Jai mata di, let's mock!

Okay, so this is like my fourth Himesh Reshammiya post.

I must be going cuckoo indeed.

But then, watching Karzzzz was one of the highlights of my Bollywood-cuckoo career, and it is my duty to record it somewhere.

So it all started when I wrote this 'Wanted' post on my blog. To my utter suprise, hiding amongst the "Yeah, right!" responses were some bewdas who actually wanted to go for it. So I decided to plan a 'Bloggers watch Karzzzz' outing. My regular Bollywood buddy Pizzadude was all excited because like me, he has not seen 'Aap ka surrrrorrr' (okay, I don't really know how many r's are in the title) and was curious.

I don't know what was wrong with Viv, but he actually indicated interest.

"Ha ha ha ha ha!" I laughed in his face.

"Seriously, I want to watch it too."

"Yeah, right!"

"Seriously!"

"You're kidding, right?"

"No! I want to watch it."

"But why??"

"You guys are watching it..."

"But you fall asleep in the theatre even during 'normal' movies!"

*guilty silence*

"So you really want to come?"

"Yes, I do."

"Okay, great! So we have you, Pizzadude, Pizzadude's friend, Arvind (a blogger who had left a comment on the Wanted post), Komal (another commentator on that post), Parikrama (a blogger I'd contacted as I knew he watched Bollywood movies) and me. That's quite a crowd for Himesh!"

I was very excited about meeting bloggers I had never met. Little did I know that indeed, I would never meet them. On Saturday, the rediff review was out. And so was half of my 'quite a crowd'. Dropped out like flies, they did.

Even Viv started grinning at me, a typical grin which can only mean one thing - "I don't wanna go."

Hmmmph! Okay, fine.

While I was finalising the plan, Parikrama was of the view I was pulling a fast one on him. Perhaps he thought I'd get him to the theatre and then not show up. So he did what a sensible guy would do - went for the movie... BY HIMSELF! Dude, you may have shown me the thenga, but the joke's on you. :P At least the rest of us had company in misery. Muahaha! And thenga! :D

Pizzadude's friend too, dropped out.

Komal said she couldn't make it as she had a test. Or maybe she had read the review. :P

Well, we had a test too. A test of patience and tolerance.

I must admit the Rediff review almost broke my determination because I really trust Raja Sen's reviews. He was the only guy in the world who agreed with me that Fanaa was C-R-A-P when all other reviewers were raving about it.

But I'm glad Pizzadude got me my determination back.

"Rediff has blasted it. Still wanna go?" I sent him a message.

"I'm still curious," he said. "If I have company, I'll go."

"All right then," I said. "Let's do it!"

After all, this was a great chance for us to show how much we love Bollywood and the lengths we would go for it.

Yeh ishq nahin aasaan... bas itna samajh leejiye
Ek aag ka dariya hai... aur doob ke jana hai.

So we were all set to doobo in Himeshbhai's aag ka dariya, and proclaim our undying ishq, not for him, but for Bollywood.

We met up with Arvind at the theatre (the dude had proclaimed that he would recognise me just from my blog header picture. Muahaha! He couldn't. I am not as short as I look up here! Hmmmph!) and made our way in. I may have been the first in queue to buy the tickets, but to our surprise, the theatre was pretty full. Pizzadude's theory was that a lot of people may have made phone bookings because they were too embarrassed to be seen in the Karzzzz ticket queue.

And so here's my usual 'random-thoughts-review' of Karzzzz.

• Himesh the actor. I have no words. Hmmm... Actually, if you think about it, his acting wasn't that bad. Possibly because all others were so incredibly bad, they made him shine.
  
  
• Himesh the singer. Sheesh. Every 15 minutes, he would break into his signature, "Ooooooooo" and we would go "Aaaaaaaaaaaa!".
  
  
• Dino Morea sleep-walked through all his scenes with a bored "What's-the-point-they're-gonna-kill-me-and-replace-me-with-Himesh-of-all-people-anyway" expression on his face.
  
  
• If Urmila had zero chemistry with Dino, it was negative with Himesh.
  
  
• Some of the dialogues were amazing. "Tumhare paas kya saboot hai ki tumne Ravi Verma ka katl nahin kiya?" Hahahahahahahahaha!
  
  
• The costume designer seriously got carried away when he/she was asked to design clothes for a character called 'Princess Kamini'. Which princess wears golden pants with a golden top, a golden cap, golden earrings, a golden bracelet and golden shoes? Sample this. And then repeat the costume, but use silver this time??
  
  
• Speaking of bad costumes, I swear in one of the scenes, Himesh wears something that looks like someone cut out a piece of lacy black lingerie and super-glued it to his chest. You can ask Pizzadude if you don't believe me (I'm sure you will not be watching the movie to verify this)!
  
  
• This is what Shweta Kumar's script said, "Hug Himesh. Smile in a silly manner. Repeat several times."
  
  
• I cannot believe they actually had a 'maa yelling at bhagwan because beta is dead' scene in a 2008 movie. No kidding. "Tujhe mera beta waapas dena hi hoga!!!" and all.
  
  
• Cheap thrills like cleavage and short hemlines make their appearance throughout the movie. Himesh provides the cleavage bit, while Shweta displays the short hemlines.
  
  
• Raj Babbar ke yeh din aa gaye hain? Playing an old sardaar who decides to fling himself off the balcony at the baddies?
  
  
• Sir Juda has got to be the most ridiculous character in Bollywood ever. They amputated his arm and replaced it with... of all things a synthesizer! That too, a kids' synthesizer. I'm pretty certain I have seen baby Aish playing one of those in a photo.
  
  
• I think all of us nearly died laughing when Shweta, standing near a lake, sings one line of the song, and Himesh makes a sudden appearance, half-hanging from a helicopter above, and completes the song. Without as much as a chirp from the helicopter blades.
  
  
• Of all the actors who have ever played the leading man's buddy, Monty's friend Dr. Dayal has got to be the most dhakkan of all. He was not convincing as a doctor, as a friend, or as they say about Joey, as a human being in general.
  
  
• I think the most disturbing was the scene where Himesh is wearing a really tight yellow and grey striped T-shirt, has soft toys strapped all over him, and is holding red roses and a lollipop. If you have a heart of steel, click here.
  
  
• I never liked Sameer's lyrics, but this really takes the cake. Tan-tan-tan tandoori nights? And what's with the "Hari om" and "Masha allah" songs? What's this - International Summit to Promote Secularism?
  
  
• Himesh Reshammiya plays a 25-year-old. I rest my case.

All said and done, I still wouldn't say it was the worst movie I've ever seen. Banaras, Virodhi, Rudhraksh and Fanaa still rank way above anything else.

In fact, if anything, this movie will be testimony that Pizzadude, Arvind and I, have truly passed the agni-pariksha and proved our love for Bollywood.

Jai mata di, we rock!