Saturday, November 12, 2005

May I have a word with you?

Some clothes just don't suit some people. The clothes may look good on the outside, and even be of the right size and cut, but once you try them on, you can tell something's wrong somewhere. They don't suit. They don't look good. They don't bring the true personality across.

Our words are clothes that our thoughts wear. And sometimes we end up dressing our thoughts in all the wrong clothes. Maybe because they look good, or look like they're of the right size and cut. We proudly put them on without realising how wrong they are. And we send these words out to others, who get a completely wrong message about what our thoughts were.

Words can hurt. They can pierce, they can stab, they can hurt real bad.

Technology has given us a wonderful tool called 'save draft'. I use it a lot. When crazy authors email me with even crazier stuff, I write my reply but save it as a draft for a couple of hours, before reading it again and sending it out. When I get what I think is a very rude sms, I key in my reply and save it in my outbox for a couple of minutes before I send it out. When I get a really random thought and I want to blog about it, I write the post and save it as a draft first.

Often, I delete many of these saved drafts because minutes, hours or days later, they don't seem to make sense. Sometimes, they sound totally different from what I intended to say in the first place.
Perhaps it helps to read these saved drafts again later when you are in a different frame of mind. Often, I realise that I had dressed my thoughts in all the wrong clothes. If so, I promptly decide against sending the drafts and delete them. And as I delete them, I breathe a sigh of relief about not having sent them out.

Actually, the 'save draft' tool is not a mere technology boon. We have had it for years, in our own minds. The ability to think, save and process our thoughts in our own minds, before sending it out to others.

But sometimes, we don't pause to think, and we don't delete these drafts saved in our mobile phones, email boxes and minds. We end up sending the saved drafts that should have never left the boundaries of our mind, heart and lips. The words we wrote or spoke are misunderstood. Someone is hurt by them. Then words are sent back to us. Badly dressed again. And this time, we're hurt.

Is there a solution? What do we do if drafts that should have been deleted were sent out? Is all lost? Is everything over?

No.

Upon receiving them, those who truly love us will understand. And they will delete the drafts themselves and forget they were ever sent.

I have deleted yours.

Wouldn't you delete mine?



88 comments:

Thanu said...

Nice post.

People who care about me, they don't care. An people who don't care about me, I don't care.

-thanu

PS: me first.

Harshi said...

Sayesha, I have been "hmmmming" silently throughout.
How very true.
The 'save draft' feature is very-very useful. When thoughts are complex, and when we care about sending the right message, it helps to communicate the right thing in the right way. Ofcourse, it still does not guarantee that it will be understood the way we intended, but atleast we tried our best. It's like loving an outfit (perhaps expensive) in the store, and coming back home, going to bed and sleeping on it and seeing if we feel the same way the next day. (Oh, and not forgetting to put that outfit 'on hold' :-)

It hurts too much to be misunderstood. Words have the capacity to destroy relationships forever. Spontaneous feelings and emotions are not always rational or productive. Wish it was as easy to follow than say it, but we try.

I have always felt that language is such a Boon to humankind. They are instruments that we should try not to abuse. And our reasoning powers make us so unique among all species. We can use both to such advantage for the right purpose.

PS: Sorry for the long post :P

Sayesha said...

#Thanu,
I LOVE that 'care' statement you made! :)

#Harshi,
Loved what you wrote. Both the content and the style. Now you know why I keep telling you that you should start that blog of yours soon. :)

PuNeEt said...

Again a nice thought provoking post...

Like the way u think :-)

Take care

Cheers

PS: I've provided the link for the Rangolis on my Blog... the one I told u abt...

