Sunday, October 19, 2008

The Karzzzz buzzzz

Sayesha Smitten Showbiz Kitten (SSSK) is back in action!

So this time she decided to invite the cast of the old Karz and the new Karzzzz to her treehouse over for a chat. (Yes, she realised that taking notes half-hanging from trees wasn't exactly comfortable, and invested in a portable treehouse.) The only time everyone was available was late in the night.

Place: Sayesha's treehouse
Time: 11 pm

On the largest couch are the Kapoors - Rishi, Neetu and Ranbir. Rishi has a disgusted look on his face. Neetu is trying to arrange Ranbir's hair. Ranbir is trying to get her hands off his hair.

Shweta Kumar is sitting with daddy Indra Kumar on one of the couches. Next to her is Urmila, looking really bored. Satish Kaushik and Himesh Reshammiya are seated opposite them, looking rather pleased with themselves. SSSK herself has plonked herself on a beanbag next to Dino Morea.

There is silence in the room. Everyone is waiting for Simi Garewal and the Ambanis.

It's dark outside. An owl goes, "Oooooooooooooooooo". Everyone looks at Himesh.

Himesh - Hey! That's not me!

Sound of a car is heard.

SSSK (gets herself out of the beanbag with much difficulty and peeps out of the treehouse) - Ah! White car. I suppose Simi's here.

Simi Garewal enters the treehouse amidst the sound of collective gasps.

She is dressed in black.

Neetu (jaw dropping) - Simi!! Dressed in black?!

Satish (guffaws) - Kyun, ghar par Surf Excel khatam ho gaya kya?

Simi gives him a dirty look.

SSSK - Simi, why are you dressed in black?? What happened??

Simi (deadpan face) - I'm mourning.

SSSK - What are you mourning?

Simi - Death. Death of one of the classics of Bollywood.

Ranbir (starts singing cheekily) - Maar daalaaaaaaa..... allaaaaah........ maar daalaaaa!

Simi (looks at Urmila with utter hatred) - And there may be more deaths...

Urmila trembles slightly and sinks further into the couch.

Satish (guffaws) - Urmila, tu toh gayi. Tera toh Rendezvous with Simi Garewal hone wala hai. I think it's time to say 'Hey Ram(u)'. Ha ha ha!

Urmila - Simi ji, please don't take offence. I'm not playing you in the movie. I'm just playing the character Kamini...

Simi - Hmmmph! I am the original Kamini. You are not Kamini! You are... Kameeni!

Ranbir (cheers) - Catfight! Catfight! Catfight!

Neetu - Ranbir!! Behave yourself!

Ranbir (guiltily) - Sorry, Mom...

Simi slaps her hand over her mouth and sinks into a one-seater.

Simi - I cannot believe I said that. I am supposed to be sophisticated damnit! Class is all I have!

SSSK - Errr... shall we get started?

Himesh (very excited) - Sure! Jai mata di, let's rock!

Everyone gives him dirty looks.

SSSK - So Rishi, what were your first thoughts when you heard that your movie Karz was being made again?

Rishi (places his hand on his heart, with pain written all over his face, starts singing) - Dard-e-dil, dard-e-jigar... dil mein jagaaya aapne... (looks at Satish)

Satish - Sir, please... Don't take the movie as an offence. It's meant to be a tribute to you.

Rishi (trying to control his emotions) - Tribute to me?? Himesh?? Seriously?? What were you thinking??

Satish - He has a 100% hit record, sir!

Rishi - Satish... He has acted in ONE MOVIE!!

Satish - Lekin hit record toh 100% hai na, sir?

Rishi (buries his head in his hands) - Why is everyone after my movie? First Om Shanti Om and now this! Meri picture baar baar dekho yaar, baar baar banao mat! Ab toh hadd ho gayi! Himesh Reshammiya???

Ranbir - Seriously man... Shweta, what were you thinking acting opposite him?

Shweta (shrieks and then bursts into tears) - Daddy!!!!!!

Rishi - Seriously, Indra, what were you thinking launching your daughter against this guy?? I mean, you could have asked me. We could have worked on a script with Ranbir and Shweta.

Indra - Actually I wanted baby to be launched with a hit hero...

Ranbir (looks offended) - And according to you, he is a hit hero? Haven't you seen the posters of him and Shweta? Lagta hai tagline missing hai - langoor ke saath angoor.

Himesh (gets up and starts waving his hands in the air) - Zabaan sambhaalke, Ranbir! Jai mata di, I won't tolerate this!

Ranbir - Arre ja ja! Topi utaarke apne transplanted baal kya dikhaaye, apne aapko hit hero samajhne laga??

Himesh - Abbe maine toh sirf topi utaari, tuney toh towel...

Indra Kumar looks shocked and covers Shweta's ears with his hands.

Simi (storms out) - Disgusting... simply disgusting...

