W is for 'White white face dekhe, dilwa beating fast sasura'

Today's post is for my friend and Sayesha's bar ki longtime bewdi Sandy who messaged me at 8.51 am yesterday to politely inform me that the V song was too normal and too lovely to be in this list.

(Hey, but I never said this blogathon was for abnormal songs only! In fact, to be honest, when I embarked on the A-Z blogathon this year, I thought I'd have a mix of songs, some terrible, some great, some memories, some favourites, some anecdotes, some analyses, etc. But then the whole damned thing took a life of its own. I blame the gifs. You cannot gif a good song.)

Anyway, to make up for yesterday's 'normal' song, today I have the most abnormal song that I could possibly think of. And whattawow that it starts with W (though it is known as 'Dil dance maare' in the circles where it is, um, known).

Do not let the song title fool you. This is not a song from a Bhojpuri movie. This is very much a legit Bollywood song from a legit Bollywood movie starring no fewer than four A-listers.

Presenting from the 2008 movie Tashan, the most bizarre song we have seen/heard in recent times...

White white face dekhe dilwa beating fast sasura chance maare re
O very, o very, o very happy in my heart, dil dance maare re 
Dil dance maare, dance maare, dil yeh dance maare
Oye happy in my heart, dil dance maare re!

And here we have our lead trio, wearing three of the most ridiculous wigs to ever have been manufactured on the planet.

I see this and all I wanna say is, "Taali aur harmonium ek haath se nahin bajte, Saif."

We are also introduced to the infamous size zero butt of the one and only Kareena Kapoor.

She really looks like a Barbie doll here. And that is not a compliment.

And we have Akshay Kumar, who, um, is wearing and doing heaven knows what.

And then the three of them dance together. To the most bizarre lyrics ever. 

O can't stop my feet

Zulamwa kare hain jaalim beat

Why does this step remind me of some daad khaaj khujli ad?

And what dance step is this? Did they decide to choreograph it themselves?

The mind-blowing lyrics continue. 

Rose ke jaisan pink pink

Humre gaal gulaabi

Sky jaisan blue blue

 Tohare nain saraabi

Bhola chehra jaise moon

Kali zulfen jaise cloud

Ab na aur chhupaya jaaye

Dhadkan ho gayi very loud

Kali zulfen?? Say what?!

Can you imagine what must be going through the minds of the firang background dancers? Like WHAT IS GOING ON HERE? They are lip-syncing so they obviously have learnt the song and can understand it in snatches. This is what they'd have understood from the first stanza —"White white face beating fast chance very happy in my heart dance". 

I mean, it's nice that they have employment, but they look almost as ridiculous as our movie stars. 

Oh, here's the best part of the lyrics. 

Haan tohra dil ka theatre ma
Dil deewana boooooking advance maare re

O very o very

O very happy in my heart, dil dance maare re 

Too bad that what happened to the movie Tashan in the theatres was quite the opposite.

This one's for you, Sandy.

Baaki bewde log bhi dekh hi lo.