Nick of time

Yesterday, my secondary school Chemistry teacher sent me a 'Happy New Year' sms. I decided to save his number under the nickname we had for him in school.

And that brought back memories.

You know how when you're in school, you have that one teacher who's like your friend? He knows who has a crush on whom in the class, he knows who are the 'couples' in the class, he talks to you about the guy/girl you secretly like, he gossips with you, he gets you out of trouble. In short, he's teacher and friend rolled into one.

My Chemistry teacher was like that. My best friend R (ah the days of childhood when we had that one person we used to use the term 'best friend' for!) and I would hang out in the Chemistry lab during recess, or during the Games class when it was too hot to play, and help him prepare and refill the chemicals in the jars. He only trusted R and me with his precious chemicals, because the guys used to interchange the solutions in the jars (dangerous, I know!) Like there was this guy who poured out all the sulphuric acid and refilled the bottle with water, and so our salt analysis experiments did not work and our teacher went nuts. So R and I would help him with the chemicals and carry on with our noisy chatter.

"You know Sir, Phytoplankton can be so khadoos at times! Do you know he had a surprise test this morning?? Offo!" I'd say as I poured the acetone.

And he'd ask, "Ok wait wait! Which one is Phytoplanton now?"

"Offo Sir, you keep forgetting everything! You should make a list of the nicknames we have given all the teachers so our conversations would be smoother."

"Sayesha, R, tell me something."

"Yeah!"

"What's my nickname?"

"Yours?? Yours??" We fumbled for words. We did have a nick for him, but we were not gonna tell him!

"Yeah, I'm sure you guys have one for me. Is it 'Suphuric acid' or something like that?" He grinned.

"Uhhh... that's the bell. We have to go, Sir. BYEEEE!"

"Hey... wait wait... what about my nickname?"

"That was close! Phew!" R said to me.

"I think he's gonna have sleepless nights thinking about what his nickname is!" I said.

It was true. He was really curious, and he wouldn't give up. He caught us again. He sent for us in one of the free lessons (when a teacher is absent, and a replacement is sent to just keep the class quiet, but you can do anything you want).

"Darn!" R and I said.

"Hello, Sayesha. Hello, R!" He greeted us.

"Hello, Sir."

"Look what I've got for you!" He pulled out two Kit-Kats from his desk drawer.

"Sheesh, R! I knew we should not have told me that we are easily bribed with Kit Kat! We should have never told him the inside stuff!"

"Look, I'm your friend, aren't I? I think you can tell me my own nickname!" Emotional blackmail at its best.

R and I had a hurried conversation in whispers.

"Argh! Now what do we do? Should we tell him?"

"But he's gonna get all upset!"

"But he wants to know!"

"Ok fine!"

"Sir, your nickname is Chemu (pronounced kay-moo)." We broke the news to him.

"Chemu????"

"Yeah, chemu."

"That's it???"

"Yeah...You don't like it?"

"Chemu? Chemu?? How come the others have such long and fancy nicknames like Monocotyledon, Bhartrihari and Phytoplankton? Mine is just Chemu? Chemu???" He looked distraught.

"Sorry, Sir..." We hung our heads.

"Hmmm... okay.. it's okay... go now..." He looked heart-broken.

We scurried out of the lab.

After this, every time we saw him, he gave us that look of utter disappointment. As if we had let him down. R and I stopped going to the lab to help with the chemicals.

Sheesh. One good friendship down the drain just because the nickname was too disappointing.

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Since we're on the topic of nicknames, I am gonna heed to American Pie's suggestion of listing down nicknames that people have given me.

Nickname: Bhai
Given by: My gang in school
The story behind the nick:
Ok fine, I ran a gang in school. It was awesome. I felt so powerful and majestic when all the guys in my class called me 'Bhai'.
(The girls could not be bothered. But they did wonder why I was so happy about being addressed as 'Bhai'. Hmmmph! Bimbos!)

"Bhai, help me with this question!"
"Bhai, can I have a bite of your lunch?"
"Bhai, the 12th std guys seem to have a problem with us."

