Thursday, October 23, 2008

Jai mata di, let's mock!

Okay, so this is like my fourth Himesh Reshammiya post.

I must be going cuckoo indeed.

But then, watching Karzzzz was one of the highlights of my Bollywood-cuckoo career, and it is my duty to record it somewhere.

So it all started when I wrote this 'Wanted' post on my blog. To my utter suprise, hiding amongst the "Yeah, right!" responses were some bewdas who actually wanted to go for it. So I decided to plan a 'Bloggers watch Karzzzz' outing. My regular Bollywood buddy Pizzadude was all excited because like me, he has not seen 'Aap ka surrrrorrr' (okay, I don't really know how many r's are in the title) and was curious.

I don't know what was wrong with Viv, but he actually indicated interest.

"Ha ha ha ha ha!" I laughed in his face.

"Seriously, I want to watch it too."

"Yeah, right!"

"Seriously!"

"You're kidding, right?"

"No! I want to watch it."

"But why??"

"You guys are watching it..."

"But you fall asleep in the theatre even during 'normal' movies!"

*guilty silence*

"So you really want to come?"

"Yes, I do."

"Okay, great! So we have you, Pizzadude, Pizzadude's friend, Arvind (a blogger who had left a comment on the Wanted post), Komal (another commentator on that post), Parikrama (a blogger I'd contacted as I knew he watched Bollywood movies) and me. That's quite a crowd for Himesh!"

I was very excited about meeting bloggers I had never met. Little did I know that indeed, I would never meet them. On Saturday, the rediff review was out. And so was half of my 'quite a crowd'. Dropped out like flies, they did.

Even Viv started grinning at me, a typical grin which can only mean one thing - "I don't wanna go."

Hmmmph! Okay, fine.

While I was finalising the plan, Parikrama was of the view I was pulling a fast one on him. Perhaps he thought I'd get him to the theatre and then not show up. So he did what a sensible guy would do - went for the movie... BY HIMSELF! Dude, you may have shown me the thenga, but the joke's on you. :P At least the rest of us had company in misery. Muahaha! And thenga! :D

Pizzadude's friend too, dropped out.

Komal said she couldn't make it as she had a test. Or maybe she had read the review. :P

Well, we had a test too. A test of patience and tolerance.

I must admit the Rediff review almost broke my determination because I really trust Raja Sen's reviews. He was the only guy in the world who agreed with me that Fanaa was C-R-A-P when all other reviewers were raving about it.

But I'm glad Pizzadude got me my determination back.

"Rediff has blasted it. Still wanna go?" I sent him a message.

"I'm still curious," he said. "If I have company, I'll go."

"All right then," I said. "Let's do it!"

After all, this was a great chance for us to show how much we love Bollywood and the lengths we would go for it.

Yeh ishq nahin aasaan... bas itna samajh leejiye
Ek aag ka dariya hai... aur doob ke jana hai.

So we were all set to doobo in Himeshbhai's aag ka dariya, and proclaim our undying ishq, not for him, but for Bollywood.

We met up with Arvind at the theatre (the dude had proclaimed that he would recognise me just from my blog header picture. Muahaha! He couldn't. I am not as short as I look up here! Hmmmph!) and made our way in. I may have been the first in queue to buy the tickets, but to our surprise, the theatre was pretty full. Pizzadude's theory was that a lot of people may have made phone bookings because they were too embarrassed to be seen in the Karzzzz ticket queue.

And so here's my usual 'random-thoughts-review' of Karzzzz.

  • Himesh the actor. I have no words. Hmmm... Actually, if you think about it, his acting wasn't that bad. Possibly because all others were so incredibly bad, they made him shine.

  • Himesh the singer. Sheesh. Every 15 minutes, he would break into his signature, "Ooooooooo" and we would go "Aaaaaaaaaaaa!".

  • Dino Morea sleep-walked through all his scenes with a bored "What's-the-point-they're-gonna-kill-me-and-replace-me-with-Himesh-of-all-people-anyway" expression on his face.

  • If Urmila had zero chemistry with Dino, it was negative with Himesh.

  • Some of the dialogues were amazing. "Tumhare paas kya saboot hai ki tumne Ravi Verma ka katl nahin kiya?" Hahahahahahahahaha!

  • The costume designer seriously got carried away when he/she was asked to design clothes for a character called 'Princess Kamini'. Which princess wears golden pants with a golden top, a golden cap, golden earrings, a golden bracelet and golden shoes? Sample this. And then repeat the costume, but use silver this time??

  • Speaking of bad costumes, I swear in one of the scenes, Himesh wears something that looks like someone cut out a piece of lacy black lingerie and super-glued it to his chest. You can ask Pizzadude if you don't believe me (I'm sure you will not be watching the movie to verify this)!

  • This is what Shweta Kumar's script said, "Hug Himesh. Smile in a silly manner. Repeat several times."

  • I cannot believe they actually had a 'maa yelling at bhagwan because beta is dead' scene in a 2008 movie. No kidding. "Tujhe mera beta waapas dena hi hoga!!!" and all.

