Friday, November 18, 2005

See ya in the next life!

Last year, I used to religiously follow this TV serial (till it got really ridiculous) on Zee TV called 'Tum bin jaaoon kahan' ('Where do I go without you?'). A guy and a girl were in love. The girl died in an accident just before they could get married. And their love was so strong, she was born again, to come and take him back. Problem was that he was 25 and she was 2. So the only way they could be together was if both died at same time, and were united in the next life, third for the girl and second for the guy. And that was the focal point around which the story revolved.

I was fascinated by the concept because
for the longest time, I never believed in the concept of the next life.

I've lived all my life with the "Ek hi zindagi hai, jee bhar ke jee lo" ("There's only one life, live it up.") attitude.

But lately, I have started to think. What if...?

A few days ago, a friend of mine said to me, "If I like something, I make it mine." His words swirled around in my mind for days.

"If I like something, I make it mine."

Easy. Especially if it's an object that can be bought. You walk into a shop, you like something, you pay for it, and voila, you've made it yours.

A bit more difficult if what you like is a person you wanna make yours. Harder if they are already someone else's. But I guess the situation is still not entirely hopeless; last minute surprises are always possible and are happening all around us.

But what if what you want is entirely impossible? What if there's just no way it can happen?

There are things about your life you can change. And there are those you can't. And you wish they were different. You may wish you were born in another country. You may wish you had a different set of parents. You may wish you had studied in another school. You may wish your first job had been something else. You may wish that that accident hadn't happened to you. You may wish you had trained to be a cricketer instead of a programmer. You may wish that you'd never met certain people. You may wish that this particular person had fallen in love with you instead and married you. You may wish you had not gotten married. You may wish your first-born was a girl instead of a boy. You may wish you had blue eyes. You may wish you were the only child. You may wish you'd been one of twins. You may wish... the list is endless.

I remember the scene in Kal Ho Na Ho where Aman tells Rohit, "Naina may be yours in this life, but promise me that she will be mine in every other life after this." I thought that was beautifully done.

There may be things about our lives we can't change. There may be stuff out there that we may want to make ours, but we can't. There are reasons so compelling that we can't.


What do we do then? Is there no second chance for us?

Perhaps there is.

Perhaps there really is a next life.

For all the things that this life is not sufficient for.

One can ask "Does it matter whether there is a next life? Or whether we get what we want in it? We won't ever know, will we?" True, we won't. For all I know, perhaps I am already living my nth life, and I have acquired all the things I'd desired in my last one. Perhaps this whole next life thing is really a consolation-thought, to give us hope.

But isn't hope what we live by?

This is not about not being happy with what you have in this life, or living in misery and complaining because what you desire is something you can't have in this life. You can be perfectly happy with this life. You can celebrate this life and fully live it up with what you've been fortunate enough to have. No one's saying you should kill yourself 'cos the next life's list looks better than this life's. At least, in this life, we know what we have. In the other, we don't know. I actually find this a very positive attitude. Instead of thinking about and brooding over all the things that can never happen in this life, how about we put them in a thumb-drive labelled 'To-do list for the next life' and tuck them deep in our heart somewhere, and then forget about them and live the beautiful life we have now?

What's wrong in making a little list of 'what ifs' for the next one?




53 comments:

Shuuro said...

Me first ;)

Malika said...

Hey Sayesha,gee I wanted to be the first to say hi on this post..but some one beat me to it.:p..Of course I am still around.You've got me hooked girl..Sayeshaz is begining to be my favourite hang-out.Take care have fun,and make a list..who knows when all of it might come true!!for now I am making mine.

!xobile said...

Dear sayesha...
we believe many things, but the truth does not change with that.

in life, we have 2 options
1.crib cry complain and accept.
2.accept

what we all seek is happiness what we feel might be attained by sensory pleasure which is grossly untrue.
One can never be 'perfectly' happy unless you're completely satisfied and sensory needs cannot be satisfied.
When I say sensory include the materialistic and the egoistic desires.

and yes its hope that we live by. hoping that one day I might be free of pain.
Hoping that maybe one day all my problems will finish
Hoping that maybe by doing this I shall be 'perfectly' and continously happy.

