Tuesday, January 31, 2006

Laugh lines

A long long time ago, I blogged about things that sound right in my head but don't seem to make much sense when said out loud.

Lately, I've been compiling (in my head) things that probably sounded right in other people's heads but made me laugh hysterically when they were uttered. And they have kinda stayed with me to make me laugh every time I remember them. Here are some of the gems:


My little cousin when he had gajar ka halwa for the first time:
"Isme toh sirf gajar hi gajar hai! Halwa kahan hai??"
("This only has carrot! Where is the halwa??")



A friend when he saw me wearing these bangles:
"Bahut gusse mein thi kya, Sayesha?"
("Were you very angry, Sayesha?")




My Dad when he heard music on earphones for the first time:
(Pointing to his forehead): "Hey, the earphones are in my ears but how come the music is here??"

Friend in uni who had a Govinda-type dress sense:
"Whats wrong with a pink shirt, green pants and grey shoes?"

My friend when I was playing some instrumental Bollywood numbers on my computer:
"Why are you playing Indian restaurant music?"

Classmate in uni looking up at the sky after a nightout:
"Look! The moon is over... "

My classmate about a very good-looking lecturer:
"I think he thinks I think he's gay..."

My friend suddenly peering at my face while we're on the train:
"You don't look as cheerful when you're not wearing earrings..."

Mom when I was teaching her to use the computer and asked her to try:
"What if it explodes?"

Dad over the phone about how some virus got to his email:
"I could not email you last week because the IT guy said there are some worms in my inbox. He is trying to take them out."

My cousin when I asked him when he's getting married:
"I'm not sure. Sid (another cousin, younger than me) said it should be this year but he may have been talking about himself."

Mom when she saw a cricketer do the spit-on-ball action:
"Chhee chhee! Why can't the umpire hold a small katori with water for these guys to use??"

Mom during yet another cricket match:
"Why can't they give the umpire a stool to sit on? Poor guy must be so tired standing there in the sun all day!"

Friend to a very surprised me just as I stepped out of the toilet of his house (while a cricket match was going on):
"Andar ja waapas! Aur wahin reh! Match khatam hone tak baahar mat nikal! Tu andar rehti hai toh Laxman chauka maarta hai!"
("Go back in and stay there! Don't come out till the match is over! When you're in there, Laxman hits fours!")


Dad while watching a cricket match with me:
"What does he mean 'no ball'?? There is a ball! I can see it!"




61 comments:

Rinku said...

FIRST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Raj said...

second!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Anonymous said...

Is this some kind of race??? ok ok me THIRD

Raj said...

//"Chhee chhee! Why can't the umpire hold a small katori with water for these guys to use??"

Thats very funny! :D

//"I think he thinks I think he's gay..."

This sentence makes sense. It just needs better structuring :)

!xobile said...

Dad while watching a cricket match with me:
"What does he mean 'no ball'?? There is a ball! I can see it!"

hahahah
hahaha

another 1..

Mani while watching cricket match:
"What does he mean wide ball??? The ball is bloody red! it is red!!!"


yaar!
mast poster hai tu!

Suds said...

Sahi post hai..:):) Best one was

"I could not email you last week because the IT guy said there are some worms in my inbox. He is trying to take them out."

I have gone thru similar one. When I told my parents first time that my PC had virus Mom asked me not to go near it.:):)

Macho Girl said...

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA..... *pause to catch breath*...... HAHAHAHAHAHAHA =))

hilarious!

I think I did domething similar during a cricket match... i think i stayed in the kitchen while the match was going on coz when i went there to get something, India started scoring like mad! so i just stayed in the kitchen for about half an hour listening to to commentary. Then I think I came out only after a wicket fell!!! India still lost anyways... *sigh*

another strange thing i heard recently which might have sounded right in my friend's head but not-so-right when said out... this is friend 1 talking about friend 2, who was looking quite feverish.

(abt the feverish frnd..........)

"she looks hot today, doesn't she???"

