table! I looked up and it was the other guy (I really should think of a name for him too). Apparently, as soon as he'd seen me enter the restaurant, he'd started making the teh halia! Erm. So I told him (rather nervously, for I knew what was coming) that I hadn't ordered it.

"It's teh halia," he said, blankly.

"I know. But I didn't order it."

"You didn't order teh halia??" He asked, still kinda looking blank.

"Yep, that's right."

Trying not to give away the hurt+shock on his face, he picked up the cup and went back.

I could hear him say to Purshottam, "She didn't order teh halia."

"Yes." said Purshottam.

Their collective disappointment in me was palpable.

I was feeling really bad, and under normal circumstances, I'd have accepted the tea since he'd made it already. But this time I couldn't. I simply couldn't.

Viv and I are doing a 40-day no-sugar-no-alcohol challenge.

Here's the thing... I'm not very sure exactly why I am doing it though. It's not like we are overweight/unhealthy, or big sugar or alcohol consumers, expecting some kind of miraculous body transformation by undergoing this challenge. But before we embarked on it, I did sit back and try to go over our sugar/alcohol consumption. Neither of us drinks tea/coffee on a daily basis, we don't buy juice, we generally don't order sweet drinks at restaurants, and we don't go and party over drinks every weekend. I don't like ice-cream, Indian desserts, or cake icing, so I rarely have them. I never step foot into a Starbucks.

Once in a week or so, when I have company or if I'm at Purshottam's restaurant, I have tea. And since I don't have it every day, when I do have it, I don't hold back on the sugar. I'm quite unapologetic about liking my tea sweet.

I also bake a lot, but most of it is meals and not really cakes. The exception would probably be brownies, which I used to make almost 2-3 times a month because both Viv and Xena love them. The other source of sugar would be the occasional moscato that accompanies our Netflix sessions, or when we have a party. We eat out at least twice a week, and there's bound to be a lot of sugar in outside food, even in food that is not typically considered sweet, such as a bowl of tom yum soup. And then there's all the added sugar in stuff like salad dressings, ketchup, pasta sauces, etc.

Doesn't seem like very little, and doesn't seem like a lot. So what I really want to see is what the 40-day challenge would ukhado. I also need to take into account the fact that I have changed two variables at once (upped my gym time to 45 min this year), so any fitness-related 'results' would not be purely because of the challenge. I'm just curious about what it would do. And whether at the end of the 40 days, my body would reset its sugar-meter to the point that I can't even look at a slice of cheesecake. (Sounds very unlikely, if you ask me.)

Here's the thing -- even if nothing happens, I don't think this will be a futile exercise. I'll at least be armed with all the knowledge I've been gathering about stuff that has added sugars. Did you know, for instance, that Maggi noodles' seasoning has sugar? Holy cow. Sometimes, I just want to go for something without reading the food label, but the next moment, I chide myself, read it and then put the item back.

The other day, I almost 'cheated' without realising it. Xena couldn't finish her bowl of grapes, and out of habit I just grabbed the last one and popped it into my mouth. Before I could bite into it, I remembered that the no-sugar challenge extends to fruits too, and the next second, I was PTOOSHING it out of my mouth straight into the bin. Good girl.

Viv has an unopened can of Redbull in the fridge (leftover from our new year's eve party) and he says, "The true test will be to see how long that can remains in the fridge." He used to drink Redbull many many years ago, but after we found out more about its effects on the body, we completely shunned it. Now we buy it like once a year or so, e.g. if there is a big party and we need multiple drink options. So the fact that the can, joblessly sitting in the fridge just like that, has not tempted him, is quite amazing. Good boy.

Realistically, I think this is what will happen after the 40 days -- I won't give up sugar forever but I will become very sugar-conscious (e.g. no need to have birthday cake at every party that Xena gets us invited to, no need to smother that samosa/pakoda with ketchup, no need to reach for a big helping of sweet fruits because "fruits are so healthy"), and I will hardly have alcohol.

