Greener pastures

What's your Emoticonal Quotient?

Yesterday my dear friend Pizzadude insisted that I get hold of the emoji app, so I did. At first we indulged in some buffoonery by sending each other really silly emoticons with our messages. (I sent him a revolver, a punch, a bomb and a toilet bowl, and he sent me some not-so-extreme stuff.) And then he had this superfantabulous idea of playing pictionary with emoji icons. We has SUCH a blast 'drawing' and guessing Hindi movie songs yesterday that I thought I should put up some of them on the blog too for the bewdas' guessing delight.

So here are some of the movie songs I 'drew' for him using emoticons. Can you guess what they are? (Click on the picture to see a bigger version.)



PS: I will tag Pizzadude on this post so he can blog about the songs he asked me to guess!

Baby blah-ble

I caught Xena saying "Blah blah blah!"

Party piece

Sayesha Smitten Showbiz Kitten (SSSK) has managed to gatecrash the wedding reception of Riteish Deshmukh and Genelia D'Souza. She approaches the couple to wish them.

Genelia - Oh no, not this cuckoo reporter! I was in one of her interviews once and I can't take it again. I'm off to powder my nose. Isko tum sambhaalo.

SSSK - Congrats, Riteish! I am so happy for you. You are the face of this country!

Riteish (flattered) - Really? You think so? What makes you say that?

SSSK - Oh no, I was just translating your surname.

Riteish - Uh... Ummm... Please excuse me, I have to go powder my nose too. Please go ahead and mingle.

SSSK looks around, spots a bitter-looking Nargis Fakhri in a corner, and approaches her.

SSSK - So Nargis, you must be thrilled. Your very first movie Rockstar was a big hit!

Nargis - Oh please. It was an out and out Ranbir movie. Everybody hated my acting. I thought I'd at least get the 'Fresh face of the year' award!

SSSK - Hmmm... True... So why do you think you didn't get it?

Nargis (bitterly) - I asked them, didn't I? And you know what they said?? They said my face is not fresh! Apparently, it was already revealed to the world in 1934 by Walt Disney! I don't even know what that means! (bursts into tears and walks off)

SSSK spots Bappi Lahiri holding a glass in one hand and one of the many gold chains around his neck in the other hand, singing "O mere dil ke chain..."

SSSK - Bappida, you must be so disappointed. You weren't even nominated for the best singer award for the hit song 'Ooh la la'!

Bappida - Aarey nahin nahin. I'm just happy they still let me sing in spite of my atrocious accent. Ham Bidda Balon ka pikchar mein gana gaya. Pikchaar heet, gana heet, what else could I ask for? Aagla saal isse bhi daarty daarty pikchaar mein gaayega.

SSSK and Bappida spot Akon talking to Vishal and Shekhar. Akon was nominated for the song 'Chhammak chhallo'.

Bappida - Acchha SSSK, ek baat batao. Udhaar dekho toh. Akon hai jo Bishal-Shekhor se baat kar raha hai?

SSSK - Yes.

Bappida - Nahin. Tum saamjha nahin. Ham pooch raha hai ki Akon hai.

SSSK - Yes, it is him.

Bappida - Bat who is it? Wohi toh ham poochh raha hai. A-kon hai??

SSSK - Ohhhhh! You meant 'Yeh kaun hai?'

Bappida - Yes yes.

SSSK - Bappida, yeh Akon hai.

Bappida - Acchaa acchhaa toh tumko bhi nahin maloom...

SSSK - Huh? Mujhe maloom hai. Yeh Akon hai.

Bappida - Maloom hai toh ulta hamko kyun pochhta hai re?

SSSK - Maine kahan poochha? Maine toh bas kaha ki yeh Akon hai.

Bappida - Huh... Aajkal yeh reporter log bhi baada baada party mein aakar kaam chhodkar drank rehta hai...

Bappida walks off. SSSK spots Sonakshi Sinha.

SSSK - Sonakshi! We didn't see you in any of the movies in 2011. Would you like to say something about that?

Sonakshi - Ummm... Ok. Uh... Thappad se darr nahin lagta, saheb. Pyaar se...

SSSK - Arre yaar, pak gaye hum log. Do saalon se yehi dialogue bol rahi ho har jagah. Kuch aur nahin hai bolne ko?

