Sunday, January 15, 2006

Nick of time

Yesterday, my secondary school Chemistry teacher sent me a 'Happy New Year' sms. I decided to save his number under the nickname we had for him in school.

And that brought back memories.

You know how when you're in school, you have that one teacher who's like your friend? He knows who has a crush on whom in the class, he knows who are the 'couples' in the class, he talks to you about the guy/girl you secretly like, he gossips with you, he gets you out of trouble. In short, he's teacher and friend rolled into one.

My Chemistry teacher was like that. My best friend R (ah the days of childhood when we had that one person we used to use the term 'best friend' for!) and I would hang out in the Chemistry lab during recess, or during the Games class when it was too hot to play, and help him prepare and refill the chemicals in the jars. He only trusted R and me with his precious chemicals, because the guys used to interchange the solutions in the jars (dangerous, I know!) Like there was this guy who poured out all the sulphuric acid and refilled the bottle with water, and so our salt analysis experiments did not work and our teacher went nuts. So R and I would help him with the chemicals and carry on with our noisy chatter.

"You know Sir, Phytoplankton can be so khadoos at times! Do you know he had a surprise test this morning?? Offo!" I'd say as I poured the acetone.

And he'd ask, "Ok wait wait! Which one is Phytoplanton now?"

"Offo Sir, you keep forgetting everything! You should make a list of the nicknames we have given all the teachers so our conversations would be smoother."

"Sayesha, R, tell me something."


"What's my nickname?"

"Yours?? Yours??" We fumbled for words. We did have a nick for him, but we were not gonna tell him!

"Yeah, I'm sure you guys have one for me. Is it 'Suphuric acid' or something like that?" He grinned.

"Uhhh... that's the bell. We have to go, Sir. BYEEEE!"

"Hey... wait wait... what about my nickname?"

"That was close! Phew!" R said to me.

"I think he's gonna have sleepless nights thinking about what his nickname is!" I said.

It was true. He was really curious, and he wouldn't give up. He caught us again. He sent for us in one of the free lessons (when a teacher is absent, and a replacement is sent to just keep the class quiet, but you can do anything you want).

"Darn!" R and I said.

"Hello, Sayesha. Hello, R!" He greeted us.

"Hello, Sir."

"Look what I've got for you!" He pulled out two Kit-Kats from his desk drawer.

"Sheesh, R! I knew we should not have told me that we are easily bribed with Kit Kat! We should have never told him the inside stuff!"

"Look, I'm your friend, aren't I? I think you can tell me my own nickname!" Emotional blackmail at its best.

R and I had a hurried conversation in whispers.

"Argh! Now what do we do? Should we tell him?"

"But he's gonna get all upset!"

"But he wants to know!"

"Ok fine!"

"Sir, your nickname is Chemu (pronounced kay-moo)." We broke the news to him.


"Yeah, chemu."

"That's it???"

"Yeah...You don't like it?"

"Chemu? Chemu?? How come the others have such long and fancy nicknames like Monocotyledon, Bhartrihari and Phytoplankton? Mine is just Chemu? Chemu???" He looked distraught.

"Sorry, Sir..." We hung our heads.

"Hmmm... okay.. it's okay... go now..." He looked heart-broken.

We scurried out of the lab.

After this, every time we saw him, he gave us that look of utter disappointment. As if we had let him down. R and I stopped going to the lab to help with the chemicals.

Sheesh. One good friendship down the drain just because the nickname was too disappointing.


Since we're on the topic of nicknames, I am gonna heed to American Pie's suggestion of listing down nicknames that people have given me.

Nickname: Bhai
Given by: My gang in school
The story behind the nick:
Ok fine, I ran a gang in school. It was awesome. I felt so powerful and majestic when all the guys in my class called me 'Bhai'.
(The girls could not be bothered. But they did wonder why I was so happy about being addressed as 'Bhai'. Hmmmph! Bimbos!)