So that's that. Let's see how this goes and what this does. So far, so good. The giving up alcohol has been super easy, mainly because we never drink that much anyway. In fact, last night, we had dinner at Cafe Iguana and we didn't order their margaritas. True fans of Cafe Iguana will tell you what kind of blasphemy it is to step inside Cafe Iguana and not order their margaritas. We had never done that before. Ever.

I've also managed to cut out the sugar pretty easily. But the one thing I miss is my beloved teh halia. A few friends have been telling me to simply have it without sugar, but that is a grave insult to teh halia. To me, that's unthinkable. I might as well not drink any teh halia, than drink such a heavily compromised version.

But once the 40 days are over, no matter what I decide to do about sugar for the rest of the year, one thing is for sure -- I will break my fast with teh halia.

And I will shock Purshottam and co. all over again. 

Dessert safari

"I must be crazy," I thought to myself.

I had just read a comment from Prathi on my last post, and it said:

While in Chennai, do try "Theobroma" from Fresh Baked Goodness, Mylapore. It's what I miss most from my Chennai days..

"I must be crazy," I repeated to myself as I sent Viv a message with a link to the bakery's address and a 'Let's go!'

Speaking of crazy, Viv was out running when he saw my message. He, of mostly sound mind, had woken up at godknowswhat o'clock, to go running with his cousins at 4.30. A.M. Yes, you read that right. Did I mention we were on a holiday in India?

However, instead of sending back a "Are you crazy?", he sent a simple "Okay." I love that about him. Or maybe he was just too sleepy and tired to register that I was suggesting we go find some bakery in search of a dessert that sounded like a Greek or Egyptian person's name ("Cleopatra, meet Theobroma.") and had no other description, on the recommendation of a blog reader.

The other big reason that made us decide to go for it in a blink was how Uber and Ola have changed the landscape of getting around in India. In general, our visits in India and where we go each day are severely affected by the availability of the car and the driver. It's usually "The car is here, but driver has not come yet." or "The driver is here, but someone is out with the car." or "Neither the car, nor the driver is here." So outdoor ventures are usually limited and undertaken only when very necessary. This time, however, was totally different. We simply pretended that there was no ghar ki gaadi and ghar ka driver. We just went everywhere with Uber. I know I sound like an ad for Uber, but I was super impressed. We never had to wait more than 5 minutes for a cab and we never paid more than 200 rupees to get anywhere!

So after Viv got back from his run, he showered and we headed out in search of our Theobroma. This time we took an Ola Auto. I was blown away. Now they have Ola Autos?? How cool! We reached the address, sent the Auto on its way, looked around and found... nothing. There was no bakery, no signboard, nothing saying 'Fresh Baked Goodness'. Nooooooo........

"Google Maps can be quite screwed-up sometimes," Viv muttered.

And then suddenly, this guy standing in front of a house looked at our lost faces and asked us if we were looking for... Fresh Baked Goodness! Oh. My. Goodness. So we rushed to where he pointed (it did not look like a bakery; it was a house! And there really was no signboard anywhere!) and there it was, behind the glass display the much-discussed Theobroma. It was a giant layered chocolate cake, too giant for us to even think about buying the whole thing. But, they had these single servings of the same thing in cute little glass jars. So we got two of those and some slices of lemon cheesecake (me) and Nutella cheesecake (Viv) to share with the family.

"Do you want to walk home?" Viv suddenly said. "It's only 1 or 2 kilometres."

"Sure." I said.

I'm telling you, crazy runs in our family.

It was the middle of the day, and here we were, walking through hot and dusty roads and lanes and by-lanes, with vehicles that looked like they were headed in all directions at once (and my direction in particular) honking at everyone at once. I got scared. I, who was born in India and had lived there for the first 18 years of my life, was fearing for my life. The last time I had pulled this stunt was in 2007 when Dad was posted in Calcutta and Mom and I had gone saree-shopping for my wedding. I was so amazed at her expertise at crossing the busy streets. She'd suddenly say, "Okay, cross after the taxi!" and I'd be like "Errr, which one of the 43792378 taxis coming right at us?" So she'd grab my hand and dash across the road, with me fervently muttering, "Jai ma Calcutte-wali, mera rasta rakhna khaali."

