Saturday, May 27, 2006

Fan? Naah!

Warning - If you're one of 'em 'gonna watch Fanaa no matter what' types, I suggest you click the little cross on the top right of this page at once.

Fanaa.

Means 'destroyed. 'Destroyed in love' to be precise.


Well, the movie did not seem to have much of the 'love' aspect, but the disastrous plot full of ridiculous coincidences truly destroyed the movie. After her review on Banaras, Sayesha Smitten the showbiz kitten is back to list how Fanaa methodically destroyed her senses last night.

  • Kajol, contrary to the hype, does NOT look good. Okay fine, her face looks good, but what's with the paunch-revealing costumes, especially in the second half? This movie actually justifies why hindi movie heroines (should?) stick to the household after they get married and have kids. After the first half, you actually start wishing Kajol's part was played by her very hot friend Bobo instead.

  • Rule of thumb - No heroine with a paunch, no matter how talented and popular, should ever be allowed to sing and get wet in the rain in front of the camera.

  • The so-called 'dependable' Aamir Khan proves once again after Mangal Pandey that it's high time he retires from mainstream cinema. His character is so utterly unbelievable that you rub your eyes in disbelief. Which Delhi tour guide would dare to freely touch and hug the girls he's taking site-seeing?

  • Kajol keeps spouting idealism about how "Dad says we should... blah blah.." and "Mom says we should... blah blah...". Wonder which of her parents taught her the "Blind girls with high morals should have sex with tour guides."

  • Dumb moves by the blind girl such as trying to cross the busy road, the reasoning being, "I wanted to impress you just like how girls and guys try to impress each other on the first date." Sheesh.

  • If Aamir looks 40 in the movie, his grandpa, shown hale and hearty, living in harsh conditions in the snow, must be at least a 100 eh?

  • The complete lack of chemistry between the lead actors. You just don't see any reason why they would fall in love with each other so madly.

  • Now and then, Rishi Kapoor and Kirron Kher nostagically recollect how they met. Dude, no one cares. Not even if you plonk a photoshopped picture of Rishi Kapoor and Kirron Kher from their ye olde days in the centre of the frame for a full ten minutes.

  • I have actually started disliking the songs I was in love with, after watching their picturisation.

  • Tabu, who I seriously think was better off in her red tights running on the roads after Ajay Devgan, singing 'Ruk ruk ruk' in her Vijaypath days than the moronic role she has in this movie. Two roles actually - one of the mother who's trying to convince her hapless kid into having 'kheer made by grandma' over the phone, and other of the 'psychological specialist' Tyagi who sporadically gasps "That is him! Oh my God!" throughout the movie.

  • What an utter waste of the gorgeous Lara Dutta who appears in a 15-second cameo. An 'aisa jadu' type item number by her would have been so welcome.

  • Shiney Ahuja. Poor Shiney Ahuja. One would think he would have offers pouring in after 'Hazaaron khwahishen aisi' and 'Gangster'. I wonder what made him accept the script that listed his part as follows: 'Play football. Answer call. Drink tea. Die.'

  • Rishi Kapoor's body makes an arduous journey through icy waters and floats under the ice right where Kajol is standing. Someone ask Kunal Kohli what he was thinking.

  • Just when I thought the 'refers to himself in the third person' Rehan junior was the saving grace of the movie with his adorable version of the national anthem (watch out for that - it was the only scene worth my ten-dollar ticket), he suddenly broke into very mature statements, which even adults won't make.

  • Even Rahul Dravid would wince when Aamir says as the kid implores him to stay, "Main Rahul Dravid ki tarah dependable nahin hoon, mujhpar bharosa nahin kiya ja sakta."

  • The highly cliched stupidity with which the whole 'Kajol regains her eyesight' was scripted and executed. Aamir using the rose petals dipped in the 'barkat wala pani' to touch her eyelids, the post-operative three giant white flashes before Kajol immediately starts seeing again, and not to mention the painful, "Ammi, main dekh sakti hoon! Abba, main dekh sakti hoon!"

  • How dare they flick the 'Yara yara' tune from Hum Tum and make a stupid tongue-twister song out of it? What were they thinking - we will continue to recycle this tune till it finally becomes a hit?

  • Stupid stupid stupid dialogues with annoying repeats of phrases ("Khuda haafiz beta, khuda haafiz" and "main tumse bahut pyaar karta hoon, bahut pyaar karta hoon." and "tum mujhe dubara chhodkar nahin ja sakte, nahin ja sakte") and sometimes entire dialogues too, that may have worked in the 70s, but are so off now, that at one point in time, I turned to my friend and said, "If the chap says 'Rehan aapse jitna pyaar karna hai, aap Rehan se utna pyaar nahin karti." one more time, I will throw my shoe at the screen.