"Bhai, help me with this question!"
"Bhai, can I have a bite of your lunch?"
"Bhai, the 12th std guys seem to have a problem with us."

Nickname: Queen
Given by: My grandma
The story behind the nick:
My grandma named me 'queen' cos... well, I suppose she thinks I rule! Hahaha! She has a nickname for each of her 15 grandchildren. She pronounces mine as 'ku-in' which I find rather cute.

Nickname: Jhatakmani
Given by: Ultra-creative pundit who prepared my janam patri
The story behind the nick:
STOP LAUGHING. NOW. Now this one's interesting. Apparently, this is my janam patri name. Yeah, apparently everyone has a janam patri name given to you by the pundit who prepares your janam patri. And the names are usually horrendous. So stop laughing and go find out yours. You'll laugh more!

This was the only thing my Mom would disclose about my janam patri. She refuses to let me look at it, because apparently it states the date and time of my death.

So when my cousin Sid (yeah, the same evil one) found out about my name, he was thrilled beyond words to have a weapon which he could use to bug the hell outta me anytime.

"Jhatakmani ke jhatakne se lagte hain jhatke!" he'd say on the lines of Hera Pheri's "Khadag Singh ke khadakne se khadakti hain khidkiyan!"

"Thou shalt not kill. Thou shalt not kill." I had to repeat to myself several times.

Nickname: Man-eater
Given by: Guys in my class
The story behind the nick:
The teachers figured that the only way they could control and discipline the hyperactive Sayesha was to make her the class monitor. And during the free lessons, I was supposed to walk around the class and ensure that everyone was quiet and working. And they had to say things like "Monitor, may I go to the toilet?" I think I made a fierce monitor because the guys used to say, "Man-eater, may I go to the toilet?"

Nickname: Sash
Given by: Can't remember who came up with it but ROS, Harshi, Chints and Vikram use it.
The story behind the nick:
Simple story, short for Sayesha.

Nickname: Sasha
Given by: Fao et al
The story behind the nick:
Same as above

Nickname: Mayawati Mangeshkar
Given by: American Pie
The story behind the nick:
This dude loves to give people nicknames, especially those with alliteration. I know the Mangeshkar part is because I sing (I mean, I used to), but I can't remember what the Mayawati is for. Perhaps he can enlighten us? :)

Nickname: Jharkhandi Jhansi
Given by: Who else? American Pie again!
The story behind the nick:
It's obvious, isn't it?

Nickname: Pink
Given by: My good friend The Sinnerman
The story behind the nick:
I went to Kuala Lumpur on a trip with him, and he thought I wore too much pink. He even made me hold a pink stuffed toy and pink candy floss outside a pink shop called 'Girls' (Sayesha rolls her eyes!) and pose for pictures! The things you have to do to amuse a friend who's going away to a whole other country! Sheesh! He even had my number saved on his phone as 'Pink'. Now every time I see anything overly pink, I miss him. :(

Nickname: Sandy horse
Given by: My ex-boss who was trying to find the Chinese transliteration of my name
The story behind the nick:
Apparently, the Chinese transliteration of my name has the words horse, mud and sand. In fact, there was this time, I used to sign off as 'Horse on the beach' or 'Sandy horse' in my emails to her.

Nickname: Princess
Given by: My good friend Starbreez
The story behind the nick:
The name Sayesha means princess of hearts/attained by great desire. She has even linked me on her blog as 'The Princess'.

Nickname: CS (Cruel Sayesha)
Given by:
Ze Exaggeratorr (also known as 'Chapaat')
The story behind the nick:
He likes to call me CS, because he feels I'm cruel cos I always give him a chapaat every time I visit his blog. I even renamed him Ze Chapaat.

ps: I had my revenge by telling him that his girlfriend would be called chapaati. Hah!