Sound of another car is heard. The treehouse shakes a bit, and Tina Ambani enters with Anil Ambani.

Tina - So who is it?? Huh huh huh??

SSSK - Err... Hi, Tina!

Tina (to SSSK) - I'm rich, I don't need to talk to you.

Tina surveys the room, taking an especially close look at the women.

Tina - So who is it? Is it you?? (points a pointy nail at Urmila)

SSSK - What are you talking about, Tina?

Tina - Who is playing me in this new joke of a movie?? Is it you?? (still pointing at Urmila)

Urmila - Nooooo... it's her (points to Shweta). I'm playing Simi Garewal's character...

Tina - You are?! No kidding! Ha ha! Good luck to you!

Shweta tries to hide behind daddy.

Tina - And you? You're playing me?? Satish, she is playing me??

Satish - Errr.... yes.

Tina - I cannot believe this! I could still play it better than her!

Satish - Of course! Of course... koi shaq nahin. But you see - this is a new-generation movie. Tina, she's err... younger...

Tina (fumes silently) - But I'm richer! In fact... (looks proudly at Anil) we're the richest people we know!

Rishi - Err.... actually... isn't Mukesh richer than you guys?

Tina (emphatically, nose in the air) - I said we're the richest people we know.

There is an uncomfortable silence in the room.

Anil - Tina, we have to leave now. Seriously. Every minute of my time is worth tons of money. You know that.

Tina - You're right, dear. Let's not spend another moment in the house of this... this tree-climbing, note-taking cuckoo reporter, in the company of these unoriginal, uncreative people!

The Ambanis leave.

SSSK - Dino, you're awfully quiet... any thoughts?

Dino - Naah, I'm just wondering why a guy who looks like me in one birth (pauses to inspect himself in the mirror on the wall)... would look like him (points to Himesh) in the next... God sure can be cruel, huh?

Rishi - Seriously... of all people, Himesh???

Himesh - Rishi ji, please take it easy. Our movie is not exactly the same as yours. There are differences!

Neetu - Oh yeah? Like what?

Himesh - Err... the spelling of the title? Which was my idea by the way... (grins)

Ranbir - That's not the title of the movie, that's the review. Zzzz.... (pretends to fall asleep) Ha ha ha!

Himesh - Well, Karz was set in India. Our movie is set in South Africa.

Ranbir - I didn't know there were autowallahs in South Africa!

Himesh glares at Ranbir.

Ranbir - And what's with the chest-baring costumes, dude? The movie was about Monty, not Full Monty!

Himesh (ignores Ranbir) - Rishi ji, please calm down. Like Urmila said, I'm not playing you. I'm just playing the character Monty.

Rishi (totally frustrated) - Monty? Monty?! Tu Monty nahin, python hai!

Ranbir (to Neetu) - Mom, I seriously think we should take Dad home...

SSSK - Oh no. Please wait. One last question for you, Rishi. If Karzzzz turns out to be a hit, what would you have to say to Himesh?

Rishi (thinks for a while, then looks at Himesh with utter disgust before storming off) - Buzzzz off!



39 comments:

Dhara said...

Gold ! Hilarious post sashbhai !

A said...
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A G said...

Platinum! :D

I rofl'ed and rofl'ed and still am!

lol!

thank you for entertaining us again SSSK!

You are even better than the original SSSK!

A said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
PURN!MA said...

Hilarious @ 12:28 am ;)

PURN!MA said...
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Yogita said...

Sayesha, Very creative piece of work, as always :)

Archana said...

LOL @ "
It's dark outside. An owl goes, "Oooooooooooooooooo". Everyone looks at Himesh.

Himesh - Hey! That's not me!"

And, is this a good time to say, "I told you so" :-P?

Bivas said...

\\Rishi has a disgusted look on her face!!!

neway...not yet watched...aur koi iraada bhi nahin :D...

Suma said...

hilarious!!!

i loved reading this...:D

chirpy-paaro said...

THis is simply awsome...Much better than any previous posts of SSSK...
ANd of course Karzzzz cant be a hit...no it cant be...

Iya said...

oh man..that was really funny!!!

Duhita said...

have u gone to see it yet? any good? :p

Nidhi said...

/* Tera toh Rendezvous with Simi Garewal hone wala hai. I think it's time to say 'Hey Ram(u)'. Ha ha ha!

Loved this one specially :D

Awesome work Bhai :)

Pinku said...

wow!!!


had no intention of catching this one...I have a rule I never ever catch remakes....

But you have made me really curious about how bad this one actually could be.

Loved your style....

Sangfroid said...

Got this link as a forward ... Hilarious!

Subtle and multiple jibes ... extremely well written :-)

Will have to go through your blog to know more!

Cheers.

santasizing...Fantasizing said...