Shriedhar said...

ahhhhhhhhhh!
nice humor :)

u r quite sensuous sayesha!,or else how can one remember all these dialogues :)

Aethyr said...

ur mum is so cute!!

when my friend first went to US of A he sent a mail saying "u know what here there are so many americans,every where u see americans".

and another one by my dad "yeh icecream bahut thandi hai,haina(?)!"

well i guess dads are like that!!

Rays Of Sun said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Rays Of Sun said...

Baby girl, removed the comment...but you got the message rite;)

tinku said...

Your mom is very compassionate hahaha 'bechara umpire', 'bechare cricketers'.. sab moms aisi hi hoti hain :))

Cricket has phunny terminology.. maidens, leg glance, gully, silly point... a maiden walking in a gully and people indulging in some leg glance haha what a silly point :p

Tinku

Manish said...

funny :)

The Girl Who Sold The World said...

*Chokes* WTF?! Sayesha toh chain se dinner bhi nahin karne deti! :P (late night, 11:00 pm dinner). I choked on my chapati morcel...hehe...AND this was hilarious!!!
"Chhee chhee! Why can't the umpire hold a small katori with water for these guys to use??"
lmao...Your mom's so cute!
And just like Chapaat, I used to shriek that the ball is RED...until I came to know that the word is wide, not WHITE. Haha.
Oh, and my mom made gajar ka halwa today...but "without the halwa." ;):P

The Girl Who Sold The World said...

Hey! Look at the time at which I posted my comment! 1:23 am!!! 1, 2, 3...I could very well sing the Benadryl ad's jingle here...1. Bendaryl hamen de khaansi se aaram.....lol...:P

Pssst: ^^Ignore it...I'm out of my mind today.

Vikram H said...

lol....there's nothing better than parents ignorant of changing times! How could i ever forget my first and last attempt to teach mom to use the computer!!

lazy leo said...

Absolutely hilarious post..... you've made my day sayesha!

Negative Creep said...

ROTFLMAO!!!!! great stuff....

Thanu said...

Very funny...
Ur mom's comments abt cricket tops my list. Y doesn't the umpire sit...

Sushant Bhatia said...

LOL!! Nice lines.

Rohit Talwar said...

Whats wrong with a pink shirt, green pants and grey shoes?

Tell him to come to my college.


:D
hilarious post, sayesha! coooool stuff!

Eclectic Blogger said...

//I'm not sure. Sid (another cousin, younger than me) said it should be this year but he may have been talking about himself.//

Ha ha.. He shud have been a nice-naive-pityful cousin to have answered like this..

Abhi said...

Hai main marr jaawa hans hans ke.

Flashback-

Me watching soccer game on the telly.Mommy sitting with me , peeling potatoes and occasionally glancing at the game.She notes the refree running around with the players and trying to avoid the ball and says - Hai munnu , yeh bechaara to ball ko kick hee nahi kar pa raha .ise team mein kisne le liya ?

Just another ... said...

Hahahaha. Cricket and all the related terminologies ... silly indeed!

Rays Of Sun said...

Hitler's soul!
Awesome name yaar!
Amazing to see Hitler speaking in hindi:))

Shekhar said...

Ha ha. Awesome post. I read out the post to my friends who were here in my room and we had a great laugh.

//I think he thinks I think he's gay...

:D Fundoo yaar!!

Negative Creep said...

@Shreedhar: Sensuous?? bcoz she can remember things??

Weird...

Sayesha said...

#Rinku,
Ok ok gold to you! Khush? :D

#Raj,
Tu bhi Raj? Bachkaani harkatein? :D

#Anonymous,
Et tu?? This game seems to be catching on man! Me 28th!!!!!!!!

#Raj,
I agree about the gay statement. It’s very thought-provoking.

#Ze Ex,
Hahahaha! I think all of us have made that wide/white/red ball blunder in our early cricketing days. :D

//mast poster hai tu!

Tuney Sayesha ko poster bola?? Poster?? Poster girl hi bol deta yaar…

#Suds,
//When I told my parents first time that my PC had virus Mom asked me not to go near it.:):)

Hahahahahaha! :D

#Macho Girl,
//so i just stayed in the kitchen for about half an hour listening to to commentary.

OMG I’ve done that too! Many many times! No one’s as superstitious as me during a 1-dayer involving India playing against a country I’m actually bothered about.

