Monday, February 06, 2006

The days of our lives

Long ago, I wrote a post about the people we pick.

Some people just bring out the best in us. Others bring out the worst.

Hanging out with some people makes us happy. Even if nothing happening is happening, they add something to our lives, which just makes everything better. Their mere presence can make a really bad day seem not too bad. We actually like ourselves, and the people we become, when we are around them.

On the other hand, we don't like ourselves when we are with some people. Perhaps they bring out our worst side, something we’d rather not bring out, especially if it makes us feel not so good about ourselves. Perhaps that’s why our parents and teachers used to say, “You must hang out with good company.” And I’d always wonder what they meant by a vague undefined term like “good company”. What is “good company”? Who are these “good people” who make this “good company”? Perhaps this is what they meant. “Good people” are the people who make you feel good about yourself, whom you’re proud to hang out with. Deep inside, you know that because of them, you’re an ounce of a better person that you’d be without them. And yes, each of us has his/her own definition of a “good person”. My “good person” is not necessarily your “good person”. The person who brings out the best in me may bring out the worst in you. It’s my choice to hang out with the person, and yours not to.

Yesterday, I remembered a person I used to know called X. When we first met, I disliked X thoroughly. Usually, when I meet someone for the first time, I can immediately sense the vibes and know whether we would get along or not. In this case, the vibes were so negative, they were almost pushing me away from X. And considering that I like most people, this was my sixth sense telling me that I should not be friends with X. But because of a common friend Y, we hung out together, and I realised that being friends with X was perhaps not so bad after all. Well, after some time, I realised that I'd been right in the beginning, and that I didn't like myself when I hung out with X. I was turning into this person whom I disapproved of. And I wasn't even happy. So I was more than relieved when the friendship ended.

And that's when I realised something. Each of our relationships with people around us — with friends, partners, family — is like a day of our life. We meet someone early in the morning, start talking over breakfast, know them quite well by noon, start getting to know their not-so-nice sides by early evening, and by night, we've decided whether the day should end there or go on for a bit more. If we decide to take it further, the day doesn't start all over again. The night just becomes longer. And it's good, 'cos only when you've lived the day through till it's night, that you know everything you have to. At any given point, we may feel like we’re living only one day, but in reality, we’re living all of these days concurrently. Some of them just end early, and some don’t.

Perhaps that's why some days feel longer than others. On the other hand, some days are so incredibly short, we wonder where they went.

Some days are good right from the beginning and stay good all the way. Some days start off really well, and then end really badly, leaving you all disillusioned about the beautiful beginning. We hate how some days start off, but they just get better and better as the clock ticks. Other days start off badly and stay bad all the way. We feel glad when they get over. We try to forget they happened to us. We avoid thinking of how badly they screwed us over. And sometimes, they have such a hold on us that they influence every other day of our life. Much as we try to shake them off, their shadows stay with us and cast themselves on other days.

Some days are beautiful. We feel fortunate that they happened to us. And there are so many such days that often, we have difficulty when someone asks us "What was the best day of your life?" Actually, the best part is — some of the best days have not yet happened to us.

Some days are like other days but they are not quite the same. We want those old days back but we can’t have them. We remember them with fondness in our hearts, and live them again and again in our heads, in detail. We want new days to be like these old days. Somemtimes it happens, sometimes it doesn't.

Some days are unpredictable. They always manage to surprise or shock us. We think they’re headed a certain way, but they’re not.

Some days break our hearts when they end. We think that once they are over, life will never be the same again. But we’re proved wrong. Not only do we manage to get over and forget those days, better days come along, and we chide ourselves for crying over the days that are gone.

And sometimes, we don't know. We don't know how the next day is going to be like for us. We don't know how many more days we have in our lives.

And oh, on a final note, some days just never end, do they?



48 comments:

Sayesha said...

Hey what happened to Anon's comment?? I swear I saw it here a moment ago!! Blog bhoooot at work again? :O

And I just realised this makes me first.

Me FIRST!!!! :D

bindu said...

Whatz happening?! it seems the blog appeared twice...
Blog bhoot or am i hallucinating?!
-bindu

oxymoron said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Sayesha said...

Sheesh! I dunno what's happening! Blog bhooot's taken over my blog!

Oxy, I saw your comment too! It just disappeared by itself! :O

Anurama said...

okay.. i am the fourth :)

//We don't know how many more days we have in our lives.

