Monday, July 17, 2006

Every blog has its day

Some time ago, someone I knew suddenly closed down her blog. There was no explanation - just a note thanking her blog readers and requesting them not to ask her to change her mind.

It brought back memories of the day when this bar almost closed down.

I believe that every blogger, at one point in time or the other, considers shutting shop. A blog, just like a relationship, can end anytime. For no reason. But then sometimes, there is a reason. It could be anything. It could be a desire to retire at the peak, just like many football coaches do, rather than to see the blog going downhill and then giving up. Or it could be due to other factors - burnout, boredom, blogger's block, mean anonymous comments, readers you don't want on your blog, anything at all. That's when you just feel like it's not worth it anymore, that it's becoming more of a burden than a joy. When you know that merely taking a break will not help. When you know that it's time to end it all.

However, I'm fortunate that it only happened to me once. I have often experienced frustration because of this blog, but I always woke up the next day, feeling happy and wanting to blog again. But this particular incident was different. I knew I did not want to continue anymore. It was getting too difficult to maintain the bar. I was paying a very high price. And I knew I could not afford to anymore. I'd even written a final post, because I felt that it would be a dishonour to Sayeshaz and the bewda readers if there was no closing post.


So I wrote a post titled 'The rent is too high' and saved it as a draft first, to post the next day, when I was slightly calmer. The next day, for some strange reason, I did not want to post it. Maybe I did not really want to shut down. Maybe I convinced myself when I said, "No one should be able to emotionally hurt me without my explicit permission." Maybe there's something about blogosphere, something that doesn't let you quit, that doesn't let you die. Instead, it pulls you up, dusts the hurt away, and makes you stand up on your feet again, and you feel ready to write again.

But the draft was still there. And every time I'd see the draft, I'd think, "Hmmm.. I wonder when..."

That draft was driving me nuts. I wanted to delete it but I knew that if I deleted it, it would stay in my head forever. I could see me pointing an angry accusing finger at myself, saying "You destroyed a post? How could you do that? You put effort into writing it and you destroyed it? You are a dhakkan!"

And if it stayed on as a draft, I saw me again, saying, "You just wanna keep it so that one day when you're frustrated again, you'd have an easy solution and a convenient last post, isn't it? Coward!"
I knew it was highly possible that I would just post the saved draft one day and that would be the end of this blog. Just like that.

As the purane bewdas would know, running the bar over the last 1.5 years hasn't exactly been a bed of roses for me. But I refused to give up because I am in love with this place. I love to hang out here with my blog buddies. It's my place of relaxation. My end of the day chillout place. I can't shut it down just like that.

I'm not saying that I will never stop blogging. But if this blog has to end, it should not and will not end just like that.

If there's an end, it will be a happy one.


So I decided to post the saved draft today and get it over with, done with, so that it's out there, and out of my system. And I wouldn't think about it anymore. (Have you noticed that once you blog about something, it stops bothering you?) So here, it is, the post that I'm publishing today as a mark of how stupid I was - to actually allow myself to get so hurt that I almost stopped doing what I love to do.

Blog.


So here's the saved draft:

It was one of those days that we label as 'bad'
I was angry, I was shocked, I was hurt, I was sad
I was walking alone on a grey, foggy day
When I bumped into myself on the way.


She smiled a knowing smile and said "Hi!"
"Ah, so you finally decided to drop by!"
You had to come here, it's been long due."
I said, "You look like me, but who are you?"

"I'm you", she said, "but you wouldn't know.
You're the same as me, but from a long time ago.
Come along with me, let me show you, my dear
The ugly truths of the blogosphere."

"On every single post that you pen down
There will be some faces that will frown
You will be judged you on whatever you write
You'll come across malice and plenty of spite."

"The same thing if posted by a friend
Is cute and funny and adorable to no end
But if it's posted by someone they dislike
The spiteful comments will suddenly spike."

"You'll make on your blog many a good friend,
But not all will stay with you till the end.
Just when you think that you know them through
They'll choose that moment to tell you what they really think of you."

"And once in a while, you'll feel the stress
And you'll shed a few tears and wonder in distress
Your heart will ache, and depression will strike
You'll ask - is this what blogging's supposed to be like?"

"Spite, malice, cynicism... Is happiness the new sin?
But shouldn't being happy be perennially in?
If grumbling and complaining is not your cup of tea
Does that make you an 'uncool blogger' for eternity?"

"If you start the miss the good old days
If you feel that you're trapped in a wordy maze
If you feel unhappy, if you feel out of place
Maybe it's better to drop out of the mad race?"