Nickname: Queen
Given by: My grandma
The story behind the nick:
My grandma named me 'queen' cos... well, I suppose she thinks I rule! Hahaha! She has a nickname for each of her 15 grandchildren. She pronounces mine as 'ku-in' which I find rather cute.

Nickname: Jhatakmani
Given by: Ultra-creative pundit who prepared my janam patri
The story behind the nick:
STOP LAUGHING. NOW. Now this one's interesting. Apparently, this is my janam patri name. Yeah, apparently everyone has a janam patri name given to you by the pundit who prepares your janam patri. And the names are usually horrendous. So stop laughing and go find out yours. You'll laugh more!

This was the only thing my Mom would disclose about my janam patri. She refuses to let me look at it, because apparently it states the date and time of my death.

So when my cousin Sid (yeah, the same evil one) found out about my name, he was thrilled beyond words to have a weapon which he could use to bug the hell outta me anytime.

"Jhatakmani ke jhatakne se lagte hain jhatke!" he'd say on the lines of Hera Pheri's "Khadag Singh ke khadakne se khadakti hain khidkiyan!"

"Thou shalt not kill. Thou shalt not kill." I had to repeat to myself several times.

Nickname: Man-eater
Given by: Guys in my class
The story behind the nick:
The teachers figured that the only way they could control and discipline the hyperactive Sayesha was to make her the class monitor. And during the free lessons, I was supposed to walk around the class and ensure that everyone was quiet and working. And they had to say things like "Monitor, may I go to the toilet?" I think I made a fierce monitor because the guys used to say, "Man-eater, may I go to the toilet?"

Nickname: Sash
Given by: Can't remember who came up with it but ROS, Harshi, Chints and Vikram use it.
The story behind the nick:
Simple story, short for Sayesha.

Nickname: Sasha
Given by: Fao et al
The story behind the nick:
Same as above

Nickname: Mayawati Mangeshkar
Given by: American Pie
The story behind the nick:
This dude loves to give people nicknames, especially those with alliteration. I know the Mangeshkar part is because I sing (I mean, I used to), but I can't remember what the Mayawati is for. Perhaps he can enlighten us? :)

Nickname: Jharkhandi Jhansi
Given by: Who else? American Pie again!
The story behind the nick:
It's obvious, isn't it?

Nickname: Pink
Given by: My good friend The Sinnerman
The story behind the nick:
I went to Kuala Lumpur on a trip with him, and he thought I wore too much pink. He even made me hold a pink stuffed toy and pink candy floss outside a pink shop called 'Girls' (Sayesha rolls her eyes!) and pose for pictures! The things you have to do to amuse a friend who's going away to a whole other country! Sheesh! He even had my number saved on his phone as 'Pink'. Now every time I see anything overly pink, I miss him. :(

Nickname: Sandy horse
Given by: My ex-boss who was trying to find the Chinese transliteration of my name
The story behind the nick:
Apparently, the Chinese transliteration of my name has the words horse, mud and sand. In fact, there was this time, I used to sign off as 'Horse on the beach' or 'Sandy horse' in my emails to her.

Nickname: Princess
Given by: My good friend Starbreez
The story behind the nick:
The name Sayesha means princess of hearts/attained by great desire. She has even linked me on her blog as 'The Princess'.

Nickname: CS (Cruel Sayesha)
Given by: Ze Exaggeratorr (also known as 'Chapaat')
The story behind the nick:
He likes to call me CS, because he feels I'm cruel cos I always give him a chapaat every time I visit his blog. I even renamed him Ze Chapaat.
ps: I had my revenge by telling him that his girlfriend would be called chapaati. Hah!

Nickname: Kuku
Given by: Dad
The story behind the nick:
Dad's the only one who calls me by this nick. He has a similar one for my sis as well. When some of my friends heard him calling me that, they were tickled pink. "Cuckoo? That's so apt, Sayesha! You ARE a bit cuckoo!" Hmmph! It's Kuku dammit!


I think that's all the nicks I have for now. Will update if I remember any more.

What's your nickname for me? :)