Playing dirty

Dear spectator,

WHAT THE HECK DO YOU THINK YOU WERE DOING????

*takes deep breath to calm self*

Okay, first things first. At least the basics for some of the bewdas who're wondering why I'm so mad at YOU. Just five months ago, celebrations were on at the bar as the Singapore cricket team made it to Division 5 in the World Cup League. The World Cup League (WCL) is a system that allows ANY team in the world to have a realistic chance to play in the World Cup some day, alongside the usual World Cup giants like Australia and India. Even a team like Singapore that has managed to keep the game alive in a tiny island-nation where cricket is not big, has a chance to play the big game if they do well in the WCL matches.

Here's how the WCL works. Six countries play one another at each division. The top two move to the next higher division, the middle two stay in the same division and the bottom two move to a lower division. If you keep progressing from division to division, you eventually play the World Cup. In September 2009, Singapore moved from Division 6 to Division 5, one step closer to the ultimate dream of playing in the 2015 World Cup.

The next step for Singapore was the recently concluded Division 5 tournament in Nepal. USA, Nepal and Singapore were neck to neck until the Friday of 26 February which had two critical matches - Singapore vs. Jersey, and Nepal vs. USA. Singapore stormed past Jersey and based on net run rate, they were through to at least second position in the league, no matter who won the Nepal-USA match. There was really nothing stopping them from playing Division 4 in Italy in August. Celebrations had already started when you, yes, YOU, decided to step in and show a passion of the very wrong kind -- the kind that I hope is not repeated in any game ever.

Nepal was about to get beaten by USA (and demoted to 3rd place), when YOU, in a fit of anger, or frustration, or perhaps simply shrewd calculations, decided that you had the power to change fate. Unfortunately for Singapore, it was true -- you did have the power. And what a display of power it was. You started off by flinging stones -- no, rocks -- at the Nepal fielders, and then thousands of you went berserk and broke into a riot. Even the riot police firing tear gas did not deter you from your task. The match had to be stopped. It was resumed after you decided to back off, and Duckworth-Lewis reduced the overs to 46, upsetting the very delicate balance of net run rates between the three teams. The reduction of only 6 runs from Nepal's total gave their run rate a sudden boost, carrying it above Singapore by as little as -- get this -- 0.004! USA and Nepal made if through to Division 4, and Singapore now has to wait till 2012 to play in the next Division 5 tournament.

There, you see how powerful YOU are? Singapore, which was neither of the teams playing the match you disrupted, had to take the brunt of YOUR misbehaviour.

This is not the first time I have read of crowd misbehaviour interrupting a match and felt outraged. But this is indeed, the first time I am reading of crowd misbehaviour in a match between two teams, where it's a third team that suffers for no fault of theirs.

Official media releases played down the role of the riot in determining the outcome of the match. Of course, Singapore protested, and so did the world cricketing community, but the outcome will not change, will it? Nepal is already celebrating their promotion, while an aghast Singapore team looks on at the ICC, after their celebrations came to an abrupt end. ICC has some serious questions to answer too.

I quote from cricketeurope.net:

"The World Cricket League Division 5 match in Kathmandu between Nepal and USA today was halted for 45 minutes when serious rioting broke out in the crowd as Nepal was about to be defeated by USA and thus miss out on promotion to Division 4 on nett run rate behind the USA and Singapore.

ICC officials decided to restart the match and, at the same time, reduce the match to a 46 over match. The effect of that reduction was to inflict a gross injustice on Singapore who, no matter what the result of the match between Nepal and USA, was previously destined for at least second place in the table. However, the reduction of just 6 runs in the Nepal total meant that their run rate got a sudden but significant boost which carried it just above that of Singapore.

The question that needs to be answered publically by ICC is why Nepal was allowed to gain so palpably from the actions of its own crowd and thus rob Singapore of its rightful place in Division 4. As things stand, the whole competition appears to have been brought into disrepute by today's sad events and the validity of its outcome is open to serious question."