Anyway, so we were getting great at this walking on the streets thingie, though I couldn't wait to get home, when Viv suddenly turned and said, "Do you want to stop for ice-cream?"

"Sure."

Because we were not already carrying enough desserts with us, we stopped by one of the hole-in-wall shops and got ice-cream cones. And we continued walking on that hot Chennai day, navigating the traffic along with the melting ice-cream that was threatening to drip to my elbow if I didn't act at a given speed. Never have I ever finished an ice-cream cone as quickly as I did that day!

Finally, we reached home and plonked the desserts on the dining table and ourselves on the chairs under the fan, feeling like we had conquered Mount Everest or something. We got long spoons and doled out servings of the Theobroma for everyone. It was yum! (In case you're as curious about the name as I was, Theobroma cacao is the cacao tree whose seeds are used to make chocolate.)

And of course, photo to banta hai, so here it is -- Theobroma from Fresh Baked Goodness. Layers and layers of chocolate and dark chocolate and white chocolate and mousse. 

This one's for you, Prathi! Hope I didn't get you all depressed. If so, please eat some roadside pani puri on my behalf so we're even.

Not a piece of cake

Like many people, I've also had my fair share of chuckling at articles that show the contrast between how a dish looks on the recipe website and how it looks when a normal human actually makes it. Which is why, when I saw the Youtube recipe for a cake that had a colourful checkered pattern on the inside, I went, "Yeah, right." Seriously? You want me to believe that I can cut open a normal-looking cake and it will magically have a colourful checkered pattern inside? Ha!

Months passed, but I still couldn't get it out of my head. The math in the recipe seemed about right, and more importantly, curiosity was killing me. So I decided to do it. In a low-stakes setting. Our old gang was getting together for a night out after ages, and Viv was flying off the next day, and as usual wasn't going to be in Singapore for his birthday. I figured this was the perfect setting to attempt to make the checkered cake.

So I did, and the results were phenomenal. Viv's expression when he cut open the innocent-looking pale cake justified the 46429436034532 hours I'd put into making this cake. And I got some high praise from the two big bakers in my family -- my mom and my sister. My mom said it was the most beautiful-looking cake she's ever seen. Praise from her on anything food-related is like ZOMG levels. Friends have been trying to figure out how on earth I made it. A neighbour has already asked me to help her make it for her daughter's birthday. Since it's been such a hit, I thought I'd blog about it, and also share the instructions for all you bakers out there.

Here you go!

You're welcome. :)

Food for thought

So my sister-in-law asked a very deep, philosophical question at dinner last night.

"If you could choose ONLY ONE food item which you would have to eat for every meal for an entire month, what would it be?"

My knee jerk reaction was pani puri (of course), but then I love it too much to put it in my 'I can't stand it anymore' list at the end of that month, so that's out. Besides, I'm not sure my tummy can take pani puri three times a day for 30 days without revolting.

Other options I thought of included dosa (she said condiments are allowed, but they have to be the same all the way), stuffed parathas, chow mein, chaat and Calcutta egg rolls, but something doesn't feel right, especially if you think about the nutrition quotient. I'm still pondering over what that food item would be for me. Something that would be tasty and filling (and non-boring!), and won't screw up my health over that month.

What would you choose?

D is for dosa

One of the ways in which I try to emulate my mom is to make sure that I make something different for breakfast each day. She had a plethora of breakfast items up her sleeve, picked up along the way of dad's transfers to different places. But of all the things she used to make, dosas were my favourite. I used to love dosas so much, my mom would make the following joke all the time.

