Two of a kind

Fans of Archie comics would remember that Jughead has an 'identical cousin'. When I first read that story, my reaction was "What? Identical cousins?? That's pushing it a bit too much."

Until recently, when Viv and I noticed that Xena has started displaying more and more characteristics of baby Aish, my sister's daughter.

I found a photo of Aish when she was as old as Xena is now, and put them together to compare. The whole family is going a little berserk at the striking similarities.

Collateral damn-age

Now I am generally not the "Why me???? Why only me???? Why not them??????" kind of a person, but recently a situation presented itself before me that made me say these very words.

Recently, my niece Aishu celebrated her 5th birthday. Mom, who is in the US now to see her freshly-minted grandson, was giving me the low-down on the phone. Aishu had had a lot of people wishing her and asking her how old she was. "I am FIVE years old!" She declared. In jest, my mom asked her, "And how old is your mom?" She looked lost for a while and then came up with what she considered a number much bigger than five.

"Ummm... Mom is fifteen years old." She said.

"And your Dad?" Asked my mom, after she was done laughing.

"Hmm... Eighteen."

The rising levels of amusement around her and the fact that nobody was correcting her was making her more and more confident, so her answers started coming in thick and fast.

"How about grandma?"

"Grandma... Twenty-four years old."

"And grandpa?"

"Twenty-seven years old."

"How about Mausi?"

"Mausi? Thirty years old."

:|

No seriously, why me???? Why only me???? Why not them?????

No return/refund, only exchange

Aish (in her best "Excuse me, this isn't what I ordered" tone) - Who is this??? Where's the baby sister???

My sister - Well, you don't have a baby sister, Aishu. You have a baby brother.

Aish - But I didn't want a baby brother! I wanted a baby sister!!

Sis - But you have a baby brother. We can't just leave him here in the hospital and go home, can we?

Aish - Yes, let's leave him here in the hospital and go home.

Sis (horrified but staying calm) - Erm... But think of what would happen if we just leave him here?

Aish - Hmmm... Someone else can take him home.

Sis - Look, he's crying. Shall we take him home? Please?

Aish - Hmm... okay fine, we can take him home for now. But later, we will exchange him for Mausi's baby girl.

***

I will now leave the bewdas to digest the news while I go and write another post with the dramatic details.

Perspective

I really should do a series called 'gyaan for grown-ups' by baby Aish. Sample this.

Me (on phone to sis) - What's Aish up to? Getting ready for school?

Sis - Actually she has a fever, so she won't go today. Aish, you want to talk to Mausi?

Aish (feeble voice) - Mausiii...

Me - Yes, Aishu... What happened to you?

Aish - I have a fever...

Me - Poor baby... it will get better soon. How did you get it?

Aish - I got it from my friend. And I can't go to school now.

Me - Oh dear. You must not like it at all, isn't it?

Aish - No, I still like the friend. I just don't like the fever.

Count on me

Me (on the phone with my niece who is four and a half) - Hi Aishu! Your mom says you have picked up some Spanish from your Dora DVDs??

Aish - Yes!

Me - That's great! Can you count from 1 to 10?

So Aish counts to 10 in Spanish. I don't know if it's correct but it sure sounds impressive.

The next day...

Aish - Mausi!!

Me - Yes, baby!

Aish - Yi, er, san!

Whoa. Did she just say 1-2-3 in Chinese???? I can hear my sister laughing in the background.

Me - Wow, Aishu!!! Now you're learning Chinese!!!! Can you count to 10?

Aish - I can count to 3. Yi, er, san!

Me - Okay, let me teach you how to count to 5, ok? Yi, er, san, si, wu!

Aish - Yi, er, san, si, wu!

Me - Very good! If you remember this tomorrow, I'll teach you how to count till 10, ok?

The next day...

Aish - Mausi... Yi, er, san...

Me - What's next?

Aish - Hmmm...

Me - Si, wu!

Aish - Yi, er, san, wu, si!

Me - Uh oh! It's yi, er, san, si, wu!

Aish - Yi, er, san, si, wu!

Me - Very good!

Aish - And how do I count to 10?

Me - Try and remember 1 to 5 first, and then I'll teach you how to count to 10. Ok?

Aish - Hmm... why don't you just email it to me?

Me - !!

Subordinate Claus

Christmas eve. I call up baby Aish.

