Sunday, June 21, 2009

The adventures of Veshtiman

The Veshtiman post has been due since this post, and finally here it is, the tale of the multi-talented Veshtiman and his multi-purpose veshti. Why veshti, you may ask. Because our superhero is Indian, and India is a hot country, and anyone who watched Krrish in his black spandex costumes would agree that he could have done much better if he had a better ventilated superhero costume.

Cue theme song

Veshtiman veshtiman
Has a veshti for every plan
Save the day, save the desh
Only he in his veshti can!

For people who do not know what the heck a veshti is (I made the mistake of asking an innocent question, "Is it the same as a lungi?" and really heard the music from Viv), google it and come back. Or simply click here. Only then will you understand the true essence of Veshtiman in the next few paragraphs.

(Note for Physics nerds - Don't question the physics behind Veshtiman's amazing antics. Where there's a will, there's a way. Okay? Okay! Besides, Veshtiman offers agarbatti to his guru Rajnikanth every morning before venturing on his adventures.)

Those who have just returned from google, wipe that horrified look off your faces. Veshtiman cleverly avoids any wardrobe malfunction by actually wearing underwear underneath the veshti. This also sets him apart from the odd fashion sense of the run-of-the-mill superheroes. Finally we have a superhero who is comfortable in his own skin. Literally.

Veshtiman works out of India. No international roaming facilities. India has enough problems to keep him busy. And because he is an Indian superhero, his main superpower is inspired from the Indian epic Mahabharata, particularly the Draupadi striptease scene. He uses his veshti to carry out a variety of world-saving activities, and before you go "hawwwww!", let me just tell you that as soon as he pulls one veshti off, another one instantly appears in its place as his lajja-wastra.

He can ferry people out of danger zones by serving as a budget carrier. He can untie his veshti, tie it around his neck as a cape and fly from Kashmir to Kanyakumari faster than the Shataabdi. We are not quite sure how exactly having a cape assists flying, but in a world of cape-sporting-flying superheroes, you gotta stay competitive and look as good as the others.

He can stop heavy objects which are about to fall on petrified people (who choose to simply look up and scream instead of getting the hell out of the way). He achieves this by making a hammock of sorts with his super-tensile (and not to forget strong and light as carbon fibre) veshti. The same technique can be used to save the lives of suicidal people.

A la Krishna in Mahabharata, he can protect the lajja of hapless women (who learn karate every saturday but can't fight off the leering local goon), by supplying a limitless number of veshtis to cover up the collective lajja of the women. The final veshti can then be used to whiplash the goons into oblivion.

Veshtiman also regularly supplies the homeless with waterproof roofs and thermal blankets, made of -- you guessed it - his veshti material. (okay that sounded eerily like waste material.)

He can also use his veshti for delivering urgent medical care. For instance, during a virus scare such as SARS or H1N1, he can cut up the veshti into smaller strips and distribute them to be used as face masks. The veshti also has medicinal properties and can be used to bandage wounds.

When a speeding train is about to ram into a stationary car on the tracks (whose occupants again, prefer to just sit there and scream rather than get the hell out), he ties the two ends of his veshti to poles on each side of the track to act like a giant rubberband which slows down and eventually stops the train before it can crash into the car (the occupants are still in there, by the way, still screaming, with relief this time I presume).

And in case you're wondering what happens to the used veshtis, after every super-deed, he simply autographs the veshti used and flings it towards his hysterical fans.


Neha said...

what happens to the used veshti is hilarious..haha

Chaos said...

First time comment and i bag a Silver :)).....
Used to be an on and off bewda couple of years back, though never commented, before the deaddiction set in at grad school. Now that i am back to work, have to join the bar back.:)).

Amazing description of the veshtiman.....will now need to wait for more of his amazing adventures....:)

Clueless said...

But what does Veshtiman wear ABOVE his Veshti? Shirt? T-shirt? Baniyan? (What is this called in Hindi, btw?) Shirtless? These things matter, you know! Think of how much use he could put a second piece of clothing to, in addition to his veshti!

PizzaDude said...

Ah! Finally this post sees the light of the day :D

Liked it! LOL @ SARS and H1N1 face masks.

PizzaDude said...

Btw, Clueless has a good point! How about a well fitted Abercrombie & Fitch tee? ;)

Sayesha said...

