Blogte raho!

This post has been issued in public interest, or rather in the interest of the neglected blogs of my friends who are bloody brilliant bloggers, but they just won't blog.

This poem is dedicated to all of those lazy buggers... I mean bloggers...

Bar mein tumhara swaagat hai
Lekin humko laagat hai
Gahan aalas ke tum maare ho
Kambakhton, procrastinators saare ho!

Aalas ka hi toh namoona hai
Ki blog tumhara soona hai
Maana tumne dil ka haal likha
Abbe, woh toh pichhle saal likha!

Aaj ki kya taaza khabar hai?
Banjar hai re, sab banjar hai!
Daftar mein bahut ho biji biji?
Arre kitne kaam hain niji niji?

Blog karne ke kitne raste hain
Hum toh padhne ko taraste hain
Yaar kuchh bhi likho, hum padh lenge
Aur padhkar aage badh lenge

Bandhu, tum toh patli gali se nikal liye
Humara khayaal kiye bina hi aise chal liye?
Hum kab tak akele bakwaas karenge?
Bandwidth ka satyanaas karenge?

Muh uthaakar roz tumhaare blog par hum jaate hain
Sar hilaakar, gaali dekar, waapas laut aate hain
Arre tumhaare blog par hamara bhi kuchh adhikaar hai
Blog ko neglect karne waalon, tum par toh dhikkaar hai!

Ya toh fultu shutdown karo, ya blog ko tum update karo
Likhne ko kuchh hai nahin toh kuchh naya create karo
Sadaa apni bakwaas se tum cyberspace ko hogte raho
Kahat kaviyatri Sash - blogte raho re bhaiya, blogte raho!

A catch to the catch

Someone sent this video to Viv as a forward and we were completely bowled over by the girl's stunt. We watched it some 3-4 times but still couldn't get over how cool it was! Viv, being a wicket-keeper, was especially enthralled at the agility and timing.

Watch it first...



Video courtesy 6d7vdub







And oh, before you go "You go, girl!" like we did, here's the thing we found out.

It's fake. An ad for Gatorade apparently.

Sheesh. :/

Ten-acity

"O Bhai...where art thou???"

Suddenly this comment from Nidhi on my last post woke me up and got me to write the post that I actually should have written on the 18th of July 2008.

Ten years. It's a long time. Longer than any of the cities in India I lived in. Flitting from city to city every two years due to Dad's transfers made it easy, easy for me to leave everything behind and head out of India at the age of 18 to live in a totally alien land. It wasn't easy, but to tell the truth, it wasn't too difficult either. Perhaps that was because on some levels, it felt like yet another transfer, except that I was by myself. I did not have a single acquaintance in Singapore, not a friend, not a relative (phew actually!), not a soul.

Start. From scratch.

Sometimes I wonder what it would have been like if I had not got the scholarship, and decided to stay on in India and take up the Engineering or the Medical course. Me, a doctor? Naah, not so much. Me, an engineer? Naah, not so much either. Even though that's what I ended up studying here - the damn scholarship people had pretty much picked everything for me. But then, as I like to believe, the coolest people in the world are the electrical and electronics engineers who are not working as engineers. Ahem.

If I'd done that engineering course in India, would I have had the guts to quit my first job after three months and declare war on the world?

"I will not be an engineer I will not be an engineer I will not be an engineer."

Lather, rinse, repeat.

Perhaps not. I'd be too scared, too scared of what my parents would have to answer to relatives' questions. I was safe here, away from all of them, who did not need to know where I was working and as what. "She's working in Singapore." was sufficient to satisfy them. I would not be in the publishing industry for sure. I would not have had the guts to start from the very bottom - as an assistant editor - and work my way up. I would not have written the kids' books that I wrote. I would have been a miserable engineer somewhere. Or maybe not. Maybe I would have been happy. Because I wouldn't have known otherwise.

Whatever happened, it worked out fine for me. I am happy and most importantly, aware of it.

But is Singapore home?

