Bar's open again!

A forum administrator.

Egg-jactly.

That's what I had become. (Thanks for putting it in such apt words, Viv. Couldn't have done it better myself!)

I'd been feeling that for quite some time now; the recent incident only reminded me one more time. So Aslambhai, Negative kid, don't give yourself too much credit that I took a break because of you. It takes much more than two guys who don't even know her, to break the mighty Sayesha :)

I'd been feeling it for some time now. That I'd been getting too hung up about the comments. What to reply, when to reply, whom to reply, how to reply.

Nonsense.

This is not how my blog started off as. It was never about the comments. It was just me, my thoughts and a bunch of people, hanging out at my bar and getting high on a strong dose of OJ, bad jokes, friendship and happiness.

My blog was never about me having to justify anything. But overwhelmed by the surge of comments, perhaps I had started doing exactly that.

And I got my dues.

Perhaps I was at fault. For thinking that if I don't hurt anyone, no one will hurt me.

Perhaps I was at fault. For thinking that everything around me is beautiful and happy.

But you know what? I will keep my faults.

I will not change my views. I will continue to believe that everything around me is beautiful and happy. I refuse to be cynical, unhappy and negative, no matter how "in" or "cool" it is.

Because this is me, the same old Sayesha. And this is how I will always be. Take me or leave me. The choice is yours.

I am a happy person by nature, and no matter how hard you try, you can't put a happy Sayesha down. Hell, even she can't keep herself down. Even her so called blogging break lasted less than 48 hours. (She's currently very busy rolling her eyes at herself.)

It's past midnight. I gotta get up at six to go to work tomorrow. But I'm so excited I can't sleep. So I threw my warm comforter aside and got out of bed. Things have suddenly cleared up in my head. I want to sing. I want to dance. I want to say "Mujhse dosti karoge, Aslambhai?" and really really mean it. Dil se.

And I want to blog.

And today, here in this post, I talk to myself once again. I remind myself of the old days of blogging. Small incidents I remember that make me smile to myself. And I feel strangely relieved. Because it's all coming back.

I will bring it all back.

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Remember the days when more friends than strangers read your blog?

Remember the days when all the comments on your blog were by people whom you knew in real life?

Remember the days when you couldn't wait till the end of the day so you could go home and blog?

Remember how mad Virdi got when someone thought he was a girl because he said he was jealous of you on the post he wrote about 'Sayesha's pretty hands'?

Remember the time Virdi described you on his blog as "has little chinki chinki types looks but is pakka Hindustani, she even tells me "abe kar di na sardar wali baat."'?

Remember the days when Virdi used to say, "Sayesha apne yeh haath mujhe de de thakur!"?

Remember the days when Sahil used to say, "I know what you're thinking. I even know what you don't know you're thinking."?

Remember the days when ROS used to kill all the jokes in the post and then say "I killed the joke."?

Remember the friendships that were formed on your blog?

Remember the comment space that used to be our playground?

Remember the days of only four comments per post?

Remember the day when you blogged about Surreal Reality and how you missed your old musical band, and you had no idea he was reading it?

Remember the days when Soldier and Sahil used to discuss Soldier's apparently gay shirt?

Remember how Aye Kay jokingly said that you'd probably not complete Hopscotch-Cambodia by the end of 2005, and you proved him right, much against your will?

Remember the post (which incidentally had nothing to do with DCH) where everyone jotted down their favourite scenes from DCH till we had the full movie described in the comment space, sending Weird Hair Anil into fits of laughter?

Remember how freaked out you were when you found out that Siddhu's Mom and Clueless' Dad read your blog, considering your 'no access to the second generation' policy?

Remember the days when Keshav used to discuss songs from ye olde Hindi movies that you'd never even heard about?

Remember the days when you used to bug the hell out of Kini by using ROS-ish nicknames?

Remember the days when the banter on the comment space was much more fun than the posts?

Remember how hard you laughed when you were proudly telling Bananapen that your good friend Cubicle introduced you to blogger.com and she said that she was the one who had introduced Cubicle to it?

Remember the days when Abhi told you wanted to print out this post in colour and slot it under every door of the girls' hostel?

Remember the days when Spammy pretended not to give up even though you told him he's too young for you?

Remember the days when Bonatellis wanted to hire you in his company?

Remember the time when you said you would hire Siddhu and Leon as editors in your team?

Remember the days when you turned down Weird Hair Anil's 'marriage proposal' because his 'Will you marry me' question had an exclamation mark at the end instead of a question mark?

Remember the first bloggers' meet you attended in Singapore and how humbled you felt when you met the gods of Singapore-blogging?

Remember the days of frustration because Sumedh changed his blog address every couple of weeks?

Remember how the chatur chaar were formed?

Remember wanting to check up the geography of the US so you could make a a list of bloggers to visit when you went there?

Remember getting furious at 'the guy who apparently tried to hack into and delete (oh the horror!) Priya's blog', and then finding out that it was just a bug?

Remember having to call up Virdi and asking to speak to Fao because you were so damn bugged with the irrelevant and unmanageable 50 comments she and her colleagues used to post on your blog every day?

Remember becoming friends with Fao later, and exchanging ye olde Hindi songs over email?

Remember explaining to a frustrated Raven why you had to have word verification turned on?

Remember discovering Manish's blog, and having a hard time reading hindi words in English, and yet reading everything?

Remember turning down a fellow blogger's suggestion of not allowing anonymous comments or using comment moderation?

Remember wondering who Jupiter, Casablanca, Spamtaneous and Renegadefade were, because they sounded like familiar strangers?

Remember the days of trying to guess which one of your juniors Oxymoron was, and finally giving up?

Remember wishing you had a colleague like Puneet to make the office lively and happening?

Remember Naari trying to read into your cryptic posts and making requests such as 'What's happening, babe? Please update long distance junta!'?

Remember the days when Chints challenged you that he would find out your address and send you flowers and Kit-Kat from FloraIndia?

Remember the days when Vikram used to say "Yeh post toh mere sar ke oopar se guzar gaya, Sayesha!"?

Remember Kini falling asleep on his keyboard, barely a paragraph into your post?

Remember the days no one expected you to 'keep up the quality of your posts'?

Remember the days when comments were about the things you wrote the post, and not about you?

Remember the days when you used to blog only about incidents and not thoughts, so there was no judgement?

Remember your favourite post of all times, about the bar Sayeshaz, where all of us used to hang out and just get drunk on OJ?

Remember fondly thinking of 'The Girl who sold the world' and 'Negative Creep' as 'overgrown bachaas behaving like pachaas'?

Remember wondering who was crazier -- Chapaat or Virdi?

Remember Tinku's furious scoldings every time you mentioned death?

Remember how hilarious Vikram's first email to you was?

Remember trying to convince Kais and Harshi that they should start their own blogs?

Remember the time when you discovered that a couple of your commentators were juniors from your university who knew you personally?

Remember the people who met each other on your blog and emailed to tell you about it?

Remember the incredible number of strangers you connected with on your blog?

Remember the days of the simple joy of blogging?

Remember the days when it was so easy being Sayesha?