Wednesday, December 07, 2005

To pee or not to pee

This week, I complete 3 years at my present job. Considering that the shelf life of an editor here is 2 years, I have seen a lot.

And I've done it all. At least that's what I used to think. Till yesterday. When I did something I had not done before.

I entered the guys' restroom!

Ok, the thing is, every year our company gives us 24 cans of orange juice as an early Christmas gift. It is not very pleasant in taste, and I only drink it if I am feeling very sleepy at work. And today, I had had one too many cans, without realising it. My bladder was in serious need of the restroom before I left for my dinner appointment with colleagues.

So when I got to the ladies' room, I groaned in dismay.

There was a small problem. Auntie's bright yellow "Toilet cleaning in progress" sign was blocking the doorway.

No post about the toilets in my company can be complete without talking a bit about Auntie first.

Auntie is Auntie. No one knows her real name. To one and all, she is just the terrifying toilet-cleaning Auntie. Everyone tries to avoid her gaze and run past her as fast as their legs will allow. Cos Auntie has a habit of bellowing at you, in languages that were last used by the stone age man.

Not to mention that she picks the oddest of hours to clean the toilets, not sympathising even once with bursting bladders.

But at least she warns us.

At 5:50 pm, 13 minutes before we close work for the day, Auntie turns around to face our cubicles and bellows.

"Aaaaachhhaiaaaattttthiaaaaaachaaaaaaaiiiiiiaaaaa!!!!!!!!!!!"

That's what it sounds like to me. Till this date, I have not been able to figure out exactly what she says. It is loud, energetic, and threatening. Quite like a war cry. And I believe that just like me, many people don't even know whether it's in Chinese or Malay. I believe it is not English either.

But every one knows what that sound indicates.

"People, if you wanna use the toilet, do so NOW. I am gonna start cleaning it in five minutes and if you dare to come and use it once I have started cleaning, I will spank you with my toilet brush and flush you down the toilet."

And boy, is she serious.

So the moment the "Aaaaachhhaiaaaaattttthiaaaaaachaaaaaaaaaiiiiiiiiaaaaa!!!!!!!!!!!!" phrase leaves her mouth, people leave their cubicles like darts to empty their bladders so that they won't walk funny on the way home.

So when Auntie almost left the company a coupla weeks ago, many people and bladders were relieved.

Auntie's resignation. That's another story.

At present, my company is going thru a crisis. Our competitor company is scouting all the top guys and many of them have already crossed over. So coupla weeks ago, when I heard that Auntie had tendered her resignation, I went "What??? They don't even spare our toilet cleaners?? Now they've head-hunted Auntie too???"

But strangely enough, Auntie was back and bellowing two days later. Which made me suspicious about my company funds. I wonder if she was the only employee my company could afford to head-hunt back into the company.

Anyway, going back to the beginning of the story, yes, today, I entered the guys' restroom.

(I believe the last time I did this was on a dare, when I entered the guys' toilet in university, smiled at a very visibly disturbed guy, and then coolly walked out. But that was more like a tourist visiting a 'not-so-interesting but famous nevertheless' monument in a foreign land.)

Anyway, so hearing my groan of dismay upon seeing Auntie's yellow board, one of the designers, K, suggested, "Sayesha, just use the guys' restroom lah!"

"What??? K, are you crazy??? I'm not gonna use the guys' restroom! They would be so startled to see a girl in there!"

(Visions of screaming guys running helter-skelter upon seeing me in there crossed my mind. But maybe only girls would do that if they spot a guy in the ladies'?!)

K said, "I've done it before! Do it! Otherwise you'll have to go to the toilet on another floor. Just go in lah, I will guard the entrance and not let any guys in till you come out."

Bless her, I rushed in and out, managing to freak out only one guy who was already inside.

What a way to celebrate the third anniversary in the company.

Now I think I've done it all.



71 comments:

Vikram said...