KHAAMOSH!! Shatrughan Sinha appears and takes his crying daughter away.

SSSK - Thappad se yaad aaya, I must find SRK!

SSSK finds SRK.

SSSK - Sir, Shirish Kunder ki pitaai karke aap toh sach mein Tees Maar Khan ho gaye! I saw all the Kha.One jokes in the Amul ads too. Suna hai aap Ra.One ka sequel bana rahe ho Kha.One?

SRK - What nonsense! Tum presswalon ki wajah se hi industry mein maar-peet hoti hai! Kisne kaha ki main Ra.One ka sequel bana raha hoon Kha.One?? Maine abhi title finalize nahin kiya hai!

SSSK - Uhhh.... Never mind then. Sir, mere paas kuch suggestions hain title ke liye.

SRK - Ok. Chalo sunao.

SSSK - How about 'Ek bandar Kunder ke andar'? Or maybe 'Shirish par barish (mukkon ki)'?

SRK (rolls his eyes) - Arre wah. Very good.

SSSK (feeling encouraged) - Sir, ek gana bhi hai. Shirish will sing to Farah. The song is sung to the tune of that famous song where Sunny Deol's scooter wouldn't start.

Farah O Farah! Shah Rukh ne mara!
Din mein nazar aaya tara!
Ab ek pal bhi, tumse na bichhdun
Pit jaaun na main dobara!

SRK gives her some false encouragement again and leaves. SSSK stands there for a while, looking very pleased with herself. Then she spots Zoya Akhtar.

SSSK - Congratulations, Zoya! I have a question for you. Some people thought that 'The Dirty Picture' deserved the Filmfare best film award more than 'Zindagi Na Milegi Dobara'. What do you have to say to that?

Zoya fumes but does not say anything.

SSSK - So are you also going to join the sequel bandwagon like your brother?

Zoya - Interesting that you mention it. Farhan and I are actually thinking of doing a sequel. We need some clean movies to counter the dirty dirty pictures that people make. In fact, we are calling our sequel 'Gandgi Na Milegi Dobara'.

SSSK spots Bipasha Basu, Priyanka Chopra and Sonam.

SSSK - Bipasha! Congrats! The song 'Bipasha' is a hit!

Bipasha - Thank you, thank you.

Priyanka and Sonam make faces at each other.

SSSK - So Priyanka and Sonam, we have a song for Bebo and now one for Bipasha. Is there a Priyanka or Sonam song in the making?

Priyanka - Erm... Actually my producers wanted to have a Priyanka song, but the lyricists are saying that the only word that rhymes properly with 'Priyanka' is 'Sri Lanka' so we scrapped the idea.

SSSK - I see, I see. And Sonam, what about you?

Sonam - Yes yes, something similar happened to me too. The lyricists said that the only word that rhymes properly with 'Sonam' is 'Onam'. And I can't have that, can I? I mean... It goes against everything I stand for!

SSSK - What do you mean??

Sonam - Onam!!! Hello??!! It's a rice harvest festival! Rice!!! CARBS!!! After losing like 50 kg to be in the movies, I can't have a CARBS song to my name!!!

SSSK looks flabbergasted. Sonam and Priyanka leave.

SSSK - Toh Bipasha, one personal question, ok? What happened with you and John?? We thought you had him pinned down for marriage?

Bipasha - Sigh... John ko pakadna mushkil hi nahin, namumkin hai.

SRK (overhears) - Meri picture ka dialogue modify karke maarti hai??? Mujhse permission liye bina??

Amitabh (overhears and glares at SRK) - Teri picture??? Arre meri picture ko hi modify kar diya! Mujhse permission liye bina!!

SRK pretends to have spotted someone and excuses himself.

SSSK - Amit ji, one question, please!

AB (irritated) - Offo! Not again. No, we don't have a name for Beti B yet. Happy now?

SSSK - Erm... No, that was not my question. I just wanted to know what you think of the Agneepath remake. Are you offended that it's such a big hit compared to your original movie?