Ashish Gupta said...

who get a completely wrong message about what our thoughts were

Exactly! u see the better side (as u talked later in the post) is that no matter wat a person says (esp. when (s)he is a frnd!) still they have only good feelings for us. Sometimes words are stabbing but again many a times I feel words are just superfluous. Genuine intentions and a good heart is all I seek!

on a sidenote: dont u think we are going too much into presenting ourselves (with words maybe n using technology maybe).... can the world not be something like having some close frnds- now no matter how ill-worded a msg/mail/letters one sends to the other, we are governed by "Nickleback's law" -Look in my heart and let love keep us together!

anon gal said...

nice nice post girl. there r just so many times i have hoped i could hold my horses and say out loud everything that came into my mind.. and once i do say them, i know how wrong they sound .. how lovely, you compared it to the clothes.. hmmm ... i wish the shooting mouth had a save draft option, or the listener deleted the message even after it was sent. the world wud be a much nicer place tat way :)

anon gal said...

*that shd have been, NOT say out loud everything that came to my mind. oops.

Princesse said...

Such an amazing post and a beautiful analogy too! You rock girl! :)

Sayesha said...

#Puneet,
Thanks! :) I saw the rangoli snaps, they're awesome! Very professional work! :)

#Ashish,
//Look in my heart and let love keep us together!

Amen to that, my friend! :)

#Anon gal,
True, the shooting mouth has no 'delete before sending' option. So we gotta do with the few nanoseconds of 'save draft in mind'... tough... But thank goodness for the people who love us. At least we're allowed mistakes.

#Princesse,
Thanks! Where did you disappear off to??

Princesse said...

Been down with the flu yaar, been a bit moody ;) so have enjoyed being a silent reader at sayeshaz for the time being...and it's so cool, so many of the posts I've read in these past 10 days have just stayed with me...they jump out like funny memories and I find myself chuckling to myself on my way to work, whether coz of somethin u posted or someone's comment to ur post or your response to comments!! :)... bye bye flu!! :)

Kais said...

Great introspective post!

... on the other hand, sometimes we use words that 'suit' thoughts
so well that for a few seconds our soul is on display for the mob
to ogle at.

Reminds me of that Paul Simon Song, 'Tenderness':

Ho-nest-y
Ho-nest-yyyy
What a waste of en-er-gy
No you dont have to lie-to-me
Just give me some ten-der-ness
Beneath your ho-nes-ty

*great jazz number*

-Kais

Abhishek said...

hey...my first visit here..
n dis is a too good blog...
hopefully i tag this 1.
anyways keep up da good work.

priya said...

u sound like virdi :)

..p..

Sayesha said...

#Princesse,
Hey, hope you're better now, and back to some serious blogging action!

#Kais,
//... on the other hand, sometimes we use words that 'suit' thoughts
so well that for a few seconds our soul is on display for the mob
to ogle at.

That's beautifully put. Couldn't agree more! :)
ps: It was good to run into you today! :)

#Abhishek,
Welcome to Sayeshaz! Thanks for your comment! :)

#Priya,
Hmmm... dunno what to make of that... Girl, that better be a compliment! :/ Otherwise you're in serious serious trouble! The gundas and gundis at Sayeshaz will tear your Dalda Dappas apart! :D

!xobile said...

nice post sayesha... really

truly speaking, id like to delete and not have such drafts of anybody!
but we know, its not so easy as clickin a button.

Nandya said...

i absolutely hate myself the next day when i see the hurtful mails that i wud have sent the prev night....i have hurt the ppl who care..

when she sends it back to me ..i can just cringe...after a few bad embarassing moments i usually sit on those mails and end up deleting them...

Rays Of Sun said...

My Mom said, "harsh words said on the face can be forgotten, but written words can never be erased.Be careful of what you write, else you will regret for some damage that you might have done unknowingly".
My life revloves around this one statement.
For myself and for people around me.

rik said...

I had saved my comment for quite long time and ended up in modifying it..
NICE POST....

Bhole said...

Handle them carefully, for words have more power than atom bombs - Pearl Strachan Hurd

Vikram said...

Awesome post. When it comes to people you know, you don't have to think twice about telling them anything. When it comes to people you don't - Well, I guess that's where diplomacy kicks in.