"Going by your love for dosas, you're gonna get married into a South Indian family. Mark my words! Hahaha!"

(If only she knew that it was not a joke she had made, but an accurate prediction...)

"Going by that logic, I think she should get married to the pani puri wala downstairs." My cousin remarked.

I wanted to fling the dosa on my plate at him, but it was nice and crispy and I wanted to eat it.

I still love dosas, the ones at MTR being my favourite. Yumzadooza!

Anyway, fast-forward many many years... Of all my failed attempts to make stuff for Xena to eat, I can say that dosas have been the least of a failure. I started off my making tiny heart-shaped dosas and sending them off in her school snackbox. They looked very cute and seeing her classmates' interest in them, she started nibbling on them too, and soon realised that they weren't too bad.

Take a teaspoon of batter, flick left, flick right on the pan, and you have a heart!

They were quite crunchy and yum, and always a hit at play dates.

Motivated by this, I made all sorts of shapes with dosa batter, and she took quite well to them. Here are some of my 'artisanal' dosas, made by putting some batter into a ketchup dispensing bottle and squeezing away.

Lollipop

Plant with a flower

Fruits and Christmas tree

Flowers

This, on hindsight, was not a great idea. It looked cool on the pan, but I realised that I had not thought it through. The eyes and mouth were independent of the face, and had to be flipped separately. Yikes. Disturbing. 

Soon, in spite of the tiny quantities she ate, dosa became her favourite food. You could ask her any day of the week what she wanted for dinner, and her instant reply would be 'dosa'. The big problem I have is that she eats her dosa without any filling, sambar or chutney whatsoever. I've tried real hard, but she absolutely refuses to eat anything at all with the dosa. And I'm not comfortable with the idea of a small plain dosa as a complete meal. Especially if said meal occurs on a regular basis.

So I decided to go all out to fortify the dosas I made for her, just to increase their nutrition value by a bit. One day, I had made some spinach puree to make soup for Viv and me, and I mixed some of the puree with batter to make green batter. I made green heart dosas, and she bought them!

Then, one day, she made a strange request. "Mama, can you make a pink gingerbread man dosa for me?"

Hmmm. 

Pink.

Gingerbread man.

Dosa.

I thought for a while about how to bring these three unrelated elements together. And then inspiration hit me. I didn't want to use artificial pink food colouring so I used some beetroot instead. I made two batches of batter -- one was white and the other was pink, dyed with beetroot. 

It ended up looking more Halloween-y than gingerbread-man-y, but she ate it happily. 

I also tried to make a whale. Please note how the water spout from the blowhole ended up looking like a duck. Sheesh. But she didn't complain. I guess that was because she can't draw whales either. 

I have now taken my dosa ventures to new levels by buying a grinder (I was not entirely happy with using a blender to make batter). I didn't even know there was such a thing as a grinder, until I saw one at Viv's aunt's place in Bangalore when we were there last year. "What on earth is that giant contraption and why don't I have one?" I asked myself the moment I tasted the idlis she had made. I'm not a fan of idlis, but that seriously was the most divine idli ever. My dad-in-law, who wastes no time when it comes to anything, promptly took me to a store and I got myself a grinder. It was almost 10 kg in weight, but luckily, we had enough baggage allowance to bring it here. Now I make industrial quantities of really amazing, fluffy batter, enough for the family, friends and the 'hood. 

Now that she's a little older, I have graduated to making regular dosa-shaped dosas for her, but I still add all sorts of things to the batter - grated carrots, grated beetroots, vegetable puree, etc. I continue to serve it with some kind of a protein, such as sambar, but she rejects it without fail. Every single time. 

Well, at least the dosa is willingly going into that unwilling tummy and I'm really thankful for that. 

Bake-aar ki baatein

So Xena and I have been baking up a storm. It's hard to decide who is really more into it because I go to sleep thinking about what to bake the next day and she wakes up from her afternoon nap with an urgent, "Mama, let's go baaakeeee!!!" She has even got a name for the oven! Avni. (Well, it's supposed to be Oven-y, but it really does sound like the desi name Avni.) 

