Wednesday, October 31, 2007

Who's your daddy?

Sayesha Smitten showbiz kitten is back!

And this time she brings you hot news about the two most awaited Diwali releases – Om Shanti Om and Saawariya.

Large living room with a small bar in a corner. Ranbir Kapoor and Sonam Kapoor are sitting on a two-seater couch. Deepika Padukone and Shreyas Talpade are seated on another two-seater opposite them. The two parties are pouting at each other. Shah Rukh and Salman are seated on high stools at the bar, having drinks. Farah Khan is seated on a rocking chair in the balconey. Sanjay Leela Bhansali is pacing the floor. Sayesha Smitten Showbiz kitten is, as usual, perched on a tree outside the living room, taking careful note of the proceedings.

Sanjay – So is everyone here? Who’s missing? Rani?

Salman – Rani just sent me an sms. She can’t make it.

Sanjay – Huh? Why not?? This is an important discussion that can affect the performance of both movies.

Salman – She said she's depressed and can’t participate in any conversation about performances of movies. She says her chunari has got a daag. I'm not quite sure what she means...

Farah – Arre yaar! Let’s just go ahead without her. My children (points to her tummy with the triplets) are hungry. Let’s wrap this up quickly.

Sanjay – Hmm… okay. (turns to face everyone) We have gathered here to discuss the clash of release dates of Om Shanti Om and Saawariya. If both release on the same date, they will cannibalise each other. It’s best that we hold the release of one of them, and push it to a week later.

Farah – Exactly. But of course neither of us wants to push our movie release. So we have to come up with a way to decide.

Ranbir – Simple. Just pick the grander of the two movies and that gets the Diwali release!

Sonam – I agree!

Shreyas – I think…

Deepika – Sounds good to me!

Shreyas – But I think…

*Farah and Sanjay shrug their shoulders and agree.*

*momentary pause in the room*

Shah Rukh – Sallu Bhai, haar maan lo yaar. Mere paas toh Swades bhi hai, aur Pardes bhi. Tumhaare paas kya hai?

Salman – Mere paas… mere paas… (tries to remember his last hit movie)… mere pass Partner hai! (dials Govinda’s number)

Govinda – Bhaiya, keep me out this, please. I can’t be involved in any Saawariya vs. Om Shanti Om war.

Salman – But why not??

Govinda – Erm… I have a cameo in Om Shanti Om.

Salman – Aila! Baaghi! Sangdil Sanam! Paththar ke fool! Dil Ne Jise Apna Kaha… Sanam Bewafa!

Govinda - *click*

Salman – Aila! Phone kaat diya!

Shah Rukh (grins) – So?

*Salman looks helplessly at Sanjay*

Sanjay – Farah, let's get real. This is only your second movie. I am a more seasoned director.

Farah – Hmmm… let’s see, my first movie was a superhit… your first movie… hmmm… what was it now? Khamoshi the musical? I rest my case.

Sanjay – Errmm… but don’t forget I made Aishwarya act! The entire industry acknowledges that.

Farah – I give you that. Any day. *bows head*

Sanjay – Well?

Farah – Well what? I have Shah Rukh.

Sanjay – Well… you may have Shah Rukh… but we have two heroes in the movie.

Shreyas (indignantly gets up) – Excuse me? We have two heroes too! Did you not watch Iqbal?

Salman – Baal? Mere baal? (instinctively touches his head with an alarmed expression)

Shah Rukh – All there, all there…

Shreyas – So I was saying… didn’t you watch Iqbal? Didn’t you read the critics’ reviews?

Sanjay & Farah – Critics??? Critics???? Hahahahahahahhahahaha!

Farah – Well, you know what? Shreyas is right. We have two heroes too.

*Shreyas looks at Farah with utter adoration, his eyes almost tearing with emotion.*

Farah – Shah Rukh Khan and Shah Rukh Khan. Reincarnation, remember?

*Shreyas looks stunned for a minute, gets up and storms out of the house in a huff.*

Sonam – Am glad he’s gone. Who is he, man? I mean, like… who’s his dad and stuff?

Ranbir – No idea man. Unknown person?

Farah – People! My kids are starving! So how are we going to decide this??

Ranbir – Well, you know… your movie is called Om Shanti Om… and don’t forget, my dad starred in the original song ‘Om Shanti Om’!

Sonam – But my dad was Mr. India!

