The aftermat(c)h

So I watched the football match last night.

It was a lose-lose-lose situation.

Before you think that I'm embarking upon a detailed analysis of how and why England lost, let me assure you that my limited knowledge of how the game works ensures that no such thing is gonna happen in this post.

Well the lose-lose-lose situation is because of the following:

1. England lost the match.
2. My flatmates lost money.
3. I lost interest in football forever and ever.

Yeah, I have lost all the little interest I had in the game. Simply after watching one game.

You might say that I don't get it.

I agree with you fully. Yup, I don't get it.

I don't get how 22 guys (one of which is a strapping 6 and a half feet tall) can run around like crazy all over the field after a ball for two whole hours and all they can come up with is a miserable 0-0 score? You mixed the flour, eggs and sugar in front of me. You put the mixture in the oven to bake while I watched. Now what do you mean by "Sorry, there's no cake"?? I want my cake, hello? I came here for the cake!

At least in cricket, even if you don't run for two hours, a wide selection of wide balls, no balls, fours and sixers will ensure a nice little positive number on the scoreboard. I think I'll just go back to watching cricket.

And what's with the whole concept of 'heading the ball'? I mean, doesn't it like damage the brain cells? Who came up with that concept anyway? Was it that one fine day, during a match, a coach yelled at one of the players, "Use your head, dimwit!" and they just thought that he meant literally?

I wonder if the dimwittedness is because of the heading or the heading is because of the dimwittedness. It's a chicken and egg problem. Maybe it's all the heading the players do that makes them so disoriented that when they get hit in the stomach by a player of the other team, they clutch their eye and wince in pain. Perhaps they need a lesson in Body Parts 101. Someone needs to explain to them why the scene from Munnabhai where he holds up an x-ray of the skull and declares, "Lympho sarcoma of the intestine!" is so funny. Seriously, what's with all that drama? I don't remember seeing much of this injury-faking in cricket, except of course by the-one-who-shall-not-be-named-by-Sayesha for fear of getting lynched by the entire state of West Bengal.

I was told that if nothing works, I could always motivate myself to watch the game because of the tall dashing manly hunks. Ricardo (or was it Ronaldo?) chose that particular moment to unleash his whiney voice upon unsuspecting female fans who'd never heard him speak before. And then David Beckham burst into tears. 'Nuff said.

But yes, I did learn a few things other than the rules. Contrary to my belief that Kaka was someone's uncle, it turns out it's just his nickname. His real name is probably something else, this is actually his ghar ka naam. I can't wait for the day when India plays the World Cup, represented by our very own gharelu team of the talented Pappu, Munna, Chintu, Happy, Lallu, Bunty, Chiku, Pintu, Bablu, Golu and Chunnu.

Disclaimer:
The rather naive and silly opinions expressed here belong solely to the author. If you do not agree with them, it's fine. Do not make a fool of yourself by trying to convince her about how great the game is. Otherwise she may just roll up a newspaper and thwack you on the head.

THWACK!

Oh, I'm sorry, did that hurt your knee?