Yup.. That is what pushes us to live life fully isnt it?

Vikram H said...

Well, i have made it within the top 5 comments, but i stand third among the real commenters(ie excluding Sayesha)! thats quite an honour...And yeah, there have been quite a lot of complaints regarding comments disappearing on their own!

Harshi said...

Blog Bhoot....interesting!
:O is the right expression :-)).
K, hope this comment sees the light of day!

Agree with everything Sash.
Days with some really heart-warming surprises are the best! :)

Mitthu said...

I hope i have understood your blog right and apart from whatever you have written, it seems something has happened which you didn't like at all....
All the very best to you for everything.

virdi said...

What was the best day of your life?

10th birthday... I got the Shahenshah ka dress... I used to run around the house and shout "Rishte mein toh hum tumhare baap lagte hain.. Naam hai Shahenshah !!! "

V..

virdi said...

hahahahahaha... you first?????

ajeeb aurat hai... hahahahaha...

V..

trups said...

//We want those old days back but we can’t have them. We remember them with fondness in our hearts, and live them again and again in our heads, in detail. We want new days to be like these old days.

OMG how do you *know* all this?? I mean, how do you actually write all that EACH one on earth goes thru??? Psychology says, "No two individuals are same"... ya, but Sayesha, you seem to bring out lots of things that each individual goes thru!

Anonymous said...

wot the bleedin 'ell r ya on about?

tinku said...

//We don't know how many more days we have in our lives.

Teri problem kya hai? Kya pareshani hai tujhe? Marne ki baatein bahut acchi lagti tere ko? :/

Tinku

Sayesha said...

#Bindu,
Yeah, I saw it appear twice too! Dunno what's happening man...

#Oxymoron,
Arre! Itna gussa ki comment delete kar diya?

#Anurama,
That's going by the literal meaning of that statement. The meaning I implied is the one in which I equated each relationship to a day of our life. We don't know how many more new people we will meet and how many more new bonds we will form.

#Vik H,
Welcome to top 5, blog bhoot inclusive. :)

#Harshi,
Phew your comment is in! :)

#Mitthu,
//it seems something has happened which you didn't like at all....

Hahaha! In all our lives, something or the other happens which we don't like. But put your fears to rest, this post has nothing to do with any specific incident :)

#Virdi,
You were running around in a dress?? HAHAHAHAHA! :D

//ajeeb aurat hai...

Sheesh! The word 'aurat' sounds so derogatory! :/

#Trupsster,
I believe that all of us are alike in more ways than we'd like to believe :)

#Anon,
Your comment can imply either of these four things:
1. You hated this post.
2. You did not understand this post.
3. You were disappointed with this post.
4. Something else that I don't understand.

Choose a number, sweetheart, and tone down the rudeness perhaps? And oh, it would be nice to have a name I can address you by. :)

#Tinku,
//Marne ki baatein bahut acchi lagti tere ko? :/

Aaj tu mere haathon se pit jaayega! Marne ki baat kisne ki, idiot? Theek se padh! I have equated each of our relationships with a day of our lives.

When I said, "We don't know how many more days we have in our lives." I meant that we don't know how many more new people we will cross paths with, who will become important parts of our lives.

Hmmphhh... bekaar ka blood pressure badha diya :(

ritzkini said...

:O
day...night..friends..not friends..mein aadhe mein hi so gaya...too deep and therefore..a bouncer to me..
:)
theek hai..as long as you know what you are sayin'..
:)))

tinku said...

Ohho achha achha, ab samjha hehe..
Seedha seedha bola kar na baat ko. Dimag ka bheja fry kyun karti hai.I can't read between the lines. =))
To Mahadevi Sayesha Verma din ki tulna rishte se kar rahi thi. ati sundar :p

Tinku

Negative Creep said...

//wot the bleedin 'ell r ya on about?//

ROTFL!!!

Well, honestly, i think this is much ado about nothing... Very nicely written, great analogy, but i don't see the point... and i don't exactly agree... If you're gonna stay away from people who bring out the worst in you, it says more about you than them... You don't have control over yourself, you let yourselves be influenced by them, but instead of owning up, you blame them... After all, the universe is not centred around you, there's as much of a chance that you bring out the worst in that person too... I don't have a certain "good person"... There are certain qualities i won't tolerate in a friend, but i don't really care who i hang around with... it's just timepass... I know enough to not be led by someone else's actions, i know my limit...