//"she looks hot today, doesn't she???"

Hahahahaha! :D

#Shreedhar,
Thanks! Wondering about the “sensuous” bit though… :?

#Aethyr,
//"u know what here there are so many americans,every where u see americans".

Hahahaha! I remember my first vacation to India. I couldn’t get over the fact that the roads were full of only Indians! There were absolutely no Chinese, Malays or Eurasians! :P

//yeh icecream bahut thandi hai,haina(?)!

Hehehehe… that’s actually one of the reasons why I don’t like icecream. Too cold yaar :P

#ROS,
Haan bacha, got the comment in my gmail. Achha kiya delete kar diya warna waat lag jati… now Viks must be so curious ki kya likha tha! :D

#Tinku,
Sheesh! Yeah, what a silly point :)

#Manish,
:)

#The Girl,
Yeah, I think all Moms and Dads are adorable when they talk about things they don’t know much about! :P
ps: Forget gajar ka halwa, mere pudina punch chips kahan hain? Huh huh huh? :/

//Benadryl ad

Tu talli ho gayi phir se?? I know cough syrups have alcohol, but to bring it here to Sayeshaz? Mere bar ki beizzati?? Hmmmph! :/

#Vik H,
//first and last attempt to teach mom to use the computer!!

Last? Gave up, eh? ;)

#Lazy Leo,
Hehe… thanks! :P

#Creep,
:D

#Thanu,
Haha! My Mom and Dad are a complete home entertainment system by themselves when it comes to anything about cricket or computers! :D

#Sushant,
Thanks! :)

#Rohit,
Thanks yaar! :)
ps: Good to see you took out time to get online. Hope preparations are going well!

#Eclectic,
He’s the bechara cousin whose marriage everyone seems to be talking about, but he’s clueless. Sid’s the one who can’t wait to get married! :D

#Hitler’s Soul,
//Hai munnu , yeh bechaara to ball ko kick hee nahi kar pa raha .ise team mein kisne le liya ?

Hahahahaha! That was HILARIOUS! :D

#Just Another…
Yeah, I think some really bored but witty guy must have come up with all these terms! :)

#ROS,
//Amazing to see Hitler speaking in hindi:))

Hahahaha! Thanks for pointing that out! :D

#Shekhar,
Thanks! :)

#Creep,
Yeah, I’m wondering too… :)

tinku said...

HAHAHA @ sensuous...ye wahi ajeeb style wala typo hai jo kal maine mara tha aur ek din tune. I think he wanted to say something like sentimental(for remembering small bits about ur near ones). Waise sensuous bhi to complement hee hai, thanks to kar sakti thi. Kya re tu bhaav khau ladki :p

Kaan idhar kar, kaan mein sun dheere se..*sreedhar ki waat laga, maja ayega* =))

Tinku

Phoenix said...

hilarious hai
but u r right...some times things that seem perfectly fine suddenly start sounding silly wen we hear them

Ginkgo said...

lolz..'worms' are probabl more techno that virus :-)

Vikram said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Harshi said...

Awesome :-))

Bangle wala.....was too good..so was the gajar ka halwa one...hahaa :-)

Reminded me of something. My younger Brother's voice in a very silent movie theater (his first visit):
"Itnaa bada TV?"
Everyone was laughing :-)).

chitra said...

Hyuck hyuck... my Mom said the same things too :)!

Sayesha said...

#Tinku,
Yeah, he probably meant 'sentimental'. Sheesh, teri wajah se blogsphere mein sabko STD (Strange Typo Disorder) go gaya lagta hai! :/

//Kya re tu bhaav khau ladki :p

Bhaav khau ladki bola??? Hmppph! :/
ps: Waise sahi bola! :P

//Kaan idhar kar, kaan mein sun dheere se..*sreedhar ki waat laga, maja ayega* =))

Bhadkata hai mere reader ke khilaaf?? :O

#Phoenix,
Yeah, it's amazing how 'normal' they sound in our heads and yet sound so ridiculous when said out loud! :P

#Ginkgo,
Hahaha!! I was actually imagining worms crawling outta Dad's monitor! :D

#Viks,
Tu bhi na... Arre agar likh hi diya toh phir delete kyun kiya re? Sash maaregi kya? :D

#Harshi,
//"Itnaa bada TV?"