Everytime I ask myself this question, I squirm. There are things I love about it, and things I hate about it. There are things I am so used to, that I can't do without them. It's safe. It's clean. The system actually works. The chilli crab is out of the world. The job keeps me happy. And then there are the things I could do without. The Singlish. The MSG. The occasional racial stereotypes. But then maybe it's still better than other places where racism is in your face? Then why does it bug me when someone asks me, "Oh you cook dinner every day? But how many different types of curry can there be anyway??" There you go. That's the image. The IT geeks who eat curry for all three meals every day and hang out at Little India in weekends. My friend was actually asked by someone, "So what do you guys do in the weekends? Hang out at Little India?" My friend replied, "Yup! Just like how you guys hang out at Chinatown." Totally awesome comeback. Left the guy speechless. Sometimes I want to do that. Leave them speechless. At other times, it feels like a defensive strategy. An "us" versus "them" thing. I have been here for ten years. Is there really an "us" versus "them"? Aren't I part of "them" by now? Shouldn't I be part of them by now?

Sometimes, I look at my life and think, "I should be so thankful." At other times, I look around and think, "I should be home." But what is home really? Is India home? Can I see myself moving and settling there? Not so much. Can I see myself settling here forever? Maybe. I don't know. Don't ask me that question. Don't. It makes me nervous.

"Are you applying for citizenship?" a colleague asked. Citizenship. Singapore citizenship. The gateway to a visa-free, hassle-free world of privileges. But here's the catch - I'd have to apply for a visa to go to India. A visa application to go back home. And that thought just breaks my heart. So no, I'm not ready for citizenship. Yet.

India is India, and Singapore is Singapore. Both have their pluses and both have their minuses. When I'm here, I can't stand anyone speaking unreasonably ill of India, and when I'm there, the same holds for Singapore. I have the best of both worlds. I'm happy. I'm comfortable. I'm just hours away from my parents. Then why isn't it home? How do we define home anyway? And just why can't I have two homes? What is stopping me from calling Singapore home?

Maybe, it's true. Maybe it really is that simple. That on some levels, I'm just taking Singapore for granted.

Isn't that what defines 'home'?

Well, I guess it's home then.

Haar-maan gaya?

So Sayesha Smitten Showbiz Kitten decided to organise a discussion forum called 'The future of Bollywood'. She sent out invites to the two main parties the forum revolved around - the cast and crew of Jaane Tu Ya Jaane Na, and Love Story 2050.

Aamir agreed to come because he preferred smaller gatherings to big award shows. Imran agreed because he always agreed with Aamir. Harman agreed because no one else wanted to interview him. Priyanka agreed to accompany Harman because as a former Miss World, it was her duty to stand by the unfortunate. Genelia agreed because she wanted to see if Priyanka was taller than her.

Place: SSSK's living room
Time: 9.38 am
People: Aamir Khan, Imran Khan, Genelia D'Souza and SSSK

Aamir (looking at his watch) - 8 minutes past the agreed time... So... Where are they?

SSSK (looking embarrassed) - They should be on the way I think...

Aamir - This is the problem of the younger generation! No respect for time. Kyun, Imran?

Imran (gulps) - Err... Ji, Mamu.

Aamir (to Genelia) - Kyun, Genelia?

Genelia (looks at him nervously) - Ji... err... mamu?

A car can be heard pulling in. Harman and Priyanka confidently walk into the living room.

Aamir - Ye lo! Harry Puttar aa gaya!

Harman - Please don't call me that.

Aamir - How about Harry ka Puttar?

Harman - Please, Uncle... Papa ke baare mein kuchh nahin...

Harman sits as far away from Imran as possible. Priyanka and Genelia make cat eyes at each other.

SSSK (attempts to takes control of the situation) - So we're all here! Shall we start the discussion?

Harman (wipes brow) - Yes, please. (whispers to Priyanka) The sooner we get this done with, the better.

Aamir (whispers to Imran) - Imran, remember this. No matter what happens, do not let me utter the words "Shah Rukh", "dog" and "biscuit" in the same sentence. Okay?

Imran - Err... Ji, Mamu.

SSSK - Great then! Please start. I'll be outside on that tree, taking notes.

Priyanka - On that tree??

Genelia - Huh? Why don't you sit here on the couch and take notes?

SSSK - Actually the couch is a bit uncomfortable...

Genelia - More than the tree??

SSSK - You won't understand. That's my office.