It's amazing how much I hated the movie considering that I am the first to jump to the defence of Bollywood when someone says, "That never happens in real life!" I guess it's because there is such a thing as the ability to pull off scenes and dialogues that seem too unreal and incredible to happen in real life.

DDLJ pulled it off. Fanaa did not.

Luckily for me, yesterday's movie watching experience had one saving grace, that made it worth it.

The alu paratha stall at level 1 of Jade theatre.




52 comments:

Rebellion said...

GOLD Sash!!

Dhakki tikki dhakki tikki :) :D \:D/

Read half way thru.. lemme complete :D

Take care,
Aarti

satish said...

OK..so i am second huh!

satish said...

aah! thanks to your statutory warning i wasnt able to read this post! kyun.., kyun kiya aapne aisha? :(

Rebellion said...

WOW Sash!!!

I take the silver too :D
hehehe

I read more than half of your review thinking I wouldn't stand a chance even in the first ten when accidently I scrolled & saw '0 had something to say' :O:O
I hit it & prayed simultaneously.. NO NO.. not that someone doesn't hit the comments at the same time.. I prayed my net doesnt ditch me half way thru, which it always does :| :P:P

As far as Fanaa is concerned, frankly speaking, despite of its big star cast, I didn't expect much of the movie, so your review wasn't disappointing but ya.. It was entertaining for sure :D

//"I turned to my friend and said, "If the chap says 'Rehan aapse jitna pyaar karna hai, aap Rehan se utna pyaar nahin karti." one more time, I will throw my shoe at the screen"
This was the part I laughed & enjoyed the most :D :P

And hey.. Aloo paratha??? Hmmm.. guess your planning to see ur parents soon, thats why planning to put on a little to save urself from the utterly famous patented dialogue of Indian parents.. "Hai hai, kitni dubli ho gayi hai meri beti.. Wahan khana peene nahi milta tha kya?" :P:P hehehe

Take care dear,
'Utterly excited for grabbing gold & silver' Aarti :D :P
Dhakki tikki dhakki tikki \:D/ :P

Rebellion said...

Ok fine.. I lost the silver & bronze.. Main aur mera muh.. bak bak karti rehti hun.. itna bada comment likha ke silver aur bronze dono haath se nikal gaye..

But I grabbed the GOLD :D

Take care,
Aarti

freebird said...

Awww....Bein' a die-hard Aamir fan myself, i was hoping this would anothr awesome movie...*Sigh*
wanted to watch it first day first show...cudnt...Damn the bloody exams..
Anyways, seems like it aint worth tht much...happy me :-)

Bombay Addict said...

hey - am linking you to my blogroll on Fanaa. Thanks. Very nice post and agree.

American Pi said...

Didn't you have like 7 aloo parathas? And what were u saying about carbs?

Rohit Talwar said...

Hahahaaa!

I was anyways not planning to watch the film, even though I am an Aamir fan. :|

Maverick said...

thanx for the warning m gonna =watch the movie so wont read ur post....

Bhaarat said...

Dint u realize that u were watching a bollywood movie. It is expected to have all sorts of miraclous scenes. In any case I dont watch too many movies. But whenever I watch I precisely enjoy those scenes (as the comic scenes)which have put u off.

The_Girl_From_Ipanema said...

i kept clicking away frantically on the top right corner. didn't work.
(the little red button happens to be on the top left corner...)
not that i belonged to the "going to watch the movie anyways" camp..;)

Pink said...

hey!
i loved the movie..
though few thinsg were ridiculous.. but who cares... i loved everything about the movie..the songs.. lead actors... lady with a paunch... 40 yr old hero.... dravid dialogues... rishi kapoor...beautiful locations.. wodden house....

American Pi said...

girl from ipanema - do you use a Mac? The little red cross is in the right corner.

Anonymous said...

:-(..kya yaar..:-(i was soo lukin fowdard2 dis movie..but since i soo luv kajol i wud still go ahead n watch:-)

Sayesha said...

#Aarti,
:D

#Satish,
Sheesh! Matlab you're gonna go ahead and watch the movie? All the best man... all the best! All the best! ;)

#Aarti,
Hahaha! :D

#Freebird,
It's an utter utter disappointment! :(

#Bombay Addict,
Welcome to Sayeshaz! Thanks for blogrolling me :)

#American Pie,
You himbo! :D Didn't you share like ONE paratha with Max?? Figga-conscious eh? :D

I had 7 parathas it seems! Kumbhkaran samjha hai kya?? :D Aur mere parathe kyun gin raha tha? Kaam dhandha nahin hai kya?? :D

And about carbs, I still maintain what I said earlier - that we all need to cut carbs. So that we can HOG on the Jade alu parathas without guilt :D

#Rohit,
Mat dekh :(

#Maverick,
Hahahaha! Good luck to you man! Three hours of torture! :D

#Bhaarat,
I did the same with Banaras (because it was SO intolerable!) :)

#Ipanema Girl,
PC user or Mac? The cross is on the top right in a PC.

