Tuesday, October 28, 2008

Gut reaction

Dear bhukkad of the highest order,

Fans of the TV series F.R.I.E.N.D.S would remember the episode where someone steals Ross' sandwich at his workplace and he turns the whole place upside down, to the point that birds in the neighbourhood fly away in terror and his boss enrols him in anger management classes. That sure was a darn hilarious episode.

Till it happened to me. :

Sick of the MSG-laden food around my office, I made two sandwiches and took them to work. They were modest-looking brown bread sandwiches but they contained the most awesome paneer filling. I even had what Ross referred to as the 'moistmaker' - a yoghurt-coriander dip coating the paneer so my sandwiches wouldn't be too dry.

Well, high and dry would have described my condition, when I couldn't find my precious sandwiches in the fridge during lunchtime. Because they were resting in your cursed tummy. I must have rummaged amongst the labelled containers of yoghurt, pasta, milk, cereal and fruits some ten times, but with no results. Yes, so I didn't label my food. So?! I didn't think there was a need to. Is this primary school? Why would you steal and eat my food??

Why why why?????

The disturbing thing is - I can't remember ever getting so angry at work. I have had some pretty stressful days and I have breezed through them. What the heck happened? It's just two sandwiches, right? No big deal, right? Well, I couldn't seem to see that. Instead of staying calm and brushing the incident aside, I had a slightly different reaction.

Aka "BLOODY HELL! SOMEONE ATE MY SANDWICHES!!!!!!"

So much for Singapore's low crime rate.

Daylight robbery is what this is.

Fortunately, I managed to control my reaction. What's the point anyway? In an office filled with a hundred people, how was I to find you, you dhakkan? After much deliberation, I eliminated all the people who were on leave today, and narrowed down the the list of suspects to people who were in the office. Shabash. :

I don't get it. Why, why, why would you eat my sandwiches? They were made of brown bread, for heaven's sake. They had paneer, a concept 99% of the people in the office are unfamiliar with. It was a homemade lunch, something not particularly relished by them. In fact, the last time I made something to share with colleagues, a grand total of ONE person was brave enough to 'sample' the 'Indian homemade stuff'. How can a combination of brown and green be so appetising to you?? Why didn't you steal the other stuff? Because it was all labelled? Or were you scared of getting melamine poisoning?

I am the only 'Indian' Indian in the office, which is why I'm sure you didn't even know what it was when you stole it. I even went back half an hour later in case you had taken it by mistake and put it back in the fridge after realising your life-threatening folly. But nope, it was gone. Probably it was already in your tummy. But it won't stay there long. Yes, Indians may make awesome paneer sandwiches, but you know what? They also give awesome bad-duas. You just wait and see.

And the next time you lust after my sandwiches, have the guts to come up to me and ask me for it. I will be happy to give you a sandwich.

A knuckle sandwich.

Disrespectfully yours,

Sayesha



33 comments:

Prasanth said...

GOLD!!!!

Bhavya said...

Hey I started following your blog some three weeks back, and I've been reading all the posts in chronological order and occasionally leaving comments. I'm catching up... I've read all the ones till August 2005. Sometimes I can so completely relate to your posts, I almost feel as if I wrote them myself. This is one of those posts. Love reading everything you write!

And I have a chance to yell SILVER today :)

Prats said...

Bronze!!!!
Somebody stole your sandwitch!!!

You should stuck a label on the tiffin box,
"Sayesh Doesn't shares food" aka Joey
or
"The thing in this is already licked "

Hmmmm you can figure out who took your sandwitches by chking out whos gone to see the doctor in ur office :P

i am sure indian masaala sandwitch yeh singapore ki junta ko hajam nahi honge...What u thought I said sth abt ur cooking...hmm may be

Prats said...

By the way happy Diwali!!!

harsha said...

Copper!

Hi. You have a wonderful blog. I came upon it from Akshay Mishra's blog some time back. I too am catching up on your old posts and am thoroughly enjoying reading every one of them.

I wanted to comment on your blog by shouting gold but I am gonna settle with Copper.