Wow, I don't believe this. I'm first. I'm never first. Your post must really suck.:P

Hahaha! Did the guy actually freak out? Guys are very understanding, they'll know it must be some urgency which caused such a situation...:D

Sayesha said...

#Vikram,

//Your post must really suck

Hahaha! Either that or because I only posted it this morning. Usually I post the night before. :)

Strangely enough, the guy did not freak out as bad as a girl would have if she'd spotted a guy in the ladies'.

Rays Of Sun said...

#Vik,
E ja..Tu koi first nahi hai.That honour lies on me..:p
I am the first and you are the worst:p

Rays Of Sun said...

#Sash!
Achha now I will post a relevant comment..
I have never been to a guy's restroom. Suna hai bahut dirty hota hai:p

Thanu said...

So funny. I have a friend (guy)who has been to a ladies restroom b/c he reallyw anted to go and he cudn't find the guys restroom.

His only comment was I can't believe there are so many mirrors in there.

-thanu

Angelsera said...

hahaha...Happy 3rd anniversary!

Angelsera said...

oh I forgot to mention...I left your gift in the Ladies toilet...tts probably why u din pick it up ;)

Aethyr said...

this happened to me at railway station..i m not going to describe what happened its to embarassing to describe...it happens when u enter a men's restroom with lot of men in it..
but phew! good .im not the only one...i wonder why the need to pee occurs at all the wrong time...who is the one conspiring.!!

Bhole said...

Bandi yeh bindaas hai...bandi yeh bindaas hai :)

I don't think i have ever been to a ladies restroom.

"Aaaaachhhaiaaaaattttthiaaaaaachaaaaaaaaaiiiiiiiiaaaaa!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Reminded me of one of my undergrad profs. He would say "meansteki" every now and then...and we would scratch our heads...as to what the hell does it mean. Even checked the dictionary, but found nothing. Then some smart ass figured it out. "Meansteki" = that means. It was actually english and marathi. "Means" is english...."te ki" in marathi means "that is" :)

Rays Of Sun said...

"Aaaaachhhaiaaaattttthiaaaaaachaaaaaaaiiiiiiaaaaa!!!!!!!!!!!"

To me, it sounds like...
Aa-chaaiya-thaiya-aa-chaiaaaaaa...
In short, instead of Sapna Awasthi singing "the Thaiyya Thaiiya song", if Ila Arun sings it..It might sound like this:D

Sayesha said...

#ROS,
//I have never been to a guy's restroom. Suna hai bahut dirty hota hai

Well, this one was spotlessly clean. I think Auntie runs a very tight ship! :D

#Thanu,
//I can't believe there are so many mirrors in there.

Hahaha! We are a vain lot, aren't we? ;)

#Angelsera,
Haha! Thanks! The gift was probably picked up by a guy! :D

#Aethyr,
Hmmm... doesn't sound good at all... hope nothing you saw scarred you for life! :)

#Bhole,
//I don't think i have ever been to a ladies restroom.

You should man! Meansteki life mein ek baar toh jana chahiye! :)

#ROS,
Hahahaha! :D

Rays Of Sun said...

#Bhole,
ROTFL @Meansteki:))
Sounds like "The Mean Steak";)

Abhi said...

You see , that is the primary difference between the 'restroom hospitality' offered by men and women.Once upon a time , I entered a Ladies restroom at my college.I swear on Sharmila Tagore's eyes , I did not do so intentionally.But a big girl in there caught hold of my collar and started shouting "chowkidaar chowkidaar" while I whimpered "It was a mistake".And men are so welcoming.They see a girl in their restroom , and they will smile.Some may even cheerfully ask "How do you do !".And then people say men are insensitive.

Just another ... said...

Hilarious.

Ravi said...

Hmm...
The last frontier has been scaled. What will you do now Sayesha?

Macho Girl said...