Farah – Well, we don’t have to go back in history. It’s actually quite simple. My movie has Shah Rukh, the biggest star. My movie is grander.

Sanjay – Now now. Don’t undermine Salman’s star power. Plus, I have Rani and two star kids. Add ‘em up and Saawariya has more star value.

Farah – Oh you wanna add ‘em up? Do you know - one song in my movie has 31 frickin’ stars??? Beat that. Star value ki baat karta hai…

Ranbir – Ha! There are like… 31 stars in my family itself! (starts counting on his fingers) Prithviraj Kapoor, Raj Kapoor, Randhir Kapoor...

Deepika – Uhhh… I think I am seeing stars…

Ranbir – (continues to count) Rishi Kapoor, Neetu Kapoor, Karisma Kapoor, Kareena Kapoor…

Sonam (annoyed) – Oh stop it, Ranbir!

Ranbir – Hey, you don’t have to feel bad… I mean you have a famous Kapoor in your family too… only one Kapoor yes, but it still counts I guess? He may not be one of “the Kapoors”… I mean that’s us, of course… but he was… kind of a famous Kapoor, no?

Sonam – Oh puh-leez. My dad was Mr. India!

Ranbir – Oho ho! You really wanna go there? My great granddad was Mughal-e-azam!

Deepika – (coyly looks at nails) Ahem. My dad can kick both your dads’ asses.

Sonam and Ranbir – Oh yeah?

Deepika – Yeah! You wanna try him? You call your dads, I’ll call mine, and let’s have… say a badminton match? We settle this right here and everyone goes home. What say you?

*Ranbir and Sonam roll eyes at Deeepika.*

Farah’s triplets in her womb, also known as Om, Shanti and Om – Tch tch… kids these days… so immature...



.

33 comments:

Divya said...

Gold!

satish said...

SILver!

satish said...

==))

Shreyas is gud bhai. uska itna toh nahi udana chahiye tha. :D par udaya sahin hai!

aur salmaan is in saawariya?? i dint know. for me saawariya is nowhere near OSO. Shahrukh is the estar.

Sayesha said...

#Divya,
Congrats! :P

#Satish,
Arre I LOVE Shreyas! I think he's the most talented actor we have today! But uske saath yehi ho raha hai - big stars outshining his talent... lagta hai bechara "best friend" roles hi karega commercial movies mein... what to do? :(

kashika said...

:D

This is one of the Most. Hilarious. Posts, that I've ever read.

Plus, it's true. That's what happens. Tsk-tsk. Sad.

aequo animo said...

What happened Sayesha?

Sanket said...

Hahaha!! That was a grrrreat post! So which of the two movies are you gonna watch first? I am going with OSO, for Deepika :)

sd said...

Yeh kya chal raha hain Bhai!
Post-pe-post post-pe-post...

First you had a cricket-type post. Toh maine kaha ki chalo kuch interesting WAG ke bare mujhe nahi malum... phir jaise hi palak jhapkayee.... highly serious-type post...and by the time I thought of something "profound-sounding" to comment, you already have a thousand more words on your blog:)

I have to say that I am not looking forward to these movies :( One has SRK and the other has Salman ...although Deepika ke liya OSO dhek sakta hun.....

Harshi said...

made my day sash! bahaut hansi.

Bivas said...

rotfl...simply hilarious :-)
I think the badminton match ought to settle things for sure...and that reminded me of the badminton waala song..."Dhal gaya din...'tak'...Ho gayi Shaam...'tak'...Jaana Hai..."...hilarious
coming back to the new releases...main to dono movies dekh raha hoon on consecutive days...i just hope these pvr guys sort out there problems with the distributors and release the movies :-|

V said...

Well written...but its RanBir Kapoor and RanVir Shorey.

Angelsera said...

hahahaha!!! tt was jus too good!!
so which one do u plan to watch first??

Angelsera said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
shub said...

aur koi title nahi mila tujhe? :P

PizzaDude said...

I had no idea Salman and Rani have also starred in Saawariya.

Sowmya said...

Good one, Subh! Hehehe.. Seriously, I wouldn't have read the title that way if you hadn't posted this comment..

Daddy, it seems.. :D

Sayesha, to be honest, I liked the other posts under "Bollywood Buzz" better than this one :)

And I think Deepika looks awesome!

-Sowmya

parikrama said...