Happy Diwali.

Sanchit said...

bhai... happy wali diwali...

Macho Girl said...

I can give you some 'Biohazard' stickers from lab to label your food if you want! :P Then u can see who still has the guts to eat your food ;)

sd said...

Bhai se panga; bechare chor ka khair nahi! Just loved the way you started this post "bhukkad of the highest order" :)

Happy Diwali!

Sayesha said...

#Prasanth,
Okay I have to hire bouncers to kick bewdas out who only scream metal and run for it! :/

#Bhavya,
Aha! So you have reached the present! Finally! :) Admire your patience, girl! :D

#Prats,
//"The thing in this is already licked "

Hahaha! Guys are gross! Viv suggested something similar (more gross though) - "I spit in it." YIKES! :S

ps: Happy Diwali to you too! :D

#harsha,
Welcome to the bar, and thanks for commenting! :)

#Sanchit,
Arre India mein aaj Diwali hai? Yahan kal hoke khatam bhi ho gayi! :/

#Macho Girl,
Of all the ideas I have heard so far, I like this the best! Biohazard! Hahahahahaha! :D

Sayesha said...

#sd,
Arre apun dono ekich time par comment kar rela tha lagta hai. Tera comment miss ho gaya apun se, bole toh sorry! :)

Happy Diwali to you too! :)

Bhavya said...

It's only because I could relate to you so much. I've been working as an engineer for two and a half years now, but for the last fifteen years, I've always wanted to be a writer. The first time I earned some money, it was out of a little piece I wrote for a magazine. Ever since I started blogging, this conviction has become stronger. And even more so ever since I started reading your blog!

By the way, a very Happy Diwali to you!

Jagjit said...

Hey, next time, bring some poison in office and don't label it :-0

Prasanth said...

Actually i prefer to think of myself as Abhinav Bindra...Win Gold...talk less....Happy Diwali !!

~vagabond~ said...

I would have stuck my nose in everyone's mouth to sniff out the theif. Phir uski kher nahi. :P

~vagabond~ said...

^Oh god. My hindi really sucks. I meant khair not the kher that you eat.

maxdavinci said...

stealing food is fun, untill you get caught ofcourse!

but then, try this, use the same box, make the same sandwich but sprinkle some crushed julaab tablets in it.

The one that heads ot the loo every 15 mins is yor chor!

>>Jass<< said...

Aisa bhi hota hai ? Anyways thanks to the chor for such a hilarious post :P

anshuj said...

Ok. So I come to the office without taking breakfast in like what....2 months, and here you are describing your stolen paneer sandwich. Hungry as I was, now I'm...starving. Starving...u know...on Diwali, can it get any worse?
Why, oh why did you have to write that post today?
Happy Diwali to you and Viv.

Koi Pahailee said...

hahahaha

but seriously...if i were you...
i would not forget about it until I nail the culprit

i would list suspects ...and find out...investigate..
bring paneer / sandwiches in random office chats and see the reactions...
and may be...send a 'friendly' office mail saying i have some spare sandwiches from lunch...if someone would like to share...

see the reaction..see if someone already is familiar with the taste...

aaaaahhh

now..i have thought about it so much that i myself want to track this guy down...

Deepali said...

Bhai ke ghar me daaka...Ye achhi baat nahin hai Sash bhai, apni reputation ka kuch to khayal karo ;) ..

The_Girl_From_Ipanema said...

I want paneer sandwich

Sakshi said...

bwahahaha
here for the first time.
its the only post i've read.
Like it!
Phunee..and i was reminded of the times when i stole food from the hostel pantry in S'pore.
LMAO.
Great fun. I liked stealing food!! You rolly hate me right now, right? Do you? Please dont...i am not fond of paneer...no was i'll steal your paneer stuffed brown bread sandwich ever.
:P
Cheers!
*hic hic*
S.

