The blast and the furious

Dear full-time student,

What is your problem? If I am flipping through my notes before class, why must you panic? And what was it that you asked me today? Have I started studying for exams? No, my dear, no. The answer is no. In fact, it is NO.

I know the exams are in less than two weeks. But I don't have any leave left to stay home and study. My company does not give study leave for self-sponsored part-time masters courses. I'm already grateful they let me off early on the days I have classes. So no, I haven't started studying. You know why? Because I can't. I work full-time and my work keeps me very busy all day. Only I know how I have been managing my dissertation, my term projects, my presentations, my group meetings and classes alongside work. But you know what? I am fine with it. I am fine with the challenge of juggling work with studies. I've managed two semesters on adrenalin, I can manage one more. Have you heard me complain?

So yes, exams are in two weeks and I haven't started studying. And by the looks of it, I'm not going to be able to start anytime soon. So yes, I'm in deep shit. That should be my problem, isn't it? Why is it yours? And if you have to give me that disbelieving look when I say "No, I haven't started studying yet." why do you ask the question in the first place? Why are you panicking just because I'm not? Why do I make you nervous?

And what do you mean by "Sayesha, why do you always need to sit in the first row and be so attentive?" I need to because I want to. I am a part-time student, and unlike you, I do not have time to go back and look at the lecture notes. I'm revising simultaneously as the class is going on. And that is why I need to sit in the first row and be very attentive. And I do not care if you or anyone else thinks that I am a nerd. Discipline is my thing, and if it bothers you, I'm sorry I can't help you there.

I don't know whether you're trying to make yourself feel better by getting me to admit that I am in more of a soup than you are, or whether you're trying to get yourself motivated by checking on what I am doing. Whatever it is, do remind yourself that part-timers are different from full-timers. You cannot compare the two. I work full-time and study part-time. You study full-time. You do the math.

I'm not doing this course to beat you and everybody else in the grades list. I used to do that in school, not anymore. I'm not doing the course to compete with kids like you. I'm doing the course to get myself a post-grad degree. So if you want to compare and compete, do so with the full-timers. Don't come and ask me silly questions about whether I have started studying for exams. Because I will tell you the truth, and apparently you can't stomach the truth.

So stop behaving like a paranoid first year undergrad and concentrate on your own studying. You don't need to worry about me, I will manage. Just don't make me angry. Really. Don't. I mean it. I don't have time for your games. Find kids your own age to play with, will ya?

Now get out of my way so I can travel across to the other side of the country to get home and crash.

Cos I have to wake up at 6.30 am tomorrow to go to work, you see.