Down the drain

'Twas a usual day at work, just another Friday
But as you'll know from this story, it just wasn't my day
Without much further ado, let me spin the yarn
About what happened that fateful day, that made me go, "DARN!!"

Agreed that I'd bought you for a measly two bucks
But you were so pretty... Shucks! Shucks! Shucks!
You were this big, sparkling, purple earring
Classy and gorgeous, with just a hint of bling

'Twas just my bad luck that you went and fell
Headfirst, before I saw, into the death well
Well, not so much a death well, as the office toilet bowl
My heart broke thus, and no one could console

A quick mourning session
Followed by deep depression
Then panic began to set in
And I began sweatin'

'Cos you were lying there at the bottom of the bowl
And of the situation, I didn't have much control
I felt like a killer, with a body on his hands
"Get rid of the evidence!" Such a situation demands.

There were people waiting, who also had to pee
And before I got out, I had to get rid of thee
So forgive me, beloved earring, I had to press 'flush'
And soon you were out of sight with a sudden gush

I pocketed the other, and made my way out
The day was a disaster, I was miserable throughout
I don't know what to do with your partner who's now single
So I decided to go home and write, erm, this very long jingle.

Under the spell

My phone thinks it's damn smart. It does not provide me with alternatives when it can't recognise a word I'm trying to type -- it actually replaces the word without consulting me.

Yesterday I was typing out a list of Indian spices for Viv to get from Mustafa and one of the items I wanted to include was 'Everest chilli powder'.

And what did I end up typing?

'Severest chilli powder'.

Oh well, good for me. :P

Advant-age Aish

So my niece Aish calls after like a gazillion years. Obviously she's learnt something evil at school because her first question itself is politically quite incorrect.

Me - Hi Aishu, how are you??

Aish - Hi Mausi, how old are you?

Hainn?! Ahem. Ok fine. So I tell her my age.

Aish - And Mausa, how old are you?

Viv tells her his age.

We are still not fully over the depression when she drops the bomb.

Aish (and you can hear the pride in her voice) - I am FOUR YEARS OLD.

Me - GEE! THANKS A LOT, AISHU!

Aish - ??

***

I have something to say to the toddlers of the world -- there are some very insecure grown-ups around you, would you please just STOP SHOWING OFF???

Match point

So Viv and I were setting off on our post-dinner walk when I remembered that I'd wanted to put on a facial mask that evening but forgotten about it. Putting it on after the walk would mean having to wait for it to dry so I could wash it off before I went to bed. (Oh the complexities that life throws our way, no?)

"Darn. Mask lagaake nikalna tha, nahin? Walk par hi dry ho jata." I joked.

And instantly both of us started singing, "Mask lagaake tuney mara, ghayal ho gaya dil bechara!" Then we realised we were both singing the same thing and stopped in the middle of the soundtrack, struck with total shock/horror/awe/amusement/delight.

After the walk, we reached home and we saw my bedroom slippers near the shoe rack. I'd forgotten I had them on till I'd reached downstairs and then come up again to change. They were a bit muddy so I'd left them outside.

"What about these? Are you going to take them inside?" The Virgo man asked.

"Yep. I'll wash them now when I wash my feet. Waise bhi pair toh dhona hi hai."

And instantly both of us started singing again, "Pair toh dhona hi tha!" Then we realised we were both singing the same thing and stopped in the middle of the soundtrack, struck with total shock/horror/awe/amusement/delight.

Sometimes I wonder how fate brought us together. And then something like this happens that answers it all.

Yep, the dhakkans that we are, no one in their right mind would have married either of us. :)

Leave of absence

Ok ok ok I know I know. Trust me -- I KNOW. I have been missing from the bar for too long and the barrels are all empty and the bewdas are all sober and all that. Truth is -- I have no real excuse. I have always hated the 'I have no time' excuse because I have always believed that if you really want to do something, you'll always have time for it. So there. Guilty as charged. No excuses. Head hung in shame and all that.

So, in general, here's a catch-up on what's been happening. Absence makes the heart fonder and the mind wander, so pardon the randomness.

• S2 moved back to India. For good. I am still in denial.

• I cannot, I repeat, CANNOT wait for the new Harry Potter movie. True, I am a bigger fan of the books than the movies, but there is no thrill like watching the movie version of books you truly love, unless of course you have violent objections to the casting. I have no violent objections to the casting (yes, not even to the 'movie-Hermione is too hot compared to book-Hermione').

• It's appraisals' season at work, and it's not particularly my favourite one. Judgement day is never easy, and I hope I can be fair to my staff and that my boss can be fair to me.

• Diwali was a quiet affair. Viv and I didn't do much. A simple rangoli, a simple pooja, four diyas at the doorstep, a few episodes of F.R.I.E.N.D.S and a simple dinner with a good friend.