  • Cheap thrills like cleavage and short hemlines make their appearance throughout the movie. Himesh provides the cleavage bit, while Shweta displays the short hemlines.

  • Raj Babbar ke yeh din aa gaye hain? Playing an old sardaar who decides to fling himself off the balcony at the baddies?

  • Sir Juda has got to be the most ridiculous character in Bollywood ever. They amputated his arm and replaced it with... of all things a synthesizer! That too, a kids' synthesizer. I'm pretty certain I have seen baby Aish playing one of those in a photo.

  • I think all of us nearly died laughing when Shweta, standing near a lake, sings one line of the song, and Himesh makes a sudden appearance, half-hanging from a helicopter above, and completes the song. Without as much as a chirp from the helicopter blades.

  • Of all the actors who have ever played the leading man's buddy, Monty's friend Dr. Dayal has got to be the most dhakkan of all. He was not convincing as a doctor, as a friend, or as they say about Joey, as a human being in general.

  • I think the most disturbing was the scene where Himesh is wearing a really tight yellow and grey striped T-shirt, has soft toys strapped all over him, and is holding red roses and a lollipop. If you have a heart of steel, click here.

  • I never liked Sameer's lyrics, but this really takes the cake. Tan-tan-tan tandoori nights? And what's with the "Hari om" and "Masha allah" songs? What's this - International Summit to Promote Secularism?

  • Himesh Reshammiya plays a 25-year-old. I rest my case.

All said and done, I still wouldn't say it was the worst movie I've ever seen. Banaras, Virodhi, Rudhraksh and Fanaa still rank way above anything else.

In fact, if anything, this movie will be testimony that Pizzadude, Arvind and I, have truly passed the agni-pariksha and proved our love for Bollywood.

Jai mata di, we rock!



29 comments:

Revathi said...

GOLD!!
i got gold??
*swoons*

Pinku said...

jai mata di!!!

u guys rock and rocked me to laughter and then tears too.

Love Bollywood by all means but this much blind love has to be a "Ma's" love am sure...

>>Jass<< said...

"Tan-tan-tan tandoori nights"

LOL! Just heard that song last night, and it made me go "WTF? Yeh tandoor ka kya funda hai, I mean tandoori chicken I understand, whats a tandoori night ?" hehe

[Emotional Scene Start]
SIGH! It is because of people like you Bollywood is determined to make crappier and crappier movies with every release [just like the stock markets] ! YOU! PIZZADUDE! AND ARVIND!
[Emotional Scene End]

Overacting you think ? :P
I am glad of one thing though, that you did not come back and say "It was not a bad movie after all"

P.S: Jeez! Fanaa was not a really bad movie!
P.S.2 : Since we are talking of bad movies, I vote for partner! [read: Salman khan sucks! ]

Revathi said...

*satisfied smug grin*
ok. now that i have got the gold!!

Congratulations Sayesha ji. aapne aur Pizza dude ne Karzzzzz dekh kar yeh saabith kar diya hai ki duniya mein abhi bhi mother teresa jaise bohot saare log hai jo prateeksha ki misaal ho. aapke naam ka mandir banna chahiye, bacchon ko raat ko sone se pehle ram aur krishna bhagwan ko kahaniyon ke saath saath aap logon ke kisse bhi sunnane chahiye. bees saal baad jab raat ko baache nahi soyenge to mummy un se kahegi "so ja beta nahi to tujhe himesh ki movie dikhaoongi aur tera wohi haal hga jo sayesha didi aur pizza uncle ka hua tha" and the kid will sleep in an instant. Jai ho Sayesha and Pizza dude..jai ho"

Kidding!! :)
u survived that?? way to go!! kind of reminds me of how harry potter survived the wrath of you-know-who and was left with a lightning shaped scar. aap ka bhi kuch yehi haal hai i think!! :)

Nice post!! (As usual :))

Into the Wild ... said...

had a great timing reading ur experiences
and thanx to u now i am not gonna watch it at any cost

raghu said...

hahaha... im seriously jobless but now you are my idol :P
no offense, infact its a great compliment, no?

bluejay said...

You know.. everytime Himesh's song plays on the radio.. I wonder.. Why! why! why do people want to hear dat?!! and you last post .. especially about Himesh resembling the owl was..wat can I say.. u said it all!! but come on.. dont you think u are insulting the owl?!! poor things.. must be waiting to sue him for bad imitation :P

and hey.. your torture provided us with confidence that we made the right choice of not watching!!!

I still can't believe that you watched it!!!!!

Bravo!!! is all i can say :)

sumgum said...

LOL....LOL....;)

I am going for this one as soon as i convince some1 to come along....:))

Arvind Iyer said...

Jai mata di!
I see we have cribbed about pretty much the same points! Bound to happen when you watch movies together :)

And I agree. It wasn't that bad! total paisa vasool!

mythalez said...

I am sure no one would have written as much about this movie as you have ...
right from the time the first poster released to this minute analysis!!

i admire ur patience n commitment :P

quarterpastseven said...