It is hope that leads us wrong, and it is hope that will take us to the right.
Just a matter of where you place your hope.

Sahil said...

Sayesha!

Exams khatham ho gaye? And as soon as they are finished u're writing such deep deep blog posts? Kya man, mere posts ka assar padh gaya kya?

Life is full of what-ifs. And one can really go crazy if you sit down and think of what might have been. But yeah, as long as you don't get weighed down by all the what-ifs thats great.

But it makes one wonder, how the smallest decisions in our lives can have the biggest consequences down the line. That's why every moment, everything we do is important in our lives.

And I too believe there is a next life. Dekho, agle janam mein we'll be housemates ok? And u'll definately call me for your "I cook, you eat" parties na?

There, that's one of your what-if's off your wish list ;)

Shuuro said...

Very true. It is not about lamenting our present life but difficulty in accepting the truth, that is, there will be nothing after we die. Since we are optimistic creatures we invent after life or heaven theories, even if we are conscious about rebirth in the next life, still they will be wishes and events which will be out of human influence and more wishes for next life. There is nothing wrong in having hope, until this hope doesn't become cause to give up our present life to start a new one.

Humjoli said...

What has happened to you sash??? Don't wish for something which is not meant to be!

Otherwise things might turn really weird. for example check out my new car. don't tell me that you saw something weird here too or you wish it would be bit different...

virdi said...

what if you give up even before putting a fight???

would you repent all your life or would say "I chose the easier path"

V..

Starbreez said...

Made this point to you before, just wanted to say again that whether there's a next life or not, to all intents and purposes for anyone that exists at any moment, there's only one. No one has full knowledge of a previous lifetime. We all begin with a tabula rasa. So -- carpe diem. SV once said that you don't regret the things you've done, only those you didn't do. I might take issue with the details but I agree with the sentiment.

Sayesha said...

#Shuuro,
You too joined the ranks eh? :)

#Malika,
Thanks, girl! :)

#Ze,
Gosh it took me a while to relate your comment to my post :)
Desires will exist in both lives. The question is -- whether what you have matches what you wanted. If it does, good for us (though I doubt there's anyone who's got everything in life the way he/she wanted)! If it doesn't, we can still be happy with what we have. 'Cos perhaps this life had run out of space for everything :)

#Sahil,
Aap humse baat mat karo! Exams mere they, aapke nahin! What's your excuse for disappearing off Sayeshaz?? :(

#The Sahil I'm not so pissed off with,
I agree, we should not get weighed down by the what-ifs, cos then we will run out of time to enjoy the what-is. But it doesn't hurt to make a little to-do-in-next-life list, hai na? :)

You wanna be my flatmate in the next life? Are you sure?? Soch lo, Sahil! Kya pata mere list mein ho "I wish I did not know how to cook!" Phir kya karoge? Would you change your decision? :)

#Shuuro,
//As long as this hope doesn't become cause to give up our present life to start a new one.

Very good point!

#Humjoli,
Okay your comment was so off, that there cannot be anything more off than that! :P

Gaadi hi dikhana tha toh seedhe seedhe likhna tha na ki "Sayesha, I have nothing to say about your nonsensical post. However, I want to show you something more interesting -- yeh dekh meri gaadi!" :D

ps: The ad is funny, but a bit creepy and disturbing in some ways too. :O

Sayesha said...

#starbreez,
Wow, I rarely see any comments from you! Didn't even know you were still reading.

True, each life is like a matrix by itself, and no one knows if there are other matrices or whether they are inter-connected. But because we, humans, have come up with the concept of a next life, it's rather interesting to believe that it's not all over, and that some things which we could do or get in this life will be rolled over to the next one. At least that's what my stand is. I have no real regrets as such about my present life, but I do have hopes of doing certain things differently in the next one. :)

Sahil said...

Oh I was here all along. But with all your comments activity and all, it was hard to keep up.

