Hopelessly addicted to you

Sayesha is shocked at herself.

No, she's horrified.

No, shocked.

Ok, whatever is more extreme.

In order to cope with drooping eyelids at work (which were a result of the crazy lifestyle I'd been having over the last two months) I'd started drinking tea. Every day.

Now I'm the fiercely independent kind. The one who strongly believes that you should never be dependent on anything -- living or non-living -- to the point that you can't do without him/her/it. And though I knew that people do get addicted to tea, for some weird reason, I was sure it wouldn't work in the same way for me. Overconfidence, I suppose. I thought I could just consciously tell myself not to get addicted and it would work. And if it didn't, I would convince myself that I wasn't addicted, and that it's only a passing phase. And that would work.

So today, when I finally woke up after a good night's sleep, I decided not to have tea.

And I freaked out.

The uneasy feeling I harboured the entire day is indescribable. And it wasn't just a physical thing. It was nagging me in the head. At first, I tried to speculate what it was. Was I ill? Was I homesick? Was I missing someone? There definitely was something goin' on. Something was amiss, something was not right. There was a crushing feeling in my heart, and a shiver in my spine. I was feeling cold. COLD. I made a mug of horlicks for myself, but that just felt like a rebound.

And suddenly it struck me -- perhaps I was addicted to tea! I was quite horrified at the thought that a tiny cup of dull brown liquid had seeped into the spaces of my new lifestyle and made such a place for itself. That too, without my knowledge!

Sometimes, someone or something becomes an integral part of our day, our life, without us even realising it. And because we don't realise it, we think we will be able to easily handle the absence of the person or the thing once it's gone. But we only realise the seriousness of the thing when withdrawal symptoms kick in.

Gosh, am I addicted? That's a scary thought. I don't want to be addicted to anything or anybody.

So today I decided that I'm gonna back off. And I did good. Even though I had access to the tea trolley three times in the day, I did not have tea.

Tea is not something I intend to have a long term relationship with, and so this has to stop now before anyone gets hurt. I am strong enough to stop. I will stop having it because I refuse to let any person or thing control my life. And addiction of any kind, is never good.

And while all these thoughts flew around in my head, I couldn't help but wonder about something kinda related.

What's worse? To be addicted to a thing or a person?

Heaven save you if it's a person you're addicted to.