I don't know if it made any sense :).

Probably the first time, I'm not leaving a silly, crazy comment eh?..:P

Docs Dope said...

u seem confused in life..what is the trouble..doc is here to help

Sayesha said...

#Ze,
Yeah, it's not easy, and sometimes things can go horribly horribly wrong too. The only assurance is if the receiver knows that the sender did not mean it in that way.

#Nandya,
Sometimes, even if upon reading it the next morning, it may still look fine, but reading it from the other person's perspective helps. It's tough...

#ROS,
Hear hear!

#Rik,
Thanks! :)

#Bhole,
Wow, dramatic statement, but yes, I get the point :)

#Viks,
Yeah, that's the best part, if those who are close to you don't understand, who will? :)
ps: Good to see your serious side man! Mainly because you did not pull my leg in this one! ;)
pps: No, DON'T come back to post another comment to make up! :P

#Docs Dope,
Thanks for your offer. But I don't think I need help. :)

viv said...

Lovely post. You're the queen of analogies :)

Jay said...

'Our words are clothes that our thoughts wear."

WOW!

Vikram said...

//No, DON'T come back to post another comment to make up!

*evil grin* :)

Nandya said...

bur why cant i express my feelings...my frustations or the anger and the hurt that i have felt...its bad when u end up doing that and at the end...u feel they really didnt deserve all that...

ok i am feeling crap now...

Rohit Talwar said...

very CLEVERly written. love it.

but i think.... even those who love us and claim to understand us take stuff in the wrong sense, even though they were just at the spur of the moment. it seems many just fail to comprehend you, as an individual, even those who you thought never will... just a thought..

Princesse said...

@rohit talwar
i completely agree with you... that tends to happen sometimes and especially, when we most need our significant others to understand us rather than MIS-understand. BUt then again, if we claim that we are 'but human' and so sometimes, say things we're not meant to, similarly, they're human too, and would but naturally be hurt by our harsh words hai na?

Sayesha said...

#Viv,
Thanks :)

#Jay,
:)

#Viks,
Maaloom tha tu waapas aayega! :P

#Nandu,
Of course we can express our feelings, just that sometimes we clothe them in the wrong words, and it's the words that end up hurting those we love.
ps: I sense deep depression. Kya hua yaar?

#Rohit,
I agree. Just as we're human and make the mistake of sending the drafts out, those who love us are also human and may react instinctively to the words. The important thing is for the sender to realise that perhaps the drafts should not have been sent out, and the receiver to delete it.

Sayesha said...

#Princesse,
Got your comment only after posting mine. Anyway, we pretty much said the same thing in response to Rohit's comment. :)

Leon said...

I certainly would.. If you ever gave me a chance..

THIS WAS ONE AWESOME POST.. :-)..

If I ever own a newspaper.. will you be my editor? :p

Harshi said...

Thanks Sayesha, you r kind :-)

Wish you an ongoing Goodluck...for the exam preps.

Rahul said...

Yet another excellent post. Can relate to it so easily. Keep them coming.

Shreyansh said...

Wow!! Very thoughtfully written post. Liked the "dressing thoughts with wrong clothes" part .
As Peter Drucker had said " Language is the cement that holds humanity together."

But..... there are times when it is better to say what you are feeling, instinctively. When it is better to let the mouth speak the language of the heart rather than the mind.When it is better to press the send button rather than the save/draft button. Or else it just might get too late and render your feelings worthless.

I dunno if I made sense. Probably I should have also saved the comment as a draft. :)

priya said...

hey .. its obviously a compliment...:)
oh btw ur threat was SCARY.. :p

..p..

V said...

*SUPERB*

"Our Words are like clothes that our thoughts wear".

AWESOME!!!!!!!!!!!!

Completely Fantastic thought.

This has to be blogged about.

Rohit Talwar said...

yes princessseeee!! totally.