AB - Not at all. I am not offended. Dekhiye, flop movies ko remake toh karna hi chahiye. Using newer technology and reviewers' harsh comments on the original, you can improve every aspect of the film. Risk bhi kam hai, and there is a high chance of the remake doing better than the original. In fact, I'm also thinking of remaking Abhishek's flopped movies.

Abhishek (looks thrilled) - Pa, really?? Aapne kabhi bataya nahin...

AB (gives him a dirty look) - Apne chhote se dimaag par zyada zor mat daalo. Jo kaam diya hai pehle woh karo. December tak mujhe baby ka naam finalized chahiye, samjhe?

Abhishek sulks.

SSSK - Toh Abhishek ki kaun kaun si movies ko remake karenge aap?

AB - Duh! All of them!

Abhishek (protests) - All of them?? But Pa, I had some hit movies too...

AB - Not because of you...

Abhishek - Ok, Pa. Jaisa aapko theek lage. I promise I will work harder this time and truly make you proud!

AB - You will work harder?? Erm, but I'm not even casting you in the remakes!

Abhishek - WHAT?! You're not?? Who's playing my parts then?? Don't tell me it's Hrithik or Ranbir or Imran...

AB - Nope. I am casting someone dependable for your parts. Someone who can act.

Abhishek - Who????

AB - Me.

Much a-di about nothing

So we had a nice pot luck lunch during the Chinese New Year holidays, and played dumb charades after a long long time. I had done up a list of not-so-well-known movies, so obviously I couldn't be the one actively playing. I mimed a bit but did not partake in any guessing. Instead, I just sat back and enjoyed watching the others miming and guessing. 

So Viv gets this movie called 'Satyavan Satyavadi'. (No, I have not seen it!) He is able to mine 'Satyavan' quite easily. He just mimes 'speaking', followed by a 'thumbs up' and the guessers arrive at 'Sach' and then 'Satya'. Then he shows the numeral 'one'. So they have 'Satyavan' and he manages to relay to them that the second word is very similar, except for the last syllable. So they have 'Satyavan Satyava' and are just short of 'di'. Now, any normal person would probably mime it in 5 seconds by showing 'dil' and crossing out the 'l'. But Viv being Viv, the man who has no sense of a ticking clock, takes his guessers on a wild goose chase. And thus starts the long and painful entertaining process of him trying to mime the simple syllable 'di'. I am in the kitchen making chai for everyone but keep peeking to see what on earth he is trying to do.

So first he points to himself and then his mouth and then does a thumbs up. The guessers guess that he is trying to show his mother tongue. "Tamil!" they yell. He nods vigorously. Then he shows a movie camera. "Tamil movies!" they yell. He nods again. Then he shows a man wearing a crown. "King!" Nodding. "King of Tamil movies!" More nodding. "Rajnikanth!" I am still wondering where this is going, because unlike the others, I know all he's trying to get to is 'di'. I wonder if he will show 'po di!' and then get to 'di'. But anyone can say 'po di'; why disturb the great Rajnikanth to say it? Then he shows a baby in the arms of the king. "Rajnikanth's daughter!" they yell. He shows exchange of garlands. "Wedding! Rajnikanth's daughter's wedding! Rajnikanth's son-in-law! Dhanush!" Nod nod. He shows singing. "Dhanush singing! Kolaveri di!" His nods are getting more and more maniacal, while his guessers are wondering what 'Kovaleri di' has to do with all this.  He manages to get them to strike off the 'kolaveri' and keep the 'di'. By then, it's been soooo frickin' long that they have almost forgotten what the first part was. They recall that it was 'Satyavan Satyava' and he gets them to add the 'di' at the end, and FINALLY the poor chaps arrive at 'Satyavan Satyavadi'. They stare at Viv and then at one another. 

I bring them masala chai. It will help them recover.

In the hot seat

Hello hello! Hello ji sanam hum aa gaye... :)

We are now back after a really nice vacation in Perth. Thankfully, Xena was quite well-behaved and we did not have to join the ranks of hapless parents who get dirty looks from the rest of the passengers throughout the flight.

I will be taking a few days to blog about the holiday in detail on my travel blog Hopscotch. Do stay tuned, bewdas.

Meanwhile, here's a collage of the various expressions Xena had during her first time in a car seat!

Peeling guilty?

