Tanhayee

Stuff in my life has been bothering me now and then for the last few weeks. I decided that I needed some alone time today to clear my head and figure things out. Decided to jog to the beach.

I made my way to a rocky structure facing the sea. It's not easy to find a place on the rock, which, on weekends and public holidays (such as today), is always swarming with lovesick couples and screeching families. However, somehow I managed to find a place for myself far away from everyone else.

The evening was far from perfect. There were no stars. The sea was dirty and polluted. All you could see were the ships, and the oil spills they had caused. And yet, there I was, in the middle of it all, trying to get my peace of mind.

As the evening gave way to the night, my thoughts about my life, my emotions, and the people in my life, became stronger, the breeze did too. The only company my loneliness had. The breeze was the kind that dries your tears before they can leave your eyes. And even if some do escape, it is too dark for them to be visible, and you're too far away from people for anyone to ask you, "What's the matter? Are you crying? Why?" Because if they did, I would have no answer.

A little while later, a girl about the same age as me, came and sat a distance from me. She looked at me and nervously looked away. Then she looked again and smiled. I smiled too. Because even though she was a total stranger, somehow I knew why she was there. She wasn't there to jump. She wasn't there to mourn. She wasn't there to brood over a fight with a loved one. Just like me, she was there for her alone time. And just like that, without speaking a word, we connected. I sat there with her without saying a word for about two hours. Silent. Reflective. At peace with myself and the rest of the world.

It's amazing how one can get such utter peace staring at polluted water hitting moss-infested fake rocks on a starless night, with a baby crab running across one's ankle.

Perhaps this proves that all the peace we need is within ourselves.

To get to that peace, we only need ourselves.

And occasionally, some people around us to love us and to understand why we need our alone time.