Sunday, September 11, 2005

The Sayesha kind of love

A couple of days ago, I got an sms from this guy I know, with the words "I love you." Just like that. Out of the blue. I was quite taken aback, so I asked him why he said that. He told me that he had just found out that one of his close friends from years ago had passed away. He was missing that friend and he just felt that he should tell all the people whom he loved, that he loved them. Before it was too late.

It was strange but interesting to see a guy (that too, someone like him) behave like that. Like me.

Often, I wonder -- Why are we so afraid of telling people we love them? We have no problems saying, "I like you" and "I miss you" and "I wish you were here" but we think twice before saying "I love you" or even signing off an email with "love".

Why do we hold back the "I love you", except for perhaps our parents, spouses, and boyfriends/girlfriends? When in fact, there are so many people in our lives whom we love? Whom we feel for. And sometimes phrases such as "I like you" and "I miss you" just don't do justice to that feeling you have.

You have to say "I love you." There's no other way.


Do we hold back because we are too afraid of trivialising the significance of "I love you" by saying it to too many people?? But how can we love 'too many people'? How many people is 'too many people'? Who decides that? Isn't life too short to put a cap on the maximum number of people we are capable of loving? Are we running out of love that we're running away from love?

Surely it should take less than a death for us to realise how much we loved that someone?

Or is it that we are afraid of being misunderstood? Especially when we want to say it to a member of the opposite sex? Perhaps. I have freaked many a guy out by telling him I love him. I wish they'd understood me.

That it's not the "I'm-crazy-about-you-I-wanna-spend-my-life-with-you" kinda love.


It's the Sayesha kind of love.

Which just says, "I love you for being you."

Life's indeed too short.

I love you. And I am not afraid to use the word 'love'.


You see, it's the Sayesha kind of love. Very few people understand it.

Can you handle it?



44 comments:

lover of 2005-06 said...

hey,
u did really good and its great u should blog more

abhi said...

Thats my philosophy too !

Each day , I get up , get ready , douse myself with axe and strut out.

*At the bus stop*
"Hi miss , can u tell me the time.and can i tell you that I love you ?"
*slap*

*in the class*
"Hi shruti , over the last three minutes I have realised that I love you"
*kick in the groin*

You see , even im being misunderstood all around.now lets see if kantabai , my washerwoman gets it all right ?

B said...

yeah, I agree with u. I too love u!!

Anonymous said...

"Sayesha Kinda love"

Well the last time I told that 2 a friend of mine when I was simply bowled over by her eccentrics she said go f*** urself.

:((

HoliDevil

Sayesha said...

#Lover of 05-06,
Thanks! :)

#Abhi,
Beta, you have to say it at the right moment in the right manner. And to the right person. Not everyone understands the Sayesha kinda love.
ps: But the option of Munnu aur Kanta sounds good! Aakhir bai bhi toh insaan hai. :)

#Bala,
I don't know you, so I can't reciprocate. But thank you. :)

#HoliDevil,
Those who know what the 'Sayesha kinda love' is, will understand. Those who won't understand, don't deserve to know.

justme said...

hey sayesha.. dats my kinda love too..!! a few days back i told priya I love u in our sense.. and she was kinda shocked... i had to expain it to her dat it was just my way of telling how nice a person she is..!!and dat i don intend to fall in love with her.. or propose to her..!! :)

love shouldn be restricted at all..!! great post..!!priya should read this for sure..!!

Sahil said...

You know what Sayesha? This post reminded me of that blonde curly haired girl (keep forget her name - Carrie is it?) in SATC. It just seemed like something she would think and write about.

But while I think some girls can pull off and express the "Sayesha kinda love" - guys generally can't. If to their significant other they have difficulty saying it, then you can bet ur shoes that its even harder for them to express it to friends.

I understand the type of love you're talking about... but that doesn't mean I will go and tell those I care about that I love them.

But that's just me. :)

Handa said...

"Sayesha Kinda love"
too corny

spamtaneous said...

"sayesha kind of love" ...eh..cool it...u r getting too obsessed with urself... ;)

its not easy not to get misunderstood when u say the love thing (except for perhaps our parents, spouses, and boyfriends/girlfriends)...esp with the desi girls... :_

btw...like or love...what difference does it make? both are same right?

priya said...

