My TCTSTFTS theory

I have a theory.

It's called the TCTSTFTS theory -- Too Close Too Soon, Too Far Too Soon.

Have you ever met someone whom you instantly connected with? Someone who made you wonder why on earth you'd never met before you actually met? The circumstances you met under seem bizarre and out of this world, and yet, on some levels, perfectly normal. He/she may be exactly like you or completely different, but you feel like you were meant to be friends, and friends for life. Just by virtue of knowing that person, you feel special.

The closeness, comfort and warmth you develop within an extremely short span of time, is unbelievable. You feel fortunate to have that person in your life. You feel special. Really special. It amazes you so much that you ask yourself if it is too good to be true. You know it's not a crush, and it's not love. It's just the most incredible kind of friendship ever. Something that logic cannot explain.

You talk to each other until you feel you're gonna run out of words. And you laugh over it.

But one fine day, that's exactly what happens. You run out of words. You run out of conversations. You run out of feelings. Just like that.

"What just happened here??" you ask yourself. And neither you nor the other person has an answer. There was no fight, no misunderstanding, no other feelings. Nothing. It just got over. Without any reason. And each person walks his/her own way feelinglessly. They get on with their respective lives. But it hurts. What hurts more is not the fact that it is over, but the fact that you just got on with your life as if it had never happened. You try to figure things out. Sometimes by judging yourself. Sometimes by judging the other person. Trying to find whose "mistake" it was. But it doesn’t help. It was no one's "mistake". No one was a bad person. Yet, it happened.

I’ve experienced it, felt the heart-breaking pain of losing what I thought was a great friendship, and thought about it for long hours to explain this phenomenon. And finally, I came up with the TC theory, which at least to me, makes sense.

Putting it very clinically, I believe that people have spaces in their hearts that they lease out to other people they care about. Each one of us occupies such a space in other's hearts. Often, we vacate the space, either of our own will or of the "owner's" will. But sometimes, only sometimes, we get (or give out) lease for an infinite time. And these are the people who stay in our hearts forever. I feel that on some levels, to get to that state, we must not occupy one big space in someone's heart, but occupy "micro-spaces" spread out across the heart. Like a stubborn tenant who is all over the place, and cannot be gotten rid of. And to be able to seep into the spaces in someone's heart like that -- like rainwater in the soil, you need time and patience. Lots of it.

I believe in my theory to the point of paranoia. It's always -- Sayesha, are you getting 'Too Close Too Soon'? Beware, because 'Too Far Too Soon' is on the way! With a real connection, if I get the feeling that it's happening unrealistically fast, I get scared. I back off. But I tell the person about TCT. If they understand, great. If they don’t, it simply means that we never had the connection I thought we had.

So if you have that kind of connection with someone, it's a keeper. Cherish it, nurture it. Most importantly -- give it time.

And that's what Sayesha's TCTSTFTS theory is all about.