I almost entered a guys toilet in univ. But i managed to pull myself out just in time. Its a good thing that the guys bathrooms have blue tiles and girls have pink! At least in my univ. i realised something was not right when i saw the blue tiles!
Apart from that, the only other weird thing (regarding bathrooms) that happened to me time and time again when i was in 7th grade was getting kicked outta the girls toilet coz ppl used to mistake me for a boy! :D In such cases i think it shud be pretty ok to use to boy's loo! (hey! u don't lemme use the girl's loo... i'll use the guys loo then!)

Sayesha said...

#ROS,
Haha! That would be one hungry professor! :P

#Jaggu dada,

I SO expected you to come back with that! :P Although I was prepared for a more dramatic version on the lines of "Tum ladkiyon ki izzat izzzat hoti hai, hum ladkon ki nahin??" Hahaha! :D

I guess the reason for the difference in restroom hospitality is because peeping Toms are more notorious than peeping Tiffanys.

So do be careful, or Auntie will come after you with her toilet brush and war cry! :D

#Just Another,
:D

#Ravi,
Arz kiya hai...
Men's toilet ke aage jahan aur bhi hain
Sayesha ke saamne imtehaan aur bhi hain


Wah wah... wah wah...!! :P

#Macho Girl,
Hahaha! So do you still use the guys' restroom? :D

Vikram H said...

hahaha....'Bladder Buddies' might just be one of those new-age terms which might attribute its popularity,in future, to none other than Sayesha!...If only people's bladders could be equated with their souls...sigh...

MeAwinner said...

:D Funnnnny.....
Hmm it happens, I think everybody would have done it one or other time....But incidently.. not like Sayesha ! lazy girlllllllll err.. did I say you lazy.. Sorry :D

Hey BTW Congratulations on ur 3 rd anneversary in the company.It reminds me I am also going to complete my 3 years of work in the same company.:)

Cheers for ur anneversary !
Me

Sayesha said...

#Vikram H,
Hahaha! Looks like you read the first draft of the post. I deleted the paragraph about the 'bladder buddy' theory, cos it did not go down very well with one of my friends! :)

So for those who're intersted to know what Vik and I are talking about, here's the gist of the deleted paragraph.

"Is it me or does this happen to everybody?

Have you noticed that there are some people in the office that you always bump into when you go to the restroom, and some people whom you never see there?

There are at least 50 women on my floor, and I always bump into the same ones I bump into, and never the others!

Makes me wonder if just like soul mates, each one of us has 'bladder buddies' as well."


#MeAWinner,
Yeah man... I was too lazy to go to one of the other floors. Besides, I was in a hurry! :O
ps: Thanks and congrats in advance to you too! :)

!xobile said...

Oh man! you're brave again to do such a thing!
ahhaha

the poor freaked out guy! huff!!

Raj said...

I just hope you didn't see too much of that guy.

Lehmunade said...

Isn't this the same title as one of Carrie's articles in SATC? After she breaks up with the politician.

ritzkini said...

HAHAHAHA !!
/* Now i have done it all */
the ride has just about started, girl ! abhi tujhko aage bahut kuch karna hai yaar !
:)
great post,as usual..had me laughing,no end..
/* "Aaaaachhhaiaaaattttthiaaaaaachaaaaaaaiiiiiiaaaaa!!!!!!!!!!!"*/
sounded like "Aaichaa,taichaa !!" in marathi !!ask marathi-mulzhgi ROS for the meaning to that !
=))
wondering alound..
1.Why do chicks always go 2 the loo in pairs ?
2.Why do guys always leave atleast one urinal in between when in the loo ?
3.Is it good manners to talk to the next person while doing ur thing ?
4.If answer to 3 is a huge emphatic -ve,Is it ok to talk over the phone while doing it ??
=))
just wondering aloud..just wondering..

ritzkini said...

/*'bladder buddies'*/ ??
was a topic of discussion a few days back,by coincidence..maybe not soulmates..just your biological clock..
dunno..maybe..

HoliDevil said...