@justme - :) got it machi!!

..p..

Sayesha said...

#Justme,
Glad you feel that way too. :)

#Sahil,
To each, his own. :)

#Handa,
Thanks man. You obviously can't handle it. :)

#Spam,
//btw...like or love...what difference does it make? both are same right?
I think you should ask yourself that.

#Priya,
Welcome to the club :)

ashy said...

I love you and your blogs :-)

~Ashy

V said...

I quite agree.
And it's also the Tequila kind of love.

With love,
Tequila Hummingbird.

patiala pataka said...

I tried telling that to the bus driver, he took it the wrong way.

Virdi is good at this. He told a girl he wants to marry her and have her children. He also plans to buy a durex.

virdi said...

you know sayesha, if some one says i love you we never believe him or her. we will question ourselves, why did he say that? what is his motive behind saying this?
but if the same guy says i hate you we belive what he has to say. we say "yes i always knew he hated me from the core of his heart"
aisa kyun hai?? is loving someone and getting love from someone so difficult to accept??
V..

Sayesha said...

#Ashy,
:)

#Tequila,
What's with the explanation in brackets, man?? :)

#PP,
Let it go already, man! Bechara Virdi, aaj usne galti se ek toh achha kaam kiya hai! :)

#Virdi,
Zindagi mein pehli baar akal lagakar comment post kiya hai. Congrats! :)
//is loving someone and getting love from someone so difficult to accept??
It's so true you know... We freak out more when we're loved than when we're hated... wonder why...

justme said...

@ sayesha and vridi

// we freak out more when we're loved than when we're hated.. woner why..

dats coz wen somebody says i love u.. u wanna love them back.. not disappoint them.. and dat makes it more difficult.. trying to live upto your and others expectations..!!

virdi said...

PP>> abe ullu de pillu.. when did I tell that to a girl?? about marriage and girls and durex and duplex??
saale tu pitega... bhot danger aadmi hai aapun bhot danger.. jahan danger wahan shekhar.. that types..
Sayesha>> zindagi mein 1st time I gave a comment like I am a 55 year old...
Justme>> but why disaapoint them?? we can alos love them... loving a girl doesnt mean we need to have a relationship with her... we can be the best of friends also.. what say??
V..

Sushant Bhatia said...

Off topic but I found a SRK story and I immediately thought that you must be told. :-)
SepiaMutiny talks about how SRK is in a lux commercial (first guy to ever do it) and the reasons behind it are

1. SRK wanted to do it.
2. I'm quoting here "basically women between six and 60, love him because he comes across as vulnerable". WHAT!!!! How is vulnerable a good quality except in some patient/nurse dynamics.
3. Again quoting "Shah Rukh Khan is a man with a very strong female side". Ahhhh...that explains a lot :-) I always suspected that what women wanted was really another woman!!! Oh oh! I didn't really say that did I :-)
4. "Equal opportunity objectification for men is beginning". Right on!

Disclaimer:- I'm just yanking chains here....humour....nothing serious.

Anonymous said...

hi, just stumbled over sayesha's blog for the first time today....and i must say i'm completely bowled over..... way to go sayesha.....

i agree completely..... it's not everyone who can handle the word 'love' outside the safe contexts of family/ GF/BF etc .... well, all i can is people who don't understand are missing something in their lives

love your outlook on life, sayesha....keep smiling and making others smile.... (by the way, i'm female...and absolutely straight ie non-gay...just in case someone's wondering!!)

raven said...

i love u n virdi n priya n a dozen others out there just for psting what u post. keep up ur good work n i'll keep up my love :)

n yeah, i do believe as well as practise in this sayesha kinda love :>

and yeh word check hata yaar... thoda spam aane de lekin yeh pain nahin :((

Sayesha said...