I listened to her with patience, but I had something to say
"But why are there more bloggers today than yesterday?
If it's all so ugly, why do people still blog?" I asked.
"We do it of our own will, it's not like we're tasked."

"Why do you blog, Sash? You need to ask yourself."
And I replied "Isn't it a joy - blogging in itself?"
"Well, it is, but only till the day it brings you pain
Perhaps then it's time to start thinking again."

"What is a blog? It's the words in your heart.
It doesn't need skill, neither is it an art.
You can express whatever you have to say.
It doesn't always have to be the same old way."

"Don't brood over the joys of the old blogging days
Do you know you can blog in a million other ways?"
I looked up at her, amazed, and she whispered to me
"Your blog is your heart, and only you have the key."

I had one more thing to ask her, "Do you still blog?"
And all I could see was her smile through the fog.
Before walking away, she stopped and looked back at me
"Blog?" She laughed. "I just did, didn't you see?"



63 comments:

oxymoron said...

hihhaaahhahhahaa!
GOLD!
now let me read!

Aditya said...

Gold !!!

oxymoron said...

tat was a fotofinish!

Aditya said...

hey I & oxymoron share gold ! see the comment timing

oxymoron said...

#Aditya - no way! the Gold is only mine! i won by a few milli seconds!

sorry sayesha, for useless commenting :D:D

Princesse said...

Okay - so TECHNICALLY speaking, I'm SILVER!!!!!!!! wOOoooooooo hooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo ... I do the cha cha cha... and twirl around to a nice graceful finish as I take my prize...

AHEM !! :)

yipeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

p.s. now, to read the posht. *blush*

Inder said...

one shall by all means quit blogging (or, anything for that matter) the moment he/she doesn't enjoy doing it. but, quitting for some external reason... well, i don't think i'll do it.

anyway, the adieu message was neat. i am glad it didn't come out for the purpose it was meant to ;)

Princesse said...

This is a most touching post indeed sash... it really is... echoes many of the thoughts I've had of late with my own blogging in fits and starts. I don't blog for any other reason except that it's my space for me to paint :)..and that's what makes me happy...

I haven't hit a point where I've thought that I should just stop. It's just that with me, recently, I've felt better just thinking things and not sharing them...

But now I'm gradually coming back into my sharing mode :)

So here's to sharing me with myself and those who have found for themselves the beauty of blogging!! :)

You ROCK girl!

Sakshi said...

Me in the top ten again.. Yeah!!!!!
Great job, Girl.. You inspire me to write well (not that inspiration turns into reality) but I am so glad the bar never closed down.

Anonymous said...

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It's not available everywhere, so go to the site to see if you can find something. I found something and make
and extra $900 a month!

http://www.degree-programs-online.info/extramoney.htm

Maverick said...

hey.... gud thing you dint close the bar..... u write really good and most of the people adore you..

if you are facing financial crunch..... make some extra cash the way stated above.... :P

Rays Of Sun said...

I know when was 'that'moment n like I said earlier "You blog for yourself"
Stop taking every comment seriously and sometimes you need to ignore few things in order to save yourself from getting hurt:)
Ppl sometimes dont mean what they end up blurting and they r hurting too..as much as you are:).
In the end..life is too short..so be happy and blog posts are just posts that stamp your entry on that day! And like u say "write about it and forget it";)

Nandya said...

i am glad it turned out the way it did...would have missed the saki tremendously

ggop said...

Sayesha,
Nice bit of introspection. Though I don't comment often, rest assured you are on my bloglines feeds and I do catch up :-)
Agree with commenters above - the only reason you should feel like taking a break (not quit mind you) is when you feel like it.
-gg

Anonymous said...

A very nice summary indeed. Sums it all up perfectly. :)

I happened to come by your blog today by surfing for something and I must say, all of your posts are superbly penned. And yea, no matter what ppl say, u should never close down your blog.

Cheers

- Anjaan Ladka :)

Dreamcatcher said...

That was so lovely Sayesha and perhaps you don't know how many people are just enlivened because of your blog and you :)
But really if you must take a break do so ...come back when you want to on your own terms..not that I think you would want to quit, you're so addicted to blogging :D

Sudipta Chatterjee said...

See.. Sayesha, Mr. Anonymous already managed to remind you why you should close this blog! :)

Arrre nahi nahi!! Puhleeazz ye band mat karna... whenever you feel like closing this bar down, give yourself a tight SMATCKHKKHKKK!! on the head (on my behalf) and then please please come back!

The Girl Who Sold The World said...