SSSK tusi te rocking ho..
really funny..and crazy...

//Rishi has a disgusted look on his face. Neetu is trying to arrange Ranbir's hair. Ranbir is trying to get her hands off his hair.//

//Tina (emphatically, nose in the air) - I said we're the richest people we know.//

loved it all...
damn cool...
lage raho sash bhai..
waise maine bhi karzzzz ka review likh hi daala...:-)

Stupidosaur said...

So you watched the movie yet?
Found company for it :)?

??! said...

Monty? Monty?! Tu Monty nahin, python hai!
Bows in honour of unexpectedly brilliant reference.

Stupidosaur said...

Maybe Ranbir should have taken one final dig at Himes saying "Buz off"

Stupidosaur said...

And our collective hard work of hardly a month ago seems to have gone to a waste.

Aequo Animo seems to have deleted the blog :P

shub said...

Brilliant :D
Vaguely remember mumbling Monty python and the two of us bursting into laughter when you guys were mentioned Monty whilst watching golmaal. Tch, thodi si toh peeli thi. Not to be mistaken with yellow.
(ohh the video is HILARIOUS :D)

parikrama said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
parikrama said...

>> I didn't know there were autowallahs in South Africa!

Classik ! That, and the bit about Dino wondering how come he ended looking like Himesh in next janam.. Cruel indeed, God and SSSK both !

This reportage was a laugh riot from start to finish.. much like Karzzzz ;-)

Stone said...

:-)

mythalez said...

rofl =))

seriously, SSSK is the best filmi-reporter ever !!

simi garewal's dress to 'kameeni' to
full-monty-python thing were all just hilarious :)

Sayesha said...

#Dhara,
Thanks! :)

#A G,
Welcome welcome! :D

#PURN!MA,
Thank you! :)

#Yogita,
Thanks! :)

#Archana,
It wasn't THAT bad yaar... at least better than Banaras and Fanaa! :O

#Bivas,
Ufff... some people just come to the bar to look for typos. :P

#Suma,
Thanks! :)

#Paaro,
Thanks! :)

#Iya,
Thanks! :)

#Duhita,
I did indeed! Should post about that soon! :D

#Nidhi,
Hehe... thanks! :)

#Pinku,
Thanks!
ps: Don't watch it! :P

#Sangfroid,
Welcome to the bar! And thanks! :)

#Santa Fanta,
Thank you ji! :)

#Stupidosaur,
Of course I watched it! :D

#??!,
Thanks. :)

#Stupidosaur,
Arre uske Daddy ne bola na!
PS: What collective hard work??

#Shub,
Hahaha! Oye bewdi, we had cracked the Monty Python and the Full Monty jokes (and many more!) in the theatre itself! Hahaha! :D

#Parikrama,
Thanks! :P

#Stone,
:)

#Mythalez,
Thanks! :D

Anup said...

Hahahaha!! that was hilarious... laughed my ass off!

Urv said...

movie dekhi? dekhi movie? Me planning to see it with friends during diwali.. :D

The Soul of Alec Smart said...

Bhai!! "Monty nahin Python" and "Full Monty" had me in splits!! :D

Verry nice review.

And I saw you mentioned Fanaa as worse than this one.. I might not agree, but the Fanaa scene with the dead Rishi Kapoor floating under the frozen river can crack me up anytime.. I just think of it and laugh.. It's got to be the craziest 'after-life journey' no? Ok ok, I will stop my insensitive laughing here! :D

Stupidosaur said...

No I mean , not "Buzzzz off".
Just "Buz off" or maybe "Buz Of"

I think "Buz Of" also sounds like a Gujju would say it.


Collective hard work:
I pointed out the blogroll link not working.
You took the pains to set it right.



//#Stupidosaur,
Arre uske Daddy ne bola na!
PS: What collective hard work??


For a moment I thought bhai aapki Karzzzzzzz dekhke khisak gai kya? Why are you saying that Aequo Anemo ke papa ne bola blog delete karne ko!

~vagabond~ said...

That was so hilarious! I loved the "Buzzzzz off" at the end. ROFL!

nikunj chauhan said...

nice post.. keep it up!!

Deepali said...

Sash bhai..tussi great ho :)
Itna sabko kaise hasa sakte ho. How do you manage?

Solitaire said...

Wow! What creativity!
Did you see the film?

Somya said...

ROFL...hilarious...believe I had the same thoughts as Diino Morea...what did the poor guy to reborn as HR in next birth...just loved this post of urs:-)

>>Jass<< said...

Hahah! Hilarious as ever! :)

Kanan said...

Simi in white car LOL! and black dress. hehe..

Loved Rishi's "Himesh????"

LMAO!

~anu~ said...

read it the first time in a hurry and could not leave a comment.. but had to come on this piece of creative genuis.. i am in splits .. man! this is awesome stuff bhai!