Rohit Talwar said...

sayesha:
"The important thing is for the sender to realise that perhaps the drafts should not have been sent out, and the receiver to delete it"

even then those 'some'ones really dont make the effort!!! isnt it sad

Ravi said...

I understand what you are saying here. You know I was reading an article in "Readers Digest" today- The article was on men's emotions. It seems men forget about an argument much faster than women.

I dont know how true it is. But at least with me, it doesn't take me much time to forget. When I get angry, I literally blast off. But within a few moments I completely forget about it & am back to normal. I dont carry any grudge. Maybe that is why most of the times it doesn't take me long to either send or delete the draft. :)

Princesse said...

:)

Sayesha said...

#Leon,
//If I ever own a newspaper.. will you be my editor?

Only if you promise me that the newspaper will only have fun stuff and no 'news'! :P

#Harshi,
Thanks, girl! :)

#Rahul,
Thanks! :)

#Shreyansh,
Very good point there. I feel that the good stuff should be blurted out immediately, but the negative stuff should be saved as a draft first. What say? :)

#Priya,
Muahahaha! Dalda Dappa queen got scared of Sayesha the gundi? :D

#Tequila,
Thanks! :)
So when is that post of yours coming? :)

#Rohit,
Hmmmm... different people have different ways of thinking I guess... we can't make rules for such things... we can only hope that they will understand us, isn't it? :)

#Ravi,
I think that's a fantastic trait to have. With my very very close friends, I always sit down after a fight and we sign a virtual pact that we will forget the incident and never bring it up again, especially during the next fight. Really helps to keep things sane.

#Princesse,
I suppose the smile was addressed to Rohit? :)

V said...

The Post came before that comment, actually...lol.

Rohit Talwar said...

yes! and this hoping.. can hurt at times! and it does hurt infact when even the minutest of your expectations aren't met. i find myself in it quite often but then pretend...WHO CARES! :-|

Shreyansh said...

I think so , but I am not sure.
No hard and fast rules work here.
Listening to the heart when it comes to good things and making use of the mind otherwise. Probably would work. Experience would help too.
Life's complex but still Life is Beautiful.

tcr_79 said...

Sayesha...

You have a beautiful style of writing... I just read the "Scarred for Life" post

and I think I will be reading more of your posts...

Very interesting and refreshing...

tcr_79 said...

"Our words are clothes that our thoughts wear"

Beautiful - best sentence in the post

Sayesha said...

#Tequila,
Geez you were talking about my post?? Haha! I thought you wanted to blog about it! :)

#Rohit,
Well, it's the ones who love us who end up hurting us... so what we gotta do is enjoy the love and take the hurt as part of the package... not easy, but that's how it is, hai na? :)

#Shreyansh,
Agree with eevry word you said.

#TCR_79,
Welcome to Sayeshaz and thanks for your comments! :)

Leon said...

I promise.. I promise.. That's what I want anyway.. :D

MeAwinner said...

Bewdi !
Really wonderful drink ! you made available to all.Once again Hats off to you.
'Drafting' I didn't know earlier.. but you know Rinku made me understand this..Really we could draft before writing/speaking and check it once again,most of the time we didn't mean "exactly" what it would convey.So TRUE..Close peopls really understands you,but still its a better idea if we DRAFT for them also.. It will make things so EAZY..I was not like that, but really now I have improved on this AREA !

Shreyansh !
//Life's complex but still Life is Beautiful.
So true.. I believe the same,things keep happening around.. but it makes life more interesting & challenging.

All who commented on Sayeshaz..!

Really I always enjoy reading all of urs comment and realize something more deaper..
Words are Powere... You can make/Break a relationship/Friendship/Good things on your way Up !
Dear Friends ! Take care of words.. before u write/speak. we all agree on this :) Cool !

Enjoy your life by spreading good words around and drafting/modifying /deleting spontaneus bad words..
Maneesha

Princesse said...

Actually smile was for u sayesha :) but now that you mention it, perhaps I should smile at rohit also in response!! :)

UD said...