And sometimes its fun to be a silent commentator and watch the bacha logs enjoy :)

and to The-Sayesha-who-can't-be-pissed-at-Sahil,

It wouldn't be a problem if you didn't know how to cook. I'd cook for you. :)

Sayesha said...

#Sahil,
//I'd cook for you.

Mere pyaare Sahil ji, abhi hum doosri life ke baare mein hi soch rahe hain, aur aapne hamein teesri life mein bhejne ki sari taiyaari bhi kar li?? :O

Sahil said...

Jao jao, tesri janam kisne dekha hai? Let me do the deed now, and we'll move you onto the next one already.

Aethyr said...

i belive when u say..living nth life..and specially being a woman u are casted in different role every moment of ur life, and each role is diificult as well as easy and brings some new wishes, some new desires while fulfilling some..so u live each moment like..a new birth.. u learn , u unlearn,,and u evolve..

Sayesha said...

#Sahil,
Bas yehi baake reh gaya tha, nahin? Meri jaan lekar hi rahoge, kyun?

#Aethyr,
That's an interesting perspective... many lives within the same life... :)

Sahil said...

Mere haath ka kahana joh mileyga, toh aap ko maut bhi manzoor hona chahiye! Naseeb waale ho, not many people have had the opportunity to have me cook for them (or live to tell about it)

Rohit Talwar said...

life is so full of such thoughts. atleast, mine IS !

but.. never really thoguht about this next life thing. except ofcourse it has always sounded quite funny. lol

but now lemme think... ;)

Humjoli said...

you got it absolutely right! just wanted to share the 'funny ad'. will come back again to write something on this post. gotta work now...

Harshi said...

Even though my reasoning mind does not believe in another life...I think things can work in mysterious and mystical ways too.
We don't know everything, and there's always a possibility. But all I know "for sure" is I have this life. And I am my treasure. I will try my best to have what I like, and wish for, this life. Things I cannot have, I will try to let go. Somethings, I won't let go, and nurse in my heart, the desire that it miraculously come true...:-)

raven said...

there are some kinds of posts that i just can't read. one of these types start with a reference to a TV show (worst case: serials). Unfortunately, this one of yours fell in that category so have to pass on it (without even trying what the rest of the post refers to).

:(

me n my TV aversion!

inhas said...

I think I would have in my 'what ifs' list thing (if I ever would have one) the things I think I have missed out on coz of the way I was at the time those things happened. But I like to live with no regrets. Ya for a person who has lived his/her life to the fullest, the 'what if ' live would be empty in the end.

Tinku said...

We can spend a lifetime wanting to have what we don't but how long can we spend in the glory of finally having what we wanted? A few days? Sometimes certain things maintain their value in our lives by evading us all the time!!

btw I do believe in after-life. No logic, no reasons but still..

Tinku

Tinku said...

btw you scared me with the title "See ya in the next life!" :))

Tinku

Sayesha said...

#Sahil,
//(or live to tell about it)
Hahahaha! So you actually put them on the express trains to their next lives. Great going man. I am in no hurry thought. This life has been good to be, and I have 25 more years of living to do :)

#Rohit,
Do share your thoughts with us too :)

#Humjoli,
Hahahaha! :D

#Harshi,
//Things I cannot have, I will try to let go.
Yeah, these are the things I put in my thumb-drive labelled 'To-do list for next life' and store in somewhere deep in my heart. At least that's closure :)

#Raven,
Oh man, you missed a post that could have changed your life!
*kidding!* :)
Actually, the post is neither a description or analysis of the TV serial. The TV serial thing was just an opener. So if you do find the time and patience, ignore the first paragraph and read the rest! :)

#Inhas,
Yes, it is important to live without regrets. But everyone has a 'I wish this was done differently' list and instead of thinking about that, we should give it closure and put it in the next life box.

Sayesha said...

#Tinku,
Just saw your comment! Haha! The title sounds suicidal eh? :) Naah, I still have a lot to do in this life! :)

viv said...