#Pink,
You're deprived, girl... go watch Socha Na Tha... that will just change the way you analyse Hindi movies :)

#American Pie,
:)

#Anonymous,
Kajol looks okay until her chin. After that, the less said, the better :)

The_Girl_From_Ipanema said...

it was a JOKE. it was a JOKE
{{siiiiigh}}
/knows how to close windows on her computer, for chrissake!!
;)

The_Girl_From_Ipanema said...

american pie,
you bet it is!

Joy said...

Does this movie represent a typical Bollywood film? I think the masses loved it.

I saw an Indian film a month ago. It ran for 3 hours, very long for a simple story with a lot of twists and turns (way too much) and dancing and singing and all. It was boring.

But the Bollywood ladies are very pretty, huh? I'm not gonna comment about the men (Emraan Hashmi is an exception of course!). :-))

satish said...

_________
Ok fine.. I lost the silver & bronze...
_________

i once heard kee 'u never win a silver but lose a gold'.

but here i did win a silver!

oh yaa, its fun.

(hee hee)

Anonymous said...

I SO wanted to watch it! Now, i think am positively terrified :))

-Sowmya

Anonymous said...

Uh... there's no "i think", AM terrified :D

-S

Duhita said...

Sayesha, the post came too late. Damage done! Just got back from the show.

spamtaneous said...

mebbe u expected too much.... thats what made u hate it too much

Anonymous said...

hellos
an old regular at sayeshaz ...just tht commented for the first time :)..wanted to do shree ganesh on ur happiest moment..
@fanaa..all i can say is bollywood is capable of churning such movies n making money...
take care
sakhi.

satish said...

we were planning to go n see it tonite, bus aapki wajah se nahin gaya! :|

just one suggestion

Fan? Naah! ko Fun?Naah! kar doh.

gud night.

kaunquest said...

Sayesha, Thanks for the warning. The hype about kajol's return had made me a bit curious. Thanks for saving me my 3 hours :)
Thanks!!!

Visit us @ www.blogswara.in and share our musical experience

Negative Creep said...

Bollywood sucks. Period.

And the exceptions only work to reinforce the rule.

shub said...

:'(
badmouthing my Aamir. Boo!

Sayesha said...

#Ipanema Girl,
Hahahaha! This was fun! :D

#Joy,
Yeah, this represents a typical Bollywood movie. Unfortunately. :P

Yeah, the women are pretty... so are most of the men... you should check out John Abraham, Shah Rukh Khan, Fardeen Khan, etc. And Emraan Hashmi SO does not fall in the good-lookers category! :P It's just the damn specs that make him irresistible in Gangster :D

#Satish,
:D

#Sowmya,
I saved your life, gal! :D

#Duhita,
Shux! So what was your verdict? :)

#Spamtaneous,
Nahin yaar... I'm not a BIG Aamir Khan or Kajol fan, and do expect Yashraj movies to be 10 years behind the currect film-makers. And yet, I hated it! :S

#Sakhi,
Yeah, I'm sure it will be a hit and all that... already people are slamming my favourite reviewer Raja Sen on Rediff for giving the movie a thums down :(

#Satish,
Achha kiya jo nahin gaye... jaan bachi toh lakhon paaye! ;P

//Fan? Naah! ko Fun?Naah! kar doh.

This is unbelievable!! I actually wanted to chance it to Fun?Naah! but then I realised that BombayAddict had blogrolled my review. If I change the title, the link on his site would become invalid :(

#Kaunquest,
Welcome and you're welcome! ;)

#Negative Creep,
I disagree. :) I don't think Bollywood sucks. Most Bollywood movies do. :P

#Shub,
Ask your Aamir what's wrong with him, baby! :)

Aethyr said...

im going to watch the movie today...and well..now i doubt..should i go watch it or not..

Jeevan Baretto said...

Not much interested in goin to movie theatres.. I was very much depended on the hostel LAN till last month for the latest movies.. Now no access to even that.. NIce description though.. Wat abt the Da Vinci code..?? is it coming up in the next one..??

Prayank said...

i found the movie watchable .. or may be i had nothing better to do ...

Another let down was the music ... high time jatin lalit to do smthing refreshing ... the best performance i guess was Shaan and Kailash Kher ... in Subhanallahh

The Smiling Girl said...

Thought as much that its a foolish movie.. so didnt even try watching it..
But ur reference to Aloo paratha made me pine for Mom's alu paratha...:(

-Preethi.

Sayesha said...