Me - Hi, Aishu! What's happening?

Aish - I'm waiting for my surprise present.

Me - Oh. Who's getting you a surprise present?

Aish - Santa.

Me - Oh! Santa?

Aish - Yes, Santa will come on a reindeer and he'll bring my present.

Me - Wow. What present will he bring for you?

Aish - Umm... I need shoes. I think he will bring me shoes.

Me - Aishuuuu....

Aish - What?

Me - I need shoes too!!!

Aish - Okay, he will bring shoes for you too.

Me - Sure? You'll tell him??

Aish - Okay, I will call him and tell him.

Wow. Reaching Santa had never been this easy. :)

Humble beginnings

So I called up my sister and she told me Aish had won the third prize in an art competition in the 'kindergarten' category.

"Hey, but she's only in pre-school!" I said.

"I know." My sister said proudly, "But she was there so they allowed her to enter in the youngest category they had, and she actually won!"

"Give her the phone." I said.

"Mausiiii... I won a prize!" I heard Aishu say.

"I heard, baby. Well done! You are a genius!" I said, proudly.

"I am not a genius!" She said indignantly. "I am Aishu."

Wah wah.

Never mind the fact that she said that because she doesn't know what on earth 'genius' means (she probably thought I was calling her a monkey or something), but what a lesson in humility to all grown-ups. :)

The plane truth

I got scolded. :(

By a 4-year-old. :( :(

You know how when your nieces and nephews are very young and they say these cute little random things that you love to hear so much? And then they grow up and you realise that you haven't?

Happened to me. :( :( :(

When Aishu was about 3, she used to look at the yellow school buses passing her window in fascination and dream of the day when she would be in one of them. And when I'd call her and ask, "Aishu, when will you come to Singapore?" she'd say, "I'll go to Singapore tomorrow in the ellow school bus." And then I'd ask her the same question 383565739393 times in the conversation just to hear her say 'ellow school bus' 383565739393 times.

So recently I remembered that and asked her, "Aishu, when will you come to Singapore in the ellow school bus?"

"Mausiiii...!" she exclaimed in indignation. "You don't go to Singapore in the yellow school bus! You go to school in the yellow school bus. You go to Singapore in an aeroplane!"

:|

Advant-age Aish

So my niece Aish calls after like a gazillion years. Obviously she's learnt something evil at school because her first question itself is politically quite incorrect.

Me - Hi Aishu, how are you??

Aish - Hi Mausi, how old are you?

Hainn?! Ahem. Ok fine. So I tell her my age.

Aish - And Mausa, how old are you?

Viv tells her his age.

We are still not fully over the depression when she drops the bomb.

Aish (and you can hear the pride in her voice) - I am FOUR YEARS OLD.

Me - GEE! THANKS A LOT, AISHU!

Aish - ??

***

I have something to say to the toddlers of the world -- there are some very insecure grown-ups around you, would you please just STOP SHOWING OFF???

The parent diaries

:( looks like SSSK took one of Shotgun Sinha's "KHAAAMOSH"es to heart :(

Thanks to this nudge from regular bewda Arun on my last post, I'm back in the bar. Sorry about the long absence, my parents are finally here (remember this drama?) and I have been trying my best to get away from the office often enough to spend some quality time with them. It's been an absolute riot so far, and here are some snippets:

• Dad's 'To get from Singapore' list actually included 'A coconut from East Coast beach with a sprout so I can take it home and plant it in my garden'. Hey bhagwaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan! He scoured the beach for a full week before he actually found not one, but three of them! It was hilarious to see Mom's expression when he placed them in his suitcase. I don't know how he is going to take them into India (isn't carrying soil and seeds into India illegal?) but I have asked him to make sure he has enough bail money.
  

• The only time I ever talk Indian politics is with my Dad. Mainly because it's very entertaining to just say 'Sonia Gandhi' and watch him shake his fists and explode.

• We have been shopping like mad in the last few days. Just for fun, I showed Mom some branded purses and asked her to guess the cost. She couldn't and I told her, "Twelve hundred and ninety-five". Her next question - "What?! Dollars or rupees???" LOL!
  
  
• On the subject of branded stuff, Dad's question really threw me off. "Should I get Gucci shoes?" For a second I couldn't tell if he was serious or kidding. I just went :O. (Of course, he didn't in the end.)
  

