A moti-vational post

Note: The 'perky' parts of this post have been inspired by this utterly hilarious video of Carlos Mencias. Some people need to get the perk out of this post.

All right, before I get on with my post I need to do some reader-filtering.

Divide your weight in kilograms by the square of your height in metres. If you get anything less than 18, please make a quiet exit from the rear door of the bar, this post is not for your kind. (Some day I will write a post on your kind.)

And if by any chance your BMI is less than 18 AND you consider yourself fat, you get the perk out of my bar! NOW. :-/

They say, "Inside every fat person is a thin person."

I would like to add on to the theory.

Sash says, "Inside every thin person is a fat person bursting to get out."

Ever wondered what the hell happened to that thin friend of yours after he got married? Or that thin friend of yours after she had a baby? Ever wondered what the hell happened to you in the few weeks/months/years of living away from India? Ever wondered when your paunch started entering the room before you did? Wonder not - it's the fat person that happened.

They (the damn 'they' again!) say Indians tend to get fat easily. It's genetic and we can't do anything about it. Whole load of bull crap I say. What is really genetic in us Indians is sheer sloth. Unless the reason is medical (big bones included), a person has no reason to become, stay and die fat.

So beware. You could be at risk of one of the diseases that no one has ever mentioned in any medical study so far. In medical terms it would be known as TPOBF.

The Possibility Of Becoming Fat.

TPOBF disease is spreading like wildfire. We're all at risk. Especially people like you and me who are fine NOW, but a little negligence and they are sent hurling into the fatty puddles of obesity with a one-way ticket.

I read somewhere that the BMI table has been modified for Asians. While a BMI of more than 25 is considered bad for Caucasians, it's 23 for Asians. Because apparently Asians tend to have more body fat compared to Caucasians. Fortunately, mine hasn't touched 20 yet and even if it does, I have no intention of making it exceed 20. 19-22 is considered healthy.

Those who have not even read my full post but have already made up their minds to pollute my precious comment space preaching about inner beauty and all that bah, I have one thing to say -- get the perk out of my bar, you too. :-/

As long as you're not obsessing over it a la Mariah Carey (she said about starving kids "I mean I'd love to be skinny like that, but not with all those flies and death and stuff."), being thin is good. Thin is in. Because it lets you grab that piece of cheesecake without guilt. In fact, being slightly thinner is better than being 'just right'. That way, you have some leeway. The kind you need to account for pampering India visits, extended stays in the US, marriage, pregnancy and stuff.

(By the way, Mariah Carey, if you're reading this, get the perk out of my blog! NOW!)

Now let's get a few facts right. Firstly, standards of 'fat-ness' are different for different people, and I am sure by the petite Singaporean standards, even I would fall in the fat category. Thankfully I don't follow them and have my own standards. Secondly, what works for some may not work for others. Some people (read guys) can just have pizza as their staple diet and still be lanky as hell, whereas a girl can put on weight in a week just because she had a muffin on Thursday. (If you're the kind of girl who can eat whatever she wants and never gain a gram, you get the perk out of my bar NOW!) Thirdly, you can be fat in parts - meaning that you could have a perfect butt but fat arms, or perfect legs but a paunch.

This post is for people like me. People who would like to maintain their present weight. And perhaps lose a few kilos or so. For the longest time I have wanted to make a list of things that I want to do to make sure I stay as I am, and maybe lose about 2 more kgs or so. So I decided to put it up on my blog so it's out there, and I can revisit it to see if I followed it or not. After my PPDW (People, please drink water!) post (The fact that I now drink twice the amount of water I used to drink before I wrote that post speaks of the phenomenal success of using posts to motivate not just others but yourself), I believe that this post will do me good. I also believe that a friend of mine has been eagerly waiting for this post of mine.

So I decided to make my own list of things that have worked for me and for people I know. Some of them may be very obvious, but it's the very obvious ones that we often fail to follow. Hopefully it will serve as moti-vation for me and maybe for a few of you out there:

1. First things first. Buy a weighing scale. You need to monitor closely and you need an honest non-living thing to tell you the ugly truth. People who see you every day will not be able to tell if you put on weight. Clothes? Bah, they expand and shrink like nobody's business. The only way to keep track is to use a weighing scale.

2. Once upon a time, I used to say "Eat like a pig and run like a horse, and you'll never get fat." I'd like to revisit that saying of mine. Maybe it works if you're just trying to maintain your weight. But if you're trying to lose weight, you simply have to watch what you eat. You can't afford to eat like a pig even if you're running like a horse.