#Justme,
Yeah, I think you're right. Perhaps we have still not reached the level where we're comfortable with not having to say it back when someone tells us they love us. The day we do, it'll all be so simple :)

#Virdi,
Tu kal se ulta latka tha kya? Lagta hai sara chyawanprash saalon se ghutnon mein tha, aaj achaanak dimaag mein utar aaya hai! Boy, there's only so much of wisdom-spouting-Virdi I can take man... you're freaking me out! :)

//loving a girl doesnt mean we need to have a relationship with her... we can be the best of friends also.. what say??

Phir se??? Solid baat boli yaar... who are you man?? Virdi's evil twin! Where is Virdi original with his nonsensical comments?? :P

#Sushant,
Nooooooooooooooooo!! Not on an early monday morning man. Thanks for ruining my week.
ps: I shall pretend that's Shahrukh's evil twin in the tub.

#Hi Anonymous,
Welcome to Sayeshaz! And thanks :)

#Raven,
I love you too man. And I love Priya and Virdi and everyone on my blog. You guys make my life worth living.
ps: Initially, I did not wanna put the word verification yaar... I know it's annoying for commentators, but getting 30 spam comments a day is even more annoying... so gotta bear with it :(

Sushant Bhatia said...

hehe...sorry sayesha.

Keshav said...

haha :)...this post looks like one of those email forwards which I get every now and then ...but yea I love you too !! :) you, your blog and all cool things about it.

Sayesha said...

#Sushant,
Would have forgiven you, man. But am still fuming over this morning's incident! You have incurred Sayesha's wrath, man! :)

#Keshav,
//this post looks like one of those email forwards which I get every now and then

Ok that's it, Keshav. I have never been so insulted in my entire life! (Except of course, by Sushant this morning) :O

Keshav said...

Yo ! come on now...forwards are insulting or what ?? y itna load le rahi :)..chill na ..ab naatak band kar :p u know I meant it in a good way (if u didn't know...now u know !!) ...just like virdi said...even ur looking at only the bad side of it(the insult part) and overlook the I love you part..u didnt comment anything about that ..y so ? y r we humans like this :(.

Sayesha said...

#Keshav,
Yaar shuruaat hi insult ke saath karega toh baad ki achhi baatein yaad rahengi kya? :P

I hate sappy forwards man... hope my post didn't sound as fake as some of those forwards do :(

And yes, I love you a li'l bit too :)

Keshav said...

Infact i hate those sappy or watever forwards u call them ....there is this girl who keeps forwarding me such senti stuff..inspite of me replying to her every forward saying ke what crap is this.....what u wrote is not like that ...this is straight dil se ...I wouldn't comment if I felt like it was fake :). Yes Yes...little love is betta....don't choke urself loving me ;-).

angelsera said...

I find it so much easier to tell someone how much they mean to me and how much I love them for it..

but I think so much about how to tell someone that I dont like them..and invariably I screw it up

Sayesha said...

#Keshav,
//don't choke urself loving me ;-)

You wish, dude! :)

Ravi said...

“Love” haaan??

Sorry but I still do not know the true meaning of this word. ‘Like’ - Now that is an easy word to understand. You see, liking a person or a thing means that you are positively affected by him/her or it. ‘Hate’ - This means you are negatively affected. These are things that happen to us daily. Sometimes we feel positive about someone, sometimes we feel negative. Now what does love mean? Is it something like ‘like’ but only far more positive? I’m not sure. Believe me, I’m still not able to comprehend the true meaning of it. Yes, sometimes I see it in others esp. my mother & sister. But inside me, I don’t know if it even exists. If it exists, I cannot understand what form it takes inside me.

Yes, I can go & say to people that I love them. But wouldn’t that be a lie, when I do not know the meaning of love itself? I’m told that ‘Love’ cannot be explained. I have to experience it to know it. Then maybe I’m still immature to understand it.

justme said...

@ virdi
ouch.. i meant d sayesha kinda love here not relationship yaar !!

wen someone says I love u in sayesha's way.. it will make me realise dat i make some difference in their lives and dat will u know put some pressure on me.. u realise dat somebody loves u and expects something outta u and u wanna live upto those expectations..!! even your best fren has some expectations from u na..!!

@ sayesha
think u should copy right this post yaar and paste it all over d world.. after that i ll never have to explain to people wen i say I LOVE YOU..!! i can say.. yaar ye to sayesha kinda love hain..!!

from now on.. atleast yahaan pe.. i ll refer it to as Sayesha Love..!! will save me d explanations.. ehhehe :)

Sayesha said...

