Dissertation bole toh..?

Some time ago, I mentioned in one of my posts how my supervisor remarked that my dissertation was written in too interesting a style for an academic paper. He was absolutely right. Years of writing for kids had cultivated an urge to make everything I wrote fun and breezy, and I just couldn’t help it. One of my blog readers Sowmya commented on that post, "So did you start off with "Yeh apun ka thesis hai.."? And I thought to myself, "What if...?" I started writing that post, but decided to publish it only after the dissertation got approved. So here it is - the sequel to Sayesha Bhai B.Eng - Sayesha Bhai M.MC.

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Kal raat apun ke sapne mein Bapu aaya. Bola “Bhai, yeh sari paap ki kamai… yeh kala paisa… kisi ache kaam mein lagao, kisi gareeb ki padhai mein lagao…” Apun Bapu ki baat kaise taalta? Nikal pada gareeb ko dhoondne. Aage dekha, peechhe dekha, oopar dekha, neeche dekha, left dekha, right dekha, pata chala akha Singapur mein sabse gareeb toh sala apunich hai! Toh laga diya apun ne paisa khud ki padhai mein… socha aur ek degree ho jaaye? Aaj kal Bhaigiri mein bhi competition hai, qualification aur experience se kuchh nahin hota, upgrading toh karna mangta hai na?

Dara dhamka kar jaise taise le liya admission. Padhai kar kar ke apun pak gaya. Tab pata chala ki degree ke liye dissertation likhna mangta. Ek professor ko padka aur usko poochha, “Dissertation bole toh?”

“Dissertation bole toh… thesis… uske bina degree nahin milegi.” Prof bola.

“Toh thesis bolo na… ramayan-mahabharat ki tarah dissertation kaiko bolne ka?”

Phir lag gaya apun thesis ki taiyaari mein. Din raat ek karke topic par topic dhoonda, supari dekar approve karwaya. Prof ne bulaya aur bola ki topic mast hai bhidu, likhna shuru kar.

“Sections mein likhna hoga” Prof bola, “Sections maloom hai?”

“Arre maloom hai na! Sections bole toh dafa! Dafa teen sau do ke tehet apun ke kitne bhai log tapak gaye! Apun ne toh Indian Penal Code ke har section mein PhD kiyela hai!” Apun ne Rajnikanth style se chashma pehna aur bola.

“Nahin nahin!” Prof Hema Malini maafik chillaya. “Sections matlab alag alag hisse. Main likhkar deta hoon, tum follow karke likhna.” Usne ek parchi par likhkar diya – Title, Introduction, Literature Review, Research Question, Methodology, Case Study, Results, Conclusion, Limitations, Recommendations, References.

Saath mein Prof ne achhi wali angrezi mein taital bhi likhkar diya - Marketing tourist destinations via movies - Can Krrish help boost tourism in Singapore? Sunne mein kya solid lagta hai, nahin?

Toh apun parchi uthaya, ghar pahuncha aur bas dhadaadhad likhna shuru kiya.

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Section 1 - Introduction

Introduction?? Arre! Yeh toh bhot aasaan section hai. Introduction deta hai na apun! Apun Sayesha, pyaar se apun ko log Sashbhai bolte. Yeh bhaigiri ka dhanda apun bachpan se hi karta aa rela hai... tang aakar India ki pulis ne tadipaar kar diya... ma aur babuji ne bola "Beta, Singapore jao, kuchh ban ke dikhao!" Toh apun ban gaya na. Engineer. Bole toh.. dhakkan! Kiya apun engineering do-teen maheena... phir wahan se kalti mara... dhanda badal dala... bole toh editor by day and Bhai by night. Mast chal rela hai life... ek bar hai apun ka... chhota sa... supari/hafta ka headquarter hai... apun ke gang ka chhokra log abhi akha duniya mein branch khol ke baithela hai... network toh chaadar ki tarah phailela hai lekin apun Singapore se sab sambhalta hai. Bhot ijjat hai apun ka.

Prof ne bola tha introduction likh diya toh bhejo, dekhne ke waaste. Dekhkar bola - Introduction aisa nahin mangta. Toh kaisa mangta? Bole toh - research ko introduce karne ka, khud ko nahin... aisa kya system hai? Research toh apunich kar rela hai... apun ke baare mein nahin likhega toh ghanta thesis hoga! Chal abhi isko baalti mein daal, agla section likh liya jaaye - baad mein dekha jayega.