• Yesterday, I watched an episode of Bigg Boss on Youtube and almost fell off my chair. O.M.G. That Dolly Bindra makes Rakhi Sawant look like a classy Victorian lady, doesn't she?

• Viv and I have started taking long walks (2-3 km after dinner IS long, okay?) after dinner. It's not only good exercise, it's such a great way to catch up with each other after a long hard day at work.

• Viv's third (or is it the fourth?) marathon is coming up soon. Excited!

• I watched Jhootha Hi Sahi and found it really funny. John should truly write a book called 'How to be really really hot and still be likeable'.
  
  
• I also had the chance to finally watch Zanjeer - the movie that made Amitabh Bachchan a superstar after a string of 13 flops. Total disappointment. Erm, what was the big deal really?
  

• I just realised this evening that making sambar is the most bartan-consuming culinary activity ever. One to soak the tamarind, one to soak the dal, one to soak the small onions, a pressure cooker, a wok and what not -- all just to make one dish! It's really as much effort as cooking the dish, which is why I really don't mind the current cooking-washing division of labour between Viv and me. Husbands who don't cook OR do the dishes, shame on you!
  
  
• I haven't spoken to my 4.5-year-old niece baby Aish in a month. Seriously. When I call, she's at school and when she calls, I'm at work. I feel like she's already a hard-to-get-hold-of American teenager and soon she won't know me at all. Time to plan the next big family reunion!
  

And that's all for now, folks. I'll be back. Soon, I hope. Can't let Dad win the blogging battle, can I? ;)

Pair up - results show

All right, the results of the last poll are out. It's a landslide victory for the evergreen reel and real life couple Rishi Kapoor and Neetu Kapoor!















The golden couple - then
Image courtesy - Allthehot

















The golden couple - now
Image courtesy - Indiainfo

Pair up

It's time for the next Bollywood poll at the bar!

Name the most feel-good Bollywood couple (married or dating, but both must be from Bollywood). In other words, the couple that makes you go, "Rab ne bana di jodi!"

Do drop your vote along with your reasons in the comments box. Comment moderation will stay on till the results are revealed in the next post, so you won't be able to see your (or others') comments until then. Let's see who yells 'Gold!' without reading the post now. :P

Cold treatment

You know how when you travel, you keep wondering what you left behind and it completely drives you nuts and only when you realise what it is that you left behind (yes, there's always something) that your mind is at peace? Nope, never happened to you? Okay fine, good for you. Just asking. Hmmph!

Anyway, so before my parents left, I went from room to room on an inspection tour to check if they had left anything behind. Of course, one always leaves one thing behind, but I wanted to make sure it was only that one little thing and not anything important. They followed me around, highly amused.

"You remembered to take everything important?"

"Yes." They answered.

"Did you leave anything in the drawers?" I asked.

"No."

"Anything in your bathroom?"

"No."

"Anything on the dining table?"

"No."

"Anything in the drying yard?"

"No."

"Anything in the washing machine?" I opened the lid and peeped in.

"No."

"Anything in the fridge?" I opened it and asked.

"Fridge???" Both of them burst into insane laughter.

"Okay fine. Laugh all you want. I'm just trying to ensure your peace of mind. Hmmmph!" (Yeah, you can tell from my tone I was kinda mad at them for going back so soon.)

So they reached my in-laws' place yesterday (yes, they're having a gala one-week holiday there!) and my Dad called.

"So did you realise what you left behind?" I asked.

"Hmm... Yes... I did leave something very important behind." He said, with a very sad tone in his voice.

I felt a gush of warmth in my heart. He was gonna say, "My darling daughter", wasn't he?

Well, he didn't. :/

"Ginger sprout." He said.

"Ginger sprout??????? What ginger sprout? I thought you only took coconuts to grow in your garden!"

"Oh no, I bought a ginger sprout to plant here, but I left it behind." He sounded inconsolable.

"Sigh... Where did you leave it??"

"Erm... in the fridge."

:|

The parent diaries - II

And the madness continues...

• Since my parents have seen pretty much all the touristy places in Singapore, I am running out of new places to take them to. The good thing is, in showing them these places, sometimes Viv and I end up seeing things we had never seen before. Viv had never been inside the Singapore Flyer, and neither of us had been to Marina Barrage before. The kites at Marina Barrage were amazing, and there was even one shaped exactly like this!

• More childhood stories! Apparently, at the age of about four or five, my friends and I had been bragging to one another about our families and possessions. In a bid to outdo my friends, I told them that my nanny had 40 teeth! Strangely, she didn't take it as a compliment when I related it to her later.
  
  
• I made chinna vengayam sambar (sambar with small onions) for my parents today, using my mom-in-law's recipe. "What's this?" Dad asked. "This is chinna vengayam sambar. Do you know what is chinna vengayam sambar?" I asked in a challenging tone since he is so proud of whatever Tamil he has picked up. There was complete silence for a few seconds. Then he spoke. "I know Chinnaswamy Stadium." he said coolly as he helped himself to the sambar.
  