A big thank you to all you bewdas for being so generous in sharing your tried and tested recipes. We tried some of them with superb results. Some of you have even taken the time to email me recipes and tips for newbie bakers, and a big thank you for that! I'm going to try all of it. 

So I thought I'll share what we have been up to the last few weeks - Xena, Avni and me.

After our first venture - the very simple vanilla cake, I was still not confident to dive into really adventurous stuff, so we did some variations of the same recipe just to do it over and over again and see if it still worked. 

We tried a duo-tone cake using food colouring. All good! Viv polished them off in one evening. He was working on his laptop with the box next to him, and no one realised when it became empty! 

Next, we tried a blueberry cake and err... cakelets. Well, I don't know if they're called cakelets, but I had some moulds I wanted to use, so there. 

Xena shows off the blueberry cake. 

She even made what she called the 'blueberry cake flower'.

Then we made blueberry muffins using the recipe shared by blog reader Anphy, and it was a big hit. Thank you, Anphy!

Xena is waiting and waiting and waiting for the muffins to rise. 

The proud baker displays the goodies. 

Then we tried to make cupcakes, using the same old cake recipe. 

Of course, I was nowhere near learning to ice the cupcakes, so we just used sprinkles. Xena gobbled up two of them!

We were totally not sick of the sweet stuff yet, but just to mix things up, I tried making some savoury things. With mixed results. 

The kurkure bhindi didn't turn out to be that kurkure after all. I need to find a better recipe. 

The lasagna tasted good, but the sheets were slightly undercooked. I need to practise a little more. 

The baked vegetables were a super hit. I marinated random vegetables (pumpkin, onions, zucchini, red peppers, baby potatoes, capsicum, etc.) in a mixture of balsamic vinegar, olive oil, tabasco sauce, salt, garlic powder and pepper for an hour, and just baked them. They were so yum I can't wait to make them again. 

I had some cocoa powder in the fridge that I wanted to use up but I'm not a big fan of chocolate cake or chocolate muffins. So I googled for 'best brownie recipe' and landed on this one. 

I had another mould that I wanted to try out, so I divided the brownie batter into portions. 

Xena called these 'brownie buttons'. 

We quickly devoured about 5 between the two of us. The rest were gobbled up by Viv as soon as he came back from work. I made another batch later for some guests, and used them as toppings on parfait, with an M&M perched on each. Darn, I forgot to take a photo!

Though the button brownies were more fun, the actual brownie-shaped brownies were good too. We had quite a few of those with ice-cream. Talk about a sudden surge in the household caloric intake!

"Mama, look! I made a flower!" She cried out. 

My very good friend Soumya, who has been a great source of encouragement and tips, took me to Phoon Huat (also known as bakers' paradise) where I bought a lot of stuff, including tools for icing! Yes, I felt like I was ready to ice. 

I came across this buttercream frosting recipe and decided to try my hand at icing some cupcakes for my friend Maya's birthday brunch. 

I used the same old vanilla cake recipe because I loved how soft and springy the cupcakes turned out. I find most cupcakes too rich and overwhelming after the first few bites, but this recipe keeps things light and nice. 

I used this recipe to make marshmallow fondant and cut out the letters in her name to put on the cupcakes. 

I'd bought a cupcake box, so I put the cupcakes in it and started icing. Xena was really excited to see the pink flowers. 

This was taken during the birthday celebration. With the letters and the candles, the cupcakes really did look quite nice. And everyone liked the taste too. 

I feel so encouraged to carry on. :)

Oven-fresh(ie)

When we first moved into this house 8 years ago, we realised that the giant built-in oven didn't work. But it didn't matter. I was no baker. I had 32857857 other things to do in my life, and had no intention  or time to start on a new hobby. So it served as extra storage in my cramped kitchen. However, every now and then I'd look at it and wonder if I really should take the family legacy forward.