*Blinks* That was posted just for the sake of posting the 'last' post and not because you're really closing down, right?

Dev said...

Where would the world be without Sayesha's blog?

Problem here in the good ol' free land of India. The govt's blocked blogspot.
Big brother tactics.... dhakkans!!!!! :(:(:(:(:(
Can only read blogs through readers now...
I'm here thru a proxy... nothing's gonna keep me away! ;)

The Girl Who Sold The World said...

@Dev: What do you mean that the government has blocked Blogspot???!!! :O
I can still post, read, bloghop! Is it just one of those silly rumours that are always circulating around? :|
If it isn't, I hope bloody Parliament gets nuked and all the lame ass ministers die a gruesome, bloody death. X-(

ggop said...

Nope this is real. Look at the first post in http://www.withinandwithout.com/
for a list of ISPs which are doing that.

- Sorry don't know how to post links.
-gg

American Pi said...

Junk metal!!!!!

Given how late I am to the game, I get the junk metal medal!

Sayesha: you know what you should have added as a last line to the poem? (or as a reply if someone asked you to bring your blog back, if you had indeed closed it down)

""What do you mean phir se karo! Khatam ho gaya!"

:)

oxymoron said...

wahaoooooh sayesha. awesome last post material! good that it is not ur last post!
to many more at Sayeshaz!!!
cheerzzzzzzzz!

dont u the darez to stopz blogging!
understandz?
eggjactly!

Sayesha said...

#Oxymoron, Aditya,
Hehehe.. yeah, Oxy was ahead by a few miliseconds so he gets the gold :P Aditya gets the silver... :P

#Princesse,
Bronze baby bronze! ;)

#Inder,
Agree with every point you made, even the last one! Phew! :P

#Princesse,
Thanks. And for the record, I think that you are still in love with blogging, and so I will pester you once in a while :P

#Sakshi,
Thanks, dear! I'm so glad too! :O

#Anonymous,
Shut up, bade baat kar rahe hain. :|

#Maverick,
Thanks! And yeah, the biz plan sounds goood! :P

#ROS,
Okay teacher. Thank you teacher. :P

#Nandya,
I'd have missed the bewdas tremendously too! :O

#Ggop,
Yep. Thanks :)

#Anjaan Ladka,
Whoa watta nick! :D Welcome to Sayeshaz! :) And I agree, another person has no power to make you stop blogging. Unless you choose to give them that power.

#Dreamcatcher,
Thanks... am not yet taking a break... will do soon, as soon as my dissertation-writing gets into trouble cos of the blogging :P

#Sudipta,
OWWWWWWWWWWW! :(
*Sash bursts into tears and cries "Mummyyyyyyyyy, Sudipta ne phir se thappad mara!*

#World Gal,
Tujhe kya lagta hai? ;)

#Dev,
Huh?? What?? Really?? :O :O :O

#World Gal,
Hahaha! Baap re itna gussa? :D

#Ggop,
Sheesh! :|

#AP,
Congrats on the junk metal! :P

//"What do you mean phir se karo! Khatam ho gaya!"

Hahahahaha! Thank your stars that Max does not read my blog. :D

(Sorry guys, inside joke :P)

Sayesha said...

#Oxymoron,
Aye aye Captains! Understood-ed! And oh, goods earlys mornings to you! ;)

Duhita said...

Oooh, I remember the time you wanted to close shop...I was relatively new at the bar and suddenly one fine day, you were back:D Well, like someone else on blogosphere said with a twist, stay if you can, go if you must:) And I hope that day never comes! God, Sash...what will I do come first thing in the morning when I reach work? And how will I find links to all the other interesting blogs:D You are a reference point after all!:D

oxymoron said...

loud n clear!
the goods of mornings to u too!

bananapen said...

There are a million ways in which you can 'blog', but I'm glad you chose this one.
And I totally agree with how once you blog about something, it'll stop bothering you. :)

oxymoron said...

after thought:
not only do u ensure that ur bar has free flowing drinks, u've also stopped others from closing shop!
my last post came through ur tag :D

American Pi said...

//Hahahahaha! Thank your stars that Max does not read my blog. :D

max does not read.

His favorite book still is hansel and gretel.

The_Girl_From_Ipanema said...

neat verse!!!
great that you could keep your rhyming senses intact even when thinking of such a drastic measure.

don't close please. if you do, this addict will resort to desperate measures.

ritzkini said...

zzzzz....
and...
PLEASE CLOSE NA !!
:D
Now..that is a dare...and...will encourage you to keep it open..ha !
:D

Shekhar said...