"Done it all"

So is thr a job change around the corner?

TC

virdi said...

hahahahaha... the Title of the post is great...

teacher teacher susu... hahahaha...

i know someone in office who spends half of the time in the loo... so they had planned to install th computer for him in the loo... ;-)

virdi said...

and bloody fools if a guy enters a girls loo... sexual harrasment and what not crazy... girls are such girls..

oh forgot... susu aaya tha na... ;-) hehehehe...

Princesse said...

So funny that you mention that theory on bladder buddies - I'd often find the same ladies in the loo everytime I'd need to 'go' where I was working last year and it was just incredible. So much so that there was this one week where it was just an impossible coincidence that all of us three girls would ALWAYS end up in the ladies at the same time, every single day of the week, the whole week! And each time we'd see the others, we'd all be in a fit of giggles...this resulted in the office manager barging into the loo to demand what kind of party we were having in there that week... :O

Sayesha said...

#Ze Exaggerator,

Hey, the guy took it well, okay! Though he may never want to work with 'that freaky female editor who lurks in the guys' restroom'. ;)

ps: I can't comment on your blog, man! Enable comments!

#Raj,
No I didn't. THANK GAWDD! :D

#Lehmunade,
Now that you mention it, I think it was! Must find that episode and watch it tonight! :)

#Kini,
//abhi tujhko aage bahut kuch karna hai yaar !

Sahi bola re! :)

//great post,as usual..had me laughing,no end.

I thought "some people use my blog as a substitute for sleeping pills? :/

Now to answer your questions:

1. Not all do, those who do, probably do it for the same reason why guys go to the gym in pairs to lift weights. In order to not get killed.

2. I have no idea how to answer this as I can't relate to it. Only a guy can answer this. You should know man, you're a guy! If you really wanna see a girl's viewpoint on this, I guess it would be that an exposed guy would wanna be as far away from another exposed guy?

3. Uhhhh... please ask a guy. I can't relate to this at all!

4. I don't think it's physically possible for a guy to be holding so many things. But you would know better.

And about the bladder buddies, I think that it's not so much about biological clock as it is about how much water you drank and at what intervals.

ps: Gosh, my reply to your comment is as long as a post! :D

#HoliDevil,
Well, let's just say that if the head-hunting trend continues, and most of the people I love working with go away, I will need to think about certain things :)

#Virdi,
//i know someone in office who spends half of the time in the loo

Haha! Was it you, Popo?? ;)

#Princesse,
Ha! See, so my theory IS valid! Yahoo! :D
ps: Girl you never replied to my email! :/

Kais said...

So I guess this makes you a 'peeing tom'??

Back in the day, one time the Uni sent us to a faraway land for a tournament and put us up in this university with co-ed restrooms! Very co-educational. The best part was that the showers were facing each other and had flimsy tranclucent plastic sheets instead of doors. So if there was a lissome blonde in the shower with the sun facing window, you could not help but.....

Anyhoo, eventually some girls from a 'country-where-fun-is-not-allowed' complained about the lack of privacy etc. (bah!) and then the fun stopped for everyone.

Cheers
Kais

jade said...

good post!:)
reminds me of this incident in college when a bunch of guys spent the night before our college fest in college to prepare for the next day. in the middle of the night they decided to venture into the ladies room with a handycam... the lights were out and they freaked themselves out when they saw their own reflection in the huge mirror on entering the ladies room!
apparently the guys room didnt have such a big mirror and looked different on the inside :)

Princesse said...

Email?? aapne humein email bhejaaa? :D yipeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

Kahaan hai yaar - humnein upar, neeche aage peechhe, poooraa mailbox idhar udhar kardiyaa par nahin milla...

varnaa aap humein email likho aur hum reply na karein???? :O

!xobile said...

i have already
press F5

Abhishek said...

entered a guys restroom?
shud that be tagged as "COOL" is a typical girl language???
must hav been really horrifying for that guy though.
what do u say??LOL

Harshi said...

