G is for 'Gali gali mein pani hai'

So this spectacular song is from the 1994 movie Juaari, starring Armaan Kohli and Shilpa Shirodkar. You know Armaan Kohli? From Jaani Dushman? No? From Bigg Boss? No? (Gawwddd why do I know these things why why why??)

So the setting is a college from the 90s. Harassment Central, in other words.

The boys and girls are having a face-off...

...led by the respective leaders.

Shilpa Shirodkar looks like a cupcake. And not in a good way. 

Very impractical, that dress. As you can see, the giant frills are not making it any easier for her to flee from the boys. Poor aerodynamics. 

So they sing and dance, hurling insults at each other.

I have no words for the insults.

There is this phrase 'Matlab kuchh bhi??" which holds true for many, many Bollywood songs. Loosely translated, it means "You think you'll do whatever you want in the song and we suckers will tolerate it? Yes, we will. Because we can."

This song is the epitome of the 'Matlab kuchh bhi??' phenomenon. The lyricists were either very drunk or very high. Possibly both. And that is why this post doesn't need too many screenshots. The lyrics are the real highlight here.

Sample this:

You are paglam
You are chiklum
You are jhagdam
You are lafdam
You are bigdum
You are chidium
You are gudiyum
You are motiyum
You are bum bum
You are chichkum
You are pum pum
You are tikdum
You are chikdum
You are nakhram
But… you are… jaanam! HA HA HA HA HA!

Let me just repeat that, for I cannot get over it.

"You are bum bum... but you are jaanam."

The song stanzas are punctuated only by random, unnecessary violence. Like the hero punching his friend in the middle of the song. 

Someone dropping marbles on the floor where the girls are dancing

Just when you have recovered from the bheja fry induced by the opening lines, the hero breaks into the next stanza.

Gali gali mein pani hai
Tu ladki deewani hai
Tu hai four-twenty
Tu hai khatre ki ghanti
Tu kab de jaaye dhoka
Nahin teri guarantee
Tina tin tinna tin
Tina tin tinna tin

Say what?! Gali gali mein pani hai??

Then she fires her shots.

Gali gali mein tara hai
Tu ladka aawara hai

Hainn? Gali gali mein tara hai??

This very mature conversation takes a new turn.

Tu Laila ki nani hai
Naak teri Japani hai
Bandariya si lagti hai
Langdaake tu chalti hai

Now it's gone into total nonsense territory.

Gali gali mein jhanda hai
Murgi ka tu anda hai

And then he does the unthinkable. He pulls an egg right out of his ass. I kid you not.

She throws it at him. It hits his friend. 

Poor egghead friend continues dancing loyally in the background as our hero continues his preschool-level rhyming abuses. 

So just for the rhyming words' sake, we are subjected to the following:

Gali gali mein:
- pani hai
- tara hai
- jhanda hai
- haar hai
- joker hai
- aaloo hai
- aam hai
- bijli hai
- imli hai

NONE of the above are found gali gali mein.

More seriously, what a misleading picture the song paints about the water and power supply situation in India! Gali gali mein pani hai and bijli hai, it seems.

Considering that the lyrics were chosen purely for rhyming purposes, it's weird that some of them don't even rhyme properly.

Gali gali mein imli hai
Yeh ladki toh jungli hai

??!!

I can't believe it. Someone sat down with a pen and paper and actually wrote all of this?

Just to prep you, this wasn't the last you saw of Armaan Kohli on this A-Z series. I simply cannot complete the blogathon without including a song from the one and only Jaani Dushman. No way. So stay tuned!

Till then, enjoy this lovely offering.