Gut reaction

Dear bhukkad of the highest order,

Fans of the TV series F.R.I.E.N.D.S would remember the episode where someone steals Ross' sandwich at his workplace and he turns the whole place upside down, to the point that birds in the neighbourhood fly away in terror and his boss enrols him in anger management classes. That sure was a darn hilarious episode.

Till it happened to me. :

Sick of the MSG-laden food around my office, I made two sandwiches and took them to work. They were modest-looking brown bread sandwiches but they contained the most awesome paneer filling. I even had what Ross referred to as the 'moistmaker' - a yoghurt-coriander dip coating the paneer so my sandwiches wouldn't be too dry.

Well, high and dry would have described my condition, when I couldn't find my precious sandwiches in the fridge during lunchtime. Because they were resting in your cursed tummy. I must have rummaged amongst the labelled containers of yoghurt, pasta, milk, cereal and fruits some ten times, but with no results. Yes, so I didn't label my food. So?! I didn't think there was a need to. Is this primary school? Why would you steal and eat my food??

Why why why?????

The disturbing thing is - I can't remember ever getting so angry at work. I have had some pretty stressful days and I have breezed through them. What the heck happened? It's just two sandwiches, right? No big deal, right? Well, I couldn't seem to see that. Instead of staying calm and brushing the incident aside, I had a slightly different reaction.

Aka "BLOODY HELL! SOMEONE ATE MY SANDWICHES!!!!!!"

So much for Singapore's low crime rate.

Daylight robbery is what this is.

Fortunately, I managed to control my reaction. What's the point anyway? In an office filled with a hundred people, how was I to find you, you dhakkan? After much deliberation, I eliminated all the people who were on leave today, and narrowed down the the list of suspects to people who were in the office. Shabash. :

I don't get it. Why, why, why would you eat my sandwiches? They were made of brown bread, for heaven's sake. They had paneer, a concept 99% of the people in the office are unfamiliar with. It was a homemade lunch, something not particularly relished by them. In fact, the last time I made something to share with colleagues, a grand total of ONE person was brave enough to 'sample' the 'Indian homemade stuff'. How can a combination of brown and green be so appetising to you?? Why didn't you steal the other stuff? Because it was all labelled? Or were you scared of getting melamine poisoning?

I am the only 'Indian' Indian in the office, which is why I'm sure you didn't even know what it was when you stole it. I even went back half an hour later in case you had taken it by mistake and put it back in the fridge after realising your life-threatening folly. But nope, it was gone. Probably it was already in your tummy. But it won't stay there long. Yes, Indians may make awesome paneer sandwiches, but you know what? They also give awesome bad-duas. You just wait and see.

And the next time you lust after my sandwiches, have the guts to come up to me and ask me for it. I will be happy to give you a sandwich.

A knuckle sandwich.

Disrespectfully yours,

Sayesha