• It was a proud moment for the whole family when baby Aish called and we realised that she has picked up the concept of time difference. "Mausi, it is night here," she said, "Is it morning there?"

• Sample another conversation involving baby Aish who called one morning. Mom (who always complains that Aish speaks to everyone but her) picked up.
  
  Aish - Where is Mausi?
  Mom - Mausi has gone to office.
  Aish - Where is Mausa?
  Mom - Mausa has also gone to office.
  Aish - Where is Grandpa?
  Mom - Grandpa has gone to the beach to look for coconuts.
  Aish - Ok bye.
  Mom - ?????????!!!!
  

• My Dad is trying to turn vegetarian. With one exception, he says. Singapore chilli crab!

• Mom and I went for a combo pedicure. It was such a perfect bonding moment -- we even got our toenails painted in the same colour, to the amusement of the pedicurist. (I had deposited Dad at a plant nursery so he wouldn't have to endure a full girly hour with us.)

• I am still so impressed at Dad's organic garden back home! This year, he harvested a 9.5-kg pumpkin, a gazillion coconuts and more than 100 kg of tomatoes! Apparently, even the neighbours started getting a bit sick of receiving free stuff and he had to give the tomatoes to the maid who set up a stall and started selling them!

• This is Mom's fourth visit to Singapore and even now, after knowing that the island is teeming with Indians, if she spots an Indian on the road or an Indian bus driver, she turns to me and mouths excitedly, "Indian?"

• Viv had entered a go-kart race and we decided to go support him. I could not believe my ears when my Dad asked him if he could take a spin with Viv in a double-kart. My dad. In a go-kart. Man! I almost sang 'Yeh dosti' when I saw both of them take off in the double-kart.

• Mom is getting interested in Sudoku and it is so fabulous to see her progress from the one-star puzzles to the five-star ones (we call those panch-pandav-sudoku!). I actually watched in pride like a doting mother as she completed a PPS all by herself.

• Now it's Viv's turn to have to endure my childhood stories. Muahahaha! One of my personal favourites, other than the fish market incident is this one. Dad's friend came to visit us. I was about five years old. Dad told me, "Go tell Mom Mr. Blah-Blah is here." I went and repeated it to Mom. She was in a bad mood for some reason and said, "So?? What am I supposed to do??" I went out and Dad asked me if I had told Mom. I said, "Yes, I did and she said -- So?? What am I supposed to do??" Yep, right in Mr. Blah-Blah's face. I doubt he ever visited us again. :/

A sound decision

So I am on the phone with Aish.

Me - Hi, Aishuuu!!

Aish - Mausiiiiiii!!

Me - Aishu, when will you come to Singapore??

Aish - Singapore... But I can't go to Singapore...

Me - WHAT?! WHY NOT???

Aish - Because I can't take a plane to Singapore...

Me - WHAT?! WHY NOT???

Aish - You know the toilets in the plane...

Me - Yes?

Aish - The flush...

Me - Uh huh...

Aish - The flush makes a very loud sound. I get very scared.

Me - Err...

Aish (with an air of finality) - And that's why I can't go to Singapore.

Specially fo(u)r you

Bar mein aaj hai budday bash
Kaiku?
Arre char saal ki ho gayi Aish!

Good wishes karne ka, mamu...
Nikaalo sab ek ek eyelash!
Char saal ki ho gayi Aish!

Now eligible for hafta-wasooli
We take credit card or cash
Char saal ki ho gayi Aish!

Teekhi nazar hai Masi jaisi
Kahan chhupa rakha hai stash?
Char saal ki ho gayi Aish!

Mana nahin karne ka, kya re?
Face ko kar degi woh smash
Char saal ki ho gayi Aish!

Size par nahin jaane ka, samjha?
Panga lega, hoga thrash
Char saal ki ho gayi Aish!

Akkhi life ho jaayegi
Teri aankhon ke aage flash
Char saal ki ho gayi Aish!

Masi se badhkar hai Tiny Tapori
Teri shakal ko kar degi backyard trash
Char saal ki ho gayi Aish!

Pata bhi nahin chalega re tujhko
Tera thobda hai ya plane crash
Char saal ki ho gayi Aish!

Uske nanhe haathon se hi
Aloo ke mafik hoga mash
Char saal ki ho gayi Aish!