:-) Enjoyed the post Sash. I have never had the (mis)chance to visit the Men's room. Should be pretty interesting, hahaa. The expression on a guy's face can be quite a kodak moment :-)).

And I can SO visualize "Aunty" :-). Congrats on your three years Sash!

Lalit Singh said...

Funny!!!
the only time i ever used a gals loo was when it was about 2 am in the night in the univ and there were monkeys making out in the college campus road which led to the guys loo... but it was fun nonetheless...

Anonymous said...

Hey... get this kais guy to complete that sentence!... could not help but what!? .. interesting story
- Jemima

Drops Of Jupiter said...

Lehmunade is bang on the money!

L said...

My god...!! U finally made it...!!
Just imagining ur descriptions is hilarious..!

Sayesha said...

#Kais,
Uh oh! How disappointing for you. By the way, one of your fans downstairs would like you to complete your statement! :)

#Jade,
//they freaked themselves out when they saw their own reflection in the huge mirror

HAHAHAHAHAHA! This is super hilarious! :D

#Princesse,
Hmmm... my faith in the reliability of gmail is unbreakable. Perhaps you should check your junk mail folder?

#Ze,
Yeah, Viks and I have made full use of it on your latest post! ;)

#Abhi,
//shud that be tagged as "COOL" is a typical girl language???

Errr... No. Why??

//what do u say??

You think? Of course I did not say anything yaar! :D

#Harshi,
Thanks, girl! You should visit too if you get the chance. It's an experience. :D

#Lalit Singh,
By monkeys you really mean monkeys, right? Hahaha! :D

#Jemima,
I have forwarded your request. Now we wait and watch for the man to reappear :)

#Jups,
Yeah! I just wish I'd written my post before Candace Bushnell wrote her book. Then people would be asking her the question! Haha! :D
ps: No wait, that would make me very old! :O

#L,
Thanks! :)

Anonymous said...

Hey this is the funniest post in your blog that I have read!! must have been quite a thrill?!

Anurama said...

That was one of the interesting posts. I too have met a similar AUNTY in my office. Have gone to the other floor to use the loo when AUNTY is busy with her usual cleaning stuff. Will try out entering the men's loo once ;)

Parth Anand said...

su su aa gaya kya karoon....
your post reminded me of this song from tarazu ..akshay kumar sonali bendre movie

Sayesha said...

#Anonymous,
Thanks! :)
No thrill, only chill! ;)

#Anurama,
//Will try out entering the men's loo once

Hahaha! But if you get arrested, don't blame my blog! :D

#Parth,
There's a song like that???????? You've gotta be kidding me!!!! :O
ps: Ok Akshay Kumar slides down five points.

Malika said...

Heyyyyyyyy! Congratulations on completing 3 years!Wow that must have been a journey!With a grand finale!!That was hilarous..Cheers Malika

Lalit Singh said...

Yes, by monkeys I mean REAL monkeys... They were quiet a menace in our campus...Entering the room.. tearing books... tearing bike seats ..making out in front of the classroom

spamtaneous said...

aila...besharam ladki :-

// But maybe only girls would do that if they spot a guy in the ladies'?

so true...u see..guys are so broadminded... :)

spamtaneous said...

ohh.... u got rid of the word verify thing....

Sayesha said...

#Mallika,
Thanks, girl! :)

#Lalit,
Eeeks! That sounds scary! :O

#Spam,
//u see..guys are so broadminded

Yeah yeah! ;)

ps: Yeah, removed the WV 'cos the spammers are not bothering me anymore (hush! They'll hear!).

Kais said...

>> Hey... get this kais guy to
>> complete that sentence!...
>> could not help but what!? ..
>> interesting story

Sorry...the rest of it is pay-puh-view :D

Cheers
Kais

Sayesha said...

