Saturday, November 19, 2005

A poem for anon?

Some things take on a totally different meaning when you look at them years later.

I found this poem in an old folder, from like a million years ago. I'd written it when I was in school. And today, when I read it, I wonder what was in my mind when I wrote this. Who is it addressed to?

God? But I was never really a believer.

Or was I talking to myself?

Or perhaps I was addressing life itself?

What could it be? I have no idea.

-----------------------------------------------------------------

Existence

In the evening

as I sit watching the sunset
And the blue sky
with streaks of red and gold

Scattered with kites
each one of a different colour

My eyes look up
to the red one flying the highest
Bright it is, and ambitious
with a desire to touch
the upper limit of the sky
The wind is its mate
taking it higher and higher
till it is just a red dot
in the vast sky

"Isn't it flying too high?" I wonder
But the child holding the string
does not pull it back
and in a struggle to escape
and fly yet higher

the kite suddenly frees itself
from the hold of the string

But without the support of the string
down it comes, and fast
and the children below
watch it falling, and wait
and then rush towards the spot
where they know it will fall
each one wanting to possess
this rare treasure
that has seen such heights

Numerous hands tug at it
and it is torn to pieces
The little boy looks on
at the kite that was so bright
so colourful...
But not any more

Even its owner couldn't save it
from losing its existence...

I watch everything
and I think of you
Understanding comes to me
that my life is a kite
with its string in your hands
lending support to me
Neither too firmly
nor too gently

I fly in splendour
in a search for heights of success
You make sure
I am flying, as I should
And when opportunities arise
you loosen your hold on the string
and let me fly like I wish to fly
as if there is no string
to ever pull me back

You let me attain the heights I yearn for
The heights that I can reach...
The heights I should reach.

But…
As soon as the winds of ambition
begin to take me beyond that height
you pull back the string, gently
so that I should not separate myself from it
in a bid to rise higher and higher
For it would mean
the same fate as of the red kite

I would fall
down... and fast...
to such a depth, where like the red kite,
I too, wouldn't be what I am today
And then even you
like the red kite's owner
would not be able to save me
from losing my existence...



58 comments:

jade said...

me first? hmmm...
were u thinking abt god?

Sayesha said...

#Jade,
Even I thought so for a while, but then I was never a believer. So it's quite unlikely.

It has to be either myself, or life. I think.

renegadefade said...

at the onset let me praise your writing abilities. not only do you articulate your feelings well on your blog but you also seem to be a decent poet.

now being an expert in psychology - i have seen many tv shows and movies with references to famous psychologists er.. i mean freud (i know i know, psychoanalyst) and given the fact that you don't believe in god (shock and horror!) your poem seems to be about your parents.
am i right or am i right?

Sayesha said...

#Renegadefade,

Thanks for the compliments :) However, I must admit that I think I can't write decent poetry anymore. This was written more than a decade ago.

Naah, my parents never really had or exercised any form of control over me (shock and horror again??), so it's definitely not addressed to them.

It's very puzzling...

renegadefade said...

i was wrong?
and i thought all those hrs of watching frasier helped.. ;)

Sayesha said...

Aha! Someone is online.
Hahaha! If only watching Frasier solved all of life's puzzles :)

Macho Girl said...

I don't think i will ever be able to guess whom u were addressing.. but i really loved the poem! I rarely come across poems that really touch me and make me think. This definitely goes into my list of favourite poems!!! hey! wat dya know!! u have joint milton in my list! ;)

anyways.. wonderful poem!! u shud give poetry another shot

Rays Of Sun said...

Loved the poem, girl!
BTW, is it written for a teacher??

I fly in splendour
in a search for heights of success
You make sure
I am flying, as I should


I don't know, but if this was what you wrote in school, girl you are in the wrong profession. You must definitely write poems for publishing.

I told you na, the only poem that I wrote till date is a limerick:((

Harshi said...

Sash, bahaut achchi poem hai. Reminded me of the book "The Kiterunner" when you talked about people running to get the kite that was falling down. You might have read it. It is an excellent, excellent book. Moved me to tears. Anyway, Sash, I "think" the poem is more on your wanting to achieve the heights of glory than on "who" it is that would have the strings. It is about your wishes and fears. I might be wrong though.

PS: Sayesha, I am not much of a "staunch believer" in God as well.

Tinku said...