#Aethyr,
Haha! Let us know if you finally watched it or not, and what you thought of it! :)

#Jeevan,
Arre yaar, I was supposed to go for DVC and X-Men in the weekend, but all the shopping and packing took up my time! :D

#Prayank,
Yeah, I liked 'Chand sifarish' too. Less after watching the movie tho :P

#Preethi,
Sigh... we're all always craving for Mom's dishes, aren't we? Even if we followe her recipe and make it, it's just not the same, is it? :)

The Anonymous said...

But how can everything be bad about a movie? There must have been something worthy.

Sayesha said...

#The Anonymous,
//There must have been something worthy.

Yes, there was. The alu paratha and the kid's version of the national anthem. That's all :)

And oh, the fact that Banaras had been worse. :P

Raju Bathija said...

Agree with you on all the points. Fanaa was really bad. Kajol was shown to sing and dance at a 26 January function and after two days she and Aamir were shown to dance in the rain. Does in rain in Delhi on Jan. 28? I wonder.

Big Bad Boy said...

Good Wriiten....

I agree with all your points but except one... you said "Kajol, contrary to the hype, does NOT look good."

Everyone appreciated Kajols beauty and She was really very good looking. After a long time Kajol on screen adding up more Fans to her list after this movie..

mezba said...

Agreed with all of your review except Kajol's looks - she looked good.

And I got tired of how the grandpa of Aamir Khan would use stereotypical stock phrases such as Allah be praised, Inshallah Mashallah and the Takbeer when talking about his plans.

Sayesha said...

#Raju,
Hahaha! Didn't think of that... I guess baarish kabhi bhi ho sakti hai :P But what I found amazing was that the blind girl was the lead dancer at the function! :O

#Big Bad Boy,
Welcome to Sayeshaz. :) I think Kajol looked good, but only chin upwards.

#Mezba,
Kajol's face (only face) looked good. Period. Yes, the nanaji was really funny. "Maine usey abhi tak marne ki ijaazat nahin di hai" it seems. Sheesh.

ggop said...

Sayesha,
I have to disagree, Kajol looks refreshed. Sure, she isn't as skinny as Bebo but think about it, she is blind. She can't be going to the gym and doing kickboxing. I thought she was slimmer here than in movies like Yeh Dillagi or DDLJ.

I do agree her parents attitude to her dating a random person was very unrealistic. Where were the thappads?

I have to see Gangster now to make sure you are reviewing with an open mind. :-) Emraan Hashmi isn't eye candy, hope he can act a bit.

gayatri

Nabeel said...

this sounds very interesting .. destroyed in love .. i am going to see what it's about

PythoRoshan said...

ha ha..and i thought I wrote scathing reviews!!! but you're rt.

Jay said...

Oh yeah ! And that stupid, Anti Terrorist Squad, logo so huge .. that ... probably, made that building itself susceptible to be attacked!

Bombay Addict said...

Oh Sweet Lord - that line on Shiny Ahuja was totally awesome ! Am quoting you (so no Kaavyagate !) on a comment on Megha's blog. Girl - u rock ! Btw - I've hit diamond jubilee on my blogroll (as in 25 views/reviews). Thanks !

Aslam said...

Disappointing review. I saw the movie and liked it. It dragged on for a bit but itr was pretty good. Aamir was fantastic and Kajol looked ethereal. There are many more movies with unbelievable storylines out there(like one with a big Ape running wild for instance). The sher o shayeri in the movie was excellent and extremely witty. All in all, a good movie.

Kroopa Shah (Kr00pz) said...

LOL, I am going to watch the movie just because of your post now and watch out for all the stuff you pointed out :-P

Anonymous said...

Hey, I think you've rated the movie too critically. I loved the songs and seeing Kajol and Aamir together. I think she looks fantastic after having a baby. How about you try that and then talk.

Sayesha said...

#Ggop,
Hehehe... I thought her paunch was too prominent in this one yaar...

#Nabeel,
Good luck man! ;)

#Roshan R,
Hehe... if I had written a serious review on Banaras, it would have been more scathing! :P

#Jay,
:D

#Bombay Addict,
Thanks! :)

#Aslam,
Disappointing comment! Really didn't expect YOu out of all people to like such a brainless movie! :O

#Kroopz,
Good luck! :)

#Anon,
//How about you try that and then talk.

Hahahaha! My dear, that's the whole point. I wouldn't try that. I would get rid of the paunch first before I act in movies again. Or maybe I won't wear the tight kameezes she wore in the second half! :)
ps: But I agree with you that my review was harsh. Take it or leave it :)

Lalit Singh said...

Wanted to wait till i saw the movie to comment.
Its horrible!!!
And I just cdnt take it any more when the background score went like 'Yaaaaaaaaa Maulaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa' for the 5823rd time
And why doesnt someone tell the kid to stop referring hmiself in third person...

Sayesha said...

#Lalit,
You read this and STILL went to watch it? Hahahahaha! :D