Who's your angel?

A brown leaf floated about in the air and slowly landed on Sayesha's head.

Nope, it wasn't autumn.

It was a half-rotten leaf that had just detached itself from its tree and decided to use Sayesha's head as its helipad.

Sayesha looked up and just about missed something white falling from the sky.

No, it wasn't the first snowflake.

It was the first evening offerings of the bird sitting high up on the tree, looking down and grinning at her. (I know birds don't have any grinning apparatus, but apparently they can.)

So where was I?

Remember the company course that was cancelled due to hilarious reasons? Well, they finally held it today. It ended at five and I had a full three hours to myself before I met my friends for dinner. So I decided to go on a date. With myself. To Orchard Road. Not just for some girly shopping. I had been really curious about the tacky Christmas decorations Banana had described in her blog, and wanted to go check them out.

It was all that she had written and more! The decor was horrendous. Huge, ugly, tacky, loud.

In other words, my dil went yikes!

And as I walked along the road amidst the very distasteful Christmas decorations, threading my way through the busy crowd of people, all in a hurry, suddenly I felt a sudden rush of joy inside me. It was Christmas! And the gaudy decor , the rotten leaf, the bird-shit, could not do anything to dampen my spirits. My spirits were high, and it wasn't because of the orange juice I'd had in the afternoon. And I realised something -- the spirit of Christmas, more than around us, is in us.

The lady I bought a necklace from, said, "So how come you're here in Orchard Road on a Monday night?" I told her that I wanted to see the Christmas decor, and also because it gets so crowded during the weekend, that I figured the best day to come here would be a Monday night.

"Oh, you celebrate Christmas?" She looked amused.

"Yeah, I do..." I grinned back at her.

I do.

I'm not a Christian. And I don't really follow a religion. The only place where my religion shows up is when I have to tick that little box while filling forms. Other than that, I am not a religious person. I don't pray and I don't preach. (Perhaps it's because I don't like the idea of praying only when I need something and not praying otherwise.)

However, I do believe in celebrating. And I celebrate every freakin' thing that there is to be celebrated.

My earliest memories of Christmas go way back in time. When I was a little girl, my sis and I would hang stockings on the cords of the mosquito net on Christmas eve. After we had gone to sleep, Dad would fill our stockings with potatoes and onions (every year!!) and put them on top of the mosquito net. Sis and I would get up in the morning, all excited to see the stockings filled to the brim. We would turn them upside down and scream in indignation. My sis would go, "Dad, not this year too! It's not even funny anymore!" And I would start bawling. Dad would be grinning and Mom would watch the whole scene with a "I've given up on this guy" expression. And finally, the real Christmas gifts would come out. Every year.

And I would make a little Christmas tree with shiny green paper, and decorate it with all kinds of shimmery stuff. And there would be an angel at the top.

The Christmas angel. The one who would make all my wishes come true. The one who would spread the spirit of joy and love.

I am 25 years old now. There is no Santa. There is no Christmas angel.

Or is there?

In Kal Ho Na Ho, Jenny tells her kids, "Whenever we're in trouble, God will send an angel for us, who will take away all our tears and fill our lives with joy." And the kids prayed and waited. And then Shah Rukh turned up. Just another human being, just a neighbour. But an angel for that troubled family. (Now now, I am not praising the movie here, we all know SRK sucked in that movie, I'm only looking at the basic script of the story.)

It set me thinking. Is an angel really going to turn up one day to take away all our tears and fill our lives with joy? Or are we waiting in vain? What's the angel like?

Who is an angel really? If it's just another human being, could it really be that neighbour? Or perhaps that friend of ours? And most importantly, why do we need to wait for our angels? Why can't we be our own angels? Why can't we be each others' angels? We certainly have the ability to take a few tears away, and the ability to bring some joy into the lives of those around us.

And if we're all angels, then whom are we waiting for?

Christmas is almost here. I can feel it in my bones. It's the season of loving and giving and sharing. (Gosh I'd better stop, I'm starting to sound like Joey Tribbiani now!) It's the season of love and showing it to those you love. It's time for yet another celebration.

A celebration that I needed real bad in my life right now.

Sayesha is happy today. Really really happy.

To all the angels I have in my life, I want to send a big kiss and a hug, and I want to thank you for being the angel and taking away some of my tears and bringing me joy.

Our wait is over. We are Santa. We are the Christmas angel.