Chal, kalti maar le yahan se
Bole toh, kar le tu dash
Char saal ki ho gayi Aish!

State of the art

Prescript: It has been an insane week at work. Work on Hopscotch will start in the coming long weekend (yeay!).

***

So I was on the phone with my sister this morning.

Me - Where's Aish?

Sis - Inside. Sulking.

Me - Sulking? Why?!

Sis - Major bawling episode.

Me - What happened?

Sis - Oh wait... she's here.

Me - So what happened??

Sis (to Aish) - What now? You're here to complain to your Mausi?

Aish (timidly) - Yesh.

Sis - Well then go ahead!

Aish - Mausiiiii?

Me - Yes, baby. What happened?

Aish - Mom threw my drawings in the trash.

Me - WHAT?!

Aish - Yesh. The trash is for dirty things. She threw my drawings in the trash.

Me - And then what happened?

Aish - And then I cried.

Me - And then?

Aish - And then she took them out.

Me (to sis) - YOU THREW HER DRAWINGS IN THE TRASH???????

Sis - Hey bhagwaaaan... She brings back like ten of them every day from school! I kept one and threw the rest. They're all the same anyway!

Me - What did she draw???

Sis - Nothing! Just random lines scribbled all over the page!!

Me - Aish, what did you draw?

Aish - It was a dinosaur.

Me - :|

Power play

Baby Aish (on the phone) - Hi, Mausi!

Me - Hi, Aish!

Aish - What are you doing?

Me - I'm not feeling well, baby. Mausi has a bad cold.

*pause*

Aish (in a stern, accusing tone) - Mausiiii... Did you also go out and play in the snow???

Word of mouth

Bewdas who have been following my niece Aish's antics on this blog would remember how she refers to big things as 'happy' and small things as 'sad'. Happy bubbles versus sad bubbles. Happy rotis versus sad rotis and what not.

So recently, I was on the phone with her. Quizzing her on random things as usual.

Me - Aishu, how many teeth do you have?

Aish - Twenty!

Me - Very good. And how many do I have?

Aish - Twenty!

Me - No Aishu, I have thirty-two teeth. I am big and strong (Aishu's term for 'grown-ups'), you see. So I have more and bigger teeth. You are a little girl so you have fewer and smaller teeth. Okay?

Aish - Okay.

She sounded confident, but I was sure I had confused her.

Me - What okay? What did you understand?

Aish - I am a little girl so my teeth are sad.

Centre stage

The phone rang. I picked it up.

"Mausiiiiiiiii!!!"

"Hi, Aishuuuu! What are you doing?"

"I am going to sleep now. Mom said I have to sleep. I have a recital tomorrow."

"Huh??? You have a WHAT?"

"Hi, she has a recital tomorrow." My sister had taken over the phone.

"She has a RECITAL???"

"Yep."

"What do you mean by that? She's barely four!"

"Oh they have this thing in the piano classes. Everyone has a recital, where they perform for the class and the teachers."

I had seen Aish in her piano class when I had visited her. The teacher painted the kids' nails in different colours and the piano keys had stickers corresponding to those colours so the kids knew which key to press with which finger. It was very cute, and the kids seemed more fascinated by the nail colours than the idea of playing the piano. All in fun, I'd thought. But an actual performance? Whoa.

So the next day I called Aish.

"How was your recital, Aish? What did you do?"

"I played the piano.."

"And then what happened?"

"And then everyone did 'clap your hands'."

"Wow, everyone did 'clap your hands'? Great! And then what happened?"

"I bowed..."

"You bowed on stage?? Our little grasshopper has become an elegant young lady! So we can't call you 'grasshopper' anymore! So what did you do after you bowed?"

"I jumped up and down."

:|

Name-calling

Sheesh.

Sample this conversation between two small children -- my niece baby Aish who is three and a half, and... my Mom!

Mom - O grasshopper!

Baby Aish - You called me a grasshopper???

Mom - Yes, you are a grasshopper!

Baby Aish - No! I am not a grasshopper! You are a grasshopper!

Mom - Okay, you are a small monkey!

Baby Aish - No! I am not a small monkey! You are a small monkey!!

Mom - You are a tiny mouse.

Baby Aish - No! I am not a tiny mouse. You are a tiny mouse!!!