And from Rod Lyall (Netherlands Editor at CricketEurope) in his article titled 'A redeemable disgrace':

"I believe that it is imperative, if the authority of the ICC and the legitimacy of its World Cricket League are to be restored, that Nepal be stripped of their Division 5 title, since they should never have been permitted to play in the final; it is an open question whether they should merely have two points deducted or should be relegated to Division 6; and Nepal should in any case be banned from hosting any ICC global or regional event for a significant period, such as three years.

Only by acting in this way can a clear message be sent that such appalling disorder will not be permitted to disrupt a competition and falsify its outcome. Anything less will bring profound discredit upon the head of the ICC."

Blood, sweat and tears go into fulfilling a dream, they say. I have seen the Singapore team put in the blood and sweat, and now I have seen the tears too. The tears of a broken dream. Now they have to wait another two years before they get a final shot at making it to the 2015 World Cup. Do you realise how far away it is? Who knows where these guys will be then? For them, this was their chance to live their dream, and in spite of their best efforts, YOU, ruined it for them. Just because YOU were frustrated with your team's performance. Just because YOU decided to use your power in the lowest way possible.

You forgot your role. You, as a spectator, are there to cheer for your team. Yes, you can change the outcome of a match, but with your support, not your stones. If you want such direct involvement in the match and its outcome, get into the team. As a player, not a rowdy miscreant. All you did was bought the ticket and walked in. The players have been training hard for years for this. Who do you think should have the power to decide the outcome of the match -- their performance or YOUR frustration? You are probably grinning at the fact that you got rewarded for bad behaviour and actually took your team to victory, but I am sure that deep down you know. That you have not only brought shame to your own team, you have also brought shame to the game, to the spirit of spectatorship. You have set a dangerous precedent, and I just hope it is never repeated.

My post is not only addressed to the rioters in Nepal, it is to all spectators who get so caught up in passion, they forget the negative consequences their actions can have on those who truly deserve to forge ahead.

Lock, stalk and barrel

This employment agency we have engaged does a short write-up of suitable candidates for us to do a quick assessment.

Check out the extremely unfortunate error I spotted in one of the write-ups today.

"Reason why the candidate quit the last job: To pursue her Master."

:|

Ek hockey doongi rakh ke!

Caught this ad yesterday. Instantly got interested. Sehwag starting off with "Main is baar nahin khelunga!" is a brilliant hook. Loved it. In fact, loved the ad all the way...

...until he said what he said towards the end... sheesh.



Sehwag ke bache, couldn't you have asked them to tweak the script than to blatantly declare, "Main apni team ke saaaare matches dekhne jaaunga"?

Yeah, right. :/

Word of mouth

Bewdas who have been following my niece Aish's antics on this blog would remember how she refers to big things as 'happy' and small things as 'sad'. Happy bubbles versus sad bubbles. Happy rotis versus sad rotis and what not.

So recently, I was on the phone with her. Quizzing her on random things as usual.

Me - Aishu, how many teeth do you have?

Aish - Twenty!

Me - Very good. And how many do I have?

Aish - Twenty!

Me - No Aishu, I have thirty-two teeth. I am big and strong (Aishu's term for 'grown-ups'), you see. So I have more and bigger teeth. You are a little girl so you have fewer and smaller teeth. Okay?

Aish - Okay.

She sounded confident, but I was sure I had confused her.

Me - What okay? What did you understand?

Aish - I am a little girl so my teeth are sad.

The half-hour Thai curry

Viv and I both love Thai food but it's quite difficult to find a fully vegetarian version for him anywhere. Even the so-called vegetarian Thai curries often have fish sauce or chicken stock. And that's how I created this dish. I found a bottle of vegetarian Thai curry paste at Giant and the list of ingredients confirmed that it was indeed 100% vegetarian.