3. Be traditional. I noticed that in India, Mom used to boil rice in water and drain the starchy water before serving the rice. In Singapore, they use rice cookers (or microwave ovens) to make the rice. Only as much water is added to the rice as will be absorbed by it. We could totally do without all that extra starch! So I have resolved that when I get my own place, I will make rice the traditional way. Jaise Mummy banati thi. :)

4. NRIs, when you go back to India, 'control' is the keyword. Beware of adoring aunties who will pull your cheeks and say, "Arre Singapore mein khana nahin milta kya?" and jealous Bhabhis who will pinch your waist and say, "Aap kitni dubli ho?! Ab dekho hamari khaatirdari."

5. Very oily food has a natural property of putting you off it. Heed it. A colleague of mine treated our team to fried chicken last week. I gorged on it and later felt sick like hell. I am off fried chicken for a while now. Same thing happened with me with fish & chips. I haven't had fish & chips in almost a year now.

6. Avoid carbonated drinks. Remember - each can of coke has 10 teaspoons of sugar in it. 10! TEN!! :O If you're the kind who uses carbonated drinks as a substitute for water (I have a few cousins who do), wean off it slowly. Use alternatives. If you hate Coke Lite, try Pepsi Max. Believe me, it actually tastes better than Pepsi original. But artificial sweeteners can be carcinogenic so you getta get off the shit for good.

7. There are other invisible sources of sugar, such as tea and coffee. If you're addicted to these drinks, start cutting down the sugar in them. I have stopped drinking milk tea (because they make it with condensed milk here). Now I drink only mint tea when extremely sleepy at work with half the amount of sugar that I used to put into my milk tea earlier.

8. When you have your meals, don't eat till your stomach is completely full. Leave some space in your stomach. Fill it only upto 75%. This also helps proper digestion.

9. Boycott lifts. Climb up stairs. If you live on the 25th floor, climb up 6 floors and then take the lift. I often climb up to the canteen on the 6th floor in my office building and climb down without buying anything.

10. Run. There's nothing quite like running to lose those extra kilos. I ran 6 rounds of the 400-m track in university every night for six months, and lost many many kgs. (I also broke my knee because of the running but I'll save that story for another day.) Actually, I kinda hate running. So I was very happy when the doctor told me that running is not good for my 'bad knee'. Yeay! (Ahem, I make up for it by walking a lot.)

11. If you don't like to get sweaty and smelly by exercising, you could pick up swimming. Swimming is a great way to tone the entire body without getting all hot and sweaty. Though I swim like a dog - I never put my head under water - but who wants to enter the Olympics anyway?

12. If you're the kind who hates to exercise, find a friend and pick up a game and play regularly. That way, you stay fit without the so called "exercising" part. The moment I move to the east, I am picking up badminton again.

13. The gym is a great place to work on individual body parts. If you don't have access to a gym, you could always do exercises at home. Crunches are a great way to trim the tummy.

14. If you're wondering why you're not losing weight even though you don't drink any carbonated drinks or have fried foods, the culprit is carbs. Reduce your carbs intake. I know a guy who tucked in his tummy fully just by halving the amount of rice he ate. Rice, white bread, potatoes are all high in carbs. Ask for less rice when you eat out. If you notice, when you order rice at a food court, they do not look at your body size or gender before serving you the portion. It's the same for everyone. There has to be something wrong with this system, isn't it?

15. Opt for wholemeal options. Brown bread over white bread. Atta over maida. Fibre fills you up so you eat less of other (fattening) food, and it also keeps your digestive system in good order.

16. Drink loads of water. I don't know the mechanics but apparently it keeps the body in shape.

17. Take time to chew your food. Gobbling it down will not satisfy your appetite properly, and will also lead to poor digestion. Enjoy each bite and you will find yourself full and satisfied with less.

18. Contrary to popular belief (in Singapore, the only Indian food the locals are familiar with are biryani, prata and naan!), Indian food can be extremely healthy. Take the humble chapati for example. High fibre, zero oil, and it can serve as a wrap for incredibly delicious and healthy fillings.

19. Beware of something called 'mental hunger' - which makes you finish off a whole packet of potato wafers by yourself on an already full stomach. 'Mental hunger' is a disorder mostly caused by either heartbreak and boredom. If you suffer from the former, remember that the one who broke your heart should be the one turning into a slab of butter, not you. As for the latter, there are SO many things to do in the world that it is virtually impossible for us to get bored.

Good luck to those who intend to follow this. If any of this works for you, do drop me a note. And if you have other tips, please feel free to use the comments space.

The best part of doing all this is that once in a while, you can guiltlessly INDULGE! Dhaakki tiki! :D