Genelia and Priyanka give SSSK strange looks.

SSSK plonks herself on a branch that leans towards the living room window. She takes out her notepad and pencil and starts writing.

Aamir (grins) - So? Harry Puttar?

Harman - Please don't call me that. I have a name.

Aamir - Oh right! So are you Harman as in "R.D. Burman", or Harman as in "Super-man" or Harman as in "Haar-maan ja aur kat le"?

Harman - Uhhh... it's Harman.

Aamir - As in?

Harman - Err... R. D. Burman?

Imran Khan chuckles.

Aamir - So your movie flopped.

Harman - Yeah...

Aamir (proudly points to Imran) - His was a blockbuster. Do you know?

Harman - I know...

Aamir - Maybe you should tell your Dad this - it's not easy to launch someone new. You need real talent. It's not something every Tom, Dick and HARRY can do! HA HA HA!

Harman grinds his teeth. SSSK decides to intervene.

SSSK - Priyanka! Why don't you tell us about your movie? What's your character?

Priyanka - My character has two parts. I'm Sana in the present and Zeisha in the future.

SSSK (almost falls off the branch in shock) - Sayesha?! What the...?!

Priyanka - No! No! Zeisha.

SSSK - Oh! Phew.

Genelia - Zeisha?? Huh? What kinda stupid name is that??

Priyanka - Oh please! You toh don't even talk. If your name had two more letters in it, your so called 'family movie' would have been rated 'RA'!

Aamir - Priyanka, Priyanka, Priyanka. Calm down, my child. One flop is all it takes for an intelligent girl like you to lose her senses.

Priyanka calms down.

Aamir - So tell me, what the heck made you sign a movie like that? Was it because of this dhakkan of a boyfriend you have?

Priyanka fidgets with her phone.

Genelia - And the hair... oh the hair... that was torture. Why, Priyanka, why??

Priyanka (bursts into tears) - They made me dye it red! I lost so much of it during the dyeing!

Harman - Please yaar. You had too much of it anyway.

Priyanka - What the...?! Are you calling me hairy??

Aamir - Ha ha ha! This is fun! Maybe your movie should have been called HAIRY AUR PUTTAR instead! Kyun, Imran?

Imran - Ji, Mamu.

SSSK decides to intervene again.

SSSK - Now now. Let's all behave like adults here. Now Harman, I have a friend called Viv... he says he went to school with you in Bombay. Do you remember him?

Priyanka (claps hand to mouth) - Haw!!!! Did he tell you Harman used to look like a stick figure in school??

Harman (glares at Priyanka) - Oh please! I was not a stick figure. I was just... err... slender.

Aamir (proudly points to Imran) - Imran was never stick-thin or fat in school. He was always fit. Kyun, Imran?

Imran - Ji, Mamu.

Harman glares again. At no one in particular.

Harman - Well, I'm fit now, aren't I?

Genelia - Yeah. At least something came out of copying Hrithik.

Harman - Excuse me?!

Genelia - Don't insult my intelligence now. The whole world knows you're modelled after him. Daddy's idea, eh?

Harman - I am SO not modelled after him! Will people quit saying that?!

Aamir - Ha ha! Priyanka, what do you have to say to that? Doesn't he try to be Hrithik?

Priyanka - Well...

Harman (looks at her indignantly) - Priyanka?!

Priyanka - Frankly speaking... every time I'm with you, I feel like I'm shooting for Krrish...

Genelia - Ha ha ha!

Aamir (guffaws) - Ouch! Kyun, Imran?

Imran - Err... Ji, Mamu.

Aamir - Ji Mamu what?

Imran - Ouch?

Aamir (looks at Imran proudly) - Precisely.

Harman - So you too think I look like Hrithik?

Priyanka - Well, yeah! But he has what you have and more!

Harman - You mean like the extra finger?

Priyanka - Much more, Harman. Much more.

Aamir - Ha ha ha! I like Priyanka. I think I will sign her for my next movie.

Priyanka (can't believe her ears) - You will??

Aamir - Yes, yes, I'm working on a script right now. It should be done by the end of 2010.

Harman - Sure sure. Knowing how long you take to make your movies, if you'd made Love Story 2050, it wouldn't be about travelling to the future, it would be about travelling to the past! Hmmmph!