#Ravi,

//Sorry but I still do not know the true meaning of this word.

I agree. Most of us do not know the true meaning of love. I don't. But I believe that each of us has his/her own definition of what it is.

//Yes, I can go & say to people that I love them. But wouldn’t that be a lie, when I do not know the meaning of love itself?

Well, as long as you say and mean the "I love you" in whatever way you define it, you wouldn't be lying. After all, who says love must have a universal meaning for everyone to follow?

#Justme,
Would you believe it -- one of the reasons why I wrote this post was to save me the trouble of having to explain every time why I say "I love you." Especially to guys. :)

ps: Thanks for the huge honour, man! Now I'm slightly embarrassed :P

spamtaneous said...

sayesha i luv u...the spams way..

aaj post karne mein deeri kaise?

virdi said...

guys (not girls and seyesha)
we can say this to a girl and i am sure she will not slap..
hello dear, i just realized i am gay and i love you!!!
girls are so dumb they will get confused.. they wont understand how to react and what to do.. hehehehe.. ;-)
V..
PS: this doesnt mean i am gay!! I am not gay!!

Sayesha said...

#Spammy,
// sayesha i luv u...the spams way..

Hey, you better define the 'Spams way'! For all I know, it could be the "Sayesha, I'm gonna stalk you to the end of the earth" kinda love! :O
Virdi, bachaaaao!

//aaj post karne mein deeri kaise?
Coming soon. I write new posts at night. It's become a ritual before I go to sleep. Unless of course, I have no thoughts to pen. Happens sometimes...

PuNeEt said...

Awesome Post dear...

I agree with you completely :-)>

Earlier I used to be so hesitant in saying "I Love U"...
But now I've changed...

Started signing off emails "with luv" for my very special friends...
and yes I do let them know that I love them...

That it's not the "I'm-crazy-about-you-I-wanna-spend-my-life-with-you" kinda love.
It's the Sayesha kind of love.

Very well said...

Nice Post dear
Cheers

spamtaneous said...

//Virdi, bachaaaao!

cyber bodyguard :o: .... :?:

for more info on spams way of love ...checkout my blog... (ofcourse..after i start blogging)

Jagan said...

well...i prefer to say how much the person means to me than saying a plain "i love you " . you asked the guy why he messaged so . But you think every person will ask what they mean by love ?

Arvind N said...

sayesha,

IIIIIIII LLLOOOOVVVVVEEEEEEE YOOUUUU !!!!!!!!

ARVIND

Sayesha said...

#Virdi,
//hello dear, i just realized i am gay and i love you!!!
If a guy ever says that to me, I will take him shoe shopping. That'll clear up things! :)

#Puneet,
Thanks :)

#Spammy,
You start your blog na... I'll take janmon janmon ke mean comments ka revenge! :)

#Jag,
Yeah, you're right... most pple will freak out, or get angry... in most cases, you get misunderstood :(

#Arvind,
Whoa that was some rooftop shouting! :)

Casablanca said...

Couldnt agree with you more. Infact I posted this
on the same lines some weeks back. Truth is, sometimes you just need to hear it loud that you are loved and liked.

About why we tend to believe negatives more easily: My take is that it is our own subconscious defence mechanism - being prepared for the worst. We've kind of stopped expecting good things.. or even if we expect them, we'd rather be prepared for the worst.. "Just in case".

Venkat said...

the debate goes on............ :)

Why do we say " I love you" to someone. There could be a million reasons to say so. Maybe you really like them or love them or your way for just appreciating that fact that they are always there for you when you needed them most or just for being your friend. There are two things to be considered here. For example lets take two people A & B. If A says i love you to B. We got think, what exactly does A mean by that and what exactly does B think that A meant by that. I guess to each their own. In the end how we think about those three words does depend a lot on the society we around.

Hope that made sense to someone.

Sayesha said...

#Casablanca,
Well said. I agree with every word.

#Venkat,
I suppose it's a tricky thing. It differs from person to person. Only those who're actually involved would know the real deal.