The moment

Last night, I made a declaration. It shocked my friends.

"I could just die right now."

Now don't get me wrong -- I am not the sort who glorifies death. Thinking about death is indeed negative and morbid, and a total waste of precious time.

It's just that there are moments in life, when you feel that you're done. And that if there was an end to everything, that was the perfect moment for it.

Death can be ugly.

I could have died if the tsunami had hit Singapore.

I could have died from a fall inside Angkor Wat.

I could have died in a landmine explosion in Cambodia.

I could die in a plane crash on the way home.

I could get run over and die on the roads.

Ugly.

And as I thought of all these infinite possibilities, I thought -- if there was a way we could choose how we die, I would have chosen the moment last night, lying in the hammock, listening to my favourite music, flanked by my favourite people, feeling so utterly happy that I felt I was going to explode with emotion. I felt that it was time. I was ready to go. In the most beautiful way. That was the moment. Another moment would have spoilt it all. There was nothing else to see. I had seen the best of life. I was done.

And somehow, today I don't feel the same way. Yesterday I was ready to die. Today I am ready to live again.

I am surprised at myself.

Maybe it was just that moment.

But it was real. And it was mine.