Aamir - Arre shabash! First good retort from you! Maybe I will remake Love Story 2050 with the two of you. By the time I complete shooting, it would actually be 2050. Ha ha! Kyun, Imran?

Imran - Ji, mamu.

Genelia (rolls her eyes and whispers to Imran) - Imran, your mamu is a bit annoying, you know...

Imran (whispers back, smiling all the while) - I know... shhh!

Aamir - Okay then, I must get started at once. (leans out of the window) SSSK, this was really fun. We should do it again sometime. Let's go, Imran, Genelia?

The three of them leave. Harman is sitting with his head in his hands. Priyanka is looking at him, not knowing what to say.

Priyanka - Okay baba, don't sulk now. I'll sing a song to cheer you up, okay?

Harman (still sulking) - Okay...

Priyanka (clears her throat) - Achha jee main HARRY chalo maan jao na...

Priyanka bursts into laughter and leaves the room.

Harman (lifts head and slowly sings) - Dekhi sabki yaari mera dil jalaao na...

Word War II

"Then I figured that saving my wicket was crucial in this match. So I played slowly and steadily... a few big hits in the slog overs... and that was it - won by 7 runs! Close one!" Viv exclaimed gleefully.

He was not narrating the outcome of the last cricket match he played. He was gloating over how he kicked my ass at Scrabble. Again.

Hmmph! As if I wasn't there.

Okay, firstly, there is no "again" because obviously he cheated the first time. We all know that. If there's any 'again', it's only after this: He cheated. Again.

So we're in the middle of the game (I'm winning. Obviously.) when he asks seriously, "Would you allow the word 'MUSLIM'?"

I furtively scan the Scrabble board, an action very helpful before answering any such 'loaded' question. There is no visible opportunity to make the word 'MUSLIM'.

So I give an objective answer, "Err... yeah, I guess so..."

"But it doesn't sound like a valid Scrabble word..." He ponders.

"Well, would you say the word 'CHRISTIAN' is a valid word?" I ask.

"Yeah, sure." He says.

"Well, there you go. Equality of religions and all that." I say wisely.

"Hmmm..."

"But why are you asking?" I ask, still acting neutral.

"Because of..." he pauses to make the word 'JAIN'.

"...this." He completes his sentence.

"JAIN? Huh? Dude! That's not allowed!"

"Well, equality of religions and all that." He grins and merrily adds 24 points to his score.

Hmmph!

















His next word is 'BI'.

"What the...?!" I exclaim.

"What?" He asks innocently.

"That's not a word!"

"Of course it is."

"It's not! It's a prefix, not a word."

"It's a word!"

"Well, can you make a sentence with 'BI'?"

"Of course!"

"Not using it as a prefix, but as a word?"

"Yeah!"

"Well..?"

"She's BI." He grins.

"WHAT???!!"

"What?"

"That's nonsense!!!"

"It's not. Anyone would understand that."

"Well, I won't allow it."

"But Scrabulous does!"

I thunked my head on my hypothetical wall for telling him a few days ago about how riled up I was that Scrabulous allowed 'BI'.

Sheesh! :/

There was also this time he attempted to make the "word" - FLEXTHIZ for 87 points.

"What the heck is FLEXTHIZ????" I asked.

He rolled up his T-shirt sleeve, pointed to his biceps, grinned and said, "FLEXTHIZ."

:|

Was it a mere coincidence that at the end of the game, I was left with only a 'U', which seemed to belong right under the 'F' on the board?


I may have been at a loss for words at Viv's shameless cheating, but my Scrabble letters sure knew how to speak for me.










And that's how he "won" by 7 runs... err... points.

This was just a league match, my friend. Wait till we get to the Word Cup Finals.

Then we'll see who does the slogging and who does the flogging. :/

And the funniest is...

The results of the poll are out! Strangely, none of the new movies made it to the top three!

Third place goes to....























I gotta watch this movie again... I watched it so long ago, I can barely remember anything. :(

Second place goes to...























And finally, a landslide victory for the ultimate...
























And yes, my vote also went to this movie. Some classic lines from the movie:

Haila! Juhi Chawla!