• Mom has now gotten over her fear of exploding computers and is getting quite adventurous. With a little help, she is able to watch all the missed episodes of her favourite TV shows on Youtube. I was really pleasantly surprised the other day when she asked me to show her how to view the Youtube videos on full screen mode.

• So after much prodding and many demos, Dad finally got down to creating his own blog. We had some hilarious conversations relating to that. Sample this:
  Dad - So I can post anything and anytime I want?
  Me - Yep.
  Dad - And everyone can read it?
  Me - Yep.
  Dad - And they can comment on it?
  Me - Yep.
  Dad - And how will I know if they commented?
  Me - I have set your blogger account to send all comments to your mailbox.
  Dad - WHAT?! NO! I want them at the end of the posts like they are on your blog!!!
  Me - Relax, Dad. They will be there too.
  Dad - They will be on the blog and also in my email?
  Me - Yes.
  Dad - How many comments will I get?
  Me - It depends.
  Dad - On what?
  Me - Well, on what you write and how often you write. I used to be very regular and used to get lots of comments. Now I am less regular and number of comments are fewer too.
  Dad - So how regular were you?
  Me (proudly) - Well, in the first year I posted 234 posts!
  Dad - That's all?
  Me - THAT'S ALL?? Let's see YOU do THAT! Hmmph!
  Dad (confidently) - I will post 365 posts in a year.
  Me - HA HA HA! 365 posts in a year? HA HA HA! Dad... shall we make this interesting?
  Dad - You wait and watch.
  Me - Oh, I will. :D
  

• Much later...
  Dad - Wait wait, how will my readers know about my blog?
  Me - Depends on who you want your readers to be. You can pass your blog URL to family and friends if you want them to read it. And it will spread from there. It will take time though.
  Dad - How much time?
  Me - I don't know. Mine took a few years to really kick off and now it's kind of tapering. Basically anything can happen.
  Dad - Few years? Hmm... and how will your readers know about my blog?
  By now, I was really having fun so I went into major bhaav-khao mode.
  Me (indignantly) - My readers?? Why will my readers know about your blog? You go get your own readers!
  Dad - ????
  Me (coyly looking at nails) - Well, I could share your URL on my blog, but I will charge.
  Dad - ????!!!!
  Me - Okay, I won't charge, but I can't just advertise your blog URL so blatantly. I have principles, you know. I have never sold a single ad or recommendation to my readers.
  Dad - So I have to get my own readers?? :O
  Me (evil grin) - Yep, but you should have no problem with that, considering that you're going to write 365 posts a year. Muahaha!
  

• Mom and I talk serious Indian politics too. This conversation is from this morning.
  Me - Mom, Rahul Gandhi is 40?!
  Mom - Yeah...
  Me - Why isn't he married yet? I thought he's supposed to be the most eligible bachelor of the country?
  Mom - Don't know... maybe he didn't get any good proposals?
  Me - Or maybe he got so many he didn't know what to do?
  Mom - Maybe! Sonia is also so busy... who will sort through the proposals?
  Me - Priyanka should do it, na?
  
  
• Dad was on the computer when he logged a servicedesk call.
  Me - What happened now?
  Dad - I can't log into my bsnl email.
  Me - Okay, let's try again.
  Dad (after trying again) - See?
  Me - Are you sure you keyed in the right password?
  Dad - Yes, yes, I am totally sure.
  Me - Then I don't know what to do...
  Dad - It must be your computer then... it works fine at home.
  Me - There's nothing wrong with my computer. I still think you have forgotten your password.
  Dad - My password is 100% correct.
  Me - Well, I don't know what to do then...
  Dad (peers into computer) - Wait wait... I don't think this is my username.
  Me - :|
  

• I woke up with a very bad cough this morning. I had already applied for leave so I didn't have to go to work. Mom grounded me though! "No roaming, sight-seeing, shopping today. You will stay home ALL DAY!" I had never been grounded as a teenager so it was doubly funny.

• Dad asked me where he can get a sticker with the word 'Singapore'.
  Me - Sticker with the word 'Singapore'? Why?
  Dad - I want it. Where can we get one?
  Me - I am not sure. Can I get you a fridge magnet with the word 'Singapore' instead?
  Dad - No, I want a sticker.
  Me - But whyyy??
  Dad - Oh, I have three big clocks next to one another at home. One shows the India time, one shows the US time and one shows Singapore time. So when you or your sister calls, we know what time it is for you. I already have stickers for the others, I want one to stick on the Singapore clock.
  Me - Yaaaa allllaaaaaaaah...
  

