Atha Shri Mahabharat Kkkathaa

Sayesha Smitten Showbiz Kitten had been scouring the papers for an update on Ekta Kapoor's proposed Mahabharata. Finding nothing, she decided to get the news from the horse's mouth. She set up an interview with Ekta Kapoor and was there in Kkapoor Kkutir on time, armed with her notepad, scribbling away.

SSSK - Hi, Ekta!

Ekta - Hi, Kkkitten!

SSSK - We haven't heard from you since the news was out that you're remaking Mahabharata...

Ekta - Yeah, I've been busy working on the story...

SSSK - Working on the story? What's there to work out? It's the Mahabharata!

Ekta - Oh you don't expect me to just copy the first Mahabharata, do you?

SSSK - Uhh... you mean your version has a different story?

Ekta - Well, of course!

SSSK - How... different..?

Ekta - Quite! Firstly, it won't be called Mahabharata.

SSSK - Really? What would you call it?

Ekta - Kkissa Kkauravvonn Kka.

SSSK (shocked) - Kkkkyaaa???

Ekta (grinning) - Cool, huh?

SSSK - But why?? Shouldn't the Pandavas be in the title, if at all?

Ekta (winks) - Ah well, the Kauravas won by one letter of the alphabet! You know which one I'm talking about, yeah?

SSSK (rolls eyes) - Of course I do. I think the whole world does...

Ekta - Haha! Actually that's the reason I picked the Mahabharata and not the Ramayana.

SSSK - What do you mean?

Ekta - I like the characters in Mahabharata more.

SSSK - You do?

Ekta - Sure! I mean, look at the names! Kkurukkshetra, Kkauravas, Kkunti, Kkarna, Kkripacharyya, Kkrisshhna... What more could I ask for?

SSSK - Hmmm... So tell me more about the serial. Who's playing what?

Ekta - Well, I approached Kulbhushan Kharbanda to play Dhritarashtra, Kamini Kaushal to play Gandhari, Kirron Kher to play Kunti, Khushbu to play Madri, Karisma Kapoor to play Draupadi, Kareena Kapoor to play Rukmini, Kajol to play Subhadra, Kishen Kumar to play Duryodhan, Kay Kay to play Arjun, Kunal Kapoor to play Nakul and Kunal Khemu to play Sahdev. The background score was to be by Kailash Kher, KK and Kamaal Khan.

SSSK - That's an interesting mix. Any particular reason for choosing such a cast?

Ekta (grins) - Ahem...

SSSK - Sheesh. Why did I even ask?

Ekta - Ha ha ha!

SSSK - And did they agree to it?

Ekta - Well, not exactly. They didn't like the script so much.

SSSK - You mean the script you rewrote?

Ekta - That's right.

SSSK - Why not?

Ekta - Well, for starters, they thought that bringing back Abhimanyu from the dead was weird.

SSSK - You're bringing Abhimanyu back from the dead??

Ekta - Of course! How will audiences ever accept the death of an innocent boy?

SSSK - The audiences know the story of the Mahabharata!

Ekta (cheekily) - Well, they don't know the story of Kkissa Kkauravvonn Kka!

SSSK - And how do you intend to bring him back from the dead?

Ekta - Nothing special actually... just a simple trick I use in all my serials. Plastic surgery and amnesia make an awesome subplot. Don't you think?

SSSK - Sure sure... what other such 'subplots' do you have?

Ekta - Well, I don't like Kunti's characters too much. So I'll change that.

SSSK - Why don't you like Kunti's character??

Ekta - Well, I think she was too nice to Draupadi yaar!

SSSK - Too nice??

Ekta - Yeah, I'd make her more of an evil saas. And perhaps introduce a sister to the Pandavas to make it more interesting. Ah, a step-sister maybe? The two of them will harass Draupadi together.

SSSK - About what?

Ekta - Dowry, of course! What else do bahus in India get harrassed about?

SSSK - Hmmm... so what's going to happen to her?

Ekta - I'm still working on it. Perhaps they can set her on fire because of dowry? And I could bring in a new cheaper actress to play the post-fire part.

SSSK - Let me guess - plastic surgery and amnesia again?

Ekta - Hey, you're getting really good at this!

SSSK - Anything else I should be taking note of? Does your serial have a central idea like the original Mahabharata?

Ekta - Of course it does! How can a story work without a central theme? I will of course, reveal the theme in the end!

SSSK - The end? Do your serials ever end?

Ekta - Well, eventually there will be an end. Something or the other will happen. Some actors will refuse to act the part of someone 40 years older than them, some will ask for more money, some will find it weird to have the female characters wearing heels in the forest, etc. etc. I'll end it then. With the central theme.

SSSK - Well, so what is the central theme?

Ekta - My goodness, Kkitten! You're useless. The central theme of my Mahabharata is the best part! It's the same as in the original!!

SSSK - Well, what is it??

Ekta - It's all about Kkkkarma, of course!