Tuesday, August 09, 2005

Tanhayee

Stuff in my life has been bothering me now and then for the last few weeks. I decided that I needed some alone time today to clear my head and figure things out. Decided to jog to the beach.

I made my way to a rocky structure facing the sea. It's not easy to find a place on the rock, which, on weekends and public holidays (such as today), is always swarming with lovesick couples and screeching families. However, somehow I managed to find a place for myself far away from everyone else.

The evening was far from perfect. There were no stars. The sea was dirty and polluted. All you could see were the ships, and the oil spills they had caused. And yet, there I was, in the middle of it all, trying to get my peace of mind.

As the evening gave way to the night, my thoughts about my life, my emotions, and the people in my life, became stronger, the breeze did too. The only company my loneliness had. The breeze was the kind that dries your tears before they can leave your eyes. And even if some do escape, it is too dark for them to be visible, and you're too far away from people for anyone to ask you, "What's the matter? Are you crying? Why?" Because if they did, I would have no answer.

A little while later, a girl about the same age as me, came and sat a distance from me. She looked at me and nervously looked away. Then she looked again and smiled. I smiled too. Because even though she was a total stranger, somehow I knew why she was there. She wasn't there to jump. She wasn't there to mourn. She wasn't there to brood over a fight with a loved one. Just like me, she was there for her alone time. And just like that, without speaking a word, we connected. I sat there with her without saying a word for about two hours. Silent. Reflective. At peace with myself and the rest of the world.

It's amazing how one can get such utter peace staring at polluted water hitting moss-infested fake rocks on a starless night, with a baby crab running across one's ankle.

Perhaps this proves that all the peace we need is within ourselves.

To get to that peace, we only need ourselves.

And occasionally, some people around us to love us and to understand why we need our alone time.



35 comments:

Leon said...

Time alone is so important to shed bad memories, chin up and get ready to face the big bad world again.

It's also necessary to kick yourself and get back to the right track when you've been straying.. ;-)

And finally, it's needed to get yourself organized when too many things are happening at the same time..

The Village Idiot / Soldier said...

Time with oneself is probably the best therapy for a lot of our worries, anxieties, emotions and fears.

Hope you are doing better now!

Leon said...

I forgot to affix IMO to that.. :-).

Sayesha said...

Leon,
You're right, man. The alone time helped me so much!
ps: Everything we say is IMO, isn't it? :)

Village Idiot,
Yeah, I'm much better, thanks. Just too many things troubling me. And no one to talk to, about it.

Gaurav said...

"personal moments" - as i call it.

it's imp.. but I seriously think no-one at that moment can help u ..it wont help if u talk to the most loved ones..

cheers.

Sayesha said...

Gaurav,
Yeah... sometime you don't really "need someone to talk to".
You just wanna be by yourself and figure it out. Your most loved ones can just give you that freedom of not having to explain.

naari said...

Mein aur meri tanhayee, aksar yeh baatein karti hain....

Sher said...

That makes me want to cry. I understand completely. I think I would be a total basket case if I never had my alone time. My husband's family has a place on a lake and I love sitting out on the dock. Something about the sound of the water lapping against the dock and the shore... It's very soothing.

croondoodle said...

In the midst of so much happening in life where we forget to breathe, where we keep reacting to everything around us, those few moments with ourselves is so so important to escape from falling off the edge and going insane. A bit of soul searching sure helps ;)...take care..

spamtaneous said...

wow....u r one lukkha person... from where do u get time to post everyday and reply to all the comments....

god...i wish i had a bit more leisure time...

btw..u r one good blogger..:)

Anonymous said...

That is something which would touch a chord in anyone.A million moments of being with others is living life.But a moment of being with oneself is like pausing life for a moment and just soaking in the peace.But thats so tuff to happen in this boys hostel.There will be guys banging on my door at 4 in the morning.

abhinav
www.mydayzwithmyself.blogspot.com

Manish said...

to be in peace with urself is a great feeling.....and everybody some time or the other needs it!

Nice post Sayesha

virdi said...

sayesha one scene from Forest Gump.
Lt. Dyan : "Forest I never thanked you for saving my life." and then jumps from the boat into the sea. Forest in the back ground, "Lt. Dyan never actually thanked me but I think he made peace with God!! "
One of our profs used to say the most difficult of all the "S" you can achieve is "Shaanti". I dont need to tell what are all the other "S"s.
V..

Sayesha said...

Naari,
Meelon hai phaili hui tanhayee...

Sher,
It's something about moving water, isn't it? Makes me think back. And think ahead.