Hi all,Sorry to post a comment not related to this post,
We r in athe process of creating the directory of DESI bloggers all over the world.
So drop ur blog address at
www.desiblogsdir.blogspot.com
tell ur frens too.

V said...

you're probably getting confused here.
All I meant was what you'll find on my blog.

virdi said...

hey how r ur exams going??? paas wass ho jayegi??

Anonymous said...

hey..send me your gmail address.. have some pictures to send you..

Rohan

Parth Anand said...

hey lovely post...
especially the line..words are clothes that our thoughts wear...

yes yes..i know everyone liked it..

bhidu chane ke jhad par ab mat chadiyo...

//Wouldn't you delete mine?
bole to..logo se darr gaya kya...koi kuch ulta seedha bol diya tereko to apun hai na...khopche mein le jaake dega usko kharcha paani..tension nahi lena ka...

:P

Docs Dope said...

r u sure u dont need help? come to papa..doc is there for u

doc

Raj said...

Congrats on being the runner-up on desi blog awards!!

I also make a draft of blog posts and emails and a lot of them seem stupid after sometime and i just have to delete them.
The world truly would be a much better place if everyone used mental drafts.
Great post!

rimjhim said...

#Docs Dope
Shut UP!!!

#Sayesha..
Again nicely pu up thoughts..Simple yet lovely!! I alves go for this draft mail whenever I m upset...Later I usually delete them//
However..I m not able to forgive easily..I forget but dont forgive!!

Vanathi said...

Good post...

Sayesha said...

#Leon,
Haha! Done! :)

#Maneesha,
Thanks, girl! :)
ps: Oh you're Rinku's friend! Didn't know that. :)

#Princesse,
Thanks! :)

#Arun,
Done. :)

#Tequila,
Ok ok, post it soon! :)

#Virdi,
Ullu kahan gaayab ho gaya tha? Ab yaad aayi Sayesha ki jo khairiyat poochh raha hai?? Hmmph!

#Rohan,
1. What pictures are these?
2. What the hell is your email address??
3. Are you someone I know?

#Parth,
Wah beta! Sahi training diya re Sayesha ne tere ko! Bilkul uska maafik baat karta tu toh! Chal teri promotion ho gayi, tere ko apun ek mast gaya kholi gift dega, kya? Apun ka right hand hai re tu, right hand! Ab Dalda Dappas ki khair nahin! ;)

#Docs Dope,
Like I said before, I don't need help. From your blog posts, it looks like you do.

#Raj,
Thanks! :)

#Rinku,
Thanks! :)
ps: Yaar tu apna mood kharaab mat kar, ignore kar usko.

#Vanathi,
Thanks! :)

Anonymous said...

Q1. What pictures are these?
Ans1: Jose birthday pics

Q2. What the hell is your email address??
Ans2: cant state here, hot girls will stalk me. Call me sometime.

Q3. Are you someone I know?
Ans3: Am hot! Does tht answer ur qs?

-Rohan

Sayesha said...

#Rohan!!

Gosh, it's you!! Bolna chahiye na... I was wondering pata nahin kaun Rohan hai! Didn't know you were still reading my blog! :P

Ok ok 'super hot' guy (ahem!), send 'em over to sayeshaz@gmail.com

Thanks!! :)

ankur said...

this goes as (hands down) your bet blog entry...if i were to be the judge...

wonderful thought...beautifully structured...immaculately analogous-ized...!

~a

Tinku said...

Very nice blog! I started reading some posts and suddenly realised its been 2 hours already. It has an aura of honesty and simplicity about it.

I particularly liked the dehleez ke diye post. It is childishly cute!

Tinku

virdi said...

arre sayesha medem kaiko gussa hoti ho?? check this out just incase someone else is trying to come in and hack your blog or website... might help you...

anti hackers campain zindabad !!! ;-)

V..

Jay said...

Come back with Ur next one, else U are gonna touch 100 comments on this! :-)

Sayesha said...