Nice poem! :) It was probably adressed to God(but then you say you are not much of a believer)...to your parents(you refute that again in reply to a message above). You are not talking to yourself or life if we go by the you below..

I watch everything
and I think of you
Understanding comes to me
that my life is a kite
with its string in your hands
lending support to me
Neither too firmly
nor too gently

It HAS to be God or your family or a family member(mom or dad) who might not have the CONTROL but did provide the support you needed to achieve what you wanted to.

You don't remeber who it was addressed to but if you have to then what is your pick 1)God 2) Yourself 3)Life 4)Family

Tinku

. : A : . said...

Very interesting.

When I pull out old poems, I noticed how their meaning changes over time.

Sayesha said...

#Macho girl,
WOW. Thanks! That's a lot of praise. Now I'm slightly embarrased! :P

#ROS,
Teacher... wow, never thought of that... probably not... considering the number of schools I have studied in, I could have never had a teacher for long enough to influence me so much...

Thanks, babe. And send me that limerick of yours! :)

#Harshi,
Thanks! I have not read that book, will try and get hold of it. And you may just be right about the poem being more about me than who holds the strings... what puzzles me is that a person like me would not allow anyone to hold the string to my life... so who is the "you"?? :O

#Tinku,
//but if you have to then what is your pick 1)God 2) Yourself 3)Life 4)Family ?

I have a strong feeling, there's a 5) (and perhaps a 6) somewhere which I gotta figure out...

#. : A : .,
Wow, praise from the master of poetry himself! I'm honoured :)
Isn't it amazing that we can't figure out something that we wrote ourselves years ago?

Vikram said...

Amazing lines.

Harshi said...

Perhaps Sash..at the time you were to trying to "make sense" of who the "you" is yourself? Maybe an indefinable element...an invisible force. Maybe, a part of you wanted a "you" to be there...to give a feeling that you are not alone. Like sometimes, I say things like "Oh, please....don't let that happen", or "Thank you so much...." (when something good happens to me) and then I think, "But who was I speaking to?" :-)

Hey, the mystery of the "you" is very interesting :-)

Princesse said...

This is so beautiful sayesha. It's very spiritual (at least from my point of view) for spirituality to me doesn't always mean connection with God. It could be an intimate and soulful connection with anyone or any 'thing' for that matter. And in that sense, I think your poem 'fits' somewhere very deep in my puzzle of life. It outlines my underlying philosophy of faith in a higher energy, whose job is not to 'cure' the woes of the world, but rather, to provide food for the soul whilst its journeying through life.

Thanks for sharing. Once again, it's beautifully written.

Humjoli said...

//God? But I was never really a believer.

hmmmm...

virdi said...

aaaiyooo raama... is ladki koi samjhaooo...

V..

Dreamcatcher said...

Its so mature considering it was written when you were about 15/16 ..
could it be for some relative you were attached to ??

Tinku said...

//I have a strong feeling, there's a 5) (and perhaps a 6) somewhere which I gotta figure out...

hmmmmm...*shakes his head*

Tinku

viv said...

Maybe it's your alter ego you're talking to... I mean everyone has an adventurous side and a logical side. Maybe it's in appreciation of the balance of the two in a person... in you. Without the adventurous streak, you would never scale new heights, but without a cautious side, you might just crash and burn...

Sayesha said...

#Vikram,
Thanks! :)

#Harshi,
Wow, the mystery seems to be unraveling itself... Harshi, girl I think you're helping me get closer and closer to the "you" :)

#Princesse,
//spirituality to me doesn't always mean connection with God.
That's one amazing line! Thank you for sharing :)

#Humjoli,
Penny for your thoughts?

#Virdi,
Arre yeh phir aa gaya? Tu mere ku samjhayega re? Apun ki pahunch kidhar tak hai maloom nai kya tere ku??

:D

#Dreamcatcher,
Thanks! I feel some of my best work was when I was 15/16. I'm losing it as I'm growing old :(
ps: Naah, am sure it's not a relative. If it's not my parents, it's definitely not a relative.

#Tinku,
Another hummingbird! And this one shakes its head! Koi batayega Sayesha ko ki sab soch kya rahe hain?? :?

#Viv,
Yeah, this is similar to what Harshi said, and so far, makes the most sense. Perhaps it was me talking to my practical side, because at the end of the day, at the end of everything, who holds the string? Us!

Vikram said...