Hahahahaha! :D

#Chitra,
Moms everywhere... they're the same, aren't they? :)

Shriedhar said...

hmmmmm!

dun think much deper :)

i meant that word in a lighter sense.U can take it as some wer near to aesthetic :)

The Girl Who Sold The World said...

Kaun Pudina Chips? Kaise Pudina Chips? Kahan ke Pudina Chips? Main kissi Pudina Chips ko nahin jaanti! :P


teri wajah se blogsphere mein sabko STD (Strange Typo Disorder) go gaya lagta hai
HAHAHA....GO gaya?????? Sach mein "go gaya"!!! :D Hehehehe.

Sayesha said...

#Shreedhar,
Hehehe... it's okay. Chill yaar, we're all one big naatak company here! :)

#The Girl,
Gaddaaaar! Dhokhebaaz! Jhoothi! Sab bhool gayi tu?? Now Sayesha will ghoomo gali gali with a katora singing 'Pudina bina bhi kya jeena' :(

//GO gaya?????? S

Eeeeshhh! :X

Sayesha gives herself one kaan ke neeche! :/

But technically, this one's not a 'strange' typo, it's just a normal typo. Strange typo karne ke liye dimaag chahiye, tu nahin samjhegi. :)

ritzkini said...

hehehehe...good ones...
:)
i have 2..a cousin of mine..when a brat of a kid...
*after a good dinner at a relative's place*
They :So beta how was the food ?
Cousin : it was good..
They :No..no..say something specific..yeh accha laga..types..
Cousin :Ok..the banana you gave was fantastic !
=))

Pulling-cheek-type aunt: ooohhhh...what beautiful cheeks ?? you have become so tall ! You remember me ??
Cousin : NO (!!!) and mind leaving my cheeks alone ??
=))

Lazith Aziz said...

Sayesha you rock! Nothing more to say! If I had the power I would awarded you the most-hit-blog-in -so-less-time award... wonderful going..:-) Love reading your posts..Keep it up!

Clueless said...

Oh.My.God. I have a cold, and you couldn't have picked a worse time to write a bloody brilliant HILARIOUS post!!! No prizes for guessing what I snorted out! :/

Your mum is a genius!!! She is sooo cute!!! And funny!!! Yalla, I see where you get that brilliance from!! :D

And since there's so much cricket talk gg on, lemme let u in on a little secret...*teeny tiny voice* I used to think 'caught and bold' was 'cotton bold'. Never quite got where the cotton part came in, until a poor soul filled me in. Sheesh, how embarrassing! :/

Clueless said...

But don't worry, I feel right at home here!! :D

The Girl Who Sold The World said...

Gaddaaaar! Dhokhebaaz! Jhoothi! Sab bhool gayi tu?? Now Sayesha will ghoomo gali gali with a katora singing 'Pudina bina bhi kya jeena' :(
MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Hum uss katore mein one packet of Pudina chips daal denge, every week. :P Sayesha bhai ka hafta..hahahaha. (all these were evil laughs)

Strange typo karne ke liye dimaag chahiye, tu nahin samjhegi. :)
HMPH! Mere paas tons mein dimag hai! Bas, I'm preserving it for old age. :P

Lalit Singh said...

Please toilet mein chali jaa again... India ki haalat bahut kharab hain in the 3rd test

Ravi said...

#Sayesha
#The girl who sold the world
But technically, this one's not a 'strange' typo, it's just a normal typo.
Arey but 'Go gaya' is a 'strange' typo. (go = gaya) In fact it is one of the best around. Hats off to TGYSTW for spotting it. And of course I must salute the brilliance of Sayesha for typing it.

Sayesha said...

Sayesha reporting from lab during an incredibly boring Statistics lecture

Sayesha yawning ---> :O

#Kini,
//Ok..the banana you gave was fantastic!

