The real Sayesha

Just as I finished writing my last post, I got an email from Dad. He's got another transfer and he sounded very excited about it. But it did not matter too much to me. It is not going to affect my life much. Instead of taking my annual flight home to City A, I'll be flying to City B.

However, there was a point when my life used to be completely governed by his transfers. 7 schools in 12 years. It had been very difficult, especially when the first one was at the age of 6, and I did not understand why I had to suddenly leave my school and friends and go to a strange place where I knew nobody. The word 'home' held no meaning anymore.

Being the emotional person that I was, I could not take the pain of leaving my close friends and moving every few years. This, in the midst of trying to settle down with new languages, new teachers, new classmates, new lifestyles. Everything was unfamiliar. I missed my old friends. Life seemed meaningless without them. And the worst part was -- finally when I would settle down, and make new friends, it was time to pack and leave again. It was horrid.

As I grew up, over the years, I experimented a lot on how best to handle the situation. I changed my personality to not end up hurt. There have been so many Sayeshas in the past. I remember two of them very clearly. The sentimental Sayesha who loved her friends dearly, and cried during every transfer, transformed into the cold, tough Sayesha who did have friends, but they were shallow relationships that would not matter anymore when she left them.

Sayesha had figured out how to survive without getting hurt.

She was strong. She was tough. She was independent.

She was happy. But was she?

Deep inside, she knew. That this Sayesha was not the real Sayesha. And as Keshav remarked on one of my earlier posts, "It helps being emotionally unattached, but is it always possible??" Can you really detach yourself to that point? No, you can't. And I learnt that the most important thing is -- you don't have to.

So, I decided to come back.

This is me, the real Sayesha. The one who appreciates the simple joys of life. The one who lives every moment. The one who appreciates emotions. The one who is not going to stop loving people for fear of getting hurt. And that is how she has chosen to live her life. That's the only way to live.

Finally, Sayesha has figured out how to get hurt and survive.

Mom vs Hyderabadi shop owner

Watching Mom haggle with the Hyderabadi sari shop owner over my zardozi sari at Charminar was such an experience in itself. I had instantly fallen in love with the sari, and wanted to buy it to wear at the wedding.

Mom had never bought anything at its quoted price at Charminar, and so, buying the ridiculously expensive sari without a discount would be like taking a step back. So a helpless Dad and I watched the big drama production as Mom tried to convince the unwilling shop owner to give us a discount. It was apparent that both the shop owner and Mom knew the tricks of the trade very well.

Excerpts from the war of words:

Act I

Shop owner - You will never find a material like this anywhere.
Mom - That's what you think. I know all the sari shops in Charminar.
Shop owner - *Silence*
Sayesha's thought bubble - Errr... Mom, I think he's right...
Dad continues to read newspaper and pretend not to be related to us.

Act II

Shop owner - I'm like your younger brother! How can you ask me for a discount?
Mom - If you're like my brother, why don't you give me the sari for free?
Shop owner (thinks for a while) - Errr... younger brothers do not give gifts to elder sisters, isn't it? The sister should be the one giving gifts, right?
Mom - Wrong! Not if the brother is the one with the income. Ever heard of rakhi?
Shop owner - *Silence*
Sayesha's thought bubble - God, mom, not rakhi now!
Dad continues to read newspaper and pretend not to be related to us.

Act III

Mom - Do you realise that if my daughter does not buy this sari, no one ever will?
Shop owner (to me) - Oh my God! Your mother has cursed the sari!!
Sayesha's thought bubble - Gosh, why am I even here??
Dad continues to read newspaper and pretend not to be related to us.

Act IV

Shop owner - Are you Christians?
Mom - No, why?
Shop owner (trying to be cheeky) - Today is Good Friday. I'd have given you the discount if you were Christians!
Mom - God is the same as Allah is the same as Jesus. Give me the discount.
Shop owner - *Silence*
Sayesha's thought bubble - I wish I could disappear...
Dad continues to read newspaper and pretend not to be related to us.