Nickname: Kuku
Given by: Dad
The story behind the nick:
Dad's the only one who calls me by this nick. He has a similar one for my sis as well. When some of my friends heard him calling me that, they were tickled pink. "Cuckoo? That's so apt, Sayesha! You ARE a bit cuckoo!" Hmmph! It's Kuku dammit!

I think that's all the nicks I have for now. Will update if I remember any more.

What's your nickname for me? :)


Shuuro said...

Today i got up early i guess! :)

Shuuro said...

You got quite hilarious nick names!. Well, personally i don't have any nickname for you, perhaps, i should think of one, for the sake of it...well how about TMT(too many theories)?

Sayesha said...

Good morning! :)

//well how about TMT

TMT? Hahaha! I like that! Sounds like TNT. Explosive, huh? :D

Aethyr said...

officially i m 2nd..okie.
phew! looks like a good start for the day!
i go read the post...and u want me to tell ur nick name here?? u sure about that??

Aethyr said...

jhatkamani...hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha dont give me that look...hahaha...
oh man..ok ok for u i ll stop laughing..but jhatakmani...hahaha

so u r not going to reveal ur sirs real nick name im sure u bluffed him...and u know what our bio teacher was named phytoplankton. interesting!

American Pi said...

Ha ha, Mayawati was because Jharkand was a part of Bihar (at one point of time isnt it? )....

Hey, do you remember the incident during the KL trip - with the hotel room and the complimentary bathroom slippers in the hotel, and the nick we have for one of our friends (max)?

Chappal Chor.

Rays Of Sun said...


Sayesha said...

//u want me to tell ur nick name here?? u sure about that??

Yeah, yeah, say it. Nothing can be worse than Jhatakmani. :/

Stop laughing already! :O

//so u r not going to reveal ur sirs real nick name

Hey, it really was Chemu! I swear!! :D

#American Pie,
Hahahahahhahahahahahaha! :D And do you remember that photograph of you guys posing with the stolen slippers? HAHAHAHAHAHA! :D

Sorry baby... lost track... all credit to you! :)

American Pi said...

yeah, i love that foto. gosh. That was almost a year ago. It was so much fun isn't it?

I love the nicknames i gave my housemates. and your housemate.

American Pi said...


Ha ha, Mayawati was because Jharkand was a part of Bihar (at one point of time isnt it? )....

And because Rabri(CM of Bihar) and mayawati look alike to me, I made it Mayawati Mangeshkar.... Cos Rabri mangeshkar would not have been aliterative.

Eclectic Blogger said...

Singapore Jhatakmani is better..

Vikram said...



Global Indian said...

Jharkhandi Jhansi and man-eater.. these are hilarious nicknames and the best among the lot

Vikram H said...

LOL..What an adventure behind nick names!! Well i used to have a very BOLD nickname and i shall blog about it soon!

As for you, i shall stick to Sash!

Rohit Talwar said...

hmm.. lets see. i am otherwise quite original with nicknames...but i cant get over Jhatakmani


jade said...

u do have some really amusing nicks:)
btw, do panditji's have their fun by givin all wacko names! jhatakmani, why? but interesting all the same. its difficult to come up with innovative names!
i would call u sash i guess, if i knew u well...

The Girl Who Sold The World said...

Funnnnnyyyyyy post!
Hmmm...nickname for you? Sochna padega (no mean feat, I tell you!).....somehow Sash reminds of a Kimono. I guess it's belt (or whatever it is) is called a Sash. 'Sash' is already taken. But we encourage KIMONO!!! :D:D:D HAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!

Shriedhar said...


Njyed thoroughly :)

my suggestion for ur nickname is
EB (expert blogger) :)

Shriedhar said...

Hey EB!

BTW,my blog is waiting like any thing 2 hav ur visit coz i hav written a maha long post(the longest possibly :) .

who knows,that may tickle ur bone..