• I was really surprised to see Dad watching a CWG badminton match on TV. I was even more surprised when he told me that he used to be very good at badminton (Yeay! This explains my own love for badminton!) and chess (bleah!) when he was in school. He told me that the principal of his school wanted him to lead the school's football team but he had no interest in the sport, so they created the special post of 'Non-playing captain' just for him! LOL!
  

• This happened yesterday when we were walking from the bus stop.
  Me - So Dad, have you ever had alcohol?
  Dad - You mean like in cough syrups?
  Me - No, like in drinks.
  Dad (proudly) - No, never. There was actually a bet in an office party between two groups about whether I can be made to take alcohol. I didn't.
  Me - Hmmm... remember we went to Cafe Iguana when you were here the last time?
  Dad - Yes...
  Me - Remember that mango drink we ordered a whole jug of?
  Dad - Yes...
  Me - Well, that was mango margarita. It had tequila.
  Dad (long pause) - Okay, I did NOT know that.
  

The parent diaries

:( looks like SSSK took one of Shotgun Sinha's "KHAAAMOSH"es to heart :(

Thanks to this nudge from regular bewda Arun on my last post, I'm back in the bar. Sorry about the long absence, my parents are finally here (remember this drama?) and I have been trying my best to get away from the office often enough to spend some quality time with them. It's been an absolute riot so far, and here are some snippets:

• Dad's 'To get from Singapore' list actually included 'A coconut from East Coast beach with a sprout so I can take it home and plant it in my garden'. Hey bhagwaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan! He scoured the beach for a full week before he actually found not one, but three of them! It was hilarious to see Mom's expression when he placed them in his suitcase. I don't know how he is going to take them into India (isn't carrying soil and seeds into India illegal?) but I have asked him to make sure he has enough bail money.
  

• The only time I ever talk Indian politics is with my Dad. Mainly because it's very entertaining to just say 'Sonia Gandhi' and watch him shake his fists and explode.

• We have been shopping like mad in the last few days. Just for fun, I showed Mom some branded purses and asked her to guess the cost. She couldn't and I told her, "Twelve hundred and ninety-five". Her next question - "What?! Dollars or rupees???" LOL!
  
  
• On the subject of branded stuff, Dad's question really threw me off. "Should I get Gucci shoes?" For a second I couldn't tell if he was serious or kidding. I just went :O. (Of course, he didn't in the end.)
  

• It was a proud moment for the whole family when baby Aish called and we realised that she has picked up the concept of time difference. "Mausi, it is night here," she said, "Is it morning there?"

• Sample another conversation involving baby Aish who called one morning. Mom (who always complains that Aish speaks to everyone but her) picked up.
  
  Aish - Where is Mausi?
  Mom - Mausi has gone to office.
  Aish - Where is Mausa?
  Mom - Mausa has also gone to office.
  Aish - Where is Grandpa?
  Mom - Grandpa has gone to the beach to look for coconuts.
  Aish - Ok bye.
  Mom - ?????????!!!!
  

• My Dad is trying to turn vegetarian. With one exception, he says. Singapore chilli crab!

• Mom and I went for a combo pedicure. It was such a perfect bonding moment -- we even got our toenails painted in the same colour, to the amusement of the pedicurist. (I had deposited Dad at a plant nursery so he wouldn't have to endure a full girly hour with us.)

• I am still so impressed at Dad's organic garden back home! This year, he harvested a 9.5-kg pumpkin, a gazillion coconuts and more than 100 kg of tomatoes! Apparently, even the neighbours started getting a bit sick of receiving free stuff and he had to give the tomatoes to the maid who set up a stall and started selling them!

• This is Mom's fourth visit to Singapore and even now, after knowing that the island is teeming with Indians, if she spots an Indian on the road or an Indian bus driver, she turns to me and mouths excitedly, "Indian?"

• Viv had entered a go-kart race and we decided to go support him. I could not believe my ears when my Dad asked him if he could take a spin with Viv in a double-kart. My dad. In a go-kart. Man! I almost sang 'Yeh dosti' when I saw both of them take off in the double-kart.

• Mom is getting interested in Sudoku and it is so fabulous to see her progress from the one-star puzzles to the five-star ones (we call those panch-pandav-sudoku!). I actually watched in pride like a doting mother as she completed a PPS all by herself.

• Now it's Viv's turn to have to endure my childhood stories. Muahahaha! One of my personal favourites, other than the fish market incident is this one. Dad's friend came to visit us. I was about five years old. Dad told me, "Go tell Mom Mr. Blah-Blah is here." I went and repeated it to Mom. She was in a bad mood for some reason and said, "So?? What am I supposed to do??" I went out and Dad asked me if I had told Mom. I said, "Yes, I did and she said -- So?? What am I supposed to do??" Yep, right in Mr. Blah-Blah's face. I doubt he ever visited us again. :/