// You may wish you had trained to be a cricketer instead of a programmer.

*Cough cough cough*... :D

Interesting post. Did I mention that you have a wonderful knack for translating thoughts to words?

There seems to be a 12 hr lag between us having similar thoughts... I was thinking this morning about the concept of 'me'. And how it would translate across different births (if ever). I realised that right now, there's only 1 'me'. And that the concept of 'me' is so strong/unique/independent that this might be MY nth life or someone else's... and I wouldn't know the difference. So is it really an Nth life or just life number N in the universe? Dunno. All I can do is live this to the fullest!

I guess what I'm saying is, forget about the what-ifs... just get on with it! There's a lot left to do in THIS life :)

// forget about them and live the beautiful life we have now?

Right on!

Starbreez said...

Agree with Viv. Sayesha, not been commenting cos ... I thought you were not supposed to blog till your exams were over?! So assumed there wasn't anything going on, ha ha. And anyway, why say anything if I've got nothing good to say -- I do that often enough in real life. Just for the record, since quite a few people are stating what they believe, I only believe in one next life -- the one your soul goes to after you go poof. :]

Sayesha said...

#Viv,
Yes, I believe in living in the moment, but what about the things that can never ever happen in this life? What if we can't forget them? Isn't it just better to tuck them away in the next life list, than have them stay in a corner of your thoughts and hurt you now and then? I believe that as long as plans for the next life are not negatively affecting the present life in any way, it's okay to believe in it.
ps: I knew you'd mention the *cough cough* thing in your comment!! Haha! :D

//There seems to be a 12 hr lag between us having similar thoughts...

Cool! Life's all about connections, and looks like we have one, eh? :) But I'm ahead of you, yeay! :P

#Starbreez,
//I thought you were not supposed to blog till your exams were over?!

Awww come on, you know me better than that, girl! ;)

//I only believe in one next life -- the one your soul goes to after you go poof.

To each, his/her own is all I say :)

Kais said...

Is there another life?

Well Im not dying to find out!

:)

- Kais

Sayesha said...

#Kais,
Hahaha! Good going, that was very witty! :)

Kais said...

Whew...was worried that wasn't going to get validated

- Kais :)

Sayesha said...

#Kais,

Haha! Yeah, all we need for validation is one person. ;)

Bhole said...

Can't put anything off for the next life :)

viv said...

// ps: I knew you'd mention the *cough cough* thing in your comment!! Haha! :D

I thought my life was what inspired that sentence in the post! Even if not, you could just pretend otherwise ;)

Sayesha said...

#Bhole,
Good for you, man! Rare to find someone who's got everything figured out :)

#Viv,
Of course it was inspired by your life, you moron! But I knew you'd specifically mention it in your comment in the *cough cough* way! ;)

rik said...

aapki blog chahiye with out tax!!

wats the cost ??hehehehe...jus kiddin.

Nice post.

Anonymous said...

Ok..you got me thinking...guess this mustta crossed ur mind too...

If you believe theres a next life and would put a to-do list in a thumb drive and store it in your heart....could it be possible that theres aleady a thumbdrive that you have put there in last life...

Perhaps these are things that you wanted to do in your last life...perhaps not. How can you presume this is your first life...how would you know there was none earlier...if there ws one earlier how can I be sure this was what I wanted to do in this...

ok..I am digressing now...whats the point again?

Suess

Leon said...

I agree with what you have to say about hope. But for hope to exist.. belief must exist first.

If you have noticed, Our dreams are as far fetched as can be when we are smaller and then narrow down as we grow up. The "out of this world" thoughts no longer give us the same pleasure they used to. Why? I like to think it's because the realism strikes us. Just as you said.. we KNOW somethings aren't going to happen.. so we just don't think about them.

So by that logic I first have to convince myself of a future existence before I derive any comfort from a list of 'what ifs'. For now, I believe man is all bones and dust after death and I don't think anything could change that. Even make believe doesn't work, if in your heart of hearts you feel "Ok.. I made a list of 'what ifs but they won't happen anyway.. so who am I kidding?"

err... I typed out a lot.. I wonder if that made any sense.. :D

Sayesha said...