PS: this INVITATION holds valid for ALL the fun lovers :)

lil _kath said... have many nicknames huh?that's cool^_^ Sayesha itself is so sweet..i luv ur name!Sash umm..yeah it means belt of kimono(the girl who sold the world...hi^_^)
So why not? "kawaii" (in japs)it means beautiful..ok ok done^_~ you are kawaii..from now on ok?


MeAwinner said...

Bewdi... :))
My nick name to Sayesha..
:)) Me.

The Anonymous said...

And who am I to say anything about names?

Anyway, nice post, enjoyed reading!

Eclectic Blogger said...


Harshi said...

Hahhaaa...had fun reading about the chem teacher :-)) Chemu :-))
His curiosity, and then being disappointed with the nick. :-)) That's so cute!!

Jhatakmani :-)))))
Wonder what mine is. I am scared to find out! :-)))

Sash: simple n sassy! :-)

Sayesha said...

#American Pie,
//It was so much fun isn't it?

Yeah man! We had such a blast! :D Oh, I met your housemates for dinner on Saturday. Was damn fun, you should have been there! :(

I'd associate Mayawati with UP but hey, whatever makes you happy! ;)

//Rabri Mangeshkar
Eeesh! :O

#Eclectic Blogger,
Yikes man yikes! :O

Hans le beta, wait till I get hold of your janam patri name. I'm sure it's Goluram or Thelawala.

#Global Indian,
Thanks a lot man! :/

#Vik H,
Sash is good. Phew. :)

Sheesh! Go find out yours! :D

Aha! So you were ssssss, huh?? :D
Pundit was whacko I guess! Imagine if my parents had really named me that? Imagine if this blog was called 'Jhatakmani's world'?? Eeeesssshhhh! :O

#The Girl,
Kimono? You'd name me Kimono?? Gosh! And hey, Sash is not just the kimono belt, it's also the sash used in beauty pageants! ;)

Oh man! Expert blogger makes me sound so machine-like, doesn't it? :P
ps: Saw your super long post, will try and finish it today! :O

#Lil Kathy,
Hey, I love the name Sayesha too! And I don't mind kawaii either! ;)

Hey, you can't copy a nick given to me by myself! :D

#The Anonymous,
Thanks! :)

//And who am I to say anything about names?

Hahahahaha! Ooops... sorry! Hahahahahaa! Ooops... :D

Hahahhahahaha! That's SO MUCH better than the first one, isn't it! :/

Bechara Chemu yaar... he expected some long fundoo nick, and all he got was a pathetic-sounding Chemu! :P

//Wonder what mine is. I am scared to find out!

Go find out! Ask your mom! :D

//Sash: simple n sassy! :-)

Yeah, baby! :)

The Girl Who Sold The World said...

//it's also the sash used in beauty pageants! ;)//
Oh yeah! I had forgotten THAT!, Ms. Blogland???:P Or how about Sasha Bhai? :P ORRRRR Jhatakmani Mangeshkar? ORRRRR Greeple? Haha....your font colours are green and purple...:D Pretty lame but it's 4:20 am (char sau bees..hehe) and it's the best my mind could come up with. ;)

Vikram said...

//Hans le beta, wait till I get hold of your janam patri name.

Hopes you've got... Ha!

And I know my janam patri name and it isn't funny at all... Muhahahaha

Ankur said...

so many nicknames,,,,,great,,,was fun readin all of em.

Sayesha said...

#The Girl,
Oye Ms. 420, Sasha Bhai sounds rather cool! Waise Ms. Blogland bhi chalega! ;)

Ghumake doon kya ek?
Nickname! ;)

Thanks! Everyone's having fun at my expense... I should have tagged some people with this post! :D

Anurama said...

Jhatakmani.. ha ha.. lol ;)

btw, i love to address you as sayesh (it sounds more boyish.. isnt it?)

Angelsera said...


Jhatakmani! I love tt nick...

"Sayesha slash Jhatakmani"

ur post reminded me of one of the nicks I was given by my classmates --> "Dante's Peak" for my unbelievably unpredicatable temper

Deepa said...

