Thursday, August 25, 2005

Don't kill me before I die

Yesterday, I kinda blacked out during my class.

Annual blackout day. Damn, it's time for another haemoglobin test.

It's bad when you have anaemia. Worse when it's the genetic kind. Worst when you have thalassemia on top. Genetic diseases are like annoying relatives. For most of the year, they don't bother you, but you keep bumping into them at family weddings and you have to politely say, "Hello, how are you?" knowing fully well that there's no way you can shrug them off for good.

I am plagued by memories of my last haemoblogin test, which followed last year's blackout.

Firstly, the lab guy could not find my vein!

"I can't find your vein." He said to me, looking puzzled.

"Errr... " What was I supposed to do??

"Let me try the other arm." He took my other arm.

After trying the needle in several directions, he looked distraught.

"I can't find your vein."

"Well, I'm sure it IS there, isn't it?"

He wasn't amused. Finally, ten minutes later, he found it. Drew some blood out in one of those tiny evil bottles.

"Oh no."

"What now?"

"Air bubbles. I need to draw again."

"Jesus Christ!" I thought to myself.

Repeated the whole painful process again. I felt like telling him, "My anaemia is because of you people, man! I can't donate blood to the Red Cross, but every year, I donate loads to such clinics! What a waste."

The following week, I went to pick up my report.

The lab guy refused to give it to me!

"The doctor will give it to you himself, he needs to talk to you first."


"He will tell you himself." He looked at me nervously. Even I wasn't nervous and he was?!

I went into the doc's room.

"Oh hiiii!" He gave me a nervous plastic smile. Why was everyone so nervous, man??

"Hello doctor, you wanted to talk to me?"

"Errr... yes, you want to sit down?"

"No, I'm good. Thanks!"

"Are you sure? I think you should sit down."

I sat down.

"Ok, so what's the bad news?" I smiled. (I was having fun!)

"Yeah... so we tested your blood... and..."

Long pause.

Dammit. I was getting hungry.

"Doc, is this about my thalassemia?"

His jaw dropped. It literally dropped.

"You know about it??"

"Yeah, I do."

"Ohhh...." He looked so disappointed at the apparent lack of any need for the long lecture he must have prepared on "how to break the news to the poor girl".

"So you know what it is?"

"Yeah, I do."

"You know the implications? Your red blood cells die faster than other people's." He looked kinda horrified.

"Yeah yeah!" I thought to myself. Why was he making such a big deal outta it? It wasn't even a glamorous illness, the kind used in movies like Mili, where the central character is like everyone's jaan, and then she has this rare and terminal blood disease, and then she dies in the end. And everyone walks out of the theatre in tears.

"You must be careful, you know?" The doc jolted me back to reality from my filmi world.

"Careful about?"

"Because your red blood cells die very quickly, your energy level is very low, you know?" He said with a very serious face.

"Hahahahaha! Ooopss... " I was grinning like an idiot. Low energy level indeed!

He gave me a strange, worried look.

"So? What have you been doing about it so far?"

"Well, nothing much. It's genetic, so I can't control it. When I get my annual blackout, I get tested that it's still under control. The docs give me some folic acid, and that's it. Till the next time."

"But there's something else. Do you know that you can't take iron tablets for your anaemia because they will interfere with your thalassemia?"


"So it's kind of complex."

"Yeah, it is."

The doc was lost. I was bored.

Dude, I'm doing fine. Don't kill me before I die.


abhi said...

mommy ! im first again.

My parents are doctors.So we always used to have these entire stack of vaccines at home.i coughed , they thought it was lung cancer.i sneezed , n they called it pneumonia.i had an headache , n they suspected brain cancer.parent docs can be just so finicky.i spent half my childhood at labs.

n i dnt know much abt wat ur ailment ,but you are more than alive and kicking girl ! take care.:)

Anonymous said...

Sayesha makes headlines. Check it out here...


spamtaneous said...

:rolling eyes:
take care of ur self lady..and congrats ur blogs is showcased on rediff..:)

gaurav jalan said...

well... the only thing i can say is that POSITIVE attitude is what keeps you happy always in your life....
if you look for an emotional support, people will just take advantage of it....

so like sayesha.... its really nice to see positive peole like you...