#Kais,
//Sorry...the rest of it is pay-puh-view

HAHAHAHAHA! You're one funny man! When are you creating your blog? Can't wait! :)

Ginkgo said...

rofl..curiosity afflicts the fairer sex too :-)

remember, up in GCanyon, during early winter and late summers when itz really crowded, femmes just get into the Guyz restroom, without even bothering abt anyone..

havent 'accidentally' yet gotten into a girls restroom..
have to see the reaction one of these days :-D

Manish said...

What a hilarious post! Enjoyed it thoroughly !
Hey u should write a novel dear ur writing skills r just amazing :)

Rajesh said...

Hahah.. Nice post. Was smiling all round. Congrats on the anniversary ;)

And wishing you lot more interesting years ahead :)

Kroopa Shah (Kr00pz) said...

Well congratulations first :-) and LOL thereafter :-P
I've walked into a men's washroom (unintentionally though) and was surprised to see things that I hadn't seen in a washroom :-P
Thankfully no one was there and I quickly realised I was in the wrong washroom!!

Sayesha said...

#Gingko,
//curiosity afflicts the fairer sex too

Hey, it was necessity not curiosity! :)

#Manish,
Wow, thanks for the compliment! No one wants to publish my work yaar! Aside from the fact that I have not approached any publishers! :P

#Rajesh,
Thanks! :)

#Kroopa,
Thanks! :)

//and was surprised to see things that I hadn't seen in a washroom

Nothing too disturbing I hope! ;)

Siddhu said...

Hey Sayesha! Congratulations! If that is what one tells another in these circumstances.

Oh and btw, I'm back after a loooong time! :) feels good to be readin books again loL!

Siddhu said...

*blogs, not books. Sorry for the second post! :P

Einsteinophile said...

Hey! Nice Post!
And hey hey...Congratulations!! :)

PuNeEt said...

Well done Sayesha...
really u have done it all...
Using a guys toliet....
lolzzzz

I entered the guys' restroom!

wen i read this first... i was like... wat is this babez upto...
ok bt ur story could pull enough sympathies to justify ur act ;-)
lolzzzzz,.. kidding

was laughing reading abt the Auntie... n her style...


I did this was on a dare, when I entered the guys' toilet in university
aap mahan hain... aap ke charan kahan hain ;-) lolzzz


I went "What??? They don't even spare our toilet cleaners??
lolzzz that was cool....

BTW forgot to tell u
Happy 3rd Anniversary :-)

Cheers

Sayesha said...

#Siddhu,
Heyyyy!! Where did you disappear off to man?? Missed you on my blog! Welcome back! :)

#Einsteinophile,
Thanks! :)

#Puneet,
Hehehe! Mere charan yahin hain... chal jhuk ke aashirwaad le! :D

Kais said...

>> When are you creating your
>> blog? Can't wait! :)

Sorry I didnt see this before.

I might start a blog one of these days (but careful what you wish for...) :O

Sayesha said...

#Kais,
Great to know that!! I'm already a fan of your not-yet-there blog! :)

The Bhandari's said...

Too funny...... still laughing

Sayesha said...

#Preeti & Sachin,
Hehehe! :D

A Jane said...

Loved this post and the comments as well! Quite a few witty people around in this bar! Now we know what you do when you get high on OJ!! :-)

Rebellion said...

:O:O

You really need guts to do that Sash..
But yeah.. do agree, emergency mein sab guts apne aap aa jaate hai ;)

hehehe.. that was hilarious & you know what.. more than guts to enter the guys' restroom, one needs guts to accept it before friends & strangers and you did that :)

Great gurl.. M impressed :D

Btw.. everytime I step on to your blog, I get yours & Aish's pic in mind and I just get one thought in mind.. Damn.. you don't look 26 in anyway :O:O

Yeah yeah.. that was a compliment, hope to see you blushing :P

Take care,
Aarti

Harsha said...

That was hilarious. And No, I haven't pee'd in a gals bathroom and I dont intend to find out :)

Anonymous said...

Very nice site! » » »

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