Sakshi said...

bwahahaha
here for the first time.
its the only post i've read.
Like it!
Phunee..and i was reminded of the times when i stole food from the hostel pantry in S'pore.
LMAO.
Great fun. I liked stealing food!! You prolly hate me right now, right? Do you? Please dont...i am not fond of paneer...no way i'll steal your paneer stuffed brown bread sandwich ever.
:P
Cheers!
*hic hic*
S.

Suma said...

the next time add a lot of chilly powder and keep it for the sucker...

happy diwali...

Pinku said...

Awesome....

Hope the guy has a bad tummy ache due to your bad duas.

By the way...happy Diwali!!! hope you had a fantastic time!!!!

parikrama said...

Taai,
Kehte hein "daaney daaney pe hota hein khaaney waaley ka naam". Next time yaad se bold letters mein naam, pata aur passport sized photo chipkaaye lunch-pack par :)

realistic dreamer said...

Indians make awesome panneer sandwichs, but they also give awesome bad-duas!!- ROFL!!, ROFL!!

Its not a silly thing though, afteral we work for roti, kapda aur makan, notice roti comes first!.. u have all rights to be angry!

Raam Pyari said...

chill bahin!!

@$@#$#$%$^%^&^*^&*&((*

(choicest gaalis for whover it was who stole your sandwich!!!)

ahhhehehehheh..chill now...koi na...relax

shub said...

Dear bhulakkad of the highest order,

Are you sure you didn't just forget to take the sandwiches from home? ;)

Respectfully yours,
Shub :P

Sayesha said...

#Bhavya,
Thanks! Happy Diwali (belated!) to you too! :)

#Jagjit,
Hahahahahaha! :D

#Prasanth,
Hahaha! Cool! :D

#Vagabond,
Yikes! :P

//I meant khair not the kher that you eat.

We don't eat kher. We watch kher. Anupam Kher. Hehe! :P

#maxdavinci,
Sheesh! The last I read this kind of thing was years ago in some Chacha Chaudhry comic! :D

#>>Jass<<,
Thanks to chor? Hmmmph! Thanks to chor, I had to eat some nonsense for lunch! :/

#Anshuj,
Hahahahahaha! Sorry sorry! :P
ps: Happy Diwali! :)

#Koi Pahailee,
Wow, awesome ideas! You should be a detective! :D

#Deepali,
Haan yaar.... Bhai ke rep ka kabada ho gaya! :/

#Ipanema Gal,
Come home I will make for you. :)

#Sakshi,
Aha! New bewdi in the house! Welcome welcome! :)

#Suma,
Actually it was quite spicy... waaaaaa!
Happy Diwali! :)

#Pinku,
Hehehehe! :) Happy Diwali!

#parikrama,
Hahahaha! Yeah sure! With the biohazard wala label! :D

#realistic dreamer,
//Indians make awesome panneer sandwichs, but they also give awesome bad-duas!!- ROFL!!, ROFL!!

Ki main jhooth boliyaan? :P

#Raam Pyari,
Abbe tu! Kahan thi??? Aur aayi bhi toh gaaliyon ki bauchhar ke saath? Now that's like my blog sis! :D

#Shub,
Abbe look who's talking about forgetting! Shall I disclose the Shakuntala episode in front of all the bewdas? Muahahaha! :D :D :D

Nidhi said...

:)))

If I were you, I wouldn't have got the peace of my mind unless I would have founf out who was the THIEF :D My mind wouldn't have done nethign else except looking out for clues :D

Anywas I see a new series similar to FRIENDS in making.... the only difference being... You will be the STAR !! u alone would be better than all the 6 of FRIENDS :)

So many things keep happening to you :) Bhai !! Serious thought do yaar... likhte to ho hi... ab ek movie ya serial bhi ho jaaye :D

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Stupidosaur said...

Hmmm...Maybe you shouldn't eliminate the people on leave from suspects list. Maybe the person took leave to have a perfect alibi ;).

Again could it be that they clean out the fridge of any Unlabelled Food Objects? You say it was white and green. Quite like the creatures from UFO.

Hmm I wonder what end of your food would piss you off more. Gut or Gutter?