Problem is only where you think is the problem....

you may visit me at

also log on my blogger at :

waiting for your valuable comments...


virdi said...

oye congrats... rediff pe... wow!!! parrrrrrrrrrrtyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!!! send me the money... :-E i am so cheapu..

croondoodle said...

reminds me of one of the specialists here, in a reputed hospital on this island, who looked at me with such sorry eyes almost ready to cry, assured me that I would be fine and then 'broke' the news that it was an ulcer in my system which would be cancer in a couple of years time. He then looked down again at the reports for a second, looked up, as if had suddenly morphed into anyone but him, a confused but relieved expression, and said "Aiiyaaah! sorry lah! not your report! this is another ****'s report!" Din know whether to laugh or cry! In a blur, pulled back my departing soul into my body, collected my reports and quietly walked out! ;)...couldn't decide whether he was Satan or God!

w t g girl! well done! =)

Anonymous said...

was he a doc or an insurance agent ;)
Take care Sayesha

Sayesha said...

Hey Abhi,
Thanks man. Yup, I'm totally alive and kicking :)
ps: Both your Mom and Dad are doctors and you're not?? You mean that happens in India??

Thanks! Yeay! :)

Thanks man, but why you rollin' your eyes??

Thanks, Gaurav!

Oye Virdi,
Party toh Singapore mein hoge. Kab aaoge?

Yeah man! It's no big deal, just that the annual blackout strikes without warning. And then the running around starts... Otherwise it doesn't bother me too much... The doctor was getting senti aise hi! :)

Sayesha said...

Hey Prince,
Silent reader again, huh? :)

Crazy doc man... one would think I was gonna die or something!

MODIfied said...

Hey sayesha,

is it really true u suffer from this horrible disease or just you cooked up a story to compensate for an interesting post. In case, it is true you have a damn positive attitude and no genetic disease can stral that from you.

You can read my blog at

wiating for ur comments.

viv said...

Hey take care ok? Eat more greens and get stronger. And don't skip meals because you don't feel like eating alone! It's much better than blacking out when you're alone.

croondoodle said...

Haraa better than kaala...;)

Anonymous said...

Hmm... this comment would almost have no relevance to this post, but what the heck, it shall be posted anyways >:)

I wandered onto your blog from somewhere (was it Rediff?) and found it kinda interesting, damn intersting actually. Have been reading thru the older posts, haven't got too far - there is simply too much, not counting the comments even (hey i m not complaining or anything). One of the posts that struck me was on the categories of bloggers - I guess I am one of the casual readers, who wander from somewhere, but somehow am so engrossed that I want to devour entire blog in one sitting. Am also one of the early bloggers who graduated to off-on-off (current status: off) mode and hope that someday I'll be able to revive it. Till then, I am gonna survive scavenging off others' blogs (evil laughter in bkgrnd).

By the way, have you ever thought of using some kind of a subscription feature on ur blog?

And now for the real reason for this comment - the current post :-) I admire your stance. It may seem 'natural' to you, but there are hordes of people who don't get so much ill from the ailment itself, but rather from the negative feelings/insecurity, etc. that come with it. C'est la vrie

anon911 (for now)

Sayesha said...

//is it really true u suffer from this horrible disease or just you cooked up a story to compensate for an interesting post.

Wow. I can't get over how incredibly mean that statement is. :)

ps: I do suffer from it and let me tell you my dear, it is NOT "a horrible disease".

And btw, thanks! :)

I was not alone when I blacked out! There was one lecturer and 40 classmates. Including cute French guy. Aur kya chahiye? :P

To all those who emailed me separately, thanks a bunch. I feel very touched and fortunate to have you guys care. But don't worry too much, I won't die of it. :)

Hahahaha! :)

Welcome to Sayeshaz. Thanks for dropping by, and thanks a lot for your comment. :)

I believe that there are many things in life that hold us back and pull us down, and many of them are things we have no control over. So I have decided that I won't let the things that I HAVE control over, pull me down.

ps: Nope, never thought about any subscription feature for my blog... dun like the idea of commercialising it, 'cos it's just my own little thing :P

Sahil said...

