So are you traditional?

So a colleague broke her shoe at work. Someone offered her superglue to hold it in place till she got home. She applied the glue and asked, "Do I have to hold it down till the glue sets?"

Someone suggested, "Naah! Just place a dictionary on it for a while."

My eyes almost popped out of their sockets. Place a dictionary on a shoe??? What a horrifying suggestion! That too, coming from an Indian?? And just as suddenly, I realised, I had judged her. What I think is horrifying may not be to someone else. Perhaps, to her, the book was just a heavy object to press the shoe down. To me, a book is a sacred object which should not be brought in contact with any kind of footwear. That’s how I have been brought up. That’s what tradition tells me.

And this triggered me to think about tradition.

About the things we do for tradition's sake.

About the things we refuse to do for tradition’s sake.

About the things we don't mind doing for tradition's sake.

Sometimes I get really confused about tradition. And about the reasons why I stick to some traditions and dismiss the rest as hogwash. Some traditions are crystal clear. There is a very clear rationale behind them. Some are not. So I tried to list down why we follow certain traditions and why we don't (and won't) follow others.

1. Sometimes we follow some traditions without questioning. We may be trying to make someone happy, or we may believe in them ourselves, or we may believe that bad things will happen to us if we don't follow them. I touch wood whenever I say good things because I’m scared of them going away.

My mom prays to God every day. My Dad does not pray but I think he’s a believer. But I don't worship any idols. I don't pray to any God. Perhaps living by myself has given me a 'No one can help you if you don’t help yourself’ attitude? Perhaps I think that it's selfish of me to expect God to grant my wishes just because I took out five minutes of my time to pray to him? Perhaps I won't like myself not thanking God every single day for the things he has given me, but only praying to him when I want stuff, or when I want Him to get me out of trouble? Perhaps I have reached the stage where I don't do things unless the rationale is clear in my head. I can't seem to sort this out, not till I figure out what my stand on God is, whether I believe in His existence or not. I don’t know. But what I do know is that I try not to dismiss people's religious beliefs just because I don't believe in them. And yes, I would go to a temple just because someone who matters wants me to. I may not know what exactly to do there, but I will follow instructions and not question.

2. Then there are traditions we don't follow. Because they don't make sense to us. There is no rationale behind them. My grandma once told me that in olden days, in her mother's village, the daughters-in-law had to wash the feet of her mother-in-law in a bowl of water, and then drink that water as a mark of respect. Horrifying, isn’t it? I don’t know if they still do it in some villages, but of course we wouldn't do it, would we?? There is just no rationale to it. And this is why I won’t change my surname after I get married till I see the rationale behind it. And I won’t wear sindoor or a mangalsutra when I’m wearing western clothes. I’ve seen people wear the combo and I don’t think it looks good. I will not blindly follow traditions. If it does not make sense to me, I won't do it.


3. Then there are traditions we follow due to habit. In my tradition, if your foot accidentally touches a book or the body of another person, it's considered disrespectful. You're supposed to ask for forgiveness by touching your forehead and then your chest, and by muttering the word "Vishnu". I was taught to do this since the time I was a little girl. And now it's an automatic response, something that has stayed with me in spite of my seven and a half years of not being in India. In public, I don't say "Vishnu" aloud, but I do say it in my head. Even in a crowded bus, if I step on someone's toes, I do that action, but in a fraction of a second, so quickly that no one even notices. And once in a while, I think about why I do that. If I don't do the action and say the word, does it mean I'm disrespectful? No, I do respect books and people. So do I really need to have an action to prove my respect? No. There is no rationale behind it. But I guess it's a habit I can't get rid of. And since it does not harm me in any way or make my life difficult, or get in the way of convenience, so I don't mind following it.

4. Then, there are traditions we follow, but we don't know why. We're always trying to figure out, but we can't. In our head, tradition is having a duel with rationality, and we end up confused. I have a friend who's been trying for years to figure out why he is a vegetarian. Is it because his parents are? Is it because he finds killing animals for food a sin? He would very much like to have the shrimp-paste based tom yum soup, but he can't. He’s had non-veg food once or twice, by mistake. So you can’t use the dharm-bhrasht (“corruption of religion” by eating meat) argument here. But yes, there are so many things like this that we are not sure about, so we choose to take the safe route of following tradition meanwhile, as we try and clear our head.

5. Finally, there are traditions we follow because we like them. I like to wear Indian clothes on Independence Day. I like to do rangoli on Diwali. I buy cheongsam tops to wear during Chinese New year. I like to do henna on my hands because it looks so pretty. I would wear a sari at an Indian wedding because it looks gorgeous. Another great example I remember is going to the Birla temple when Dad was posted in Hyderabad. I have never quite seen a temple as amazing as the Birla temple. And I would go there again and again, not to worship, but to just soak in the beauty of the place.

Looks like I have not yet figured out my stand on tradition. So in the end, the question “Are you traditional?” often has me stumped.

Perhaps some questions really have no answer.