This Thai curry will take you only half an hour to make, preparation included, trust me on that. I have timed myself and proved it. I made it only with broccoli and babycorn, but you can add all sorts of other vegetables like carrots and potatoes.

Ingredients
Broccoli - 1 small
Babycorn - 1 can
Onion - 1 small
Garlic - 4 cloves
Red chillies - 10 (Control, bewdas, control. Sabke bas ki baat nahin.)
Vegetarian Thai curry paste
Coconut cream - 4 tablespoons
Salt
Sugar
Chilli powder (if 10 red chillies are not enough for you, muahahaha!)

Method
1. Cut the broccoli into small pieces.
2. Wash the babycorn pieces and slice them horizontally.
3. Microwave the broccoli and babycorn with two spoons of water for about 5 minutes.
4. While the microwaving is going on, grate the garlic and chop the onion and red chillies.
5. Heat oil and add the onions, garlic and red chillis. Fry them for a while until the onion turns transparent.
6. Take the vegetables out of the microwave oven and add them.
7. Add salt and cook for a while.
8. Add two tablespoons of the Thai curry paste and enough water to make the gravy. Don't add too much water or your curry will be too dilute. Bring to boil.
9. Add two tablespoons of sugar.
10. Turn off the heat and add the coconut cream. Stir well.
11. Taste the curry and add salt/sugar/chilli powder as required.
12. Serve with rice.

Plastic sur-gery

So Sayesha Smitten Showbiz Kitten (SSSK) found out about this 'Phir mile sur mera tumhara' afterparty and somehow managed to sneak in. The atmosphere seemed quite sombre and people generally looked either pissed off or depressed. She spotted a group of ten sitting in a corner of the lawn where the party was, and decided to eavesdrop. At first, it seemed like a babble of noises, but after a while, she could make out that they were the producers and creative directors of the new video, discussing what went wrong that got the video such bad reviews. She hid behind a tree and started taking jotting down whatever she heard.

"Dekha? Maine kaha tha na, original ke saath chhed-chhad mat karo. India ki junta bahut emotional hai. We should have just taken the original and remixed it! Ab bhugto!"

"How was I supposed to know ki flop ho jaayegi?"

"Maybe it was the Bachchans. I don't think people actually like them as much as they think..."

"Abbe dhakkan! The Bachchans paid to be in the video!!"

"Oh right, I forgot about that."

"I told Sonu to get a haircut first!"

"Naah, location achha nahin tha. India se baahar shoot karna chahiye tha."

"Maybe it was because we started with Rahman. Too much Rahman these days..."

"Thoda English mein rap daalna tha... aajkal saare songs mein hota hai..."

"I think it was Sivamani trying to catch fish in his unconventional way that did us in..."

"We should have got Dhoni..."

"Naah, first, he's expensive. Second, too much jhanjhat getting clearance from MNS and Shiv Sena..."

"Maybe we put too many star kids in the video?"

"Or maybe we didn't put enough! If only SRK and Aamir had agreed to showcase their kids..."

"Or maybe we shouldn't have edited out the people who got edited out."

SSSK's jaw dropped. There were people who got edited out? She looked around. There, in another corner was a banner that said 'People who got edited out'. She dashed across the lawn. To her amazement, she saw a few familiar faces.

She started going around with her notepad and pencil, interviewing whomever she could get.

SSSK - Himeshbhai!
Himesh - Hi, aap kaun?
SSSK (in a hurt tone) - Himeshbhai, main SSSK. Bhool gaye? Kitni baar aapka interview liya hai!
Himesh (vaguely) - Haan haan...
SSSK - Aapko uda diya final video se?
Himesh - Haan yaar. They deleted the entire clip. I'd titled it 'Aap ka surrrr'. Creative hai na?
SSSK - Ahem... aur kaun kaun edited out ho gaya?

Himesh is disappointed at SSSK's lack of sympathy and walks away. SSSK spots Katrina.