Viv's right man... u seriously should take more care of ur health. Nahin toh kabhi aisa na ho ki blog par likhne ke liye energy na ho! :P

I actually thought this was a hilarious post. No not because Sayesha blacked out and suffers from a haemoglobin disorder, but it was just written very well. I loved the way you were bored and snickering away on the inside while the doctor was acting all serious (and confused by your lack of seriousness). A really good post la, enjoyed it :)

....and eat your meals, fruits and vegetables man.

viv said...

Off topic... You can now write blog posts in Microsoft Word (use spell check and all that stuff) and then post directly at the click of a button. You can download the tool from:

Anonymous said...

hey dear...i think i must really learn from know in my family 3 people did not have kids..though my mom had me and my twin sibings..but seeing the agony of those kidless couples i was rather too scared..i mean its just 9 months that i´m married and i fear that will we have kids...hey thanks for teaching me a is abt living and look at me i worry unnecessarily...sorry yaar..u must be feeling how sick people can be..even i hate myself for and my hubby are pretty normal and we love each other v u and people like u..i mean people with such a positive attitude..

Anonymous said...

You seem to be responding too fast to the comments. Does one window on your desktop is refreshing every 2 minutes to show the new comments pouring in ;-)?

PS: The subs feature is a form of 'push' publishing (there goes the geek/marketer). Just helps lazies like me keep in touch with their fav blogs. And who says subs are all commercial. There can be pure 'free' subs, atleast in the virtual world :-)

PPS: I am relishing the idea of starting a PS-onversation ... no other crap, just pure "PS:" ;-)

For now, anon911

tragicomix said...

i get the same thing about my asthma from docs here..all about dont move your little finger coz the disturbance in the earths atmosphere will increase the pressure on your lungs,
when i was young, i never dreamed i would go scuba diving, climb mountains, or swim , all of which i am happy to say i have done now.
never let your disabilities hamper you, its all in the mind..

Anonymous said...

PS: I went thru the entire blog, right down to the first post.. Whew. yeh dil maange more

PPS: The PS-onversation is ON!

For now, Anon911

Sayesha said...

//aisa na ho ki blog par likhne ke liye
energy na ho!

What a horrifying thought! Now that would kill me!

Sounds good. Will check it up tonight.

You're right. Life IS about living :)

//Does one window on your desktop is refreshing every 2 minutes to show the new comments pouring in?

Haha! I wish. Nothing like that. Just that all the blog comments go to my gmail, which I check a couple of times a day. If I find something irrestible, I will reply immediately. Sometimes by the time I reply, there's something new, and since the window is open, I reply again. Gives me a break from work too.

Though I would like to keep a permanent window open, I don't. It's too much of a distraction at work :P

Yup yup it's all in your mind...

You went thru my entire blog in one morning?? You gotta be kidding me, man!
I should test you with a pop quiz! ;)

Ravi said...

Your approach is right. Its good to leave the worry to the doctors. When they have taken up this job, you dont need to do that again.

I've heard some kings used to have profesional worryers, to worry about all matters & leave the king to enjoy.

Ravi said...

and Congrats! for the rediff reference.
sorry pehle bhool gaya tha...

croondoodle said...

gar kucchh ho toh, 24/7 humra handfone jinda hain...please dun hejitate to call =)...take care.

Siddhu said...

Congrats on being featured on rediff! :D

P.S: (Since PS seems to be da rage these days)did the 'cute french guy' do the ministering angel bit? Or u weren't THAT lucky? ;)

patiala pataka said...

I'm sorry Sayesha if I've ever hurt your feelings. Don't worry I will take care of fat chick...

Sahil said...

arre pp man,

Sayesha kahin nahin ja rahi hai. She's here to stay for a long long LONG time. Thora sa thalassemia hai, aur kuch nahin.

...and besides if anyone will take care of fat chick, it's gonna be me!

Arz000n said...

"I can't find your vein."
Very old trick used by guys to touch both hands during medical chill :)

Oh my GOD!!

Didnt read the post till the end before writing the previous sentence...

Sayesha..think you need to take care of your health...Ihope ur medication is on and you are following strict diets n all

Will be dropping by here for sure to know more about ur health...take care..