Sayesha, kya bataun...too depressed. Blogspot blocked in India.

Iday said...

glad that the supposed-to-be-last-post (which is wonderful btw) dint really trun out to be the last post.
Keep bloggin yaar. ur blog has been one of the good things i've discovered on the net!!!
and u know how many ppl follow ur blog - so dont u dare :)

Sayesha said...

#Duhita,
No dear that's not the one. That was just me taking a break, this was me going to close shop :)

Reference point? Hehehe... I should start charging commission :P

#Oxy,
:D

#Bananapen,
I'm glad I chose this too! :)

#Oxymoron,
Yes. I believe that no random person should cause you to stop blogging, but it's okay for a random person to cause you to start blogging (again). :P

#AP,
:D

#Ipanema Gal,
Last post tha yaar... dil hi utaar dala :) And don't worry, am not closing down yet! ;)

#Ritzkini,
Sheesh! Itne dinon baad aate ho aur aisi baatein?? :'(

#Shekhar,
Arre you can still read blogs yaar. Just use pkblogs. Mine is at http://www.pkblogs.com/sayesha

PK bar jao! Paise bachenge! Hahahaaha! :D

Sayesha said...

#Iday,
Thanks dear! I've also met so many wonderful people on the blog I can't even describe. Some who stayed on, some who moved on... but they'll always be a part of the bar :)

The Inquisitive Akka said...

I certainly hope you don't ever publish this pome again! It was a lovely poem no doubt but a tad depressing! I've just started the whole blogging process and part of my enthu stems from the fact that I read your posts everyday!

Raj said...

That was a nice poem, Sayesha. Altho a li'l sad.

Being popular isn't easy, neither in thereal world nor in the blogosphere. But it has more positives than negatives.

Just remember that you can't please everyone :)

shub said...

PK bar jao! Paise bachenge!

hahahahaha! Loved that! :D

the poem...kinda made me sad...how little things affect us so much...when all you're out to do is have some fun
hmmmmmmmm...

Sujatha said...

Did you know that the entire list of Blog*Spot, TypePad and Geocities blogs have been blocked by all ISPs in India..?? If ur friends are not able to view your page, send them this link http://censorship.wikia.com/wiki/Bypassing_The_Ban.. Cheers

Anonymous said...

That was a lovely poem sayesha. I am glad that you decided to write this one now...

Anonymous said...

Hey Sayesaz .. u r simply AMAZING... nice portray of the things tht goes deep within.. hummm

Bhai ..plzz blog-shog band nahin kaa re.. aapna dhanda paani kaise chalega..(I mean if ppl wont read sayesaz they wont get their share of laugh... hai naa)

Bhai .. bole to ..
Laage Rahoo..
ha ha

Ratan:"http://my.opera.com/mendmyworld/blog/"

Anonymous said...

One of the nicest blogs i have read (both the content and poem).
It reminded me of the first person's blogs i read and(as u have described) closed it without a word. Keep Writing! and if u want xtra surveys done, we'll do it :)

VT said...

Don't know if this is true. If it is indeed true Sayeshaz will be blocked for all indianz??

The Girl Who Sold The World said...

Okay, I got it. This was thankfully not the last post, right? Right? Phew. :D
I hadn't got it before. :| Why am I so dumb? Pffft. X-(



@Vt:
Hahaha, you really think that if our government is full of retards, we're retarded too? There are a thousand and one ways to access all blogs. And it's fun to defy the asinine laws of this fake democracy.
Go to this site and see Update #15. A smack on the government's face. Muhahahahahaha.

Rebellion said...

Awesome post Sash!!!

Loved your poem :)
Glad you posted it.. the chances of you closing down the bar gets to minimum with that :)

And thanks a ton for this link.. pata nahi main iske bina kya karti :|

Take care sweets,
Aarti

@ World Girl
Its not just plain rumour Nav..
Govt has actually banned blogspot & geocities. Most of the ISP's have blocked access to them, mine being one of them :(
Don't ask how I managed to get thru this blog now :P
Your lucky gurl!! Which ISP do you have btw?

Take care,
Aarti

The Girl Who Sold The World said...

@Aarti:
Government is full of absolute morons. In a few days, those dumbasses are gonna burn the constitution outside the Parliament House and do the last rites of the fake democracy.
Anyway, I've Sify Broadband and I'm facing absolutely no problem at all in surfing Blogspot and Geocities...*smug grin*. :D
By the way, that link also has a few numbers of ministry pests. Piss them off by calling again and again and talking of 'freedom of speech'. :P

Siddhu said...

