Sunday, March 13, 2005

Of sole mate and soulmates

This post has been overdue for a while now. And today, I am ready to write it. I first started thinking about this a few weeks ago when one of my friends asked a question. A question asked casually over a casual dinner, but one that left a deep impression on my thoughts in the days to come.

“What do you do when you are with someone, and one fine day, you run into your soulmate?”

Her question sucked the breath out of me. The question was so real, so 'out-there', screaming for attention, that it scared me.

What would you do? How would you know? And if you did, what would you do? Would you stick to what you have, because it is familiar and it is real, and let your soulmate -- the one you're meant to be with -- walk away? Or will you follow your instinct and leave everything you have worked so far for, and be with your soulmate? It's a wicked question, and it was enough to give me a couple of sleepless nights.

I set out to follow the trail and see where it took me. First things first -- what does the word 'soulmate' mean? : "One of two persons compatible with each other in disposition, point of view, or sensitivity".

M-w : "A person temperamentally suited to another"

The definitions sounded too clinical to me. So I tried to find out how people whom I know defined it. And here are some of the answers I got.

"A soulmate is the person with whom you can share your feelings, emotions, perspectives, opinions, joys, sorrows and even your silence."

"A soulmate is the person you can see yourself with when you are 80."

"A soulmate is the person you are meant to be with -- a person who was created only for you."

"A soulmate is someone you will be together with. Forever."

"A soulmate is one you have a natural connection with. You tune into each other effortlessly, relate with each other on lots of things. you differ in your thoughts and opinions of course, but you always understand the other."

I discovered that while most of the people I spoke to had defined the word, none of them claimed to have met their soulmates. Some even claim that they know -- that the people they are with are not their soulmates. Is it true then? That perhaps our busy lives have a place for the definition, but not for the person it defines? Is the soulmate a myth created by hopeless romantics?

Or is it that our soulmate is out there, waiting to appear, watching our every move, waiting for us to find him or her? How real are these people? And how real is the fear that our soulmates will simply walk up to us one day, and we will just know that it's them? And they will disrupt the life that we had so painstakingly created without them?

Long ago, I watched a movie where the lead character had a theory -- "God has made everyone in pairs -- as soulmates. It will take time, but you will find your soulmate in the end

But then I thought – what is "the end" really? And when does it happen?
When do you know that you've reached "the end", and that you have found your soulmate? When do you stop looking? Do you ever stop looking?

"It’s not over till someone says, 'I do'." Says Rachel in Friends, when she decides to go tell Ross that she loves him, just before he’s about to marry Emily. Could saying "I do" be "the end" when you know you have met your soulmate and you are going to be together forever? Surely not. If that was true, there would be no divorces in the world.

So when do you know? One of my close friends asked an interesting question last night, "Is a soulmate a 'sole mate'? Does it have to be one person?" The more I think about it, the more inclined I am to believe that there are probably many of them out there. And that it's probably not wrong to have many soulmates.

Is it not possible for us to love not one, but many? Do we not connect with different people on different levels? Do we not feel deeply for many people whom we don't or can't "end up with"? If a soulmate is someone you completely connect with, someone who understands all your unfinished sentences, does there have to be a "the end"? Do we really have one and only one soulmate whom we "end up" with?

Are we not capable of loving without "the end"?

And if so, just how many people are we willing to allow ourselves to love?


Ro said...

"in the end", it doesnt even matter!

jus kidding :P

nice post!

Aathira said...

hmm... never quite thought the possibility of soulmate's'!! jus always gone along with the "thr's tht 'someone' for u... somewhr" notion!!! U've got me thinking now, gal! :)

*mebbe* thrs the possibility of finding tht 'soulmate of all soulmates'... someone who's jus a fraction more 'soulmate-y' than the rest... I wonder!! ;)

Sayesha said...

Hmmm... that's a thought... but then what if after you've found that "someone who's jus a fraction more 'soulmate-y' than the rest", you bump into "someone who's a fraction of a fraction more"? When does it all end? When are we sure that it's the end? Is there an end in the first place? Such a frightening thought...

Anonymous said...

"A soulmate is one with whom, even after you've spent every waking moment, you still wish you could spend more!"
"A soulmate is one who can make you feel special no matter how deep down in the dumps you are!"

Kudos for an extremely thought-provoking entry. Since reading it, my thoughts have returned to it over & over throughout the day. The 'definition' of a soulmate above, and others that you have mentioned, do not in anyway restrict a soulmate as being just 1 single person. As much as Ive thought about it, I've not been able to 'define' soulmate in any manner that restricts him/her to be 1 and only 1 person.

In the end, it doesn't really matter. You just gotta be happy with whom you are, and they with you - leading up to a great life to share. Now, if that's not happening - then he/she isn't your soulmate... no matter what the definition.

Reghu said...

what started as a comment here ended up as a post in my own blog... so here it is :D

Viv said...

It is a scary thought... In my opinion, soul-mate, as defined here, almost directly equates to a very close and intimate friendship. It is not a one-to-one relationship, which of course one realises only after thinking about it, as this post has made me.

I also believe it is important not to equate soul-mates to life-partners. "Soul mates" is a set of people, not necessarily non-zero or constant. But a life partner (if you choose to have one), is one and only one. In my mind, there's no two ways about it... I'm not awake enough to write why I think so (not insecurity, no)... I'm running on fumes here (and a few hours of sleep a night)... But like a lot of other things, and of course Maggi Hot and Sweet Tomato Chilli Sauce, "it's different"

Anonymous said...

hey nice thing lol who is your soe mate??

Bivas said...

did karan johar drop by ur blog n got inspired to make KANK?

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Bhavya said...

I so badly want to write a comment here but you've left me at a loss for words by writing down just what I've been thinking about over the last few days. It's a scary thought all right, but you've put it down pretty well :)

akshat said...

Good post. I think the movie u were referring to is "dil to pagal hai", right? well I simply adore the theme of that movie.

Reached your blog randomly and found it very interesting... Have started reading it from the beginning :)