Croondoodle,
You're so right. Gotta check oneself from falling over.

Spamtaneous,
My blog is part of my alone time, not my leisure hour. And alone time is never lukkhagiri, my dear. :)
And oh, thank you :)

Abhi,
Tough life. You need to shut out the 4 am guys once in a while. :)
And why are you suddenly anonymous, man?

Manish,
Thanks. And I fully agree.

Virdi,
It's true that shanti is difficult to achieve. And dude, I have NO idea what the other S's are! Dunno what they taught you in school ya! :D

Kroopa Shah (Kr00pz) said...

Hey Girl!! hugs to you!! I hope you are feeling better!!

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Sahil said...

Sometimes we do need to take a step back from it all, and spend some time with our thoughts just to feel comfortable again. To feel and know that we are not just being swept away by our life with no one in the driver seat.

Unfortunately these days, people don't find enough time for this 'alone time'. They don't understand its true value. I'm glad you do though. :)

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Sayesha said...

Hey Kroopz,
Thanks, gal! I needed that hug.
And hope you're feeling better about the driving test. Good luck for the next one!

Sahil,
Well... what do you do when the person you want to talk to about something, is the person the something is about? You go sit at the beach and talk to someone who knows what's happening. Yourself.

Dear Anonymouses,
Here's a poem I wrote for you:

No, I dun want no dental plan
No, I dun want no ceiling fan
But here's something that I want
Just stop spamming my blog, man!

Sahil said...

Sayesha,

I couldn't agree more. Thats why I think its great that you spent some time alone with your thoughts. Some time alone can really helps clear things up. And if it doesn't, then hum sabh hai na? Aakhir hum bhi toh aap ke dost hai...

ps that was a great poem! :)

Arz000n said...

Thts a good thing to do in order to get peace of mind.

While out for coffee yesterday evening with a senior friend of mine, I popped up the same Q to him.

"Can you pls tell me something for pease of mind? I want to remove all those unwanted thoughts tht coming in all the time. Its eating me from inside. After going home I tried picking up novel, listning to music, playing games....but nothing seems to work"

He told me to join YOGA or do some meditation. But this beach thingy sounds kewl to me. The only thing is now I'll to hunt beach here and I know Im not gonna find it here in Pune.

Heheheh..

Do take care...greetz!!

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Sahil said...

i think ur gonna have to start banning anonymous comments ma dear. Can't believe these spammers man... the price you gotta pay for popularity! :P

defiant goddess said...

That was beautifully written.

Jasmine said...

I so agree. Being something of an introvert, I usually feel rather choked when I'm around people for too long a period of time. But I guess you just wanted to be alone to figure stuff out. Good luck with that.

virdi said...

hahahaha... yeh sala anomymous ki maa ki toh.... who the duck is this guy???
hey, sayesha u want me to write the other "S"s?? ;-)
V..

priya said...

anonymous characters are idiots.. ive got the weirdest comments on my blog fm them.. of late with an almost indefinite period of hols ive been spending a lot of time jus with myself.. and ive grown to like it :) a way of rediscovery..
..p..

Sayesha said...

Sahil,
I dun wanna do that you know. Some people are just more comfortable staying anonymous and I respect that. But if these guys continue to try and sell me dental plans and ceiling fans, I will have to start banning I guess.

Goddess,
Thanks :)

Jas,
You know what? Even total extroverts like me need their alone time :)

Virdi,
Pata nahin kaun hai yaar, yaar! Go bash him up, man! Dosti ki khaatir!
And now you're freaking me out. Don't write the S's if you think I will have to censor your comment! :D

Priya,
Yeah, I wonder which ones are worse, the spammers or the slanderers!

spamtaneous said...

what a fan following..good going.. keep up the spirit

ahaan said...

great thoughts ....
Nice blog

croondoodle said...

Saaya bhi saath jab chhod jaae
Aisi hai tanhaaee
Rona chaahoon toh(2)
Aansoon na aaye
Aisi hai tanhaaee

amazing song by Nusrat Fateh Ali Khan...

PuNeEt said...

Thats a very nice post...
An evening @ seaface just relieves all the worries... its just wow...

Cheers n Smilz

Sayesha said...

Spamtaneous, Ahaan,
Thanks! :)

CD guy,
You'd never heard it before??

Puneet,
Yes, it does :)

Rebellion said...

Aawwwww >:D<

That was a very very cute, deep & thoughtful post Sayesha!! I absolutely loved the way you've expressed your thoughts in words..
I admire this talent of yours :)

Keep it up :)

Take care,
Aarti