No offense of course, just my side of the story...

@Tinku
// Teri problem kya hai? Kya pareshani hai tujhe? Marne ki baatein bahut acchi lagti tere ko? :/ //

Marne ki baat se sab ko dar kyon lagta hai?? Everyone has to die... After all, like i told a friend of mine, Life Is Optional, Death Is Mandatory.... Death is what gives meaning to life, eternal life is eternal torture... I'm hoping that i die at the right age, after enjoying my life to the full and before it becomse an encumberance... Death is peace... Wouldn't you like to go to sleep, and never have to wake up?? I know i wouldn't mind... and if there really is an afterlife, well, then i'm screwed, but if i spend an eternity in hell, what difference does it make if i spend a few years more or less on this world??

amit said...

arre seems to be Rang De Basanti effect... yup, u r write abt ur observation with the company we hv..... kuch logon se milkar apne aap ghanti baj jaati hai ki he is my kinda type, fr sum others its the signal ki bach ke rehna hai :p

btw u seem to hv disappeared frm my blog... no comments lately ?

Raj said...

Sorry for not reading and commenting on your last two posts. I had to live for two days without internet. I survived somehow!

Fantastic post.

And completely true.

Some people really do bring out the worst in us. And its not really their fault.

Kais said...

Well written post!

I am afraid that the people we end up not liking are the ones that see too clearly through us...which probably says more about us than about them.

Cheers
Kais

Suds said...

Hey sayesha that was a nice post. How true some people really bring out the best in u. I had a friend who really did bring out best in me. I am not in touch with her now but her birthday is coming soon may be i will write a post about her. Enjoy

Regarding the Blog bhoot. i heard similar stuff at another blog that I read. It is some bug in Blogger...

Suds said...

Hey sayesha that was a nice post. How true some people really bring out the best in u. I had a friend who really did bring out best in me. I am not in touch with her now but her birthday is coming soon may be i will write a post about her. Enjoy

Regarding the Blog bhoot. i heard similar stuff at another blog that I read. It is some bug in Blogger...

Rays Of Sun said...

Nice:)
I believe, we cant be friends with everyone!

Rays Of Sun said...

Hmpphh..Me so late on yyour comment board:(

jade said...

this post sounds more like my diary entries... i am sure anyone who reads my diary wont understand wht i'm talkin abt...
i am sure thr was more to this post than i uncerstood... just didnt catch the drift:)

virdi said...

abe Sayesha you wont belive... I used to go in front of my Daadi ma and say "Rishte mein toh hum tumhare baap lagte hain naam hai Sahenshah"

Daadi used to be, "Tu ruk.. Tere baap ko danda maar ke bada kiya hai.. Aur tu mera baap ban raha hai?? Idhar aa shaitaan ke baap!"

Daadi was too cool!!!

V..

Manish said...

so true Sayesha!
interesting topic

tinku said...

@negative_creep Baaki to theek hai lekin "Death is what gives meaning to life"...ye baat kuch hajam nahin hui. Hajmola ki goli phenk ek meri taraf.

Tinku

The Girl Who Sold The World said...

Interesting topic...and great analogy! But I usually end up being friends with those people who I usually hate in the beginning. The 2 or 3 real friends I have are those whom I used to LOATHE. Weird, eh?
And I think the people who bring out our bad sides are actually helping us in a way. Otherwise, how would we know that side of ours? For example, my mom is an irritating creature...atleast for me. I hate the constant naggings and earlier, I used to blow off and could never control my temper. I know a few other people too, who bring out that side in me when I get too angry and lose control. Now, THAT is something good. I'm learning to control myself. That's helping me.
So, meet as many such as you can and then, improve yourself and smirk at them. HAHAHA.

@Tinku: Negative Creep bahut khadoos aur kanjoos hai...hajmola ki goli phenkna toh dooooor ki baat hai, woh hajmola ki bottle ke darshan bhi nahin karayega...aur agar goli phenki, toh pehle hee apni WILL banwa lo. He'll poison it. That's for sure.

Sorry Bhanuj, couldn't resist it.

Rays Of Sun said...

#Virdi,
New name:Shahi Popo..khi khi khi (Thats me laughing)

#Tinku,
Sahi dialogue mara re:)

Rays Of Sun said...