Hahah! I did have a test! I've survived Aap Ka Suroor, Jaani Dushman, Krishna Cottage, Partner, and Love at Times Square. Yes, even that.

At lease Karzzzz shares its name with a good movie.

I am not letting any reviews discourage me. lol.

Anyway, after watching it tonight, I'll read the whole list that you have produced from the movie. DOn't want to spoil the fun :D

santasizing...Fantasizing said...

Bhai...what a review!!..and im glad that im not the only one whos written so much about Himesh...
after reading my post(http://santasizing.blogspot.com/2008/10/tantananana-tanndoori-nights.html) about karzzz...half of my friends decided they wanted to disown me..:-(
only coz i had the daring to watch karzzzz...!!!sigh!and i was so heartbroken!
anyways..m glad im not the only one in this world who can do that...
Jai matadi...we Rock!!!

Prats said...

Bhai,

Even I went for Karzzzzzz, Actually had to bribe my friend will go with any god damn movie u want me to ( I am sure it would be a sanjay leela Bhansali movie which I never watch).

I enjoyed a lot of movie... The music was good and in India they do an awesome commentary The movie turned out to be hillarious.

I mean girls falling around saying I love you... If it can be him why why not me....

then to top it out; The dumb joke Arey Monty teri topi kahan hai...

The achievement was I made my friend sit through the whole movie though it involves her munching 3 packs pf popcorns almost 6 times the usual quota :)

Somya said...

I am so proud of you!...khair I am still trying to convince ppl to come along wid me to watch movie and going by the disgusted and "u'ave lost it" looks I have been getting all this while...I guess I might have to watch this movie later on DVD or one of the movie channels.

Jagjit said...

hey, u really write great. i m rolling u :) nd ya, now i HAVE to go to watch the movie...:P

Sanchit said...

mujhe gold nahin mila????
mujhe movie dekhni hain... :(

SMM said...

Hey was bloghopping and came to yours. Blogrolling you :)

Ughhhhhhhhh Urmila in her gold avtar was scary (though just the gold top with a dark trouser would have looked really classy. Now I have to go hunt for one like that fr my New Year's party thingie once i lose some of my flab)

And yes I too thought Fanaa was complete crap. The second half was a scene by scene ripoff from Eye of the Needle. I was predictign what's going to happen next which cheesed off my frnd who thought I had already seen it and had just come along to bug him :P

parikrama said...

Well I shared my misery with 3 lissome air-hostesses (Air-India, yes they do have non-aunty types) who by stroke of cosmic luck happened to be seated right in front of me.

After about 3 min's into the film, I tuned myself out from the movie and tuned into airlines gossip ;-) So it wasn't that bad outing for me afterall.

Sumit Bakshi said...

hehehe ... nice ... have you seen welcome to sajjanpur??? u'll love it ... it has typpical UP-MP border hindi and some really good puns.

astha said...

OMG!!! u actually went to see that..
iwud never go to watch such a movie and won't add to its turnover to make it smashing hit of the year..i'll download and watch it :)

Stupidosaur said...

Oh hell , that lollipop pic is actually from the same movie?

I had just run a google pic search for that post of mine and got it!

BTW now I am feeling like watching the movie. Such movies have a therapeutic value. After watching such movies you feel all is well with the world! (As juxtaposed to the movie, with which nothing is)

Kanan said...

Wow you courageous lot are now making me wanna see this one so bad. I've got a ton of movies to watch now Karzzz being in top ten.

Thanks for the very entertaining review. :D

Kanan said...

I forgot to say...

JMLR!

dharmu said...

totally, totally, totally agree!

and more so, i think the whole movie was a Kenya tourism promotion campaign. also, Ravi Verma's mom looked stunning after those 25 years!perfect brows, makeup-shakeup, even the perfectly manicured nails!!!
and my my, the sister dear-pinky ponky, supposing her age was around 45ish, was quite a figure in the minis. wonder what the costume designer was thining(if he ever was..)

and, no one ever grew old in the movie. guess the director took some inspiration from the Ekkkta Kkkapoor night misery stories.

btw, i watched this movie, forcing the strictly-not-movie-buff hubby of mine. the movie was painful at its own right, but a nagging husband doesnt make it any better.

Tarun said...

Bhai,
I m curious to know,will u watch sequel,Karz 2,will u watch it?

~vagabond~ said...

I cant stop staring at Himesh's hair. I clicked on the link you put...you know the one of him in a yellow-grey shirt with a lollipop *horrified gasp!* (I should be given an award just for clicking on the link.) But now I cant stop staring at the hair. What is that? Is he wearing a wig?! It looks so soft and bouncy. I swear I've seen a hairstyle just like on a girl. I'm sorry, I cant even start to appreciate the movie. I just cant get past the hair.

Reflections said...

ROFL...u r really funny:-D

Reflections said...

sorry, meant to say u have a super sense of humour:-P

rt said...

U r not at all a bollywood fan..arey main to kehti hun ki aapko to bollywood se pyar hee nahin hai..aapko to obsession hai ;)
@tarun: perfect question!!