D is for 'Dildara dildara'

Okay, after three songs with poor-quality video, I figured I needed to have something newer. Thankfully, there are plenty of atrocious new songs as well.

However, I must admit that strictly as a song, this number is absolutely fantastic. The saving grace of this disaster, I'd say. But then it's only natural that when a song is this good, its picturisation has to be that bad.

Here's some background for the lucky readers who made the wise decision in 2011 not to subject their brains to the movie Ra.One. So Ra.One and G.One are characters in a video game that have come to life. The evil Ra.One kills the game designer Suraj Subramaniam (SRK) and is out to kill his family too, while the good one, also known as G.One (duh) is their protector. And oh, he looks exactly like Suraj, but has better hair.

And because he's not human, he needs to look angry most of the time.

But sometimes, he just looks like the SRK from My Name is Khan. 

Anyway, so G.One lives with Suraj's wife and kid, and has breakfast with them and stuff.

And because G.One is a computer program, his breakfast is a little different.

Batteries.

Yes, ladies and gentlemen, that's our man, chomping on a battery and then a circuit board. 

No wonder Kareena looks like she can't stomach her toast anymore. 

She is also reminded of her husband Suraj, the original SRK, wearing the most horrendous wig of his entire career, and how he used to really enjoy his...

...thair spaghetti (spaghetti doused in yoghurt).

Yes, because he's a Tamilian who lives in London, and that's how Tamilians living in London like their spaghetti. 

The flashback also shows the moment when Suraj proposed to Sonia. By smartly putting the ring into her champagne, making her choke and almost do a 'I die' before 'I do'.

This is the moment she's choking on the ring. Now where have we seen this expression before? Oh wait, every single Kareena movie, that's where!

The flashback also shows him joining some buskers and doing the mata ka bulawa aaya hai dance (or maybe it's the nagin dance). No problem, bade bade deshon mein you know. 

He also does his signature SRK move with his arms outstretched, and indeed, the girls flock to him. However, for the first time in history, the SRK move has a very different effect on the members of the opposite gender. 

Instead of running to embrace him, they run to him to drop coins into his hands. Bwahahahaha. Rahul. Daam toh suna hi hoga. 

Back to the present, where Sonia is complaining about how hot the day is. Cut to scene where G.One has become... the fan. 

No, he really is. Suspended from the ceiling. Rotating upside down. 

See below for the exact moment that he got the inspiration for his other movie 'Fan'. 

G.One is bonding bigtime with Sonia's son, and decides it's very appropriate to start smoking right in front of the kid. Please note auto-ignition of the cigarette below. 

Except that it's his first time smoking and we all know what happens to computer programs when they enter the real world and start smoking. 

That's right. Short circuit. 

G.One also seems to have magical powers that he casually uses to help Sonia's son impress the neighbourhood girls. 

High-flying kid, this. 

And they are, indeed, very impressed. 

Later, G.One decides that he needs to wear a veshti, just like Suraj in the giant photo hanging on the wall. Why Suraj would choose to fold up his veshti for a seemingly formal photoshoot, and why Sonia would choose to hang that particular photo is beyond me. 

Anyway, G.One manages to nail the look. 

Yeh G.One hai, is G.One ka, yehi hai, yehi hai, yehi hai rang roop. 

Enjoy the good quality of the video and the song, and the terrible quality of... everything else.