When?

While planning my office fun day, one of the organisers sent a mail asking people to volunteer for various games. He also needed someone to dress up as Snoopy - the mascot of our team.

"Yeah right!" Most of us thought when we read that.

I wondered who would agree to dress up like Snoopy for the event. It had to be one of the crazy designers or illustrators. Or maybe one of the crazy editors would eventually agree to do it. Someone like me.

So I was really surprised when I found out who had agreed to do it. The most amazing part was - she was the last person anyone would imagine agreeing to be the mascot. She was a dignified, elegant, calm and composed lady. Bole toh, apun ka exact opposite. And I thought to myself - how is it that someone who is generally as jumpy as me did not agree to become the mascot and someone like her did?

"There must be a catch!" I thought. "Why would anyone in their right mind go on a 5-km walk in the Macritchie forest wearing a Snoopy head?? Ah, I know! Maybe she's gonna tender her resignation and wants to make a statement before that!" Whoever heard my theory gave me the "You and your hyperactive imagination" look.

A couple of days after the fun day, said mascot tendered her resignation.

"I told you so!" I said it aloud to everyone who'd laughed at my theory.

Though I was proud to have had my theory verified, I was also forced to think. "What if she'd not quit? What if she'd really wanted to be the mascot? What if she just wanted to have fun? Why was I so suspicious of what could have been an earnest desire? Why should there necessarily be a catch if something is out of the ordinary?"

Every time we want to do something out of the way, we start thinking of what others will say. We try to get into the minds of everyone except ourselves, to see what they would think, what they would say. We try to cater to the expectations of everyone except ourselves.

Why are we so relcutant to behave out of the box? Whatever happened to the spirit of having fun? Why is it so hard for us to convince ourselves that if we're comfortable with ourselves, no one can make us feel uncomfortable? When did wearing something a little adventurous become an act of 'courage'? When did we start demeaning the concept of courage?

They say it takes a long time to wear a sari. It took me a year, to be precise.

Last year in my office when we had a Deepavali-Hari Raya party, and we had to dress up in ethnic wear, two of my colleagues asked me if I'd be wearing a sari.

"Are you kidding me?? Sari??? Me???? No way man! I'm SO not gonna make a fool of myself in front of the whole office!"

The truth is - I was DYING to wear a sari for the party. Any party. I was basically errr.. dying to wear a sari. To me, the sari is the ultimate attire. There's nothing quite as elegant as the sari.

It was not the fear of walking around like a penguin in a kimono that stopped me, it was my fear of what people would say/think if I turned up in a sari. This year, I realised how stupid I'd been last year, and how fortunate I was to actually have an event where I could flaunt my national costume in a foreign country. I just had to believe that I could pull off the sari look.

And so, this year, wear a sari I did. And I did not stumble or fall, nor did I walk like a penguin in a kimono.

Everything was fine. Everything was great.

As I reflected on how much fun it was, I realised that the little act of wearing a sari at my office party meant a lot more to me than I thought it did. The more I thought, the more questions floated around in my mind.

When did we become like this? When did we stop having harmless nonsensical fun? When did we start stopping each other from having harmless nonsensical fun? When did we start dictating one another's lives? When did we start imposing our standards on others? When did we start allowing others to impose their standards on us? When did insignificant things become so significant? When did we start staring and judging? When did we become so self-conscious in the company of others? And who are these 'others' anyway? It's us, isn't it? So when did we start making one another so conscious of themselves? When did we start penalising people for not being like us?

When did we stop giving a damn about all the things that really matter?

When did we start giving a damn about all the things that don't?