Actually I wanted to say 'your alter ego' today too but realized that would make two comments from me in a row (from your last post about validation) mentioning you are your alter ego. Anyway, I should leave before I confuse you over this and you label me 'demented' :D

Tinku said...

//Another hummingbird! And this one shakes its head! Koi batayega Sayesha ko ki sab soch kya rahe hain?? :?

Baki log ke bare mein to keh nahin sakta lekin main soch raha hoon ki main hi itna intellectually challenged kyun hoon?!!

//I have a strong feeling, there's a 5) (and perhaps a 6) somewhere which I gotta figure out...
5) Gol-gappe wala
6) School bus ka driver

I can't think of anyone this poem can be addressed to besides God and family :(

Tinku

Humjoli said...

yup, i have never been believer too! i have my own weird theories which i'll share some day in my blog but don't have time these days.

Alas, when I had all the time in the world to write all about my weird theories, I wasn't introduced to blogging. Now when I have a platform to jot down my thoughts, i don't have time.

I am in dire need to learn time management which I am very bad at.

Sayesha said...

#Viks,
//Anyway, I should leave before I confuse you over this and you label me 'demented'

You don't have to worry beta, I labelled you that looong ago! ;)

#Tinku,
I like the idea of the golgappe wala! Golgappas have always held a special place in my life bachpan se! :)

Vikram said...

Pata tha mujhe. I knew it. I wonder what made me even type that. Sheesh.

Sayesha said...

#Humjoli,
Welcome to my world! Too many thoughts, too little time. Barely managing, but I do the best I can. :)

tanayesh said...

hi....
wassup nice blog..mine is http://life4some.blogspot.com n giv ur comments.....bye cya n b in touch

Akanksha said...

Hey,
loved the way u write...

Neways I dunno abt u but usually I end up writing poems to some imaginary person. Someone I think would b a part of my life at some point of time.

Sayesha said...

#Viks,
//I wonder what made me even type that. Sheesh.

Hahahaha! Hota hai hota hai! Time lagega par tu seekh jaayega ek din! :P

#Tanayesh,
Thanks!

#Akanksha,
Thanks! :)
That's another possibility I had in mind. Perhaps this poem is for someone whom I haven't met yet!

Kais said...

Beautiful poem.

Rohit Talwar said...

so u were soooo good even when u were little! awesome

PuNeEt said...

oolllaallaaaa
thats awesome yaar

u wrote that in school...
that makes it all the more amazing

great going

cheers

Tinku said...

//That's another possibility I had in mind. Perhaps this poem is for someone whom I haven't met yet!

hohoho hahaha hihihihi :))

ihihihih :((

ummmm

good spammy said...

hehe..nice poem... meebe that 'someone' is in ur blogosphere ...?

bad spammy said...

just realised that something cool... take a paragraph... click randomly in each line and then press enter ....now the paragraph contains double the number of lines of text...but the same content ...now u will realise some thing cool.... u got ur self a brand new poem... :p...

Sayesha said...

#Kais,
Thanks! :)

#Rohit,
Thanks! :)
ps: Looks like the older I grow, the less awesome I get! :/

#Puneet,
Thanks! :)

#Tinku,
Hahaha! Gosh this chap's lost it! Are you upset about the golgappa walla? Hey, that theory is not yet outta the window! :D

#Good Spammy,
Wow, this is the first time I've seen you use the nick that I call you by (without the 'good' of course!) :)
Considering how the odds are in favour of me being the 'someone', yes, I'd say the person is in my blogosphere! :P

#Bad Spammy,
Errrmmm... seedhe seedhe bol na ki poem pasand nahin aaya... itna ghuma phira ke kyun? :)
ps: And your method will only work with free verse.

tcr_79 said...

I have a serious inferiority complex reading that and to compound it - you said you wrote it in school!!

In school I used to celebrate when I wrote a full sentence!!

I do not read too much poetry - but I think this was very well written..

Sayesha said...

#TCR_79,
Thanks! :)
ps: I do not read too much poetry either. Not even my own. :P

Raj said...

You wrote poems when you were in school. :O
I can't write a poem even today even with all the help from a s/w like rhymesaurus.

Parth Anand said...

liked the poem..

god..parents..teachers..you said no for them..
who else inspired you..taught you about life when you were young..
older siblings/relatives?

Devil in disguise said...

That's not a poem, that's dismembered prose.And I am not just saying that because the lines don't rhyme.

Sayesha said...