Act V

Shop owner - You are bankers. (He knew Dad.) You have so much money. You don't need a discount.
Mom - The money we "have" is not our own. It's yours. We're just safeguarding it for you. You have so much money that it needs safeguarding. Give me the discount.
Shop owner - *Silence*
Sayesha's thought bubble - Wow. Way to go, Mom.
Dad realises that this is more interesting than the newspaper.
Dad's thought bubble - Wow. She'd make a better banker than me!

Yupp, eventually she got the discount! ;)

Moms rule, don't they?

Henna

How I love the look of henna.


This is how my hands looked after the mehendi ceremony at my cousin's wedding in India.

A song comes to mind...

Main hoon khushrang henna...
Zindgaani mein nahin koi rang mere bina...

Things I say a lot

Try this self-discovery game. Make a list of things that you say a lot. As I've come to realise, it's a great way of finding out what kinda person you are.

Here's my list.

- Yeay!
- Double yeay!
- This rocks like nothing has rocked before!
- I'm just gonna have to kill you.
- Ok, what just happened here??
- That was so cool!!
- What?????
- Really????
- Oh my goodness!
- You wish.
- I wish.
- You think?
- Gee, thanks!
- Wow, amazing. (complete with a deadpan face)
- Why why why??
- That is so funny!
- What is the point??
- And I wondered, "How???"
- What the hell!
- Of course, lah!
- So how??
- Oh noooooooooooooooooooooo!
- You guys lah!
- That's disgusting!

Well, looks like I am a 'jumpy' sort of a person. If a symbol were to be used to represent me, it would probably be an exclamation mark or a question mark.

How does your list look like?

One of its kind

Today I traded in my Nokia 3310. My first mobile phone. My favourite phone. Millions of sms messages and calls later, several accidental dropping-on-the-floor incidents later, it still survived. And each time, it emerged sturdier and better than ever.

New models hit the market every other day, but I clutched on to my 3310 for years in spite of people asking me why I had such a 'dinosaur' and 'ancient' and 'old-fashioned' phone. One of my friends even refers to it as "the blue brick". But I loved the phone.

But I guess it was time for me to move on. My new Samsung phone is pretty. Flips open. Is light in weight. Looks stylish. Probably works. I have not yet figured out its workings. I suppose that's gonna take me a while.

You can add all the cameras and MP3 players and radios to the mobile phones of today, but you can never make another Nokia 3310.


Parting shot with my companion of the last 4 years

Things that sound right in my head

Things that sound right in my head, but get me weird looks from people when said out loud.

- I have a vegetarian's face.

- When I grow up, I am gonna do this.

- She's really nice. I hate her. (after meeting my namesake)

- I was so happy I was sad.

- I don't have anything against her. If you date her, I'll just have to kill you. (when a friend says he likes random girl X)

- He must be really young. Old men are not called 'Kunal'. (trying to guess singer Kunal Ganjawala's age)

- I like him so much I hate him.

- He's so egoistic. I love him. (SRK's "Main yahan hoon" song in 'Veer Zaara')

- He's cute but not in the 'cute' way.

- The US is very fattening.

- I really like Afridi. He needs only one bit of improvement. He should not bat so phenomenally well against India.

- His face looks bald. (When I see a guy who has just shaved)

- He had such a handsome voice. (about my eye doctor during my retina check-up -- I could not see him but I could hear him)

- Babies are so cute. And then they grow up. There should be baby bonsais.

- I love babies. As long as they are other people's.

- Indian Singaporean food is very 'loud'.

- What's wrong with forgetting my own telephone number? I don't call myself that often.

- Cricket matches are too long. They should only play highlights.

- I am not angry. I am just pissed off.

