Take it - 'cos there's no leave it!

Dear pregnant woman in the train,

The next time I offer you my seat in the train, you'd better take it!

Now don't give me that killer 'Are you yelling at me?' look. Yes, I am yelling at you. Don't think even for a moment that just because it is a well-known fact that a woman's hormones go a bit crazy during pregnancy, I am scared of you. (Actually I am, but you don't know it, do ya?)

Do you know that before I offer you my seat, it takes me a full ten seconds to assess whether you're pregnant or you just happen to have a paunch? I actually take the risk of getting verbally abused in front of fifty people in case you turn out to be not pregnant but merely in need of cutting your carbs and visiting the gym?

I take that risk and offer you my seat, and what do you do?

Smile and say, "No thanks, I'm fine."?

Did you forget your lines? You're supposed to smile, say 'Thank you' and take the freakin' seat. What's with the onstage improvisation with a "No thanks, I'm fine."?

You're fine?? Lady, look at the size of that thing! Let me tell you missy, I have a history of blacking out and collapsing in trains. And if I choose to give you my seat, surely you need it more than me. Maybe from up there you can't get a clear perspective, but I can! Trust me, you're not fine, you need a seat. I know you're trying to do the whole independent woman thing, but this is not the place. We're not all equal. You're pregnant, I'm not. You should have the seat, I shouldn't. And that's the truth. You gotta face it.

How would you like it if I told your Mom or your Mom-in-law that you refused a seat in the train? You'd get it from them. Bigtime. Isn't it?

I'm not offering you my seat because the government instructs me to be courteous to fellow passengers. I'm not doing this because I want to rise in my own esteem. I am not doing this because there are four million closed circuit cameras all over Singapore that are taking note of the citizens' good deeds. I'm not doing this so that due to my good karma, some kind soul in New Jersey will offer my sister a seat in the train. (I can only hope that he does.)

I'm doing this because I believe that there is something fundamentally wrong in a society where I sit and you stand in the train.

And most importantly, sweetheart, you're getting attention. Take it! As soon as the baby is born, it will completely steal your thunder. Everyone will be talking to it in the universal alele-googoo-plu-plu-kuchi-kuchi language, and no one's gonna pay any attention to you. Not even if you break into the dhakki tiki dance. You'll be craving for it, but you won't get it.

So while you're getting attention, grab it I say.

See ya in the train. And oh, remember your lines this time.