Nice Post.

Tinku said...


Sayesha said...

Sayesh? What are you trying to do, save energy by holding on to that one 'a'? ;)

But hey, whatever makes you happy! :)

Great. Another one for Jhatakmani. Why does everyone pick on that one? There are so many others! :/

Thanks! :)


That's fantastic! Love the pun, and fits me like a glove! I like! :)

Raj said...

Ha ha ...Jhatakmani.

I never give nicknames to anyone. Ya, im boring :(

Still, I'll think of a nickname for you.

I'll also call up my mom to ask what my janam patri name is.

//You know how when you're in school, you have that one teacher who's like your friend?

Meri poori school life main aisa koi teacher nahin aaya. Bad luck, haan?

Pradyot said...

Ok I have a decent name on my janam patri... can I make fun of your name now?? Ms. Jhatakmani!! :P Blog world is a lot like high school isn't it... people teasing you on nick names and stupid stuff!

VT said...

Your post really brought some smile on my lips. These days my mood often relapses however hard I might try to be otherwise.

Thanks for making me happy even if it is for only a while.

Sayesha said...


//I never give nicknames to anyone.

Good! Finally someone who doesn't wanna rag me! :)

//Still, I'll think of a nickname for you.

Damn! Spoke too soon, didn't I? :P

//I'll also call up my mom to ask what my janam patri name is.

Hahaha! I think this post of mine is inspiring a lot of phone calls to moms all over the world! :D

//Meri poori school life main aisa koi teacher nahin aaya.

Yaar tera toh bad luck hi kharaab hai.

Pehle apna naam bata, then you can make fun of mine! :D

/Blog world is a lot like high school isn't it... people teasing you on nick names and stupid stuff!

Yeah man... although in this case, I think self-sabotage ho gaya! :P

Hey, long time! What happened, man? Everything okay? Take care, you! :)

atul lakhotia said...

the nickname jhatakmani and the jhakhandi jhansi are the most hilarious ones!!
i will prefer singapuri mirchi as ur nickname!!!
hwz that??

The Girl Who Sold The World said...

Coool...I'll call you Sayesha Bhai, then...but wait...SB sounds better. :P Yes, SB. See ya, SB. Ta-ta, SB! Post soon, SB! I'm waiting for another gold, SB! HAHAHAHA.

Abhi said...

Man , you are the most gutsy girl i know.the way u take on people , be it MACs or others is way too awesome.abhi bhi before puttin in a comment i check my comment four times and pray "i hope she dsnt find anything offensive in this comment and chase me down and shoot me in the head".so if i had to give u a nick , it would be something like lady warrior or catwoman or batwoman or mahabali sayesha or something on those lines.did i hear u load ur rifle ?

Sayesha said...

Wow, Singapuri mirchi? Sahi nick hai! Hamein pasand aaya. :)
ps: There's only one difference though, Singapore ki mirchi's not so hot! Hahaha! :D

#The Girl,
SB? Eeesh! :O

Thank you thank you! :P

//abhi bhi before puttin in a comment i check my comment four times and pray "i hope she dsnt find anything offensive in this comment and chase me down and shoot me in the head".

Arre ab humne kya kar diya... kyun meri reputation ka kachra kar raha hai Munnubhai IIM??

I only load my rifle when:
- people get all judgemental
- people take the high horse approach
- people ask really inappropriate questions
- people don't use their blogger id to comment because they wanna say something mean

//Mahabali Sayesha

HAHAHAHAHAHA! This one rocks! :D

loverBoy said...

Bhai, apun teri gali (blog) mein pehli bar aaya hai. Tera adda kafi accha laga. Bole to tera style apun to bahut pasand aaya. Abhi ja raha hoon phir aaon ga bakhi post padhne ke liye

I know my Hindi is not so good! :-) Of all your nicks, I liked the 'bhai' one. Its one thing to be part of a school gang and other to actually lead it. It sure brought back memories of my school days. A particular incident is fresh in my memory. I was in fourth class (grade) at that time. We had a real WAR with the fifth graders in the recess over some petty issue and the whole of our gang got so badly hurt! Ha, those were the days!