SSSK - Arre Katrina, Salman udhar aur tum idhar?
Katrina - Huh? Kon kidar?
SSSK - Sorry sorry, I thought your Hindi must have gotten better by now.
Katrina - Ahem, I'm working on it. I had to unlearn all my Hindi you see... to play Sonia Gandhi in Rajneeti...
SSSK - Sure sure... so why did they edit you out of this video?
Katrina - They said my Hindi pronunciation was not authentic.
SSSK - Huh? But you just had to lip-sync!
Katrina - Duh, I know! But they said it still didn't look authentic. Beats me.

Katrina walks away, while SSSK doubles up in laughter.

She looks around to see who else is there. She spots Rakhi Sawant.

SSSK - Rakhi!
Rakhi - Haanji, aap kaun?
SSSK - Sigh... reporter. So why did they edit you out?
Rakhi - Oh, I refused to marry Elesh na, that's why. Waise toh there is no one batter than me to ripresant India, but unko laga ki Rakhi toh Indian velues ke against ja rahi hai. Toh adit kar diya...

SSSK couldn't recognise any of the others so she decided to make her way to the section that had the banner with the words 'People who actually appeared in the video'.

To her surprise, only Aamir was there.

SSSK - Aamir! Hiiiii.
Aamir - Haan, hi hi. Aap kaun?
SSSK - SSSK. Reporter. Are you the only one here?
Aamir - Tch! Koi time par nahin aata, ajeeb industry hai.
SSSK - Main hoon na!
Aamir - Khabardaar jo Shah Rukh ki movie ka naam mere saamne bhi liya toh!
SSSK - Nahin Aamir, I really meant it. That I am here to give you company.
Aamir - Haan theek hai theek hai...
SSSK - So what made you say 'Yes' to this video? You're usually so selective.
Aamir - Good question, good question. The producers actually reminded us that all three Khans are growing old and it would be nice to get all of them together. Waise, I am not old... as you would have seen in 3 Idiots, lekin woh baaki do... kab tapak jaayein pata nahin... so I thought haan chalo kar lete hain.
SSSK - So did you do the scripting of your part yourself?
Aamir - Of course. I told them I'd do it only if I could do my teacher act again.
SSSK - But why did you have the 'Ae kya bolti tu' tone? That was a bit inappropriate for a national song, wasn't it?
Aamir - You thought that was inappropriate? You should have seen the original clip.
SSSK - Which was...?
Aamir - Well, I sang my part in the 'Sun! Suna! Aati kya khandala?' tune. Like this: "Sur! Mila! Tu mere sur se zara!" Nice eh?
SSSK - Erm, and then what happened?
Aamir - Well, the kids also pitched in and sang.
SSSK - That's a good thing, isn't it?
Aamir - Not if I tell you what they sang.
SSSK - Tell me!
Aamir - Okay, they sang: "Sur! Milaayenge! Tujhse hum GHANTA!"
SSSK - Erm...
Aamir - And that's why they changed it... aaj kal be bache... so disrespectful... after all I have done for them... after all the movies I have put them in...

Aamir walks away in disgust, while SSSK spots Salman sauntering in, holding a can of beer.

SSSK - Salman, hi!
Salman - Aila! Tu kaun?
SSSK - Main SSSK. Reporter.
Salman - Hmmm yes yes...
SSSK - So tell me Salman, why did you wear a ganji in the video?
Salman - AHA! You agree, don't you? That the ganji wasn't needed? I wanted to do it topless too! But they didn't let me. I had to borrow the spotboy's ganji!
SSSK - Erm... I meant... why didn't you wear a proper shirt?
Salman - But why?? You didn't like the ganji??
SSSK - It was supposed to be an inspirational video...
Salman - But my bare body has inspired many!
SSSK - Sallu, have you seen the trailer of Veer? You're err... kinda... fat...
Salman - WHAT?! Katrina said the same thing! She said that both her lookalike and I looked fat in the trailer! You think so too?
SSSK - Uhhh...

