Now you're talking

Blogs started out as a platform where people could anonymously rant about the not-so-good bits of their lives. They were un-googlable. They could say all that they wanted to say to people without saying it to their faces. Things they would never let anyone read. 'Blog-therapy' they called it.

However, somewhere along the way though, it got tiring. There wasn't enough rant-able stuff happening. So we started blogging about happy stuff. Random stuff. Non-secrets. And it did not matter anymore who was reading.

On the bus today, I was wondering what it would be like to blog the way blogging started out as -- to talk to people without talking to them. To say things you would not say to their faces.

Here's some of the stuff that floated about in my head in the last few days, but never left my lips:

• Your hair is so beautiful that sometimes when you're talking to me, I am actually admiring your hair.
  
  
• I still remember how messy things got, but I am glad you guys found real happiness in each other.
  
  
• Yes, you are a bit neurotic. But it's fine. We all are.
  
  
• He's one of my bestest friends. When he married you, I was apprehensive. I did not know you. Now that I do, boy am I glad he married you.
  
  
• Why are you so grumpy? Sometimes it's very difficult to be around you.
  
  
• You look really pretty today. But I've noticed that compliments make you uncomfortable so I won't say anything.
  
  
• Just smile and say "Thank you."
  
  
• Please don't be depressed. Your depression rubs off on me.
  
  
• I'm so jealous that I am not at the party in India right now. I hate you girls. But I guess I love you. All seven of you. Damn you for having the party without me.
  
  
• I used to think you're a dumb chick, but you're actually not.
  
  
• Everybody's life sucks at one point or the other. Yours cannot suck all the time. Quit whining.
  
  
• This, right here, is a fake smile.
  
  
• You owe me money. Why are you pretending that you've forgotten?
  
  
• Yes, I am very "Indian". You got a problem with that?
  
  
• Yeah, I think she's quite a bimbo.
  
  
• I admire your ability to not get riled up but I won't tell you because you will use it against me to get all patronising when I get riled up.
  
  
• I know. And you know that I know.
  
  
• Why are you guys so mercenary?
  
  
• If you say that one more time...
  
  
• I can't understand how you can be so plain-looking and yet so sexy.
  
  
• Duh!
  
  
• How hard is it to smile back when people smile at you?
  
  
• Either you slap that brat of yours, or I'll do it!
  
  
• How come you asked Viv where he's working, but didn't ask me?
  
  
• It has been almost two years, dude. I'm losing my patience now. If I do not get my DVDs back by end of this month, I reckon a large part of our friendship will be O-V-E-R. Am not kidding.
  
  
• Ummm... I don't care, you see.
  
  
• If you lost some weight, you'd be a total bombshell.
  
  
• Would you quit your "leave the couple alone" thing? It really annoys "the couple", you know.
  
  
• I want to like you. I'm trying.
  
  
• It's the weekend! Don't just sit there. Get out of the house! Do something!
  
  
• Lazybum, start playing squash again, will ya?
  
  
• I think you think I like you, but I don't.
  
  
• You wanna charge me 385 bucks for a haircut and perm? THREE HUNDRED AND EIGHTY FIVE BUCKS?? Dude, are you totally whacko-nuts?
  
  
• Why do you call it a digital perm anyway? What the hell is digital about it?? Are you gonna photoshop perms on to my picture and charge me $385 for it??
  
  
• I'm not really listening to you, you know.
  
  
• You know how you blame everything that girls do on pms? Quit it, it's not funny.
  
  
• Dude, look at yourself before you complain about the lack of female eye-candy.
  
  
• You crossed the line. All it would have taken is a simple apology. And we'd still be friends.
  
  
• Leave her alone. Please.
  
  
• I know I shouldn't have yelled at you. But now it's too late, and ummm... I don't feel like apologising.
  
  
• How could you just flick it off the net and claim it as yours??
  
  
• I'm so glad that I never met you.
  
  
• Dude, are you aware of what you have gotten yourself into?
  
  
• Sometimes I wish you didn't read my blog.
  
  
• Oh puh-leez.
  
  
• I am nodding but I don't believe you.
  
  
• I want to try and understand your viewpoint, but I just can't see how you could do what you did to your friend.
  
  
• You'll never make it as a road-romeo. At least sing the correct lyrics. And in tune.
  
  
• Why didn't you tell me before??
  
  
• If you swore off my blog, why are you still here, reading this?
  
  
• I work in an industry with a bit more of a soul than yours. I don't earn as much as you do. Can we remember that when we pick a restaurant?
  
  
• Of all my friends' boyfriends, I approve of yours the most.
  
  
• No, you do not have fat thighs. Sheesh.
  
  
• Okay fine, you look fat. Happy now?
  
  
• Quit now. Really. You deserve better.
  
  
• I think your boyfriend is a bit racist towards me. The problem is - he covers it up with jokes so I can't really give it back to him.
  
  
• No, I'm not holding any grudge against you. I have forgiven and forgotten. Really.
  
  
• Give up the accent. Not real. Not cool.
  
  
• Why are you guys so lazy?
  
  
• Who the heck are you to tell me I have too many shoes and it's bothering the neighbours? Even my Mom won't dare say that to me, and you're just the security guard of my condo.
  
  
• Damn you, I know it was you who complained to the security guard about my shoes. Watch out, old lady, I've got my eyes on you.

Ah, that was therapeutic indeed, though in a rather frightening way. Try it, it really brings out your most judgemental, hypocritical and ridiculous side.