Section 2 - Literature Review

Arre teri! Yeh kya hai re? Pikchur ka review suna, yeh Literature ka review kya hai re? Waise bhi apun ka dissertation pikchur ke oopar hi hai, toh apun pikchur ka review hi likhta hai idhar...akha duniya mein doich raapchik pikchur hai. Bole toh? Munnabhai I, aur Munnabhai II. Baake sadela doobela hai sab. Aur Krrish? Poochho mat! Hrithik khali peeli baal badhaya, bandar maafik dikh rela tha pikchur mein! Singapur ki dhoop mein kala lycra ka suit? Sala moam ki tarah pighal gaya hoga uske andar! Usko dekhkar akha theatre ko paseena aa rela tha! Kya sadela pikchur banaya re baap! Uska baapich banaya na? Bete ke career ki toh waat laga di re!


Section 3 - Research question

Research question?? Apun ko laga kisi cheez ko do baar dhoondho to re-search ho gaya... lekin Prof ne bola research question kuchh aur hi hai. “Woh sawaal jiska jawaab tumhaare research se miley” Prof ne bola. Arre paile bolna tha na! Hai na apun ka research question - "Kya re shyaane, Krrish pikchur dekhke Singapur mein chhuti maarne ka kya?"


Section 4 - Methodology

Methodology bole toh method na? Khali peeli picchu 'ology' lagakar confuse karta hai khajoor log... woh Circuit aur apna baaki ka chhokra log sabka ek hi method hai... khopche mein le jaake achhe se kharcha-pani dene ka... isse achha method akha duniya mein hai kya? Bole toh - sample doon kya?


Section 5 – Case study

Apun case hi toh study karta aa rela hai… India mein apun par chhappan case hai, court-kachahari toh roz ka aana-jana hai... aajkal chhokra log bhi chhota mota case mein kam aur bade ghotale mein zyada phasne laga hai... chhokra lok ka tarakki dekhkar apun bhi emotional ho jata hai kabhi kabhi...


Section 6 – Results

Arre apun ko yeda samjha hai kya? Chor bazaar mein apun result paileich chhaap diya iska matlab tere ko abhi dikha dega kya? Apun ko akkal nahin hai kya? Exam mein toh baithne do! Waise exam mein bhi apun baithega nahin, Pakiya jayega, apun ke paas taim nahin hai. Woh kar rela hai jamkar padhai ghar par abhi...


Section 7 - Conclusion

Prof ne bola research ke baad kaun si baat saamne aayi? Usko likho conclusion mein. Apun ka conclusion yeh hai - Abbe khajoor, pikchur raapchik nahin banayega toh tourist log Singapur dekhne GHANTA aayega!


Section 8 – Limitations

Limitations toh bahut hai apni life mein… saali Singapur ki pulis itni imaandar hai, waat laga ke rakhi hai! Hafta do toh andar karne ki dhamki deti hai! Bar mein bhi free flow hai... Dhanda bilkul manda hai baap! Bole toh... rokda kam, bewda zyada!


Section 9 - Recommendations

Recommendations toh bahut log dekar jaate hain, lekin aaj ek raapchik wala suna. Apun ki dost hai Shub, shareef type ki hai, lekin phir bhi apun dono ki banti bahut hai. Bolti hai cable bar khol lo. Apun sochta hai - idea bura nahin hai... cable car mein bar... saare log automatic high, apun ka daaru ka kharcha bhi bach jayega, kya?


Section 10 – References

References?? Abbe Bhai se references poochhta hai? Teri toh... Arre ek pooch, apun hazaar dega! Mumbai ke Inspector Martode se lekar Dubai ke Shyana Shaqueel tak… apun ka sab reference hai… kisi ko bhi apun ka naam bolne ka bas naam… kaam phataaphat ho jayega!

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Prof ne apun ka thesis dekha. Sar pakad liya. Bola yeh dedh page wala thesis ekdum faaltu hai, isko submit kiya toh university se apun ko nikaal denge! Waapis likhna padega, dhang se. Sau page. Sau page??!! Apun ne bhi sar pakad liya.

Phir bhot der baad... apun ko ek jhakkaas idea aaya.

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Sala apun sahib ban gaya! Kal apun ko university se chitthi aaya. Apun ka dissertation paas ho gaya.

Poochho kaise? Apun ne akkha dissertationich outsource kar dala! Kisko?

Apun ka do partner hai partner… bole toh alter ego… apun teenon bole toh tridev type ka hai (oye oye!)... ab yeh likhai padhai apun ke bas ka nahin toh un dono ko pakda diya likhne ko… ek Sayesha Smitten showbiz kitten, aur doosri blogger Sayesha. In dono ko kaiku pakda, poochho?

Ek hindi pikchur dekh dekh kar thakti nahin,
Aur ek blog na likhe toh jee sakti nahin.