Govinda! Chippak ke!

Aa gale lag ja!

Jjjjjjjuhi!!
OH! Mujhe laga... Shahrukh Khan aa gaya!

Main tumhe tann, mann aur DHAN se sweekar karta hoon!

Mujh jaisi aulaad wahin hogi jahan aap jaisa baap hoga!

Mujhe apni manzil ekdum saamne dikhai de rahi hai.
Saamne police station aur shamshaan hai. Inme se tumhari manzil kaun si hai?

Yeh topi aapne America se khareedi?
Nahin, New York se.
Achha, maine socha America se khareedi.

Hum kuchh bolega toh kuchh ho jayega kya?

Bagal mein shamshaan hai, wahan se complaint nahin aani chahiye.

Kapde badalne ke liye batti kyun chahiye? Kisi ko kuchh dekhna dikhana hai?

Tum dono ka pyaar dekhkar mujhe Ramanand Sagar ki Ramayan ka woh episode yaad aa gaya...

Chitt main jeeta, patt tu hara.

Main woh pet ki baat... nahin, dil ki baat bol raha tha...

Mogambo ka bhateeja hoon. Aaya hoon, kuchh toh leke jaaunga!

Pilan ke mutaabik...

I am Teja because my name is also Teja.

Yeh Teja Teja kya hai? Yeh Teja Teja?

Aakhen nikaalke gotiyan khelunga!

Gogo ji, aapka ghaghra!

Do dost ek pyaali mein chai piyenge, isse pyaar badhta hai.

Ooi ma!

Andhi ma aur vidhwa behen... andhi ma aur vidhwa behen...

Suno suno duniya ke logon
Sabse bada hai Mister Gogo!

Teja main hoon. Mark idhar hai.

Yeh toh chillar lekar aaye hain!

Bhalla: Aaj Robert ka birthday hai.
Robert: Sir, aapne pehle kyun nahin bataya ki mera birthday hai?
Bhalla: Happy birthday, Robert.
Prem: Happy birthday, rabbit.

Tillu??
Tiley par mila tha na, isliye maine uska naam Tillu rakh diya.

Kaali mirch ke laddu...

Yahan se koodungi toh bahut dard hoga. Socha thoda neeche jaakar koodungi.

Yeh Raveena kaun, Karishma kaun ka chakkar khatam nahin hua ki ek naya chakkar - Uncle kaun?!

Balki main toh kehta hoon aap purush hi nahin hain!
Hainn???!!!
Mera matlab... Mahapurush hain! Mahapurush!

Dhakki tiki dhakki tiki dhakki tiki!


Calling all AAA fans... got any more lines to share? :D

Funny business

It's time for the monthly Bollywood poll at the bar!

All bewdas are requested to vote for the funniest Bollywood movie they have ever watched. As usual, only entries with one movie name will be considered.

Results in the next post. Stay tunn-ed to find out which movie tickled the funny bone of most bewdas.

ps: As usual, I have enabled comment moderation to avoid influence. Once again, do not yell 'GOLD!' :P

A special Fedex delivery

So have you ever spotted a friend walking towards you and made a mad dash for the bushes before you could be spotted?

Thanks to this girl, Viv, Pizzadude, Pizzadude's flatmate and I had to resort to the undignified act described above.

But I'm getting ahead of the story as usual. Let's start right from the very beginning.

Birthdays are days when some of your wishes get fulfilled. Now the girl has been wishing for Federer ever since we can remember. So we figured he had to be a part of her birthday surprise this year. Thus started the mad googling and finally I found exactly what I she was looking for. More on that later in the post.

As I like to say, a true surprise is one that is preceded by a decoy. For the decoy, Pizzadude had a super idea. He suggested using a semi-clad SRK poster that he had wanted to gift me sometime and got a shocked "Are you kidding me?? Noooooooo!" reaction from me. Much as I love SRK, I prefer him fully clad, thank you very much. But this was the perfect chance to use the poster because of Shub's special relationship with SRK. Let's just say she loves him as much as I love... errr... teddy bears (BLEAH!). So we decided to sneak into her house while she was away and decorate her room with the SRK poster and balloons as the clock struck midnight to usher in her birthday.