Salman picks up another can of beer, stares at it, feels his abs, throws the can away in disgust and walks away.

SSSK has now spotted Ustad Amjad Ali Khan.

SSSK - Hello, sir. How are you?
Amjad Ali Khan - Err... I am fine. You are..?
SSSK - Sir, I'm a reporter covering this event.
Amjad Ali Khan - Oh... achha achha...
*Uncomfortable silence*
SSSK - So where are Oman and Iran?
Amjad Ali Khan (coldly) - It's Amaan and Ayaan.
SSSK - Haan, wohi wohi...
Amjad Ali Khan - Yeah, they are around somewhere.
SSSK - What happened to their JP Dutta movie? Canned or banned?
Amjad Ali Khan gives her a dirty look and walks away.

SSSK looks around and spots Deepika.

SSSK - Hi, Deepika.
Deepika - Hi... you are?
SSSK - Reporter. So why did you wear such a silly dress in the video?
Deepika - Oh that dress! Actually I wore that in a scene in Bachna Ae Haseeno, and they edited it out. I wore it again in Love Aaj Kal and that scene also got edited. I realised this would be a good place to wear it.
SSSK - Achha... So tell me, was the water very cold in your scene?
Deepika - No, why?
SSSK - Well, the bottom half of your body seemed to have completely frozen in an awkward pose, while your face was contorted in all sorts of weird expressions in a bid to keep the facial muscles warm...

Deepika storms off.

Priyanka - Tch tch. Poor thing. But then she's only a model.
SSSK - Oh hiii Priyanka! What do you mean she's only a model?
Priyanka - I mean she just knows how to pose and catwalk. We Miss Worlds on the other hand, actually touch people's lives. Didn't you see me touching the lives of the schoolgirls in the video?
SSSK - Erm... yes, very touching... you took a notebook from a schoolgirl, leaned against a pillar and then started singing. Very touching.
Priyanka - Told ya.

Priyanka walks off coyly.

SSSK spots SRK and Ranbir walking towards each other.

SSSK (to herself) - Hmmm... this should be fun.

She hides behind a tree and listens to their conversation.

Ranbir (spots SRK) - Oh shit.
SRK (raising one eyebrow) - Kyun... copycat... kaise ho?
Ranbir - Sir... about that... I am sorry again. I didn't think that the white thingie I wore in the video...
SRK (coldly) - Yeah... the white... thingie... it's trademark SRK you know. From Kal Ho Na Ho.
Ranbir - Sorry sir, I was really late for the shoot and just rushed in my nightsuit... didn't think that you would also...
SRK - Oh yeah? And what was with raising both your hands in the video, huh? Just like what I do in all my movies?? Huh huh huh?
Ranbir - I didn't mean to copy you, Sir... us costume ko pehente hi dono haath apne aap uth jaate hain... believe me!
SRK (gritting his teeth) - Achha? Haath apne aap uth jaate hain? Ab main haath uthaaun kya?

Ranbir mumbles an excuse and escapes.

SSSK is making her way through the crowd which has now grown. She finally spots an unknown face.

SSSK (to herself) - Aha! Everyone has been asking me all evening "You are...?" Now I have the chance to ask someone that!

As she gets closer, the guy starts to look familiar.

SSSK - Hey I know you! You're the guy in the video who was lip-syncing to the musical maestro Ustad Rashid Khan's voice, isn't it?
Guy - Erm, yeah...
SSSK - And you are...?
Guy - Erm, Ustad Rashid Khan.

SSSK flees the party with the rest of her dignity.

In case you have not watched this joke of a national integration song, here it is.



And oh, you may need this to recover from the trauma.

Centre stage

The phone rang. I picked it up.

"Mausiiiiiiiii!!!"

"Hi, Aishuuuu! What are you doing?"

"I am going to sleep now. Mom said I have to sleep. I have a recital tomorrow."

"Huh??? You have a WHAT?"