#Negative Creep,
Life is optional?? WHAT??
Getting a life is mandatory:)

Sayesha said...

#Kini,
Haha! Chalta hai, this is not my first post that bounced off the top of your head! :)

#Tinku kahin ka!
Faaltu ka suna diya kal. Teri wajah se mera ek friend paagal hote hote reh gaya because I did a 30 times encore performance of:

Pata hai, Tinku ne daant diya :(
Pata hai, Tinku ne daant diya :(
Pata hai...

#Creep,
I get your point. You're not the first one who thinks this post is pointless :) But who says every post must have a point, and must inspire everyone who reads it? Sometimes, I just feel something and I write it, and it does not necessarily have to have every reader identify with it :)

//If you're gonna stay away from people who bring out the worst in you, it says more about you than them
//but instead of owning up, you blame them

Well, think about this. Don't you pick your own friends? Don't you choose whom you wanna hang out with? Don't you dislike certain people and not like to be in their company?

I never blamed anyone in my post. I myself may be just as bad for someone as he/she is for me. On some levels, we all stay away from certain people who may be amazing people in their own right, but they're just not good for us. At least I have the guts to admit it that we do this form of filtering, instead of taking on an idealistic "oh, we should love the whole world" approach.

ps: I will not get into your life-death debate with Tinku. Warna Tinku phir se daant dega! :(

But I really liked what you wrote "Death is what gives meaning to life". :)

Tinku, daant mat! :(

#Amit,
//kuch logon se milkar apne aap ghanti baj jaati hai ki he is my kinda type, fr sum others its the signal ki bach ke rehna hai :p

Sahi bola! Lekin kabhi kabhi ghanti pehle galti se baj jaati hai, aur kabhi kabhi bajna chahiye lekin bajti nahin :)

//btw u seem to hv disappeared frm my blog... no comments lately ?

Arre my home comp is still with Dell. I only set aside some time early in the morning, and during lunchtime to monitor my blog at office. :)

My comp will be back soon, will stay up one night and catch up with everyone's blog! :D

#Raj,
//Some people really do bring out the worst in us. And its not really their fault.

Exactly. Glad you got my point :)

#Kais,
True in a way, but I also think that our closest friends, the ones we like the most, are probably the ones who see right through us. And we don't mind that, do we? :)

#Suds,
Thanks. Hope you get in touch with your friend soon :)
ps: I'm bugged by the bloody blogger bug on my blog! (Whatta tongue-twister!) :P

#ROS,
Hey, welcome back, bacha! :)

#Jade,
//i am sure thr was more to this post than i uncerstood... just didnt catch the drift:)

I'd say you got more than what some of the others did :)

#Virdi,
Hahahahaha! Promise me that I will visit you in Chennai, you will receive me at the airport in that costume? Promise kar, Virdi, apni dosti ki khaatir! ;)

#Manish,
:)

#Tinku,
Let me try and explain what Creep meant, by this sher:

Hum hi hum hain, toh kya hum hain?
Tum hi tum ho, toh kya tum ho?


Clear? :)

#The Girl,
//But I usually end up being friends with those people who I usually hate in the beginning.

Haha! Happens to a lot of us! Makes me doubt my sixth sense at times! :/

//And I think the people who bring out our bad sides are actually helping us in a way. Otherwise, how would we know that side of ours?

Of course, but we have to draw the line somewhere. When your Mom nags, it's for your own good and you know it. But I think that when someone puts you down to satisfy their own ego or whatever, you know that it's not helping you become a better person in any way, and that hanging out with them is not good for you, you should make a choice.

#ROS,
Ab tujhe apna laughter bhi brackets mein explain karna padta hai? Looks like my joke-killer darling's really back at Sayeshaz! ;)

Siddhu said...

We meet someone early in the morning, start talking over breakfast, know them quite well by noon, start getting to know their not-so-nice sides by early evening,

I cannot tell you how much I identify with that right now! I haven't commented for a long time, but I really had to, this time!! I mean, I'd been trying to find out an explanation for just this for sometime now, and yours is the most beautiful metaphor I've ever read!!

I wish I could live in the noonday sun forever. The early evening is ugly; in particular, my early evening is dark, gloomy, ugly and depressing.

Dunno if it sounds weird, but your words helped bring a clarity to the haze that surrounded my mind, so to speak. And the clarity feels so much better, especially in twilight.:)

Thanks.:)

oxymoron said...