LOL!! Are u telling me Sayesha's not your real name? :P

Wait, now that's stupid.

I'm sure I'm being stupid.

But am I? :P

Sayesha said...

#Akka,
Thanks... yeah I agree with you - the poem's a tad too negative for me :S
But don't worry, I'm still around! :)

#Raj,
Yeah, good point. Thanks, buddy! :)

#Shub,
Yeah... sigh... :)

#Sujatha,
You can still use pkblogs.com to access this blog.

Anyway, I don't think the nonsense will last too long. :|

#Anon,
Thanks, me too! :P

#Ratan,
Thanks yaar! Laga rahega apun... bole toh Bhai ek baar emotional ho gaya toh kya hua, abhi bhi bhot dum hai usme! ;)

#Anon,
Hahaha! Thanks a ton yaar! :)

#VT,
It's true (for now) but Sayeshaz can still be accessed via pkblogs.com/sayesha

#World Girl,
Tu slow ho gayi hai re... must be due to the lack of the catfights with Ipanema Gal. That used to keep both of you sharp! ;)

#Aarti,
Thanks yaar! Yeh India hai India, govt kitna block karegi? Duniya ke aadhe programmers toh apun ke desh se aate hain... har block ka crack paanch minute mein ban jayega! :D

#Siddhu,
That's for me to know and you to err... try and figure! ;)

zoxcleb said...

wow! what a post... love the poem.. u should have posted it earlier... but hopefully this doesnt mean that i have one less blog to read!

Rebellion said...

@ Sayesha
You bet Sash.. I am all the more proud of my India now :P :D

@ World girl
I agree.. The Indian govt has gone nuts!!! Btw, Sify broadband in Mumbai has blocked the sites, you're really lucky gurl :P
Btw, your latest post, LOL!! Forget pestering the stupid ministers, right now am in a mood to pester YOU.. Get back to completing the tags, iv tagged you on one more MUAHAHAHAHA :P:P

Take care,
Aarti

Apy said...

that was awesome.. but me too one of those who are glad that u din choose that ... :)

Sayesha said...

#Zoxcleb,
Hahaha I'm glad I didn't post it earlier! That would have been the end of Sayeshaz! :O

#Aarti,
Hehehe... I am more in love with the techie geeks of India than ever! For all the ways they have figured out to get around the problem, here's a salaam to them! :D

#Apy,
Thanks. Me too! :P

Sudeep said...

sometimes i also think why i blog n i have no answer which makes me think i shld quit.. but still hanging around

this is a bar? chee chee chee..
m outta here..

Vinod R Iyer said...

Well there are inspirations like you all over which will make us think twice before quitting :)

Rohit Talwar said...

I have been saving many posts like this! Hahahaa! Will post soon :P

I totally loved reading it... communicates everything so well. Jeezzz, I am ignoring the other stuff, so what? I still love it :P Keep it up, Missie Editor :D

Adnan Siddiqi said...

Hey ayesha thanks for welcome:)

You are right about that short Url but the tip i told you is for non-bLogspot websites where you find long URL of some particular blogspot.com.SO intead of rewriting whole URL,you just add "pkblogs.com" prefix and script will take care of the rest.

Your blog looks nice.Seems i have to update my blogroll soon and add few friends across the borders.

Adnan Siddiqi said...

Aain!where did my first ever comment go???

Sayesha said...

#Sudeep,
Arre bouncer nikaalo is bache ko yahan se! Kahan kahan se chale aate hain! :D

#Vinod,
Hehe... we're all inspiring one another to keep up.. that's the spirit of blogosphere :)

#Rohit,
Thanks :)

#Adnan,
Achha yeh baat hai! Nice! :)

Thanks for the compliment... it's my honour to have you visit my space :)

//Aain!where did my first ever comment go???

Hahaha! Arre baba that was not on this post! :)

Adnan Siddiqi said...

oh acha sorry.Its just I am getting old :/

are you from lucknow?i ask because you are too formal.See I am calling you "tum" rather "aap" though I dont even know you :>.But my friends say k mey tu houn hee batameez :d

Goli maro honour wonour ko.I am very ordinary man.I am keep visting but so far I am enjoying thats it:)

*whispers*:waisey too much respect could leave bad impression on girls.They might think tht I am some Uncle of yours.kkehkee *kidding*

take care

Sayesha said...

#Adnan,
I'm not from Lucknow, but my folks live there :)
ps: *whispers* Don't worry, I will help you get rid of any 'uncle' image you garner. :D

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