Thank you! :P

Welcome back! And thanks! :)

Offo! Pay attention, bachon! Didn't you read the lines "Finally we have a superhero who is comfortable in his own skin. Literally."? SKIN! He's topless! And proudly so. Possibly because he's the only veshti-wearing person in the world who has a six-pack instead of a paunch! :P

Yeah... long due. :)

//Btw, Clueless has a good point! How about a well fitted Abercrombie & Fitch tee? ;)

Nahiinnnnn! You too?! He's a 100% INDIAN superhero! Abercrombie and Fitch gaye tel lene! Ghor apmaan!! Hmmph! Total veshti... both of you! :P

PizzaDude said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
prathi said...

frequenting the bar for a long time, but commenting for the first time..!
loved the post, btw, remember SRK in the song "jiya jale" from dilse..? maybe our super hero look something like that!!!
Actually there is a malayalam movie called sphadikam where the hero(Mohanlal) attacks his enemies with his veshti...i.e. with a stone tied to one of its ends..:)

Meira said...

slick gelled skin that no villain can hold on to. Only the delicate damsel in distress can hold on to him while being rescued, the blush and make up in place. :)

Anonymous said...

Clearly, there's no prize for guessing what he does, if the Veshtiman needs a parachute! [Though it may not be a very aesthetically pleasing sight].
Similarly, the same veshti can be used as sail for a boat, Circus tent, clothing material for the entire group of cheer leaders during IPL and other important coverage.
If calculated it would be found that the veshtiman actually spends 5% of his superhero time by tying and untying his veshti above knee for riding bikes, water scooter and other 'compromising' positions.
Very insightful post.

Maira said...

Had heard this line sometime back... "Where there is a will, there is a way. But where there is Rajni anna, there is no other way!!!"

Great blog.. Reading it for past year or so.. Loved it!!!!! Sorry for stalking your blog and not commenting even once..

Geeta said...

Wondering what the much-talked-about veshti is actually made of. Must be some top-of-the-line, heavy-duty smart material.

From your description, I gather that in addition to being strong and light as carbon fibre, it must be water-proof, sterile, elastic, and with a high percentage of either cotton or silk. The latter of course to provide soothing comfort to the vastra-and-lajja-haran victims.

And oh, does the veshtiman answer to the name Viv? :)
Cool post!

Sayesha said...

Welcome (formal wala) to the bar, lurker! :)

//Actually there is a malayalam movie called sphadikam where the hero(Mohanlal) attacks his enemies with his veshti...i.e. with a stone tied to one of its ends..:)

LOL!!!!!!!!!!!! :D

Hahahahahaha! :D

HAHAHAHAHA! I LOVE all your ideas, especially the parachute one! :D :D :D

Thanks! And welcome to the bar even though you have been around for a year! :)

Hahahahaha! That's the big secret! Since it's self-manufactured and self-assembled, no one really knows what the veshti is made of! We normal beings can only see its properties! :D

//And oh, does the veshtiman answer to the name Viv? :)

Hehehehe! Naah, but the inspiration behind him answers to the name Pzzadude. :)

Dharshika said...

hey... i have read all of your blogs but this is the first time im commenting.... great work sayesha... you have a unique way with words... i love your writing....

gugun said...

National dress ka mazaaq nahi udaaoge to broadminded kaise kehlaae jaaaoge ?

:P :P

I was actually kicked out of a restaurant in Trivandrum one day when I tried entering it in shorts. The entire patronage of the joint consisted of three mundu clad gentlemen.

I failed to see the difference in their coverage (or exposure) and mine, but this I sure came to know - the veshti operates in mysterious ways. No one yet knows for sure what all super-powers it hides in itself.

Jai ho veshti baba ki !

Anup said...

Your posts make me laugh... each and every time. Sometimes, I laugh hysterically, like a little boy who just farted and today my boss caught me laughing at my screen! Golden. Funny as hell *claps* Here comes the veshtimannnn... I could nearly imagine that. LOL!!

Anup said...

Ok, had to comment in again - I was thinking about "Spadigam" throughout the time I spent reading this post. Hahaha... he's a true mallu superstar/superhero! Mr. Mohanlal.

Selenium said...


As frightening the concept may be...

:D's just as fun.

Great Idea... Great Imagination and excellent creativity... Such was the extent of each adjective used above that I couldn't help but comment... :P

Encore for Veshtiman!

aj said...

New Admirer,New Admirer,New Admirer,New Admirer:

I stumbled on to your blog just browsing away at work and was hooked on it. I had a "sayeshathon" of sorts. It went so long that I (an ardent admirer) became sick of the puns by the time I got to year 2006 of your archives.

Anyways, I love your style of writing. For me the line the hit the target was something like "Distance does the same job as time when it comes healing wounds" I am paraphrasing.

Anyway, I recommend to you a couple of my favorite movies - QATL (*ing Sanjeev kumar, Shatrughan sinha) and SATYA (RGV movie *ing Chakravarty and Manoj Bajpai)

And on youtube, I recommend two videos "Lola kutty" and the "ICL cricket team ads"

If you have seen them already I would love to read your reviews about them.

Unfortunately, I ain't a blogger but I will be checking on your blogs from time to time.

Swathy said...

I thought veshtiman is a collague of shaktimaan!! :P all this while..
dint know he was catering to global crises!! :P :P
thought the song would be a vestimaaaan..veshtimaaan..vestimaaaann.. :P

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