The night before her birthday, Pizzadude, Viv and I met for dinner, and bought the stuff needed for the surprise. We hung around at Pizzadude's place till about 11 pm or so. Shub's flatmates were in the plot too, and were going to take her for a long walk so we had enough time to do the damage. We finally received the message that they had left home and took a bus down to her place.

"Hope we don't bump into her when we get there, man!" I said.

"Don't worry", assured Pizzadude. "This bus goes to the bus stop on the opposite side of where she's going. There is simply no way we will bump into her."

So we get into the bus, alight at the bus-stop and the next thing I hear is a mad scramble. "Isn't that her??? Walking towards us????" I didn't even pause to see who had said that or whether it really was her. All I remember is the four of us making a mad dash for the bushes. "Don't limp, Pizzadude! She'll know it's you!" Viv cried out as we scrammed. (Pizzadude is still recovering from his knee surgery and still has a slight limp.) I wanted to laugh so hard when he said that, but there really was no time, the girl was at our heels!

So we ran through the bushes and hid behind a van, and only after we saw her walk past, did we get out. We took an alternate route to her place and actually kinda got lost. But finally we got there and quickly got to work.

The SRK poster was stuck on the bed using cellotape, and to create the 'come hither' feel, we placed post-it notes with speech bubbles and thought bubbles all over. Now I shall not say where the post-its were placed and what text they contained, but let's just say someone took full revenge for the airport embarrassment episode. We placed balloons around the poster as well to make it as cheesy as possible.

Check it out!

















The initial plan was to switch off the lights and hide in her room till she got back.

"But what if she doesn't come in here, but hangs around in the living room instead?" I asked.

To avoid this possibility and lead her to her room as soon as she got home, Pizzadude and I decided to make tiny footprints using post-its leading to her room. Viv even suggested we mislead her by making the footprints go up the wall and perhaps even the ceiling! :P






















The tiny footprints

Once the footprints were done, we switched off the lights in her room and hid behind the door. One of her flatmates got the cake and we quickly lit the candles when we heard her unlock the door. She did take the longest time to come in, and the candles were kind of half-melted, but she was there and boy, was she surprised to see all of us!

Pizzadude had made sure he had got along the ghastly garland he'd been made to wear at the airport. Shub was made to wear that AND a silly party hat when she cut the cake. Her flatmates had planned an elaborate treasure hunt for her, involving clues in the freezer and flowerpot and what not, and finally she hunted down the gift from them – a shopping voucher for Vivocity – a mall I refer to as my mother ship.

We, the non-flatmates group, also got our gifts out. Pizzadude got her a skincare gift pack from The Body Shop. Viv and I had got her a peach-coloured running t-shirt and shorts set for her marathon training, and a set of jewellery to match the birthday dress she was raving about here.

Around 1 am or so, Viv and I left for home, leaving behind the happy birthday girl who was under the impression that her birthday surprise was over.

But the real surprise was yet to happen. The next morning. At her office no less.

The next morning, as I was on my way to work, I got an excited sms from Pizzadude, "OMG did you read Shub's blog?" I was in the bus so I hadn't. "What? What? What??" I asked. Apparently she had blogged about how she wanted Federer for her birthday. "She's gonna freak out when she sees our office surprise!" Pizzadude wrote gleefully.

And this was the 'office surprise' - I had designed a card using Photoshop, featuring Federer and Shub in kind of a compromising position, and we had decided to plant it at her office cubicle along with a nausea-inducing lovey-dovey teddy bear (BLEAH!) - gifts seemingly from Federer himself. On the envelope, were the words 'A special FEDEX delivery'. At first, we wanted to get a bunch of flowers that screamed "LUURRRRVE!" (in capital letters, no less) but wondering if the 'flowers from Federer' would stay fresh till the next morning, we decided to replace them with the teddy bear (did I mention BLEAH?). The stuff had been passed to Pizzadude's flatmate who is Shub's colleague. He was going to discreetly plant the stuff at her cubicle.