#Ankur,
Wow, thanks! :)

#Tinku,
Thanks! :)
ps: Yeah, even I think I sound like a 10-year-old in the 'delheez ke diye' post! :P
pps: Sometimes you have to let the inner child-poet in you squirm her way out, isn't it? :P

#Virdi,
Yeah, I saw your post. Damn the hackers. Just when we thought WV ended the last of our blogging problems. :/

#Jay,
Hahaha! I'll only post the next one after my last exam. My dimaag is all khaali of interesting thoughts yaar! Sirf mass comm. theories bhare hain! :O

ritzkini said...

Aajkal sochna band kar diya tha...is lot less complicated that way...
sochta hoon abse tumhara blog padhna band kar doon...kyonki padhne ke baad sochna padta hai..
:(

Sayesha said...

#Tarzan,
:(

Vikram said...

Kya chal raha hai? Kaisi hai apni 'gundi' ? :P

Sayesha said...

#Viks,
Don't even ask, my friend. The gundi is indulging in extreme 'un-gundi' behaviour -- studying! :O

One more day, Sayesha, one more day. Phir toh partyyyyyyy! :D

Vikram said...

Awesome...good luck with your last exam...me not making any posts for 10 more days :(...labs and exams...ah I so want to make posts...tons of illogical and nonsensical ideas floating in my memory :(

Phoenix said...

i dont like the save draft idea..
somehow it lends artificiality..
i dont wanna "dress up" my thoughts...
i believe that's one domain where ven nudity is not taboo
not to me.
honesty counts

Sayesha said...

#Viks,
Thanks! :)
ps: Hope to see some nonsensical posts soon! :)

#Phoenix,
It's not about "dressing up your thoughts" in fake, dishonest words. It's about ensuring that the words you send out truly represent your thoughts so there is no room for misrepresentation. It's not about pretty clothes, it's about the right clothes. :)

Tinku said...

//pps: Sometimes you have to let the inner child-poet in you squirm her way out, isn't it? :P

True!:) The best family poems are written by the child inside and the best family portraits are made with crayons on paper represnting family members with circles and lines. MF Husain and Gulzar will spoil everything by making it too rediculously complex.

ps: why do you hide or edit your face in the pictures when you have loads of photos in the other blog?

Tinku

Humjoli said...

good drafting sash!

Sayesha said...

#Tinku,
Hopscotch is a travelogue. It's important to see who saw what in a travelogue, but Sayeshaz is my blog of thoughts, and you don't need a face to express thoughts. In fact, sometimes a face just interferes with the thoughts. Hai na? :)

#Humjoli,
Hey man, where did ya go missing??
ps: Thanks! :)

Leon said...

Err.. I didn't know you had another blog until Tinku mentioned it.. (sheepish)

Awesome pics.. And the descriptions were far better than anything I could have come up with.. :-)

rimjhim said...

Hey exmas finished???
free now??

fao said...

m back! missed me? huh? somebody?...anybody??!!

humph! fi-hine! just be lathat! *sulk!*

n yup, yup, sasha...you know i deleted em drafts! :-)

Princesse said...

tussi kahaan ho yaar? Tussi jaldi aajaao...

ashy said...

Sayesha...waiting 4 ur today's blog !!

Sayesha said...

#Leon,
Haha! Well, now you know :)
Thanks! :)

#Rinku,
YEAH! Exams are overrrrrrrr! :D

#Fao,
//missed me?

Errr... if you insist! :P

#Princesse,
Lo ji assi aa gaye ji! :)

#Ashy,
It's there! :)
Thanks for waitin' up! :)

Humjoli said...

life is damn busy sash!

Sayesha said...

#Humjoli,
Yeah, looks a bit crazy, I hope I can manage it! :)

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Bhavya said...

Interesting perspective. Maybe I should also try saving some of my email replies and random thoughts I feel like blogging about, and reading them again after a couple of hours or so.