So today is the first day of the Chinese New Year and hence a public holiday. Viv is home and I am so glad because we have a long list of to-do items. Xena's clothes are in the wash and need to be hung to dry, her bottles need to be washed and sterilised, she needs to be fed, lunch needs to be cooked and had, packing for Perth needs to be started, the itinerary needs to be finalised, etc. etc. As I get ready to cook lunch, Viv asks me what he can do to help. I am thrilled because my Mondays are never like this. Usually it's just Xena and me, and frankly speaking, she's not that good at hanging her clothes to dry or washing and sterilising bottles or cooking lunch or packing or finalising itineraries.

It's already 11:30 am so I want to get lunch cooked quickly so we can focus on the rest. I think of how he can help me with lunch.

"Do you like to peel garlic?" I ask.

"No." is his (very prompt) answer.

Fine. That's fine. I had asked him if he liked to peel garlic. Well, he doesn't like to peel garlic. Fair enough.

"Can you peel the garlic?" I rephrase my question.

"Uh." is his (a little less prompt than before) answer.

Hmmm. Okay. Deep breath. I can handle this.

"Hmmm, ok. If you don't want to peel garlic, that's fine. You can just do something else. Why don't you feed Xena? It's time for her puree." I ask.

He jumps at the chance. He is experienced with bottle-feeding and is confident of doing this. And it means he gets to spend time with Xena and that's always fun. More fun than peeling garlic for sure. So I give him the puree, and explain what to do, including the arrangement of the spoons ("You give her one spoon so she thinks she is in control, but you feed her with the other spoon."), and explain about the back-up if she rejects the puree ("Let her gum on a piece of apple and a piece of Baby Bites.") and how to administer the Baby Bites ("Each pack has two, you eat one in front of her and give her the other one.") and the final step ("Of course, you will need to eat what she doesn't finish.")

I enter the kitchen and start peeling the garlic, singing "Aa dekhen zara..."

The following is a list of what I hear while I'm in the kitchen, every two minutes or so.

"Okay baby, try some puree. It's yummy!"

"This is your spoon, ok? Hold it."

"Uhh... she is completely rejecting the puree!!"

"Try it, baby. It's niiiiice!"

"She's not even opening her mouth!"

"Okay, let's put the puree in YOUR spoon and try."

"Oh no! She threw her spoon away!"

"Baby baby, what are you doing? No no no no no!"

"Oh my god what a mess!"

"Now she's pulling the hair on my legs! Oww!"

"Ok ok, try this apple now."

"She threw it! Now what??"

"Okay okay, papa and baby are going to have Baby Bites together!"

"Um... What do I do if she bites a big piece off the Baby Bites??"

"Ok, I am going to dip the Baby Bites in the puree and give her!"

"I dipped it in the puree and it got soggy and broke off!"

"Oh noooo...."

"BABY!!! What are you doing????"

"What is she doing????"

"Why is she doing this???"

"Oh noooo it's ALL OVER THE PLACE!"

"She can't climb out of the bumbo seat by herself yet, right? I need to go get a washcloth!"

Soon enough, I hear cries of help. Not so much from Xena as from her papa. I come out of the kitchen and assess the situation. She has obviously given him a tough time -- she has not eaten anything at all, has puree all over herself, has thrown away whatever she could get her hands on, and finally and most importantly, thrown up on him. He looks helpless and distressed.

"So... how was your first experience feeding her puree?" I ask.

"Uh."

Moral of the story: when your wife asks you to peel garlic... you'd better man up and peel garlic.

Catch-up #1

So here I am, playing catch-up with the bar again.

I suddenly realised three very strange things: (1) I did not write an 'Annual report' post for 2011, like I have been doing in the last few years; (2) I did not make any resolutions for 2012; and the most horrifying one (3) I wrote only 64 posts last year, wayyyyy wayyyyy below what I did in earlier years. Sheesh. Well, all of these can somewhat be attributed to all the happenings last year. The first half of my year was spent running to and fro between home and hospital, and the other half was, um, spent running to and fro between home and hospital. Oh well. I would say that it was an interesting year in general, strengthening and humbling at the same time.