Mom (grinning wickedly) - Okay, you are prachanda sundari ("the supreme beauty").

Baby Aish - NO! I am NOT panchan... YOU are PACHANDA SUNDARI!!!

Mom (grinning still) - OK, agreed! Hehehehe...

Viewpoint

"The little grasshopper has forgotten me!" Mom lamented.

('The little grasshopper' is a nickname Mom has given baby Aish. I think it does justice to her characteristics.)

"Mom... she hasn't forgotten you!" I tried to reassure her. (Look who's talking, especially after this.)

"She has! Now that she's back in the US, she doesn't want to talk to her grandma anymore. Every time your sister gives her the phone, she runs away!"

"She runs away?! What do you mean runs away??"

"As in... she runs away from the phone. I can literally hear her steps on the floor as she runs away."

It was only when my sister called me that I experienced the running away phenomenon.

"Here, Aish. Come. Talk to Mausi." my sister said. She put me on speaker.

"Mausiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii." Aish said.

"Hiiii Aish, how are you??"

Complete silence. Followed by the sound of pounding feet.

"Come back, Aish! Give me the phone!" I heard my sister dash after Aish.

"What's happening? What's happening??" I yelled out.

"She's running away with the phone this time!" My sister yelled back.

I was distraught. Mom was right then. Aish didn't want to talk to us anymore...

I heard some loud clattering noises next.

"She's trying to put the phone on the window sill, the naughty girl. I'll call you back if you get disconnected!" yelled my sister.

Complete silence again.

What on earth was the girl trying to do, taking the phone to the window?

"Hello?" I said, softly, wondering if the phone had been flung out of the window and if I was talking to actual grasshoppers this time.

And then the best thing happened. I think Aish leaned in close to the phone kept on the window sill, for I heard her whisper loud and clear.

"Look, Mausi... It's snowing..."

A matter of time

Dearest Aishu baby,

I am SO sorry I lied to you. I had to. You clung on to me like a little monkey and said, "No, don't go. Don't go back, Mausi." I had no choice but to lie and tell you that I am going to see the doctor, hoping that would deter you. But you said you wanted to come along. It was only when your Mom said, "Mausi is going to get an injection! She'll come back soon." that you finally let go, but still giving me that half-believing look.

"I'll see you soon." I said. And I came back. Back to Singapore. Back to my crazy life. Your Mom told me you kept waiting for me and asking about me every day. Every time I look at this picture I'd taken on the toy train in the zoo that day, my heart breaks as I think about how I lied to you and made you wait.

Your Mom tells me that a few days later, you finally gave up on me and said, "Mausi went back to Singapore."

When I called you, you were not angry. I asked you, "When will you come to Singapore, Aishu?" and just like the many random things you say, you said, "I'll come at 3:30."

I don't know what that means. But whatever it does, I do know one thing.

I cannot wait for 3:30.

Lots of love,
Mausi

Family drama

Snippets from the general madness in the house during my vacation:

Me - Where's my towel? Who took my towel??
Dad - Look for your towel later. Come, look at the pumpkins I have grown in the kitchen garden.

*ZAP* *ZAP* *ZAP*
(Viv was using the racket-like thingie that has taken the whole of India by storm, to annihilate the mosquitoes.)
Mom - Lo! Aa gaya, machharon ka yamdoot!

Baby Aish - I want to touch the touch-me-not. Where's my shteek? (another B.A.D. word [Baby Aish Dictionary word]. Dad has asked her to touch the touch-me-not with a stick to avoid the thorns.)

Mom - Whose tea is this??? It's stone cold!

Dad - And the neighbours stole the big pumpkin. I should have harvested earlier. I was waiting for it to become fully ripe and they stole it.
Me - Did you confront them?
Dad - I don't know which one of them did it. And that's why I can't come visit you in Singapore. You see? They'll just steal everything in my kitchen garden!
Me - You just need another excuse not to come see me!

*ZAP* *ZAP* *ZAP* *ZAP*

Mom - Who took my slippers into the pumpkin patch? Huh? They're all muddy now!
Me (sheepish) - Umm... I don't know!

Jeeju - And then you click on this icon here called 'Dataone'. And then...
Dad - Wait wait, let me write that down. Once you go back, I will forget everything.