Hahaha! :D

#Lazith,
Welcome to Sayeshaz! Thanks for your comment and your email too. In case I get too lazy to reply to your email, here's the answer to your question -- No, I don't live in Delhi. I live in Singapore. :)

#Clueless,
Sheesh! Here, take some tissue.

//I used to think 'caught and bold' was 'cotton bold'.

You meant 'caught and bowled' didn't ya? Gotcha before your bro did! Howzzat? ;)

#The Girl,
//Mere paas tons mein dimag hai! Bas, I'm preserving it for old age.

Itna kanjoosi karegi toh old age tak pahunchegi kaise? :D

#Lalit Singh,
Algorithm change ho gaya hai yaar! Aaj kal toh only when I wear Indian clothes, India plays well. :|

#Ravi,
Arre Tinku and I invented the Strange Typo Disorder (STD)! You and The Girl can't make up rules for our invention. (Tinku, support me!)

STD happens when the word you end up typing has some relation to the word you intended to type, not its neighbours. For example 'scarlet' instead of 'violet' and '6' instead of 'b'. So 'go gaya' is not an STD. Hah! :D

Sheesh, and I can't believe we're this nerdy... to be actually analysing it! :P

Ravi said...

Sheesh, and I can't believe we're this nerdy... to be actually analysing it! :P
Hahaha
Being Nerdy - sometimes I like being nerdy, don't no why.

Clueless said...

aaaaaaah!!! i didnt even realize i typed it out wrong!!! it just came so naturally!!sheesh! further embarrassment!! :/

Sayesha said...

#Ravi,
//Being Nerdy - sometimes I like being nerdy, don't no why.

Me tooo! :P

#Clueless,
Hahahahahaha! I was SO sure your bro would jump at that, and I wanted to beat him! :D

tinku said...

//Tinku, support me!

phull support phull support!

Tinku

Sayesha said...

#Tinku,
Thanks bhery much! :D

pingoo said...

//"Isme toh sirf gajar hi gajar hai! Halwa kahan hai??"

:))

Anil said...

My god Sayesha, did someone just call you sensuous because you remember stuff? Uska dimaag hil gayela hai saala :-))))

Waise, I couldn't read the million comments posted here, but I don't think Virdi has commented about your hand... what happened to him? Bewafaa sanam!

Btw, I am not dead, so here I am :-) I read all your posts through my rss reader... just because I don't comment doesn't mean that I don't read everything... meri yaad tumhare saath hai, or whatever... My hindi is as bad as my malayalam these days... lack of practice.. I used to get 100/100 in hindi when I was in school...

Rohit Talwar said...

hehee.. preparations are on.. we're now at the last-minute stuff..
online.. couldnt stay offline for so long you know! plus had to put something on.. i was missing the whole blog thing :D

lil _kath said...

Hey Kawaii..i missed you and your blog for long(5 days)without blogging,i thought i cant survive haha^_^ i did mobile blogging for 2 days..but i cant give comment using mobile so i just read ur post here.Timely laugh lines hehe..i need this thanx yaar^_~

-kathy-

Harini Sridharan said...

Outright hillarious!

Reminds me of one of my own: My aunt, explaining to me why my uncle wasnt using his old cell phone any longer, said "Of late, he uses some strawberry to make calls."
She was talking about his new BlackBerry :D

rachana said...

some more in the list-
My niece when asked by to be groom if she can drive a car--
"Apke ghar me agar aeroplane hai to wo bhi chala lenge!!

My daughter when asked which of the options can increase in volume-
she had 2 right ans comp and TV!!(the asn was balloon my lit one had no clue abt volume ,capacity)

Sayesha said...

#Pingoo,
:)

#Anil,
Wow, welcome back to Sayeshaz man! A lot's happened since we last spoke, but good to know that you'd been around :)

#Rohit,
:)

#Kathy,
Thanks! :)

#Harini,
Welcome to Sayeshaz! :)

That's a beautiful name you have. It strikes me cos Dad told me he wanted to name my sis 'Harini' :)

//he uses some strawberry to make calls.

Hahahaha! :D

#Rachana,
Hi, welcome to Sayeshaz! :)

//she had 2 right ans comp and TV!!

Hahahaah! Kids are AMAZING! :D

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