My mom used to bake a lot of cakes when we were younger, and she didn't even have a fancy oven. It was literally two metallic hemispheres joined together and connected to an electrical plug point. How she managed to whip out the amazing things from that contraption is beyond me. When my sister got married and moved to the US, she had one of those bigass built-in ovens and she got started on it immediately. Very soon, she was baking cakes and pizza from scratch.

I was the only one totally content with my defunct oven.

On some levels, I felt like I'd be terrible at it. Like I was at titration in school. I aced everything else, but for some weird reason, my titration readings would be completely off. My Chemistry teacher would shake his head and say, "See? Brains are not everything. Titration needs a totally different thing - SKILL AND PRECISION."

I knew that just like titration, baking was also all about skill and precision, a combination I was not exactly known to possess. The only precise measurement I use religiously in my kitchen is 'andaaz se daal do yaar'. That, I knew, was fine for cooking, but was the ultimate recipe for disaster when it came to baking. So I refrained from dreaming impossible dreams.

A few years ago, someone gifted us a toaster oven. It was my first real brush with the oven species. I started to make random things in it, but of course, no cakes. The most successful thing that came out of that oven was this vegetarian lasagna. It needed no skill or precision. Just lots of cheese.

It was yum, but of course the original recipe asked for a real oven, so I did wonder at times how much of the taste had been compromised. 

When we started planning our home renovation, the keeda that had been gently squirming in my head for a while, emerged. Viv, an avid food-lover, was thrilled at the thought of new dishes. We decided to get a proper oven in the 'new' house so I could get started on a hobby totally alien to me. 

The oven was bought and installed. We moved in. However, for some reason there was this great big fear in my heart about getting started. Baking was so new to me and I'd never used a proper oven in my life before. I was terrified to even touch it. So I went slow. Real slow. I didn't do anything about it for about a week. Then, one day I asked Viv where the manual was. He passed it to me. The next day, I found a nice little shelf to keep the manual. For the next few days, I just took turns to stare - first at the manual kept on the shelf and then at the oven. The next day, I threw caution to the wind and actually bought a cake tin. The next day, I dared to take the manual out of its plastic cover and proudly declared my courageous deed to Viv. He smiled politely.

The next day, I did it! I actually opened the manual and read it! Then I asked Viv to read it with me. We figured things out, cleaned the oven and switched it on for the first time. The manual said we needed to keep it switched on for an hour before first use. Xena got all excited to see the lights in the oven and asked me if we were making a cake. "Of course!" I said. So I googled for 'basic cake recipes for beginners', skipped the first link (Martha Stewart) and clicked on the second. Simple sponge cake, it said. And simple it was. No oz nonsense and all that. 

I didn't have a cake mixer or oven mitts or measuring cups (I'm buying a whole bunch of stuff next week), but we got on to it anyway. Xena helped me as much as her tiny hands allowed her. Finally, we crossed our fingers and put the cake tin with the batter in the oven. A friend had told me that the first few attempts at cake-making would result in total disaster, so I was mentally prepared to go through all of that without giving up. 

"Is it rising? Is it rising?" Xena kept asking. Luckily, it was. Phew. 

After it was done, cooled and cut, I ate the first slice. Of course, it felt supremely delicious to me. Soft and spongy and moist, with just the right level of sweetness. So I decided to call on an independent reviewer. A harsh, food-hating, cake-loathing, 4-year-old, 11-kg expert.

The review: Xena had the first piece and then asked for another. That was a shocker. She'd never had even one complete piece of cake ever. Not even birthday cake. The next morning, she asked for the cake again and had -- I kid you not -- 4 pieces. Back to back. I'm still reeling from the shock. 

So yes, it looks like I need to take up this hobby quite seriously. I'll bug my sister, of course, but any tips from newbie/seasoned bakers are very welcome! Any great, tried-and-tested oven recipes to share with this newbie?