Me - Wow, this dress is nice!
Sis - You want it?? Take it!!
Me - No no, I don't want it. I just think it's nice.
Sis - Are you sure?? If you like it, you can have it! Seriously!
Me - No Apa, I don't want to have it... it's nice, that's all.

Me - Viv! Mosquitoes in Apa's room!
*ZAP* *ZAP* *ZAP*

Jeeju - And then you click this icon here that says 'Internet Explorer'...
Viv - Or you can click the one that says 'Mozilla Firefox'.
Dad (to me) - So which one should I click?
Me - Will you people please stop confusing my poor Dad?

Baby Aish (to Viv) - Moucha, I want to play "Fly like an aeroplane".
Sis - Come, brush your teeth first!
Baby Aish - I don't want to brush my teeth. I want to play "Fly like an aeroplane".

Me - And where's my baby pictures' album??
Dad - This one!
Me - Why doesn't it have a sticker with my name like Apa's?
Dad - Errr...
Me - Special offer for first-born? Second-born gets no bhaav?

Mom - Seriously, whose tea is this??

Me (pointing to the showcase in the living room) - What on earth is this??
Mom - Don't ask me. Ask your Dad.
Dad - Arre! It's the statue of Liberty next to a statue of the Merlion. It's symbolic. It represents my daughters' locations.
Me - Hey bhagwaaaaan.....

Baby Aish - Mauchi, I want to play bubbles.
I start blowing bubbles while she jumps around bursting them.
Baby Aish - BEEEEG bubble! I want a BEEEEG bubble!
I blow a big bubble and two smaller ones.
Baby Aish (pointing to the small bubbles) - No I don't want the sad bubbles. I want the happy bubbles.
Me - Erm... Mausi is tired. Now you try, baby.
Baby Aish (disappointed at her sad bubbles) - When I become BEEEG, I will also make happy bubbles.

*ZAP* *ZAP* *ZAP*
Me - Viv, please stop destroying the bubbles with the racket and focus on the mosquitoes.

Me - And where is my favourite childhood book?
Dad - Which one is that?
Me (horrified) - You don't know which is my favourite childhood book?
Dad - Errr...
Me - I'm sure you know Apa's favourite childhood book?
Dad - Errr... no. Which one is yours?
Me - The Lost Girl and the Scallywags. I can't find it. Did you trash it????
Dad - I haven't trashed anything from the time I built this house!!
Mom (looking at all the half-opened cartons) - Sigh. Tell me about it.

Me - Viv, please take a bath...
Viv - Wait wait, Sehwag is on 47...

Mom - Will you people please close and lock your suitcases when you're not in the room? The kaam wali is new...

Dad - Somebody get the phone!

Aish - I want to watch Dora.
Sis - Dora doesn't come on Indian TV, Aish.
Aish - But I want to watch Dora!
Me - Come let's watch Bollywood trailers, Aish.
Aish - But I want to watch Dora!

Mom - I love these coffee mugs you got.
Me - Then why aren't you using them???
Mom - What if they break?!
Me - Ya allaaaaaaaaaaaaah!!!!!!!!!!

Me (examining baby Aish's tiny fingers) - Aishu, your fingers are soooo tiny and soooo cute. Mausi is going to eat them up! Should I eat them up? (making chomping sounds near her fingers)
Baby Aish - No no, put some sugar on them first. Then eat them.

Dad - Who has locked my mobile??
Me - I have. You should always lock it.
Dad - But why??
Me - Well, it will start dialing random numbers.
Dad - What?! How??
Me - If someone sits on it or something...
Dad - Why would anyone sit on my phone?????????
Me - Well, it could dial even if no one sits on it...
Dad - I have been using this phone for years now! It has never happened before. Why will it happen now??
Me - Errr...
Dad - How do I unlock it? I pressed 'Unlock' but nothing happened!
Me - You have to press the asterisk after pressing 'Unlock'.
Dad - Press the WHAT? You unlock my phone now. And don't lock it again.
Me - Sigh...

Mom (from kitchen) - Does he want more?
Me - More, Viv?
Viv - Nope.
Me (projecting voice towards kitchen) - No, he doesn't.
Mom - Are you sure?
Me - Yes.
Mom (comes out) - Some more, beta?
Viv - Yeah sure!
Mom (glaring at me) - See?
Me (glaring at Viv) - What the...?!