Meowww meowwww.. I like your showbiz kitten avataar. Keep em coming.

Janefield said...

hahah! i think this is the first of the showbiz smitten kitten posts i've enjoyed! :D

and bivas...the dhal gaya din song has jeetuji...and guess what...true to form, SRK and Farah have incorporated that into OSO! :))) you might have seen the posters by now of SRK clad in white from top to toe in white a la Jeetendra style, with a badminton racket in his hand to boot!!! ahahhahahah!! SRK ROCKS!!

Somya said...

Awesome post Sayesha Smitten Showbiz kitten..."Sanjay – Errmm… but don’t forget I made Aishwarya act! The entire industry acknowledges that." just loved this bit...believe this alone will take bhansali through the pearly gates to heaven...hilarious post as usual.

The_Girl_From_Ipanema said...

*makes dumb joey - i don't know whats going on - look*

aur gold bhi gaya

*leaves*

Adarsh said...

Hilarious !!!
ROTFL
bechara shreyas..... koi bhaw hi nahin deta hai :P

Amey said...

Bechara Shreyas. But I guess he is better of being off the spotlight, and essaying good roles.

My dad can kick both your dads’ asses.

The new generation of star-kids... What can we say?

Bit Hawk said...

That was really funny! Very creative!!

comfortably numb said...

haha...nice and funny post!!

mawreck said...

post:hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha :P

Sonam: droooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooool ;P

Deepika:DROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL !SIGH!

Rads said...

Gosh! This made my morning :)) Funniest thing ever!

Meirz said...

Tsk tsk...and the battle continues
Good one :)

Amey said...

This is the second good review of the movie. So I guess I should try this, despite Ms. Kapoor Junior and Mr. Kapoor Junior.

Incidentally, I always felt they paired up because Poo wouldn't have to change her name ;)

Aparna Kar said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Aparna Kar said...

OMG! Where do u dream up these? You have a wicked sense of humor. 7 stars to you lady.

Sayesha said...

#Kashika,
Thanks! :D

#Aequo Animo,
I dunno! You tell me! :O

#Sanket,
Thanks! Yeay, I'm rooting for OSO! Not for Deepika, but for Farah! :D

#SD,
Hehehehe! Engine chalu hai Bhai, gaddi mein baith ja... jab yeh engine rukti hai na... gaddi days and days tak stranded rehti hai! :P

#Harshi,
:D

#Bivas,
Hahahahahahaha! Oh that song! "Tak"! Hehehe! Jeetu and Leena eh? Man what a song! :D

#V,
Thanks! :)

#Angelsera,
Thanks! OSO man OSO! I'll watch that without any reviews... Saawariya... I'll wait for the reviews. :P

#Shub,
What is wrong in this title? Huh huh huh? *innocent look*
Gande dimaag walon ko sab kuch ganda dikhta hai! :P

#Pizzadude,
Hehehe! Now you know. :)

#Sowmya,
One more ganda dimaag! Ya allah! yeh bouncers apna kaam theek se kyun nahin karte? :/

#Parikrama,
Hehe! Thanks! :D

#Janefield,
Heheheh! Thanks! :D

//you might have seen the posters by now of SRK clad in white from top to toe in white a la Jeetendra style, with a badminton racket in his hand to boot!!!

I saw that! It's awesome! Farah rocks! :D

#Somya,
Hehehe... thanks! :P

#Ipanema Gal,
Ja re baba... tu ja apne Hollywood ke paas... *rolls eyes*

#Adarsh,
Thanks! :)
ps: Shreyas ka tima aayega... chappar phaad kar aayega! :D

#Amey,
Hehe! :)

#Bit Hawk,
Thanks! :D

#Comfortably numb,
Thanks! :)

#Mawreck,
Hehehe! Thanks! :)

#Rads,
Thanks! :D

#Meirz,
Thanks! :)

#Amey,
Go go go watch it!!! :D

//Incidentally, I always felt they paired up because Poo wouldn't have to change her name ;)

Hehehe... well, they may get back together... I dun see Poo becoming Poo Ali Khan anyway. :)

#Aparna,
Hehe... thanks! :P

--Sunrise-- said...

Just watched Iqbal yesterday... :D

Wahahahah!! BEAUTIFUL... you have a nice style of writing. :)

zahid said...

Hilarious!!!! i was rolling down laughing. my sympathies with shreyas though...