I'd put together the cheesiest lines with all kinds of tennis terms for the card. Viv also added on and finally this is what was on the inside of the card:

My darling, my 'smashing' Shub,

I can't keep this secret to myself anymore - I have reached the 'break point'. You are my 'one-love' who has cast a 'net' over my heart. My 'single' self yearns to play 'mixed doubles' with you. Think of the ‘advantage’! ;)

I will 'court' you forever and will always remain at your 'service'. I hope you will accept me, with all my ‘faults’. In this 'game' of love, my heart is 'set' on you. Trust me, we will be a perfect 'match'!

Yours forever,
Roger
PS: I hope my ‘back-handed’ methods did not create a 'racquet' at your workplace.

And that was why the three of us couldn't wait to hear from her after she'd discovered the real surprise. We waited restlessly till about noon for her messages/calls abusing us, but there was nothing. We tried to get a status update from her colleague, and apparently, she had been trying to figure out who sent her the stuff and had been furiously asking around. And her whole office, including her boss, had been very entertained with the Fedex drama at her cubicle. Someone even made a colour photocopy of the card and gave it to the boss!

Finally, around lunch-time, I received the sms from her.

"Was that YOU?! The teddy bear and card on my desk?! I want the truth or prepare to die!"

Whoa. Intense. Prepare to die and all.

So I coolly replied, "Huh? What? What are you creating a 'racquet' for??"

Well, let's just say there was a long string of back and forth messages after that, where she called me everything from a dhakkan to a brilliant genius to plain mad. Later, my fellow conspirators also joined us for a great dinner she hosted at Pizzeria Chijmes where we told her of all the details that had gone into our planning, and she told us details of the racquet, errr.. I mean racket at her office.

Of course, by now you're probably dying to see the actual picture on the card.

I'd do it, but there's one small technical problem. So we have to work out an alternative solution.

Observe the picture below. Now imagine Shub's face instead of the trophy. I'm afraid that's all you'll get. For the safety of my life, I'm afraid I can't post the actual picture of my friend in the compromising fictional position we had put her in.

You see, this is a family bar. We do not host the... ahem... 'French Open'.

Word War I

So Viv and I finally bought Scrabble. The last I'd played Scrabble was when I was a kid and Dad told my sister and me that Ludo was so out and Scrabble was so in. I'd been craving to play it for a while now, and adding Scrabulous on Facebook just didn't do it.

So last night, Viv and I sat down to play our first game. We were a bit shaky on the exact rules, but started playing anyway. It started off slow at first, and then I began to get in form. The difference between our scores started with a simple 8, and about half an hour later, I was at 282 while he was at 171.

"Muahahahaha!" I went, as I pitied the guy making words like 'DO', 'NO' and 'SO', scoring 4 points or so, while I made words that got me like 33 points at one go.

"HA HA HA HA!" Suddenly he screamed out.

"Poor guy has gone insane with grief." I said to myself.

"What happened? Did you get like all O's?" I grinned.

"HA HA HA HA!" He said again. "Time for my masterstroke!"

The next thing I know, the guy has made the word 'EXEMPT', which fortunately for him, due to the triple letter and triple word bonus points, earned him a whopping 75 points.

"I was saving up for this word. That's why I was making those two-letter words." He grinned.

Hmmph!

Well, I was still leading and geared up to kick his ass.

"HA HA HA HA!" He started again.

"Sheesh! Now what??"

He took an 'S' and put it at the end of his 'EXEMPT'.

"HA HA HA HA! My second masterstroke!"

"Hey! Are you sure you can pluralise??" I asked.

"HA HA HA HA!"

I took out the rules sheet and found it.

Pluralisation is allowed.

Damnit.

"HA HA HA HA!"

"So how many points?"

"78. HA HA HA HA!"

"Okay fine."

"HA HA HA HA!"

So I lost. By 27 points.

This morning, as I stepped out after taking a bath, I saw him poring over the rules sheet.

"Guess what?" He said.

"What?" I said impatiently. I had an 8 am teleconference and I was rushing to go to work.

"If you pluralise a word, you don't get the bonus points."

"You mean... you mean like the triple letter and triple word and stuff?"

"Yeah." He grinned sheepishly.

"You mean...?!"

"Yeah." Still grinning.

:/

Well, I had to rush off to work, but this was not over.

Prepare for Word War II, my friend!

Heeee-yaaaaa!