#Rik,
You wanna buy my blog? Hahaha! Would you pay me to write it or are you gonna take over as the writer? :P
ps: Thanks! :)

#Suess,
Yes, I did cover that part about the possibility that this could be the life in which I have got all the things I could not in my last life. We can never be sure about things like this. It's all a matter of what you believe.

#Leon,
What you typed makes a lot of sense. Yes, it's true we KNOW some things aren't gonna happen in this life, which is why my post is about how I sort those things out. Instead of thinking "I wish it were like that" I just tell myself "It will be like that in the next life." It's just my way of dealing with the situation in a more positive way. Because at the end of the day, I wouldn't even know if I'm really getting these things in the next life, but at least I have figured out a way to deal with thoughts of them in this life.

Shreyansh said...

No!!!
There is just one life.
What you have to do, has to be done in this life.
It is not always a question of what we want, but what we need.
And more often than not(atleast in the lives of most of my friends and myself),we would get what we need.
That is the way Life is.
And Life is Beautiful!!

Sayesha said...

#Shreyansh,
Wow, that was one emphatic NO! :)

Life is beautiful, I never refuted that. But just as I can't say for sure that there is another one after this, how can you be so sure that there isn't? Hai na? :)

Besides, life is not just about needs, it's a lot about wants too.

Shreyansh said...

Hey the 'No' wasnt meant to be rude . :)
Well, like you dont believe in God, I dont believe in another life.
It is just a matter of faith/belief.
And you never know if what you want is really what you need (which might be more important).
But I am not saying that one should stop wanting , cuz may be what you want is what you need.
And no , I have never been able to figure out the difference b/w want and need until I get what I get.
Do I sound crazy?? :)

Sayesha said...

#Shreyansh,
Thanks for clarifying. Actually I feel that the difference between a want and a need, though deceptively clear, is also defined by each individual. And yes, wants could be needs and needs could be wants.

//Do I sound crazy?? :)

No worries, buddy. That's a pre-requisite for hangin' out at this blog :)

tcr_79 said...

Lot of things that you made in this post were pertinent

But the line I liked the most in Kal Ho Na Ho was

"Jeeyo, muskurao, khush raho, kya pata Kal ho na ho"

tcr_79 said...

You are also a very talented writer - keep writing for the benefit of others...

Keep it up...

Sayesha said...

#TCR_79,
True, KHNH got a lot of flak, but I believe the basic message of the movie was a great one -- kal ho na ho. Awesome :)
ps: Thanks! :)

Raj said...

Well, hope in any shape or form is good but this whole next life doesnt make too sense to me. I mean this might not really be our first life, right. Maybe its our second and we are getting what we asked for in the previous life but now you want something different. Then what??

Anonymous said...

Like the saying goes: "God, grant me
the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
the courage to change the ones I should,
and the wisdom to need to know the difference"

Sayesha said...

#Raj,
I agree. This may be our second, third or nth life, and we would never know what we wanted in any of the previous lives, or whether we have them now. But for this life, it gives me closure to think that the things I want but can't get can always get a chance in the next life. As long as I have this view in a positive way, I think it's okay. :)

#Anon,
Well said! :)

tcr_79 said...

I thought the Basic mesage was fabulous - it may be easy to say that it was corny and that people overacted - but I liked the life SRK lived...

He understood that he does not have time - so he enjoyed every bit of his life as if Kal Ho Na Ho

I love that movie for that reason - being positive in the face of adversity...

Sayesha said...

#TCR_79,
You echo my thoughts exactly. Though SRK was over the top in most scenes, I love the movie for its message :)

Dew said...

I do believe in a life after death. Just read the books "Many Master, many Lives" and "Only Love is Real" by Brian Wiess and you will surely believe in it... especially if you have met someone whom you love, whom you think is the one made for you......

Sayesha said...

#Dew,
Thanks. Will try and find the book :)