"Hi, she has a recital tomorrow." My sister had taken over the phone.

"She has a RECITAL???"

"Yep."

"What do you mean by that? She's barely four!"

"Oh they have this thing in the piano classes. Everyone has a recital, where they perform for the class and the teachers."

I had seen Aish in her piano class when I had visited her. The teacher painted the kids' nails in different colours and the piano keys had stickers corresponding to those colours so the kids knew which key to press with which finger. It was very cute, and the kids seemed more fascinated by the nail colours than the idea of playing the piano. All in fun, I'd thought. But an actual performance? Whoa.

So the next day I called Aish.

"How was your recital, Aish? What did you do?"

"I played the piano.."

"And then what happened?"

"And then everyone did 'clap your hands'."

"Wow, everyone did 'clap your hands'? Great! And then what happened?"

"I bowed..."

"You bowed on stage?? Our little grasshopper has become an elegant young lady! So we can't call you 'grasshopper' anymore! So what did you do after you bowed?"

"I jumped up and down."

:|

The big shots

The magnitude of the event first struck me when I saw the coverage in the papers. In a country where we jump with joy if cricket gets a 1" x 1" piece in a hidden corner in the last page of the free newspaper, it was amazing to see the extensive media coverage. The event in question was the IA T20 Super Challenge (Olam Cup). Based on the concept of the IPL, it was a 2-day T20 tournament involving four teams - Eastern Riders, Western Challengers, Northern Spice Devils and Southern Kings (Viv's team).

They had some sort of a quota system and each team comprised three Singaporeans, three players from the region in India that the team was named after, three 'foreigners' and two Under-19 players.

"What do they mean -- 'foreigners'?" I asked.

I was so not prepared to hear the answer. In recent weeks, Atapattu had been the only celebrity cricketer who had come to Singapore (he's the National team's new coach). He was not playing this tournament. But Sanath Jayasuriya was! And so was Upul Tharanga. In the Eastern Riders team.

I went with Viv for the opening ceremony dinner and who did I see seated 20 feet away? Sunil Gavaskar! Holy cow, the man is still so handsome! Apparently, the high Commissioner was going to bowl the first ball of the tournament to Gavaskar! We were joking about how the High Commissioner must have been practising like mad for the last few days, and what would happen if he really got Gavaskar out for a duck.

As our friends Reghu and Aathira are in Singapore, we decided that the three of us would go for the second day's matches. The supporters had been asked to wear the team's colours. Unfortunately for me, Viv's team's colour was a jhataak yellow! Why why why? Sheesh. I did not have any yellow clothes. So we went shopping on saturday. I found a yellow dress but no, no no no. No. I did not buy it. It was too jhataak. I did not want to buy something that I would have no use for after the match. So in the end, I decided on a jhataak yellow bandanna instead. I think I pulled it off okay, at least compared to Viv who actually came home on Saturday looking like a cross between Govinda and Rajanikanth. He had his team yellow pants on and a sky blue T-shirt. Ahem.

On Saturday, Viv's team won the first match against the Northern Spice Devils, but lost to Jayasuriya's Eastern Riders team. Jayasuriya made 102. But I was thrilled because Viv had taken Upul Tharanga's catch. I can only imagine the elation of the guy who got Jayasuriya out. Stuff to put on his cricket resume!

The Western Challengers also beat the Northern Spice Devils, so they were in the semi-finals with the Southern Kings. Now I have two good friends in the Western Challengers team, and though both of them are supremely talented (one is the record holder for the second fastest century in T20, while the other is the record holder for scoring a double century in T20), for some reason they believe that when I turn up for their matches, it brings them good luck. So the semi-finals on Sunday morning was a weird one. I was there in my yellow bandanna, supporting Viv's team, but the Western Challengers were happy to see me because "Sayesha always makes us win". Gulp.