2012 feels strangely different. Maybe I find it strange that I am home all the time. Or maybe the fact that I am home all the time and not minding it so much is stranger. From leading a team of 35, to reporting 24-7 to a baby is a huge change. There is definitely a sense of loss of power from being a career woman to a stay-at-home mom, but there's a different kind of empowerment. I remember my sister saying that she never once regretted quitting her job when Aishu was born, and now I know what she meant.

It feels strange to be sitting in this room, on this computer and typing this. Usually I'm on the iPad because then I can be right next to Xena. But today, I wanted to take some time off and spend it at the bar, letting my thoughts out on the iMac (yes, we're an Apple family) which actually allows me to type long sentences and paragraphs. (I can hear Viv and Xena 'conversing' in the next room -- it's hilarious.) But I figured I need to make some time for the bar every now and then, even if it's just a random catch-up post like this. Not because I want to up the number of posts, but because I really really like to blog. And as I always tell myself -- if you really really want to do something, you will really really find time for it.

In other news, two very important men in my life have majorly let me down. Relax, Dad and Viv, it's not you guys. It's my beloved Shah Rukh and my beloved Imtiaz Ali. I watched Ra.One and Rockstar on Mio TV. (That's one great thing about Mio TV. New movies come on it so fast I don't even miss going to the theatre.) And may I just say Oh.Em.Gee. Seriously, SRK, what were you thinking? I don't think I have watched a movie as bad as Ra.One in ages. And though Rockstar was a huge hit and critically acclaimed and all that blah blah, I found it terrible. I just didn't get it. In the immortal words of the Black Eyed Peas -- where is the love? When I watch a love story, I need to feel the love. I need to want the lovers to get together. In Rockstar, I couldn't be bothered. Just like Love Aaj Kal, I felt nothing for the protagonists. Maybe it was because the leading lady in both movies were so bad. I have always found Deepika Padukone the worst actress today (Sonam Kapoor is a close second), but when I saw Nargis Fakhri aka Donald Duck in Rockstar, I couldn't believe I could find an actress worse than Deepika. And with that, Raju Hirani topples Imtiaz Ali to take the top spot in my favourite directors' list. Maybe Imtiaz Ali thought he would make real actresses out of Deepika and Nargis the way he did with Kareena (you know he did), but dude, catalyst kitna bhi solid kyun na ho, reACTants barobar na ho toh ghanta reaction hoga?

All right, enough about Bollywood. Because once I start, I can't stop. Oh, just one more thing. I'm totally not looking forward to catching Don2 on TV. On second thoughts, I may just watch it to get some material for an SSSK post. And oh, I am totally obsessed with the songs from the movie Love Break-ups Zindagi. And oh oh oh, I was totally surprised to find out recently that John Abraham has an MBA! (I told you once I start, I can't stop.)

Ok ok, digress digress. Viv and I are planning a trip to Perth this month. Though Melbourne and Sydney were higher up in our holiday list, we want to take a short flight first and see how Xena does before we venture further. Our 5th anniversary is coming up, and we thought we should take a family holiday driving around Perth. (We have already delegated tasks. Xena will drink and Viv will drive. I will supervise.) This is going to be Xena's first overseas trip, and I am super kicked and super nervous. Bewdas who live in Perth or have been there, your suggestions on what we should see/do are most welcome!

Chinese New Year is coming up, and it will be a long weekend! We're planning to have a pot-luck lunch at our place with friends, followed by dumb charades using names of B (and possibly C, D and E) grade Hindi movies. Sample these -- Haseena Haathi Wali and Mita De Bindiya Utha Le Bandook. (I swear I am not making these up. These are actual movie names.)

So that's what I have been upto. Bewdas, how have you been? :)

Two of a kind

Fans of Archie comics would remember that Jughead has an 'identical cousin'. When I first read that story, my reaction was "What? Identical cousins?? That's pushing it a bit too much."

Until recently, when Viv and I noticed that Xena has started displaying more and more characteristics of baby Aish, my sister's daughter.

I found a photo of Aish when she was as old as Xena is now, and put them together to compare. The whole family is going a little berserk at the striking similarities.

Music to my ears

I noticed Xena trying to play a very strange set of musical instruments, but she was having a little difficulty managing them. With a little help from mommy, she put together an interesting melody. Check it out.