//Arre! Itna gussa ki comment delete kar diya?

nahi madam! no gussa! comment became irrelevant after the blog goof up!

and as for the post - another amazing one!

ek aur badhiya 'jaam' from the madhushala-e-sayesha!

Kais said...

>> ...but I also think that our
>> closest friends, the ones we
>> like the most, are probably the >> ones who see right through us. ?>> And we don't mind that, do
>> we? :)

Not true at least for me .... I think that if you let ANYONE in too much there is a (subconcious) tendency (more prominent in some..)for them to file away your flaws for possible future exploitation.

Cheers
Kais

virdi said...

how can i wear a costume which is so old... and woh aabhi mere paas hai bhi nahi...

wht i can do is wear "PHANTOM COSTUME" and come...

Pants ke uupar chaddi!!!

V..

virdi said...

then you can sing...

CHADDI PEHEN KE PHOOL KHILA HAI!!!

PHOOL KHILA HAI!!!

Eclectic Blogger said...

wow.. nice analogy btw relationships and days.. now i got to find out from my list as to who represents friday and saturday nights :-p

tinku said...

Sayesha, daanta tune mere ko, blood pressure tera high hua, aur ulta ilzam mujh pe laga rahi hai daant'ne ka. Sahi hai sahi hai..tu mast reh, hamara kya hai, hum to jee lenge bus :(

hehe @ROS,@girl

Tinku

Sayesha said...

#Siddhu,
Wow, if my post helped to clear the haze surrounding your mind, I'm honoured, really. Thanks :)

#Oxy,
//comment became irrelevant after the blog goof up!

Kya re... yahan logon ko post hi irrelevant lag raha hai, aur tu baitha comments delete kar raha hai? :)

//ek aur badhiya 'jaam' from the madhushala-e-sayesha!

Haha! Thanks, dear. :)

#Kais,
//file away your flaws for possible future exploitation

Hahaha! True, but hahaha! :D

#Virdi,
//CHADDI PEHEN KE PHOOL KHILA HAI!!!

Pappaji, correction. You meant to say 'FOOL', didn't ya? ;)

#Eclectic,
Haha! Hope they're both very happening! ;)

#Tinku ke bache ke baaap,

Pehle daant-te ho, phir blame-shift, phir emotional blackmail? Bachi ki jaan lekar rahoge kya??? (Ooops, sorry, hum toh bhool hi gaye ki Tinku ko aisi baatein bilkul pasand nahin hai!) :)

Vikram said...

kya post hai re... meri toh kuch samajh mein nahi aaya...:(

its ok... not your fault... :(

Sayesha said...

#Vikram,
Hahahaha! Tu bhi?? :D

Looks like I've lost it, eh? :P

Vikram said...

Nahi re... teri koi galti nahi hai... if i read it in the morning, will probably understand... hehe.:P

waise very profound thoughts yaar... :)

Roy said...

Hi…I’m Roy, just start the journey in the blog-world. New..... so learning the tricks by peeping in others blog without any prior permission (sorry for that!!).

Someday?!?! I think some moments are there which never ends..

Heii, why not take a look to my blog: (http://comeonroy.blogspot.com/) & tell me where I need to improve. Most important, maybe you can also get something new & interesting stuff…..maybe!!
Hoping to hear you..
Roy

tinku said...

//Ooops, sorry, hum toh bhool hi gaye ki Tinku ko aisi baatein bilkul pasand nahin hai!

Ab ayi na line pe :p *chuckle*

Tinku

Ankur said...

very thoughtful post,,never knew u cud write such stuff also...

Rohit Talwar said...

Awesome post. VERY TRUE.

//We remember them with fondness in our hearts, and live them again and again in our heads, in detail. We want new days to be like these old days.

Mere saath to kabhi nahi hua.. :( All that happens is that i hope.. but naah...! damn.

Sayesha said...

#Viks,
Theek hai subah padhkar batana! :)

#Roy,
Welcome to Sayeshaz! :)

// tell me where I need to improve.

A blog is a blog yaar. It's just got your thoughts. There's nothing to "improve". :)

#Tinku,
:)

#Ankur,
Thanks yaar! Jitne tarah ke thoughts, utni tarah ki writing! :)

#Rohit,
Hoga hoga. Kabhi toh hoga :)