Will add on to the list as and when more things brew in my head :)

Darn

Guys I saw in India during my recent vacation:

Guy #1
Noticed him during the wedding. Easily the best looking guy I've ever seen. In real life, that is. My blog ethics disallow me to post the sneak pic I took of him during the wedding. Too cute to be single and/or straight. Darn.

Guy #2
Known him since childhood. Used to be super cute 15 years ago. Had a slight crush on him until the day he sent me a love letter. I was in the seventh standard (secondary 1) then. Geez! Saw him again at the wedding this time. Looks like a gangster now. Darn.

Guy #3
Saw him on a hoarding poster on the streets of Hyderabad. Made me wanna pick up the phone, dial 123 and say, "Rahul". There should be a law banning cricketers from being so super cute. Darn.


At least I can post his pic on my blog!

Guy #4
Been seeing him on and off for almost two years now. Hottest guy in the world. At the same time, coolest guy in the world. Darn.

Happy Birthday to me

I turned 25 yesterday.

I was apprehensive about turning 25. Would it bring back the extremely painful and disillusioning quarter life crisis I had succesfully fought a couple of months ago? Yes, I was very very scared.

But it turned out to be the best birthday ever. A midnight surprise party by friends. A great 'welcome back' from everyone in the office. Boss walks in and says, "I can't tell you how glad I am to see you back." Another surprise party at work by colleagues. Flood of phonecalls and sms messages. Dinner and dessert with friends. Bar None. Being surrounded by people I love. Being loved by people I care about.

I am 25. And happy.

And nothing else matters.

All grown up

Priceless moments from my India trip...

- I stand at the Puri beach with my cousins and gaze at the sea. We had stood at the exact same spot and gazed at the sea exactly 15 years ago.

- My cousin brother takes me for a long drive. I had carried him in my arms when he was a baby.

- I am carrying my 1-year old nephew when he falls asleep with his head on my shoulder.

- My 6-month old niece grabs my little finger. Her entire palm is as big as my little finger.

I swear I could have cried.

Home for dinner

Going home for dinner cost me over nine hundred dollars. But these came free.

- The servants greet me with a respectful 'namaste' even though some of them have seen me from my diaper days

- Big doll in the living room (who also serves as Mom's stand-in granddaughter till my sis takes the hint) has a new dress

- I wake up to the sound of 'Beta, uthna hai?" ("Do you want to get up?") instead of an annoying alarm that implies, "If you dun get up now, you'll never make it to work on time!"

- There's always food in the fridge

- The house is always clean

- Breakfast is at the dining table

- I drink water in a glass instead of straight from the bottle

- Mom asks me thrice a day, "Do you eat properly in Singapore?"

- Mom thinks that it's a complete joke that I'm working on a book on nutrition

- Dad asks me if I know what I'm doing with my life

- Mom asks Dad to stop asking me silly questions

- Relatives ask me when and whom I'm marrying

- Little people run all over the house and refer to me as 'Aunt'

- I get a very amused "But it's almost summer, my dear!" when I switch on the water heater

- Contrary to what I believed, I don't die when I bathe with cold water

- There are no back seat belts in cars

- Dad laughs when I put on the front seat belt

- My cousins think I am insulting their driving skills when I put on the front seat belt

- People create their own zebra crossings by holding up one hand to stop traffic as they cross the road

- Taxi drivers open their mouths only twice, once to ask "Where to?" and once to tell you the fare

- The stars are visible every night

- Thums up and Maaza (and they come in a glass bottle!)

- My hair actually stays straight when I use my hair straightener (very low humidity)

- Shopkeepers give me funny looks when I say, "Thank you"

- There are ceiling fans in every room, in spite of the air-conditioners

- There are separate taps for hard and soft water

- External walls of buildings are full of movie and election posters

- Restaurants have a 'Singapore fried rice' on the menu

- Chilli sauce is green in colour

- TV ads are more interesting than the programmes they interrupt

- I want Fanta now and there's always someone to get it to me in under three minutes

Yup, looks like I'm home.