The organisers had proudly displayed a newspaper at the venue on Sunday. It was the Straits Times article about the event, and the photo was from the Southern Kings vs. Northern Spice Devils match. And... the wicket-keeper in the photo was Viv.


















If you didn't believe how jhataak Viv's yellow was, I bet you do now.

My friend Reghu is an avid photographer and he has one of those giant cameras which just don't go with the whole "The world is trying to make things smaller" campaign. He took some really awesome action shots of the semi-final. I had my tiny digital camera on me, which also has a huge superstition attached to it. Every time I switch to video mode, Viv's team gets a wicket. It proved true in this match too. And just when I decided to keep it permanently on video mode, the battery died on me. :/

The Western Challengers had a huge group of supporters, while we were only a handful. In fact, the announcer joked, "We welcome the team and the five people in the stands". Thunk thunk thunk.

We were a bit perplexed because one of the Western supporters (the most violently passionate one I'd say) kept yelling "SIXER! SIXER!" whenever the Southern Kings scored a single. After a while, we realised she was actually yelling, "SINGAL! SINGAL!" Sheesh.

Every time the match turned in the favour of the Western Challengers, the song "Chale chalo" from Lagaan would start playing, and every time the Southern Kings did well, the song "Naan adicha thaanga maate, naalu maasam thoonga maate" would start playing. I had no idea what that song meant until Viv translated it for me later. "If I hit you, you can't withstand it. You won't sleep for 4 months". Double sheesh.

Anyway, we were in for a disappointment as the Southern Kings lost the semi-final to the Western Challengers. I went over to congratulate my two friends and inform them that from now on, ahem, I would be charging for every appearance.

And so it was the Western Challengers vs. the Eastern Riders in the finals. The Western team managed to get Jayasuriya out for real cheap, but Tharanga blasted his team to victory.

T20 really is my kind of cricket. I can't wait for the tournament next year. Erm, I hope they get Shane Bond.

And more importantly, I hope that Viv's team gets a better colour. :/

Inside jokes

So two of our bestest friends Reghu and Aathira, who live in Dubai, are in town. We share custody of them along with other friends RG and MB. They stayed with us for the weekend and now have gone off to stay with their 'weekday parents'.

We know one another from university days, so it's been more than a decade. But there's something very special about these three guys Reghu, RG and Viv, that ties them in a closer bond.

They bring out the worst in one another.

Jokes that is.

So whenever any combination of the trio is together, people usually cup their ears and run away as far as possible, screaming "Noooooo!" or try to find the nearest pillar to go thunk their heads on.

It starts with the Dubai jokes:

Viv - If a milkman from India moves to Dubai, what does he become?
The rest of us - What?
Viv - Milk sheikh!

The rest of us look for the nearest pillar to thunk our heads on.

Then come the cricket jokes:

Viv - If they named a road after Dhoni, what would they call it?
The rest of us - What?
Viv - Mahi Way!

The rest of us look for the nearest pillar to thunk our heads on.

Then come the geeky jokes:

RG - The iPad won't sell in Bengal.
The rest of us - Why?
RG - Because they wouldn't know it's something new. They'd think it's the iPod.

The rest of us look for the nearest pillar to thunk our heads on.

And then come the nerdy jokes. I don't where Reghu got these two, but they are priceless. In an extremely head-thunking manner of course.

Reghu - So there's a wet slab of ice. On top of that is another wet slab of ice. On top of that is a kitten. The kitten is making no sound. Why?
The rest of us - Why?
Reghu - Because meow is equal to zero.
The rest of us - Huh??
Reghu - It's two slabs of wet ice. So the coefficient of friction... μ = zero.

Reghu - This mathematician checks into the deluxe suit of a hotel. He wants to bathe but there is no soap or water. What does he do?
The rest of us - What?
Reghu - He integrates his room.
The rest of us - Huh??
Reghu - If you integrate dLux, you get Lux + C. He takes the Lux and bathes in the C!

May all you bewdas find your pillars soon! Amen.