Monday, June 27, 2005

The people we pick

No matter how strong or independent we believe ourselves to be, the people we choose to include in our lives can make or break us.


croondoodle said...

detached attachment?...i know you dun believe in it but yeah! you get hurt less?

Sahil said...

From my odd 40 years of experience in life, I can never be the one to choose who I will be friends with, and who I will include in my life. It just seems to happen in the most natural of ways. And the people who surround you bring out different personality traits of yourself. And they define who you are at that time.

While its true that you can't actively pick who you wish to include, sometimes you do have to pick who you don't include.

Dosti, pyaar, mohabbat. Waqt waqt ki baat hain, insaan ko kitna kamzor bana sakta hai, aur kitni taqat bhi de sakta hai.

post said...

wisest thing i've heard in the longest time.

apple said...

i wouldn't go as far as to say make or break, support yes. maybe some one can realllllyyy motivate u therefore "make u". but breaking is something u do to ureself.

Sayesha said...

Well, when I say 'people we pick to include in our lives' I really mean 'people we pick'. It is the people we choose to be part of our innermost circle. This circle is so intimate that I even know people who have not picked their parents or siblings to be part of it. So yes, we're really talking about active 'picking' and not just natural selection.

And the people we 'pick' are the ones who influence us in the greatest ways. Actually, we allow them to influence us in the greatest ways. Which is why, Apple, you and I are pretty much saying the same thing :) You say that we break ourselves, and I believe that even we accuse someone else of breaking us, it was us who picked that someone and allowed them to have that kind of power to be able to break us.

I don't think I'm trying to arrive at a conclusion with this post, as to whether this is true or not, or whether we should or should not empower the people we pick to that degree. This post is about something that I woke up one day and suddenly realised. :)

And to my amazement, I realised I'd rather break than not connect in the first place :)

croondodle said...

Empowering that someone who influences us to a great degree, I feel, isn't the problem. What might be a problem could be, overlooking the fact that the one who influences, being human, could have erred at some point and because of that, is being judged very strongly and unforgivingly (because of being the strong influence) by the one influenced, that the whole thing gets magnified to a level that one feels let down and shattered. Could be just a phase leading to something way beautiful...for life...its a risk but maybe worth it!

The Village Idiot / Soldier said...

Sahil : 40 odd years of experience? But 40 is an even number!

Sayesha : Every friendship is a choice we have. And you are right - the people who surround us influence and determine our attitude in some subsconscious way.

Sayesha said...

//the people who surround us influence and determine our attitude in some subsconscious way

True. And maybe we influence and determine our attitude in a sub-sub-conscious way by picking these people to surround us who would influence and determine our attitude in some subsconscious way.

(Boy, this is getting so complicated in my head right now!)

Sahil, you're 40? Or is this another attempt to conceal your true identity? :)

Sahil said...

nah... how could I be 40? Sahil sounds like such a young name, right Sayesha?

..and Sayesha, I don't think we're really that complicated. We "pick" people who we gel well with, have some chemistry with, or because of circumstance, we don't have a choice.

But I do agree with you. That when we are "broken" we can only blame ourselves. You have to take responsibility for your actions, and know that what comes your way is more often than not ur own doing. I have a strong dislike for those people who blame everyone and everything but themselves.

Be a man, take the rap la.

ps - u r starting to sound strangely familiar. I swear some of the stuff you said in this post, I've heard word-to-word before.

virdi said...

Sorry everyone this comment is not related to the post or the discussion but is related to the comment in the earlier bog... hellooo darling... not talking to you sayesha but my darling "sayesha" hands... the funda about "fooking paki" is that this is the worst gali you can give to a Brit in Britain. I applied for my UK VISA today, would be working from London office for sometime, around next 4 to 5 months. If i get the VISA would leave in some 10 days.... so so so I am learning all the galis they give in UK... aye aye maite.. will gu tu de Poob and have beeee(R is silent) and kick the arse uf de Brit and cooorse him "Fooking Paki"
boi boi..

virdi said...

yes sayesha, we choose friends and our peer group has the biggest influence in our lives. the way we dress the way we talk the galis we give, the daru we have all depends on whom we hag around with. if we r in a stupid group thn we might not learn anything, and instead of doing anything worthwhile in life we might end up ruining our lives. i have seen a huge cnage in myself after meting few of my friends and i have seen people going to the gallows because they have changed the friends circle. i just wish i have good friends in my life and i learn a lot from them and and and they have a lot of money and they teart me every weekend.. :-)

Anonymous said...

"And to my amazement, I realised I'd rather break than not connect in the first place :)"

Absolutely agree!! Somethings are just worth risking.. Else how do you live with urself, wondering you gave up something precious without making sure it wasnt urs.

As the song goes.. "katra katra milti hai... katra katra jeene do".
But do we use this as a self-excuse to be irrational?
It is easier said than done. When things begin to hang outside the tolerance limit, every normal person will turn back and regret (not wanting to but will do so still).

Only when time fades memories, they become sweeter..and the song comes back to your lips.

Sigh.. such is the ever-turning wheel of life..

Sayesha said...

//Sahil sounds like such a young name, right Sayesha?

Making fun of me as usual, huh, Sahil? And yes, I DO think that it's a very young name. (But then you COULD be 40, after all, Sahil's not your real name anyway! For all I know, you could be Kishanlal Gotiwala.)

London, eh? Enjoy yourself! UK's really nice, I went there in Dec 2003 to meet my cousins. Saw the first snowfall of my life there. Lovely memories :)

And yeah, post karne se pehle ek baar proofread kar le yaar, sometimes I can't even tell some of the words you write! :D Itni kya hadbadi hai baba? Unless of course, your thoughts travel faster than your fingers can type them out! :)

Disclaimer: This is NOT an editor speaking :P

Sahil said...

Me and make fun of you? I wouldn't dream of such an atrocity. :)

But I did think it was very cute how you made that list of things that sound right in your head. A lot of those things sound right in my head too.

...and let's not start the name-calling again. Nahin toh hum bhi uttar aasakte maidaan mein waapis se.

Kishan Gotliwala indeed.

virdi said...

That was an editor speaking !!! That was an editor speaking !!! That was an editor speaking !!!
PS : did the proof-reading. :-)

Sayesha said...



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