Sometimes I really wish I had never grown up! :-)

The Girl Who Sold The World said...

Hehe...if SB isn't weird enough, then how about MBSB??? Guess what it stands for...Miss Blogland Sayesha Bhai.....HA! :D:P

!xobile said...

hahaha! chemu mast tha!
naam acha nahi rakha isliye dosti tod de!

waah u have so many nick names!
mujhe to sab mani bulaate hain except 1 or 2 ppl who cud call me ze ex, ze or chapaat.. etc etc
real life mein to mani hee bulaate hain!

CS tu CS rahegi!
meri chapaati pe buri nazar hai teri naa!!
tu dekh lena iska nateeja

Bhole said...

My nickname is Bhole/Bhola, the most innocent guy that i am :)

Reminded me of my friend Dhiraj...haven't called him by that name in yrs :) In school we would always call him Dhiraj, but one day when we called his place his dad said DHIRU tera phone din se uska naam Dhiraj se Dhiru ho gaya :)

Sayesha said...

Bhai ki gali mein tera welcome hai, lekin hafta dena padega, kya? Chalega? ;)

ps: I have fond memories of gang wars with upper graders too! But I never really got hurt. Cos I let my henchmen do all the dirty work! Muahaha! :D

#The Girl,
Yeh ladki sach mein pagal ho gayi hai... tujhe jo bulana hai bula meri maa! :)

#Ze Chapaat,
Zubaan band kar warna CS will open the pitara of more chapaat jokes! Phir teri khair nahin! :D

Teri chapaati par meri nazar?? Hahahaha! I'd prefer pani puri any day man! :D

Innocent and you? HAHAHA! Ooops, sorry! :P Actually your nick reminds me of the movie 'Padosan' and how Kishore Kumar used to say "Bhole!" :D

Ashish Gupta said...


Angelsera said...

jus imagine if u had come to singapore and your name was actually 'Jhatakmani' and u say "Hi, I am Jhatakmani from Jharkhand..."
oh man the look on people's faces... :)

Sayesha said...

Arre Gupta ji, bahut dinon baad darshan hue!

Arre huzoor, wah SAZ boliye! :)

That's a hilarious thought! Hahahaha! :D

Chints said...

Jhatakmani??? hahahahahaha

What a classy name! really ultra creative!

my janampatri name is 'khotaram' and its pronounced as 'kho ta ram'(ta as tota yani parrot). and since i belong to a punjabi family, khota is punjabi translation of 'ass', nobody spared me in my family except mom when i was young. It really bugged me like hell in childhood. :P

Sayesha said...

Khotaram??? Hahahahahahaha

What a classy name! Really ultra creative!

Hah, kaisi rahi? Aapke hi words aapke liye!

I'm gonna call you Khotte from now on! :D

Starbreez said...

Nearly got you a feathery pink pencil with the word "Princess" carved in (pink) plastic at the HK Disneyland shop in the airport -- but feared the bhai in you would beat me up for it! :p

Chints said...

wah, mera juta and mera hi sir!

don't you dare call me khotte. you wanna stay alive for some more time, don't you?


Sayesha said...

Good decision! Not to buy it, that is! :P

Sorry, yaar! Ab Khotte ne apne pair par kulhadi maar hi di hai toh hum bhi behti ganga mein haath dho lete hain! :P

Raj said...

Hey, forgot to tell you. I asked my mom abt my janam patri name and turns out my name is "Charudutt". Thats not bad, is it? In fact, I like it.

One of my sister's name, however, is "Khushhali Rani". ha ha :D

Sayesha said...

Baap re baap! Charudutt vs Raj!! Kya contrast hai! :D

Anonymous said...


are you from jharkhand? if so, where from?

- s.b.