God bless you!!
Pssst...No one is going to kill you n you are not going anywhere too....untill you dont give me that magazine for free with your eye on it

Have left a comment for ur FIRED post.

debubhai_bole_to_ said...

sayesha...i am at a loss for are human mind at its VERY BEST!!!!!!!!!! u r not only surviving....but also living life to the lees!!!!!! mujhe munnabhaika o dialogue yaad aa raha hey..."ye mat dekh zindegi mein kitne pal hein...tu dekh har pal mein kitni zindegi hein..."
wow wow wow..........take care and keep throbbing with LIFE like as ever:)

virdi said...

pp and sahil>> u take care of the fat chick i take care of THE BEATIFUL CHICK!!!

Arnav said...

Interesting. So even you are not perfect!

I think I read somewhere that thalassemia patients never suffer from malaria. If that's true then there's a silver lining to this cloud too.

And a friend told me that there are no blackouts in Singapore like we have frequently in Delhi, esp during the summers. Well, you do have one annual blackout :)

Anonymous said...

The time of the day doesn't matter, the intent does :-D

What Q are u gonna pop? Crappiest job, hot chick (btw, chicks can never b fat, fatties are not chicks), rocky diamonds, or the butt exercise?

PS: Subscribe feature mangta hai. Go to and get it ... NOW!

For now, Anon911

Sayesha said...

//I've heard some kings used to have profesional worryers
Hey, my Dad told me that once!
And thanks :)

Thanks, man! Waqt aayega toh doston ko hi call karenge :)

Thanks! :) There's a twist in the cute French guy story now. Will blog about it soon.

Pat Pat,
Teri nazar toh shuru se fat chick par thi! Yun hi sympathy jata rahe ho Sayesha se? :)
PS: Hey, we're having a Singapore bloggers' meet again. Wanna join us?
PPS: Keshav, DOJ, you too!

Now that's what I call spirit! :)

No medication, no strict diet... am bindaas living my life! :P
Haan ek apple roz khana hota hai (cos I'm only allowed natural iron sources). I hate apples man, they're like huge capsules for me :(

And like I said before, don't worry too much about me, it's not big deal really :)

Have replied to your 'Fired' comment.

Welcome welcome :) Yeah man, I will so keep throbbing with life! :)

Hope you're not referring to me man. Hand beautiful does not mean chick beautiful! :P

Dude when did I say I was perfect?? :)
Yeah man, annual blackout in Singapore. Exclusively for Sayesha! :)

You wanna read my blog, you gotta make your way here on your own man! I dun pop in anyone's mailbox and say, 'Read me read me!" :)

raven said...

oye... u made me senti, girl!

guess its just my luck that i end up near such life minded ppl.

Right next door is a friend with advanced asthma but is almost a chain smoker (and my never ending stocks of fags). And look at his table, there'll be two inhalers, 1 box of ultra milds and a lighter or two.

Move a coupla doors down and there's this fellow who spent all summer on bed because of kidney problems but took time out each day to practise tennis for the insti team...

Move to the next hostel and there's Ifti, one hell of a chap, had polio in childhood, so has as good as no legs. And you have to see him drive his kinetic!! Any better and he'd have given serious competition to Rossi.

Now move a coupla hundreds of miles southeast and there's this girl with anaemia and thalassemia and uses them to psyche out doctors!!

Go girl.. n go guys!! I'll be with u all the way. :)

Sayesha said...

I think my disorder is not as serious as the others you mentioned, so I don't deserve a place on the same level as them yaar. I bown down to them.

. : A : . said...

Your attitude rocks and you make the doctor seem like a quack!


Sayesha said...

Hehehe... Poor doc... He was so clueless! :P

Rebellion said...

Way to go gurl :-)

I love your attitude towards life! Man.. I feel i've been learning every minute on this blog world from soooo many of you.. most of you'll being younger to me!

Awesome one Sayesha.. love you for this one dear >:D<

"Dude, I'm doing fine. Don't kill me before I die" :-)

God Bless You Always...

Take care,

Sayesha said...

Thanks, dear. Hugs to you too! :)