#Raj,
Wow, they have poem-writing software now? Haha! But all poems do not have to rhyme! In fact, I think there are no rules to poetry :)

#Parth,
Hey, you're still around! I thought you disappeared Sayesha ke darr ke maare! :P
Well, so far, I have shortlisted it down to me, or someone I have not yet met. Dekhte hain... :)

#Devil in disguise,
Hey! Though you're not new to my blog, but still, welcome to Sayeshaz! :)

Being such an authority on poetry yourself, you should know that all poems do not rhyme. But I guess your comment was just meant to be a personal attack so I'll take it as that. Whatever grudge you have against me, I hope you sort it out soon. Life's too short to be anonymously criticising someone for their lack of poetic talent.

Cheers! :)
Sayesha

devil in disguise said...

Firstly, I clearly said "I'm NOT saying that because it doesn't rhyme"

Secondly,does anyone who doesn't like your poem automatically dislike you? Because I didn't know that honest feedback was construed as vile judgement.

Sayesha said...

#Devil,
My apologies if I misunderstood you. The word 'just' in your comment made me interpret it the way I did.

You said:

//And I am not just saying that because the lines don't rhyme.

Devil, I am not striving to be a poet or writer, and I am not here to make people like my poem. Hell, I dislike half of my own poems myself! Maybe you should go back and read what you wrote and then figure out if it was honest feedback or vile judgement.

You wrote 'That's not a poem.' Tell me this, can you really define what a poem is? Isn't poetry too subjective to be defined? Isn't one man's poetry another man's poison? I say it is a poem.

Anyway, thanks for the feedback. I should have thanked you earlier. At least you took the time to tell me it sucks. :)

Rays Of Sun said...

Hehhee..Sash..pata nahi mere Limerick ko log kya kahenge:D

Ravi said...

Maybe it is not someone whom you could define, objectify or pinpoint. Maybe even when you wrote the poem, you were not sure whom you were addressing the poem to.

I think you wrote the poem to satisfy your need for that "you" in your life - as harshi has so aptly pointed out.

For some, God is that "you". You seem to be still discovering who that "you" could be. You may find out soon, but I am not sure it'll be someone in a conventional form.

Sahil said...

Very well written. But once a poet, always a poet. You have it in you, but for me, writing poetry is when I'm in an extreme of an emotion. Perhaps thats the same for you, and perhaps the next time you feel emotional, you should try and put your thoughts down on paper.

I don't know who this person is tugging on the string. But to me, it's something within us. It's not 'us', but its a part of us. Its the something that guides us and tells us whats right and wrong. Its the feeling in us that feels right. Its the someone or something that we feel is looking out for us, and is the silent observer in our lives. It doesn't say anything, but at times its silence tells us everything we need to know.

You really should start writing poetry again. Not for anyone else, but for yourself.

Canary said...

you wrote this long bak ??!!
u were inteligent as a kid too. :p

priya said...

well .. this gets me thinkin gof my poetry writing skills..
err.. i'd rather not think abt it.. (priya blushes in embarassment)

..p..

Humjoli said...

you are managing quite well, i guess i need to learn a thing or two from you!

Vinesh said...

A lot of stuff I wrote back in school seems very funny when I read them now :-)

Sayesha said...

#ROS,
Baby you should write a post with that limerick, then we'll know. I toh love it! :)

#Ravi,
Very aptly put :)

#Sahil,
Thanks! :)
I guess poetry is not my thing anymore, at least not the serious kind... been too many years... but maybe you're right, I should give it another shot.

#Aastha,
Thanks, girl! :)

#Priya,
Show some samples yaar! :)

#Humjoli,
Thanks! :)
ps: I think I need to learn a thing or two from you about clarity of thoughts and the ability to express them so well.

#Vinesh,
Yeah, I agree! Some of it is so ridiculous and nonsensical, I wouldn't show it to anyone! :P

Tinku said...

//Hahaha! Gosh this chap's lost it! Are you upset about the golgappa walla? Hey, that theory is not yet outta the window! :D

Yes I am upset about the golgappe wala! But I havent lost hope yet. I'll try Mr 7 :p

7) Atal Bihari Vajpayee( he is a bachelor and is also known for his poetic skills)

hehe..Gotcha...eh? hmmm? yeah?

Tinku

Sayesha said...

#Tinku,
Hahahaha! Tu nahin sudhrega! :D

Abhishek said...

toooooooooo good

Sayesha said...

#Abhishek,
Thanks! :)

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